Today is an awful day; I don't feel good. I feel sad, alone, lost and
that no one understands me. The rational part of my brain knows that is
not true, but that doesn't take away my feelings. So today, like so
many, I am going through the motions and...
View more
Today is an awful day; I don't feel good. I feel sad, alone, lost and
that no one understands me. The rational part of my brain knows that is
not true, but that doesn't take away my feelings. So today, like so
many, I am going through the motions and just functioning. I have been
strong enough to get out of bed, make myself presentable, put on my
metaphorical mask and arrived at work. I have been surfing my
depression/anxiety wave for most of my adult life; I am 48, and I have
always refused medication. Pre-Covid, I really thought I was finally
getting it together. At age 38, I made many lifestyle changes and began
my journey as a yoga and pilates teacher. In August 2019, I was making
inquiries and buying equipment to open my own studio. Thankfully I had
not resigned from my day job, which I have maintained throughout the
pandemic, but not only was the dream of opening a studio squashed, I
stopped teaching. Initially, I did this to help my fellow yogi's where
teaching was their only source of income, and I still had my day job,
but then time just went by, and now we are nearly 2-yrs on and I feel
that the dream I had is no longer. I know a couple of small studio
owners that needed to close their businesses and I don't ever want to be
one of them. This, I believe, is the main reason I now feel so lost and
sad; I don't know where to go from here. I have all of the training and
tools and use everything I know and more, but nothing seems to work
anymore. I have spoken to my doctor, and I will ring him again today,
but before I do I wanted advice and thoughts on medication; the for and
against. The other thing I need to be mindful of is my age, I am at that
point where I am peri-menopausal, so it is hard to distinguish if my
feelings are due to hormones or my 30 plus years of depression, or is it
all mixed up together. Thank you for your thoughts x