dear Mr. Meggs, hi and thanks for coming to this forum, and can I tell you 'that I need a kick up the backside', figuratively speaking this sounds to be a good solution, but it's not, it only pushes you away even further than where you are now, and what it also does is close you up even further.
I can't condone what you said about your drinking, as I was guilty of this myself, but what I do know in hindsight is that it stalls any chance of accepting help, and what advice is given to you, because it's just much easier to pick up a bottle and start drinking, but when a new day begins, it's back to square one.
From your comment there is so much to dissect, and as how you feel now just seems like a huge conglomerate of feelings that you are struggling with, so what this means is that it is time to see your doctor, so what is best for you is to write down a list of what you have said to us, so that you can give this to your doctor and whoever he sends you to see.
There are a million questions I would like to ask you, but I don't want to swamp you with too much, but each point you have made means that it's part of what's happening to you.
If I could just ask one question out of many which I won't ask just yet, so how you feel at the moment is obviously playing huge part on your relationship, so how you feel now was this before or created because of some disagreement between you and your partner.
This may not be an easy question to answer, or it may be difficult to want to answer, so can we just take it slowly. Geoff.
