I used to be highly motivated, now I struggle to do anything

[Luci3]

Hi  I'm new to the forum, but not depression unfortunately. I have suffered from it for many years, and struggle terribly with a complete lack of motivation. I used to be highly motivated and had a lot of self-discipline. Now I struggle to do anything really, and  I feel shame at the state of my house. To complicate matters I also suffer from hypersomnia. I have no immediate family, but my extended family are very old school, and very judgemental about my lack of housekeeping skills. Hence I tend to not have people around, which I know contributes to my isolation. Thank goodness for my fur-babies. I can really relate to the line in one of Robbie Williams' songs - something like "I don't want to die, but I'm not keen on living either." Any suggestions from anyone would be really appreciated. Thank you

[Neil_1]

Hi there Luci

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

That song and so many other songs that have words like that, just goes to show, I guess how very wide spread this illness reaches out to.  Taking time out to check out song lyrics, it really is an eye opener sometimes.

When you mentioned you used to have self-discipline and motivation – may I ask what stage of life you were in then?  Ie:  were you a sportsperson, or was it work related?  Just trying to see if any, some or part of those things could be a chance of finding its way back into your current life?

Family who are old-school are tough to be in your corner when it comes to mental illness – if I’m hearing you right, it’d be just a case of, come on girl, pull your socks up … what have you got to be down about?  But that does little, in fact more to the point, it does nothing to help us.  So that’s always a shame when that is the situation.  Are they close by though, whereby, you could possibly go visit them from time to time?

If I’m reading this right, it sounds like you live on your own – which could make for a big cleaning part for your house, if it hasn’t been done for a while – I’m getting this from your post.  But I believe there’s positives here as well – where you can slowly slowly get things back into some semblance of order.

Try to pick one task – and not something huge … just a small task to complete.  Small and relatively easy.  Small tasks, small goals.

Now I’ve gotta ask you about your fur babies … I’m taking it that it’s some kitties that you’ve got happening at your place?  How many and names please … I’d love to know.

Kind regards

Neil

[Guest_1055]

Hello Luci

I totally get what you are saying, I lack motivation to clean my house too. Right this minute I am peering into the kitchen, seeing unwashed dishes and a dirty stove. I say to myself, I will clean it. Then go and look at the pile, and then feel overwhelmed by what I see. It makes me feel like a failure and yes shamed. I too don't want to have visitors, and sometimes I have pretended that I am not here. Because I was fearing what they thought of me. We don't get many visitors anyway.

Anyway I wanted to let you know that you are not alone, as I can definitely relate.

The only thing that has helped me in the past is: You do three household tasks each night or before you go to sleep.

Task 1 Choose a task that annoys or irritates you. So my first task has been this, throw away the dead flowers that had been just sitting in a vase, for months.

Task 2 The second task is go into the bathroom and wipe the basin clean and the toilet.

Task 3 The third is put away all clothes that are not in the proper place.

I am not sure if any of that helps, but you have helped me you know, by posting here. Because now I know I am not the only one who struggles with this issue. I hope you do feel a little encouraged by knowing this fact.

I care about you, and you are not alone

Shelley xx

[Doolhof]

Hi Luci,

Motivation can be a hard thing to have when you are feeling depressed. As Sherie has mentioned, you are not alone in that!

When I am feeling unmotivated, I try to do at least one little thing, something similar to Sherie. I then try to feel good that I have achieved something, and tell myself I will try again tomorrow to do something else.

It can be hard to know just where to start, so just going for it is the thing to do.

Do you like listening to music? Would that help you to be motivated to do something?

I am also curios as to what kind of fur babies you have. We have a cat, 3 goldfish (that don't like cuddles for some reason!) 4 chooks who tolerate cuddles for a little while then poop on me when they have had enough and a cat that also doesn't like cuddles!

Depression can be the pits. Hopefully you will find some inspiration and ideas here on how to make your life different.

Lately I have been trying to go for a walk each day, and that has helped me to feel better in so many ways. There is even a walking group here on this site! It is called something like "Walking Group" . You might like to check that out.

Cheers for now from (Mrs) Dools

[Luci3]

Thanks so much Shelley for taking the time to respond. It really has picked me up just reading your post  and knowing that someone else is experiencing something similar. 

Thanks also for mentioning the 3 tasks. At this point it sounds an insurmountable achievement to complete them, but I'm going to give it a red-hot go - sounds like it's been very helpful for you. 

Thank you Luci

[Luci3]

Thanks Mrs Dools for your helpful words. Yes, I do love music, and also walking - the really frustrating thing is that when I'm really depressed I don't even have the motivation to do either of those things. My fur-babies are my 2 cats who are both about 14 - unsure as they were both shelter cats. I really can't imagine how I'd cope without them. (Lately I find myself thinking that I much prefer animals to many humans. They're never judgemental - always full of love.) 

I've been really disappointed (no, shocked) recently to hear that members of my extended family (i.e. my only family) have gossiped quite cruelly about my (alleged in their opinion) condition. I recognise that this is hearsay and has probably been distorted, but I also do sense that they are often judging me. Thanks again - just knowing that you care, and relate is such a boost. Gotta go as my little girl fur-baby apparently is wanting to keep vigil, which she likes to do at every possible opportunity!  xx

[Luci3]

Thankyou Neil. Yes you are hearing me right - my deceased father often referred to depression-sufferers as "malingerers" knowing full well of my condition. His brother, my closest relative doesn't verbalise so bluntly, but will make general critical statements about people who are late for appointments (i.e. me sometimes).

As I am embarrassed about inviting people around, I arranged that we catch up for lunch somewhere every week, which has worked well, but I have been late a few times.  It appears that I will be taught a lesson though, as he now is ALWAYS late - (much later than me.)

Re your question,I used to be a competitive swimmer, as a child and an adult. I also held down quite challenging jobs. I have had a rough couple of years though, with significant loss - losing both parents and dealing with the practical things that go with that.

My fur-babies, Jack and Lucy are beautiful cats - fantastic company. Lucy is with me every possible moment, and has lots of attitude - she gets pretty darned cross if I've been out - she gets really cross if its raining, and will come inside yelling (perhaps swearing?) whilst glaring at me. Both cats are getting on in age, which is often in the back of my mind, but they are the best thing in my life. I also have my deceased parents' cat, but she refuses to live in the house (possibly as both Jack and Lucy have been very hateful to her.) She resides in the large garage, and I spend time with her every day, giving her cuddles.) Unfortunately, I got in the way of a fight between her and Jack when Jack, Lucy and I first shifted back here, and, long story short, I ended up in hospital for 3 days!  

I do find that if i have a really good laugh, its extraordinarily therapeutic, so am heading to the cinema to catch the Coen Brothers "Hail Caesar" tonight with a friend. She has some understanding of depression, but doesn't make a big deal of it - which suits me well.

Thanks again Neil

[pipsy]

Hi Luci3.  I too can relate to having absolutely no desire for housework.  As long as the dishes are washed before I go to bed, the rest of the house looks okay.  I don't encourage visitors, not because I'm ashamed of my house, but I sort of prefer my own space.  My mum was extremely judgemental too.  If she were alive today and came to visit me, she would be horrified, but I sort of feel, if people judge you by your house, they're not real, true friends.  If someone visits you, they should be visiting you, not checking to see if there's dust under the bed.  Depression stems from trying too hard to please everybody instead of being you.  The more you try to please everybody, the more miserable you feel when you lose 'you'.  My mum used to tell my brother awful things about me, this hurt till I realized she was jealous of my ability to relax.  Something she never did.  My mum was always on the go, I think they were when she was young.  She was born in 1920 to a farming community.  She was one of 4 girls, no boys, so her and her sisters had to work on their father's farm.  Because I was not born on a farm, I never had to do what she did.  Consequently, she made my life miserable, till I accepted that was her problem, not mine.  She's passed now, I have no contact with my brother either.  If your family are judging you, it's because they're probably jealous that you are able to accept and be happy with your chosen lifestyle.  I'm not saying you're wrong, or they're wrong, all I'm saying is because you prefer to live quietly with the company of your cats, they find this hard to understand and accept.  That is not your problem.   Don't try to please them, you'll wind up more miserable, just be you and you'll be more happy.  If they don't like it, that's their problem, not yours.   When you're feeling really depressed, enjoy your cats, if that's the only thing that makes you smile when you're down, that's a positive, not a negative. 

Hope I've helped somewhat.

[Luci3]

Thankyou Pipsy - really appreciate your thoughts - so encouraging to read. Big hugs to you - hope things are going really well for you.

Luci

[Neil_1]

Dear Luci,

Thank you so much for all your lovely responses to all who posted to you.  That was great to read them all and for how things are going with you.

That’s a brilliant thing that you can find laughter as a good tonic.  I know we have to pick and choose for when things like this can be good for us, as there’s just certain times when I couldn’t manage a giggle … but I generally know these times;  but also know that it will pass and then I can try and reach out for something humourous … which is usually the mirror!

I hope you enjoyed the movie and that friend of yours sounds like a gem … someone with understanding of depression, but at the same time, doesn’t go out of their way to make a big deal of it.  That’s a really awesome mix.

You’ve got your deceased parents’ cat … and in my profile pic, I’ve got my late Mum’s little dog (Tess), though for no known reason, I’ve nicknamed her Pokey.  I have no idea why.  I just love calling her that … though she’s totally deaf, so she can’t hear me talking to her all the time.  It’s kind of a living part of Mum, I think … having little Tess around and looking after her.  Your parents’ cat could also be a possible extension of that as well.  Tess is 16yo as well.

Significant loss and the ramifications that go with that, all the grief and emotional baggage is enormous for us.  It can be just so hard to deal with and work through.  Please know that you can post here at any time about anything … and you’ll get people who understand, who sympathise and who will offer support to you at a moment’s notice.

Do you think you’d ever be able to get back in the pool again … just to do some ‘social’ kind of swimming – nice and easy;  which can be a very good thing to help us along … basically any exercise can be a very good thing for us.

Kind regards

Neil