Hello, I'm new here. Not sure where to start, so will just start. I'm
58, a wife and mother to 6 healthy, beautiful kids. Married for 37
years, still in love to a 'blokey' Aussie guy. My husband goes away for
work 4 days a week. Our 4 girls are grown...
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Hello, I'm new here. Not sure where to start, so will just start. I'm
58, a wife and mother to 6 healthy, beautiful kids. Married for 37
years, still in love to a 'blokey' Aussie guy. My husband goes away for
work 4 days a week. Our 4 girls are grown and flew the nest years ago.
We still have two 17 and 14 year old sons at home. I left my teaching
job 5 years ago, due to Major Depressive Disorder/Anxiety/PTSD/Adrenalin
Burnout. I needed peace and a quiet life, plus medication. We relocated
to a country area 20 mins from town. I have been fairly content, though
we are 3 hours from our girls, so with their busy lives, we don't get to
see them often. I can't really explain why, but I find myself in
depression again. I feel so lonely. My boys are typical teenagers and
computer gamers, so rarely get any conversation from them. My husband
isn't much of a talker either. We are fairly isolated, but I don't have
any desire to go out in the world and prefer my pets to most people. The
anxiety/depression has me up all night and I then sleep most of the day
and have zero energy. My anxiety has me ruminating about everything,
especially the future. The girls have left home, and my career, was my
'empty nest' plan. I always knew I would be very sad when the kids grew
up. I thought I would have my job to keep me busy and happy. Without my
kids and my job, I don't know who I am anymore. My husband and I have a
stressful marriage, as he has these binges over-self medicating and in
the past binge drinking. I feel on edge most of the time, because it's
like a roller coaster, you know the drop will come eventually. He is
currently having counselling himself, which I hope will help him change
his behaviours. We love each other dearly, despite the ups and downs and
I can't imagine life without him, which is another thing I worry over
constantly. He keeps reminding me that we are getting old and is very
negative about it, which stresses me out. So, here I am alone with
myself and my thoughts. Logically, I know all the things I should be
doing (exercise, get out, hobbies) but I hate exercise and don't want to
be with people, have no energy. I have no friends (work was my social
world) and no desire to make friends. I can't work due to other health
issues. I feel overwhelmed by my sadness and loneliness. My GP of 17
years is 3 hours away and I don't like the GPs here. I wake up each day
thinking, 'is this all there is now?' The black dog sits beside me
again. Soraya