My life became Increasingly worthless

[BabySteps]

Growing Up I resented my father since I was 8 year's old

Than I went to high school and from 12 to 18 I was a painful poeser and a loner and bullied socially and physically for 6 year's

Than I was bullied for an extra 5 year's, when I tried to re kindle two of those broken friendship's with one more long hall with them

I was alway's meek all the time. ALWAY's In too many way's

I had a narcissistic father, He was selfish, arrogant, vicariously or plainly controlling, dyslexic, rude, Jealous and He was a dead beat absent bill paying father, He would also gas light my mis diagnosis and call me disabled, retarted, sick, or needing to be hospitalised or take medication. He would manipulate my centrelink disability pension as a allowance, rather than a government benefit, He was financial mild black mail. My father never could be corrected or regurgitate order only other people's be told fact's or fiction. He would also perceive or believe my value's, virtue's or political retrospective has to be with His agreement or Australia's

Than my mother was vague, She was arrogant and vicariously liking Her own approaches to situation's, She would be emotionally abusive and say I am a child or Immature, and She wouldn't on every occassion hear my feeling's, or regard my wisdom

Come later, I became mis diagnosed, when after high school I lost myself for a few year's and gave up and became destructively Infatuated with a online foriegn girl, It lead me to a mis diagnosis of schizoprehnia when I was In a suicidal fixated personality, the sad thing Is, It's lead me to cope pre diabetie's type-2 and have my gallbladder removed, I was bullied now at 26 to be enforced to voluntary admit myself In hospital for one month, It's affected my driving with occupational therapist assessment's and medical yearly review's x2

I was alway's a misfit, wanting meaning and purpose and Individuality, over Just the next tolerant or shit Job, I never was a dumb person to see the only value as money, even If money up hold's to the diversity of quality a life can be lead through

I wanted to pursue creative Interest since as young as 14, and now at 26, I never could have the esteem, because I don't like living with my Dad, and I have a Immensity of Issue's, and I am behind by 10 year's with my life

I never had my driving, I never had conventional direction, I never had net work, I had a clueless mother, and a selfish to Himself dead living father figure

[white knight]

Hi, welcome,

Before I reply to the bulk of your post I dont doubt your descriptions but I would remove the disability of "dyslexia" as implying it is a choice your father has like the rest of his largely narcissistic characteristics.

My wife is dyslexic and it isnt a choice nor fixable.

Now, you have painted the picture of your parents. I have a number of questions for you-

• Do you work?
• Do you live at home?
• Do you have friends?
• Hobbies or sports?
• Goals?

You are 26yo. Commonly adult children distance themselves from their parents and regulate their contact depending on their tolerance levels. Can you had one also. It isnt as uncommon as we think because many mental illnesses do cross over whereby you'll have some traces of other illnesses. ADHD hyperactivity for example can mimic hypomania in bipolar.

Without knowing much about yourself I would still advocate that you find ways to break away from a life that causes so much anger. Regulating your contact with your parents is essential as is meeting other people, sharing a house or finding new social circles, filling your life with activities help you to move on. We have enormous potential to build our own lives and leave the negatives behind us- if we tap into our positive thinking...otherwise it just isnt going to happen. It is up to ourselves.

Here is a few threads I've written that might help. They will help if you absorb the message.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life

The next one is a few months after I attempted to take my own life in 1996

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/the-best-praise-you'll-ever-get

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/festering-issues-or-moving-on

Repost anytime, I'd be interested in your thoughts. I'm here most days for couple of hours.

TonyWK