My long distance boyfriend is suffering depression

[ssmithyy]

Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together about 18 months, however 8 of those have been spent long distance as I came to Australia for 10 months travelling whilst he stayed in England. We have had our ups and downs during this time as long distance is obviously very tough but we have pulled through as we know that soon we will be back together again.

However, recently he has started to feel incredibly down and not wanting to leave his room or shower or eat as much as he used to. We had a conversation yesterday that he feels the whole world is against him (he is currently taking exams at uni he feels very unprepared for, has had recent surgery on his knee so can't play rugby for 6 months and just generally misses me). He hasn't seeked professional help or spoken to a doctor but we both think it is likely that he is suffering some degree of depression.

I have suggested that he talks to someone at uni or his mum perhaps as maybe the physical conversation may help but he said he isn't ready to talk to anyone but me and even admitting his feelings to me is difficult for him. I also suggested writing his thoughts down just to help maybe try and organise them to work out exactly what's going on in his head (he says that he will often just burst into tears with no apparent cause) as a few years ago I experienced a similar thing triggered by exam stress and found that it really helped me.

I am struggling with what else to say to him as we are so far apart so I can't give my physical presence as support. It should hopefully be easier in 2 months time when I go home but until then, does anybody have any suggestions on where to go from here?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi ssmithyy,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out! I'm sorry that you and your boyfriend are going through this - it sounds so hard. I was in a long-distance relationship too and had similar things happen; it's incredibly difficult to support someone and it makes it so much harder when you can't be near them.

I think it's worth noting though that even though you don't have that physical presence, you're probably helping so much as it is. He's felt like he can trust you and really opened up which doesn't sound easy - so being that outlet for someone who is there for him and non-judgmental is super helpful.

If you can, I'd probably keep encouraging for him to open up to others, even if it is daunting or feels impossible. Ideally, the benefit of being able to open up should outweigh all the reasons not to.

It might also help to try and pick out the good things that's happening in his life. Perhaps that's as simple as waiting for the next TV episode to come out, or knowing the next time that you'll be together - focusing on the good is so important.

I hope that some of this is helpful. Take care of yourself too and feel free to have a browse of our other threads - (especially the supporting people one).