Originally posted by: Sara on 7 March 2013
Dear Rebecca,
I really feel for you, to tell you the truth I had more or less a similar experience when I was in middle school (8th grade to be precise). I was also self harming, I ran away from home, all my friends turned against me and I had a hard time with my parents.
I ignored all the signs and advice to go to a psychologist (I didn't want to be considered 'crazy') and because I was so unhappy it got much worse once I actually left home and went to college, I started abusing drugs and I eventually was in a five year long rehab-stint. I got out of it in the end and am now over three years clean.
The mood cycles however, remained with me, especially when I decided I'd go off my prescribed antidepressants, sometimes I was happy full of energy and convinced I was destined for great things, other times I was so sad getting out of bed seemed to require too much energy, let alone going to school and concentrating.
Now at the age of 24 I have finally been diagnosed with cycloclythmia, a mild form of bipolar disorder and my past behavior suddenly makes a lot of sense.
Often times bipolar disorder is difficult to diagnose because the symptoms vary in intensity and outcomes for different people.
What I'm trying to say is that if my past experience has taught me anything is that seeking help can only be a good thing, obviously you need professionals and a safe environment to do so. However the bottom line is that when you do get help your life gets much better than you can imagine in your wildest dreams.
Not everyone goes through hardships in life, but those that do develop a sensitivity and understanding for other people that is rare, try taking it as a growing experience that will eventually make you a much better person (I know it's much easier said than done).
I also remember that as a teenager dealing and accepting something like this is very painful, but I urge you to do something about it before anything spirals out of control, because your life can and will get better with appropriate treatment.
By the way appropriate treatment doesn't just involve medication, but should be accompanied by finding a good support system and making some healthy life changes that can help you stay stable, learning how to deal with stress, etc.
I hope you can learn from my story, and that you will get better, everyone deserves to be happy.
