Depression

decades of Loneliness

replies: 7

Hi, recently I have tried to reach out and try to find ways to mend my life, or what is left of it. Now in early 50's I must do something or will die alone. I have cut myself off from society when I was in late 30's as I was still unmarried with few ... View more

Hi, recently I have tried to reach out and try to find ways to mend my life, or what is left of it. Now in early 50's I must do something or will die alone. I have cut myself off from society when I was in late 30's as I was still unmarried with few relationships. I have met females but lacked confidence, in fact I attracted women easily and had a number of female friends but was very shy and had no confidence. Looking back I was a pretty normal guy with friends and a great future in my work. Then this girl I was interested in but were only friends slept with my best mate. I was just getting over a similar thing happening to me. After that I broke down and cried and maybe had what I think is a nervous breakdown and fell on the floor, ive never been the same since. That was the start of my life falling apart. I shut myself off from people and other things also made me feel very depressed. So I moved away from that place and moved to a new location. But the new place I had no friends or anyone I knew. I also lost all my money when I arrived, got robbed so had to start my new life from the bottom. I shut myself off from society, that was early 2000's. At the end of the decade I made money and traveled and I felt like I was living again. In fact I met a couple of women on my travels through Asia and had some relationships for the first time in decades It helped give me confidence back again and I felt like a human again but that is all in the past too now. I returned from traveling after my money run out and my bushiness failed and now for 2 -3 years have been living alone again. I have no friends, no family. My mother passed away a few years ago who was my last family member. have no kids or anything. The only friends I have are a couple of junkies in Sydney as do not like talking to normal people as I pretty much hate society and normal life since my life is such a failure. I have not been able to hold a job, have no qualifications. I tried hard with work this year but was made to feel stupid been bossed around by kids at my work. Such horrible people. The worse part of my life is now realizing in now in early 50's and now will live the rest of my life alone, with no children or family.

Difficulty managing everything

replies: 6

Hi everyone, this is my first time here and things are getting a bit hard for me so I just wanted to open up I guess. I'm from the UK originally and about 5 years or so ago a doctor diagnosed me with depression. She wasn't my usual doctor and I didn'... View more

Hi everyone, this is my first time here and things are getting a bit hard for me so I just wanted to open up I guess. I'm from the UK originally and about 5 years or so ago a doctor diagnosed me with depression. She wasn't my usual doctor and I didn't want to go onto any medication so I just accepted it and tried to manage by myself. Shortly after that I met my now fiancee and things improved. We've never had a great sex life which is mainly down to me and my general lack of intimacy. It sucks because I do enjoy it, just can't instigate or get really involved, but recently it's become so bad she's talking about not wanting to be in the relationship anymore. We had a baby 4 months ago so that changed things a lot, we have moved house, emigrated here a year ago (she's Australian) and I am the sole income earner on not a great salary with hardly anything left over after bills, etc. So basically money, relationships stuff and life pressures have been my stresses, and I can feel the depression coming back heavily. It's always popped up now and again but I've manged to deal with it, but I think this might be the last straw. I've booked in with my GP on Friday to see if there's anything I can do, but I'm worried I'm going to loose her. I don't enjoy my job, which she knows and wants me to leave it, and I feel like this is adding to the problem. I would quit today if I could but I have too much responsibility and it doesn't look like the government would help. I guess I don't really have a question, just wanted to talk about what's happening. With emigration I don't have my family and friends around so feel quite isolated and haven't had much luck making new friends since being here. Today has been hard after this talk of ending the relationship, which I don't want to do obviously, hopefully all of this is tied together somehow and I can get help.

This black dog has sapped the life out of me!

replies: 9

I'm in my late 40s and have been fighting this damn black dog my whole life. And I'm totally exhausted from the fight. It's getting worse with age, as it did with my brother, who was dead at 51 and my father who was dead at 66 and my grandmother who ... View more

I'm in my late 40s and have been fighting this damn black dog my whole life. And I'm totally exhausted from the fight. It's getting worse with age, as it did with my brother, who was dead at 51 and my father who was dead at 66 and my grandmother who spent her final days in an asylum in the UK. I'm not going to "end it" though, because I have a very loving and understanding husband and son, and I would never do that to them. But I find myself pushing people out of my life, usually because I can't be bothered dealing with people who I feel aren't on my side, and never will be. I can't deal with any disloyalty by "friends" on any level. I'm not sure if a bit of paranoia is creeping in or if I'm just at that stage in life where I'm getting very choosy about the people in my life. I can't be bothered doing anything. I've given up looking for work because I know I couldn't hold down a job anyway. The bad days are greatly outnumbering the good. Sometimes I go days without even bothering to shower. I have to really push myself to do even the most basic household chore. Everything just seems pointless, EVERYTHING! My medication works some days, and others not at all. I've never found therapy very helpful in the past. I'm worried that I'm in a downward spiral and not sure where it's taking me. I really don't know what to do to stop it. When Major Depressive Disorder is strongly genetic, as it is in my case, what can you do??? Not much I suspect! Except to hide myself away from the world and keep pushing people away. I know the pain that suicide causes those who are left behind, and I would never do that to my son. My brother's suicide a few years ago affected me greatly and that's when my downward spiral began. And of course, then there's the extremely dysfunctional childhood at the hands of an abusive alcoholic and depressed father. Nothing works. I'm so very tired from fighting with this black dog, I wish he'd bugger off, but I know he never will. I'm really only writing this to get all of this crap out of my head. I know I'm stuck with this for life. Thank you for listening.

Depression episodes

replies: 8

So I've been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, depression and anxiety. I don't suffer from schizophrenia symptoms at all as I'm on really good medication for it. The issue is being depressed and anxious, and it's more an emotional thing than a p... View more

So I've been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, depression and anxiety. I don't suffer from schizophrenia symptoms at all as I'm on really good medication for it. The issue is being depressed and anxious, and it's more an emotional thing than a psychotic thing. I have a pretty bad family life - my sister is autistic and prone to screaming tantrums and verbally attacking all of us. My dad gets bitter and short with us, especially me (I don't know why), for no good reason. The only level headed, somewhat kind person in the household is my mum, and she can be pretty spiteful at times. Most days of the week, I feel fine. Then sometimes, usually in the evening, I get anxiety attacks and very bad feelings of being alone and lost. My heart races, my forehead perspires, I'm gasping for air - also feeling very sad and hopeless and unwanted. I try not to feel suicidal (I'm afraid of death) but I feel so hopeless that no one loves or wants me. It's bad enough I don't even confide in my sister, who is closest in age to me, and my parents are always sticking up for her when we quarrel. I also think about and have flashbacks of my high school past, although I'm 28 now. I think about how most of the kids there treated me, ostracising me, or if they knew I existed, they would bully and make fun of me. I had a very lonely time, and had no one to talk to. So now my life quality has improved a lot, but I still think about those and get agitated, angry and upset. It doesn't help with my current situation at home. I have considered moving out but I can't find a job that would support me. So for the moment, I'm stuck at home with the fam.

One step forward, two steps back?

replies: 2

Posted before on doubts & first psych app, eager for change! Psych app #5 is this Wed and I'm fighting the urge to cave and cancel! God I just want to never go back... I lost motivation. Followed my psych's advice on looking for meditation apps + dif... View more

Posted before on doubts & first psych app, eager for change! Psych app #5 is this Wed and I'm fighting the urge to cave and cancel! God I just want to never go back... I lost motivation. Followed my psych's advice on looking for meditation apps + diffusion techniques. Started draw vent art. Had a spark to draw for fun but lost it again. My own projects and ideas are collecting dust. I fallen back into destructive ways to cope. There's a constant weight on chest and I know too well both my depression and anxiety are winning. I nearly cried at Workskils the other week while I was doing job searches as the constant reminder I'm unemployed hurts. Got asked about my backup plan and couldn't answer the lady (Always wanted to do art/graphic design - uni for 4 yrs, interned for 3yrs, started freelancing - Got replaced at interning, client cancelled projects, keep getting rejected by jobs). She said I have to do a group session next week and I'm freaking out. Asked why I was seeing a psych and what I'm diagnosed with and I felt ashamed. She said "we all suffer sometimes" which I know she was trying to be comforting but it's just more evidence I'm weak. My family ended up in a domestic abuse situation and even though I don't live at home I always end up involved. Long story short my mum decided to stay. Because I'm already struggling, and upset with what had happened I wanted to step back. But now I've just ended up in a mess because Mum keeps saying I've abandoned her and being a bad influence to my sister. My anxiety is through the roof thinking of my Nana's and sister's birthday and Xmas around the corner... And I'm usually so close with my family so it's hard. I'm struggling with my friends 'cause of anxiety and feel like I'm losing everyone and being replaced because I'm not like how I used to be... I feel like I've used up all my allocated time to be broken? But everything feels worse and its winning... My psych said that I've had to deal with a lot lately and it's understandable that I finally broke. My self image is so bad though that I can't find the motivation to fight for myself... I don't deserve it. I'm so frustrated that I can't just pretend it's fine anymore... I can't find the girl that hid everything for yrs and kept going. What's the point of being me when I'm so broken? I don't bring anything of value to anyone anymore, I'm nothing special. So much bad outweighs the good this year alone that it just feels like "what's the point anymore?"

Sometimes I'm ok, then I'm just not

replies: 5

So I've had depression for years, mixed in with anxiety and an eating disorder (amongst other things). Thats just the general background story. Thing is, I've pushed myself hard to get to the end of my degrees. And I'm done now, thats great. I'm on m... View more

So I've had depression for years, mixed in with anxiety and an eating disorder (amongst other things). Thats just the general background story. Thing is, I've pushed myself hard to get to the end of my degrees. And I'm done now, thats great. I'm on medication. Most days I feel fine. I think I don't need psychological help. Then some days, like today, I cry every 10 minutes. It's like a never ending waterfall of tears and sobbing and I cant control it. It's like I just break apart. Then its those times, that I think definitely, I need help. But how to deal with those insecurities that Im not sick enough to 'deserve' help? I don't want to cause a fuss. Everyone gets sad. Am I just being a weakling? I need to toughen up? I think I'm just in need of someone to console me perhaps. I don't know. I just feel lost about whether I'll ever get better from this cycle. I'm sick of feeling like this.

I'm not sure if looking for advice or I just need to get this off my chest

replies: 2

I'm a male in his mid twenties who feels like the biggest failure in the world. I have had so many opportunities in life and I have failed every time. it's mainly due to substance abuse that I make terrible decisions. I'm lucky that I have above aver... View more

I'm a male in his mid twenties who feels like the biggest failure in the world. I have had so many opportunities in life and I have failed every time. it's mainly due to substance abuse that I make terrible decisions. I'm lucky that I have above average intelligence and ive been told that when I put the work in, I look attractive however I don't feel it. It makes my life so much easier and i feel I would be much more depressed if I didnt have those two things going for me at least. my girlfriend of nearly two years, my longest relationship, dumped me earlier this year. At the time I was happy because she had been very clingy and needy at the end and she was often getting angry with me, however I understand why now. The whole time we had been dating, there had only been one moment where she felt a real connection with me. I shut her out the rest of the time emotionally. looking back, whilst I'm not under the delusion that she was the perfect person and I have dated since, I feel I made the biggest mistake by not trying harder to connect with her. she was constantly trying with me and is the most open minded person I have ever met. She understood me like nobody else has ever, including my own family and cared for me more than anyone else ever has. aside from that I am constantly worried I am about to lose my part time job that I love and I'm now worried that I will lose the mon-Fri job I just got. I have been abusing a prescription medication. I have taken it so much that I've lost a dramatic amount of weight and I was on it at work causing problems. ive never had meth but the doses I'm having of this makes me feel like what I'd imagine meth to be like and ive stayed awake for up to three days on it, barely eating or drinking. My only salvations are the sport I train, sleeping with women (which I only managed because of my looks) and weightlifting. I haven't been able to do any of these lately due to my drug abuse, instead staying home just zoned out between wasting my life away watching pointless youtube videos. I feel anger building up inside me and I'm worried it will explode, like a jack in a box. the sport I do is a martial art and my job puts me in a position where I can hurt people and I'm very worried ill snap and do that. I've managed to push all my friends away so that I now have nobody. there's more but ive reached the length limit so ill leave it there

I just don't fit.

replies: 4

Hey, I apologise in advance, as I'm not much of a writer (or speller) and this is pretty much off the top of my head. I've been having a bit of a hard time over the last few years, I feel like every time an opportunity comes my way I stuff it up or I... View more

Hey, I apologise in advance, as I'm not much of a writer (or speller) and this is pretty much off the top of my head. I've been having a bit of a hard time over the last few years, I feel like every time an opportunity comes my way I stuff it up or I get really excited and it falls through. I make plans to better my life (study or start a business or change jobs) but whenever I get close I freak out and quit on it, I can't commit to anything because I've been so horribly let down in the past that I'm scared that I'll get hurt again. I work in a job where I'm made to feel stupid and useless all the time and so I get down about that, but the economy isn't great so I worry that I won't find anything better. Basically I'm lost, I feel empty and don't really enjoy anything anymore. I feel trapped and that I'm so much better than what I'm doing now but just can't change. I feel that I'm a loser as I'm not qualified in anything and don't own a house but at the same time I don't want that either. I spend soo much time hearing about other people's problems and I take them on board and offer advice but can't sort out my own. I'm not sure really why I'm writing this, I just want to be happy and "normal" but for some reason I'm never satisfied. cheers -Gary

What do I do?

replies: 5

Hi I'm not sure what to say but here goes.. I'm 28 married for almost 8 years and have two beautiful daughters.. All my life I thought how i thought was normal.. I mean how was i supposed to compare?? And for as long as i can remember I have had prob... View more

Hi I'm not sure what to say but here goes.. I'm 28 married for almost 8 years and have two beautiful daughters.. All my life I thought how i thought was normal.. I mean how was i supposed to compare?? And for as long as i can remember I have had problems with awful thought filling my head while i tried to sleep, Always feeling like no matter what I did or who I was no one liked me and everyone will leave me, to the point where I would be the reason they left.. Ive always found it hard to trust anyone because I always think everyone is lying to me and that I'm a pest and no one wants me around.. I suffered through bad bullying through 4 different schools and never really had many friends because the other girls didn't like me, which just confirmed my thoughts of myself. I haven't just come here to tell a sob story, I need hep as in the last month I have felt like my world was crashing around me.. My thoughts have driven me to a point where it is threatening my marriage. I wrote all my thoughts down on one particularly bad day and at the time it all sounded reasonable, but when I came back and read it on a different day it was awful and I couldn't believe I had those thoughts. I find myself a lot of the time when I am facing something emotionally difficult, that I'm trapped inside my own head with dozens of different me's all with different reactions to this situation and I don't know which one is me now.. Yet I know they ARE all how I feel..Yet at other times I fell like I emotionally switch off completely. I'm sorry this post is disjointed as I'm writing as I'm thinking, I'm trying not to buffer my thoughts. I don't want to damage my marriage anymore than it is and I know with time I can work through this but I have to listen to my husband and ask for help... So here I am.. Please Help me.

Lost.

replies: 7

I don't even know where to start. I've been feeling increasingly more depressed over the past few months, but I've never really dealt with depression before so it's taken me a while to realise. It just seems like everything in my life is negative at ... View more

I don't even know where to start. I've been feeling increasingly more depressed over the past few months, but I've never really dealt with depression before so it's taken me a while to realise. It just seems like everything in my life is negative at the moment, there is literally nothing good. I don't feel comfortable talking to people I know about this kind of thing, it's just not the kind of person I am. Sometimes it's easier talking to a stranger. My weight has always been an issue as long as I can remember, and over the past couple of years its gotten worse, and I feel like this affects every aspect of my life. I hate going to uni or generally out in public because I'm scared of being judged and this has affected my grades, meaning that I will most likely have to do another year of my degree, on top of having already done 5 years (it's a 4 year course), I hate my job, and I'm so messy and lazy I can't stand it. The past few weeks, and especially the past few days I just feel like crying all the time, with no exact thing that sets me off, it's just everything. I started a new job a few months ago, and I don't feel like I belong there, I almost dread having to go there every day. The staff are all very nice, but they are all so close and it's almost like a clique. I miss my old job, I felt comfortable there and loved going, but due to problems with the boss I don't think I'll ever be working there again. I'm just so lost, and have no motivation to lose weight or to do anything. I don't know how to turn this around.

Pinned discussions

Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started

replies: 0

How do I talk to my doctor?

replies: 9

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION

replies: 132

All discussions

decades of Loneliness

replies: 7

Difficulty managing everything

replies: 6

This black dog has sapped the life out of me!

replies: 9

Depression episodes

replies: 8

One step forward, two steps back?

replies: 2

Sometimes I'm ok, then I'm just not

replies: 5

I'm not sure if looking for advice or I just need to get this off my chest

replies: 2

I just don't fit.

replies: 4

What do I do?

replies: 5

Lost.

replies: 7

Depression

Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started replies: 0

How do I talk to my doctor? replies: 9

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION replies: 132

decades of Loneliness replies: 7

Difficulty managing everything replies: 6

This black dog has sapped the life out of me! replies: 9

Depression episodes replies: 8

One step forward, two steps back? replies: 2

Sometimes I'm ok, then I'm just not replies: 5

I'm not sure if looking for advice or I just need to get this off my chest replies: 2

I just don't fit. replies: 4

What do I do? replies: 5

Lost. replies: 7

Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started

replies: 0

How do I talk to my doctor?

replies: 9

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION

replies: 132

decades of Loneliness

replies: 7

Difficulty managing everything

replies: 6

This black dog has sapped the life out of me!

replies: 9

Depression episodes

replies: 8

One step forward, two steps back?

replies: 2

Sometimes I'm ok, then I'm just not

replies: 5

I'm not sure if looking for advice or I just need to get this off my chest

replies: 2

I just don't fit.

replies: 4

What do I do?

replies: 5

Lost.

replies: 7