Bipolar, Depression and Anxiety

[mcc]

Hi,
I am 24 years old and have suffered from Depression and Anxiety for a very long time but have fairly recently been diagnosed with Bipolar. I am very low and would be lying if I didn't occasionally have very bad and dark thoughts. I am 100% safe and would never action the thoughts but the idea of it is common in my head. I was on the up and everything was improving and recently relapsed (not sure if that is the correct word). I have a lot of feeling nothing and has seen a lot of good things in my life come to an end. I have started drinking with my mates again and I feel absolutely on top of the world at the time but I regret drinking so much for days afterwards. I am scared and just embarrassed of myself. I am at home today just having panic attacks and just absolutely hate myself. I see a doctor and counsellor weekly and I just do not know what to do because nothing seems to be working. Any tips or anything at all would be appreciated.

[mmMekitty]

Hi mcc.

Welcome to the forum. I am glad to see you here, where I am sure there will be people who will relate to you & your experiences, & they will be happy to talk with you. Right now, I'm supposed to be sleeping, & am tired enough, too, so, I'm going to have to leave it here, for now. I will certainly keep an eye out for you, though.

Hope you get some good sleep.

mmMekitty

[0ldDog]

Hi mmc,

Like you, I am new here, so perhaps like me, you are not sure what to expect or how being here might help. Well you have already taken a huge step by registering here in the search for information and support, so well done.
From my limited time here, I have discovered that members are willing to share their knowledge and experiences, offer suggestions, and provide guidance as well as links to additional resources. Things start off slow, so as not to overwhelm the unsuspecting. Also don’t feel pressured to respond by a certain time or answer a question you are not comfortable answering.

I too am dealing with depression and anxiety, and not for the first time in my life, so I can appreciate some of what you may be dealing with. Although I am not bipolar, I was once in a relationship for several years with someone who was, and that provided me with some insight.

You mentioned being recently diagnosed with bipolar and also recently relapsing (and yes, that is the correct word). Can I ask if you feel the relapse was linked to the recent diagnosis or do you feel something else triggered it?

Rgds
J

[Not_Limited]

Hi mcc

Welcome to the forum. I'm so happy you have reached out.

I have had Bipolar for 16 years now and can honestly tell you, hang on. The road is bumpy, dips and dives, but with the right treatment plan for you, it does get better and easier to manage. I can say though self-medicating with alcohol does make it worse, so as much as it gives its highs and takes you out of your head for a little while, as you have said the after-effects make things so much worse.

Relapse is the right word. Bipolar is like the law scales you see. Balanced at times, but can dip either into depression or mania (or hypomania). The hard part is keeping it balanced. I micromanage myself all the time, taking stock of how I am feeling. Is it a normal feeling of happiness, sadness, or is it Bipolar happy or sad? It takes time to work out which is which and what your triggers may be.

Have they started you on any medications for Bipolar? Getting treatment right is the hard part as it is working out what works and what doesn't. Meds need time to work and your body to adjust, so if they start you on any, give them time to work properly and CBT helps a lot too. Just remember, with Bipolar you are the expert of you and only you know what is really going on with hi's, lows and everything in between. So make sure you are getting the best help for yourself.

There are some good YouTube videos on Bipolar to help you understand the illness a bit more. I like Dr Tracey Marks. She has a lot of information. For me (everyone is different), I found the more I researched from creditable sources to understand my illness, the better informed it made me and also how I can help myself as well. There is an app for your phone called eMoods Bipolar Moods, where you can keep track of how you are feeling. It is also great for doctors appointments as you can create a report from the app for them, so they can see your ebbs and flows as well to give them a better idea and potentially find what triggers are happening to off-balance things.

Most of all though, just take care of yourself. Give yourself permission to have hard days and know that's ok, you can have bad days. As hard as it is when you are depressed, try and eat well, get some fresh air (a patio or yard will do), try and create a healthy sleep pattern. I know hard, but does help. Panic attacks are so debilitating. You have my greatest empathy. Do you know what your triggers may be, so you can get assistance with them?

[Fallen_Angel]

I wish I had an answer, but just wanted to say your not alone in that. I seem to do the same thing. Approximately yearly, I'll completely self sabotage with alcohol, then go into a massive depression. Normally I can stop drinking after a few, but when I get like that I can't. I still haven't figured out if it's my bp2 or an alcohol problem