Back On The Merry Go Round

[NewGirl01]

Hi everyone,this is my first post on here.

I've been struggling with depression on and off since 2002,and have recently realised i'm sinking back into that black hole again. I've worked so hard to beat it in the past,i feel annoyed at myself that im here yet again. I know this thinking actually makes the depression worse,but tell my brain that.

I think the fact that nothing major has really set it off this time is what's upsetting me so much...in the past it's been big things where i totally understood where the depression was coming from (murder of a family member,death of a parent with whom i had a difficult relationship,being stalked,and work issues because of my anxiety and depression over the other stuff),so just suddenly realising im there again with nothing to put me there has been kind of a rude shock for me.

Anyone have any advice for how to avoid falling in this hole over and over? I'd really like to beat it for good this time. Thanks.

[BBUser72]

Hi NewGirl01,

Just reading what you have been through, you sound incredibly strong to have dealt with all those things and come out the other side. I take my hat off to you.

If there is nothing thats set it off, it certainly sounds like those other major incidents might play a part. Might help to have a good think about what might be causing you to fall in that hole. I know exactly what you mean when you say you don't want to go there again. I also use that exact phrase.

I think you should give yourself more credit and speak to someone you feel comfortable with to try and get to the bottom of it. Just venting can make you feel so much better.

I've noticed you haven't said anything about feeling lonely or pushing people away. I'm assuming then you have good friends you can talk to or be around which might be just what you need.

I hope I've been helpful to you.

 Take care

🙂

[Neil_1]

Hi there New Girl

Welcome to Beyond Blue.

Thank you for providing your post and I must say, that I agree with all that IB) was able to respond back to you – that was a very good response to you.

I too would like to say how strong you must have been and still continue to be with all that you’ve written.  All that you’ve mentioned are no passing events of no consequence – as you say and quite rightly so, they were and would still be very big issues for you.  And just as IB) said, those kinds of incidents would play a big part for how you feel and how you have to cope.

During these times and in the past, I would assume that you’ve sought out professional counselling, and if so, did it help?

I’m also wondering whether you are still taking any medication (or if indeed, you did take meds, in the past)?

Now with all that’s happened to you, it’s not surprising that you will get times where the demons will come back to haunt and they can do that at any time.  The other thing to note here is that depression can hit anyone – someone who’s had nothing go wrong and they seemingly have a comfortable and good life, depression can attach itself to those people also, so this is just something I wanted to get across, in that, you’ve had it bloody tough.  You’ve had a lot to go through and those things do scar your mind and it’s always there in the back of your mind (sometimes, not so far in the back) and with depression, it’ll wrap it’s claws around it and move it to the forefront of your mind, which is something that could be happening now for you.

I’m just wondering if you’ve been able to see a gp of late, or perhaps even some counselling?  And also what other avenues of support do you have?   Other family, siblings, friends, etc?

Do hope to hear back from you.

Neil

[White_Rose]

Dear New Girl

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue.  As the other guys have said, you've had a rough time out there and getting past it is tremendous.

So why has depression turned round and bitten you again? Well I don't know. I can only give you my experience. It may help. I had a major depression 15 years ago and recovered, then circumstances led to another depressive period. Similar but different reasons.

I thought I was healing really well when I suddenly fell into the same hole as you. I think the shock of it resurfacing made the whole thing much worse. I have been searching for answers and my conclusion is that it is small things that trigger a relapse.

Sights, smells, a word or two, reading/hearing about a similar situation. The connection is made in your brain and your reaction is automatic. Memory/fear/sadness/horror. In fact any of the emotions you experienced in the past. And it's not that the current trigger is directly related to the past or has any similarities. The brain goes into default mode and dives straight into the past.

The trick is to recognise when something has pushed your buttons and which particular button has been pushed. It can be difficult as the trigger may have been quite small and innocuous but the impact devastating.

What I try to do is discover what happened. Not easy at times. If I know I can trace back to the correct 'button' and put it in perspective. If not, then I try to accept that something happened and look at my feelings to see where they lead.

It may be helpful to return to whoever helped with counselling in the past. Or failing that, a chat with your GP and a new counselor. Just a couple of sessions to pinpoint what happened, learn a way to manage, then go forward with your life. Sounds easy doesn't it? Not really, but you have shown your courage and determination so I believe you can explore this again.

I hope this has been helpful.

Mary