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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Carla0 Anxiety 12 year old girl and maybe defiance caused by anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hi guys, my daughter 12 has anxiety. For the last 2 weeks it’s been extreme. She is refusing to go to school. We took the advice of psychologist who said force her to go but besides yelling and screaming and refusing to go, she is also being very def... View more

Hi guys, my daughter 12 has anxiety. For the last 2 weeks it’s been extreme. She is refusing to go to school. We took the advice of psychologist who said force her to go but besides yelling and screaming and refusing to go, she is also being very defiant about it. This morning for example, it was a calm morning. I got her dressed but had to physically restrain her. Yelling and screaming at this tone. Then she was yelling and screaming histerically up and down the stairs. Went to the toilet and locked the door. Then changed when she was in there. So I got her dressed again. This continue for half an hour. I dragged her out to the car and she ran around the front yard crying and yelling. At this point hubby broke down. It was too much for him. Has anyone got any suggestions? ive tried kindness and I’ve trued yelling, nothing works.

LTsMum Life is a lot and I feel like I'm powerless
  • replies: 3

Hi All. Please forgive the emotional tone of this post, I'm just at a lost and don't have a lot of support around me. I am a full time working mother of a 3yo whose husband suffers anxiety, depression and is an alcoholic who is in the beginning stage... View more

Hi All. Please forgive the emotional tone of this post, I'm just at a lost and don't have a lot of support around me. I am a full time working mother of a 3yo whose husband suffers anxiety, depression and is an alcoholic who is in the beginning stages of his second recovery journey this year. We are a single income family, I have no choice other than to go to work so that I can pay the bill and keep a roof over our heads. On top of that, I'm also picking up the pieces at home in terms of the housework, meals and so on because my husband isn't in the place to do it. My day starts at 5am, at work at 8am, home by 5pm and by the time I get everything done at home, bed by 10:30pm. My husband often goes to bed when I get home, so I don't really have anyone to talk to at night, I eat alone, I find myself lonely at times. I don't have much of a support network, my parents are in their late 70's, his mother is too upset by her sons health to help or provide support, most of our mutual friends have dropped off as they have had enough of my husbands erratic behavior when he calls. I don't have time to see my own friends because I am busy doing everything around the house and for my child. I'm frustrated and feel like my entire life revolves around my husbands state of health. There just doesn't seem to be any room for me, my thoughts or needs. It just seems like I'm running from one crisis point to another with no time to recover from the last. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be appreciated.

LPC Help - My new partner is Bipolar and is going through a depressive episode
  • replies: 1

Help please! I'm in a new relationship (2 months) and my boyfriend who was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 earlier this year is going through a depressive episode. Its been 2 weeks since I've last seen him and he's progressively gotten worse - from initiall... View more

Help please! I'm in a new relationship (2 months) and my boyfriend who was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 earlier this year is going through a depressive episode. Its been 2 weeks since I've last seen him and he's progressively gotten worse - from initially texting me daily to tell me he's ok to now as of the end of the week him getting upset with me because i'm constantly checking in and he needs space so now he's not in contact with me at all. He has had previous suicide attempts and I know ending his life is constantly on his mind. He is medicated. He is seeing both a psychiatrist and a psychologist and his GP. You might wonder why i'm sticking around - while we've only been together for 2 months we have a long long history and have known each other for many many years. Walking away is simply not an option. Trouble is, I have no idea how to help him. I have no idea how to support him and being blocked out of his life i'm now constantly stressed and worried about his welfare. I don't know whether despite his request for space if I should be still telling him i'm here and care or whether I literally also just go silent and leave him be. Whats the right thing to do here? I want him to know i'm here for him, and love and care for him but I don't want to make things worse for him. How long can this last for? How long do I wait around for? Im so lost and very few people understand the situation, most people just tell me to walk away but I just cant do that to him. Any suggestions welcome!

r11 Where do we start?
  • replies: 3

Hi, I never thought I'd be doing this, but I'm lost as to what to do. I'm terrified for my son, he is 13th and he has not been a happy boy for a few months. Over the last few weeks he has been crying inconsolably. He used to love school when he was i... View more

Hi, I never thought I'd be doing this, but I'm lost as to what to do. I'm terrified for my son, he is 13th and he has not been a happy boy for a few months. Over the last few weeks he has been crying inconsolably. He used to love school when he was in Primary, but he started High School this year and he hates it now. He used to have a lot of friends, but he doesn't want to be with anyone anymore. He didn't want to have anyone over or do anything for his birthday, and there's been a few incidents in school, nothing terrible, but very unlike him. I've been trying to tell myself that all this is normal "teen" stuff, but last night when he was in the shower, he was sobbing out of control.... I know he needs help, I just don't know where to start.

uzukaki01 Boyfriend severely depressed for 2 years after loss of his best friend. How can I help?
  • replies: 1

Hi, I came across the beyond blue thread and I really appreciate people responding to the forums. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. He lost his best friend 2 months before we got together so I know he was in a dark place. Ever... View more

Hi, I came across the beyond blue thread and I really appreciate people responding to the forums. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. He lost his best friend 2 months before we got together so I know he was in a dark place. Every time I'm with him, there's literally nothing wrong - he appears to be happy but I know he is depressed. He doesn't open up to me because he's scared that he'll hurt me and everyone around us - but recently, he opened up and told me how he wants to visit his best friend (who passed away) because he was the only person who really understood him. He's been to therapy, counselling and a psychologist but he says they don't help. He almost had a suicide attempt a couple weeks ago when no one was around and told me only a few days ago (near 6th attempt). He talks about killing himself just to see his best friend because he misses him so much. I don't know how to assist him in closure. We haven't been intimate for 2 months and it's because his depression has really hit hard. I've tried researching depression and getting into the details of it, best approach to help him, etc. But he doesn't feel comfortable talking to people about his thoughts because he fears he'll bother them. He remains affectionate and still loves me (I believe). How do I address this issue, given that he refuses to seek help?

Pamelawoolen Decision about future anxiety
  • replies: 1

My daughter has suffered from severe anxiety for years, sees a psychologist and in some ways is getting better but is currently struggling with anxiety about what she should do after she finishes year 12 (in four weeks time). She wants to go to the U... View more

My daughter has suffered from severe anxiety for years, sees a psychologist and in some ways is getting better but is currently struggling with anxiety about what she should do after she finishes year 12 (in four weeks time). She wants to go to the US to do competitive cheerleading(she has been doing this successfully in Australia for the last 10 years and to hopefully go to Uni there(but not sure what she wants to study). Although she was born in Australia, she is a US citizen and wants to explore possibilities over there so it is a "doable" option. However, she is terrified about any decision she makes. She does online/distance education because mainstream school was too daunting for her with her anxiety. At this stage, she has refused to go on any medication, even though it has been recommended for her. She is beginning to see that this might help her as she becomes so "stuck" to do anything when she "spirals" down that path. We have talked with her about the fact that she doesn't have to make a decision right away but this doesn't seem to help her any. While we are trying to get her calmed down and in to see her psychologist as well as GP(to discuss medication), I just thought I would see if anyone would have any suggestions as to what might help her. Thanks for any advice...A very concerned mom.

judy-joy I'm trying to help my son but failing
  • replies: 8

Hello everyone, I am new to the forums and at a loss how to help my 25 yr old son. He is the eldest of 3 boys and has grown up with sporadic contact with his father. Our marriage broke down 16 years ago. He has been a wonderful son and brother but sl... View more

Hello everyone, I am new to the forums and at a loss how to help my 25 yr old son. He is the eldest of 3 boys and has grown up with sporadic contact with his father. Our marriage broke down 16 years ago. He has been a wonderful son and brother but slowly over the years this has changed. He returned home in Jan. after a relationship break down, his doing. In that time he secured casual work, a few hours a week. He sadly has very few friends and slowly has isolated himself by using his phone and xbox most of his waking hours alone in his room. His self loathing is very high and he has very low self esteem. He is a gifted singer and is aware of his talent which has brought great joy in the past, but not anymore. The guitar he promised he'd use regularly when I bought it for Christmas has been used twice. The past 2 weeks has seen him leave his room only if I'm not home. When he knows I'm due home he leaves before I get here. My youngest son is struggling with yr 12 and not wanting to be here as his brothers' behaviour is so draining. I am trying to be patient but this past week he did not get out of bed for 4 consecutive days . As I do shift work returning home to a peaceful sanctuary is important to me and I've worked very hard to create this. I am now receiving msgs from people asking why he's not showing up for appointments. I know he's unwell and so does he but he seems paralysed in moving forward. He has not completed any tertiary study, has started a few courses but either drops out or is asked to leave, due to non attendance or not submitting work. He has no interest or he thinks ability to complete study either on line or face to face. He has never held permanent employment and admitted last night, after another 24hours in his room, that he's been told by a third party, that in a few months his casual employment will cease. His behaviour over the past fortnight is a result of this as he hates to and is very anxious applying for work, as he never gets the job. I can see his pain but any offer of support is dismissed. He is aware of his anxiety, seeks sporadic help and is medicated. However life cannot go on like this. I am getting support for myself but really wish he'd pack up and go. Obviously this is not the solution. He is a compassionate, empathic being and watching him in so much pain is heartbreaking. Thank you, I'd appreciate any feedback to help me help him.

tanner456 My future husband and his self medicating habits
  • replies: 1

I’ve just found out that for the past 6 months my partner has been self medicating ( alcohol & pain medication) because his so tired and his trying to stay awake at night prior to this he has had depressed thoughts and has made self harming comments ... View more

I’ve just found out that for the past 6 months my partner has been self medicating ( alcohol & pain medication) because his so tired and his trying to stay awake at night prior to this he has had depressed thoughts and has made self harming comments “ what you say to me makes me what to hurt myself” when conflicts come up he says “ you are going to make me do something you regret” He brought it up in a fight we have some what resolved it and now when I bring it up he claims his over it now and has things to look forward to and excited about .. i’m trying to be the best partner I can but I’m just scared/worried how to bring it up to him ... I want him to be honest and feel like he can talk to me about anything

healedpeoplehealpeople Rising from the ashes
  • replies: 3

What do you do when your friend has just broken up after a whirlwind of romance? How empty do your own words ‘It’s gonna be fine’ sound while consoling her? Worst of all, how do you identify signs of depression? I was clouded by these thoughts when m... View more

What do you do when your friend has just broken up after a whirlwind of romance? How empty do your own words ‘It’s gonna be fine’ sound while consoling her? Worst of all, how do you identify signs of depression? I was clouded by these thoughts when my very good friend, let’s call her Phoenix, was going through a bad breakup. I gave her usual words of advice, “He did not deserve you, you are going to find someone, drink your sorrows with alcohol”. Like a dutiful person, she tried to follow but she couldn’t just let go of him and the breakup in the past and all the self-esteem issues she had earlier. She was looking for validations from random hook-ups. She was so hurt, destroyed and withering in depression. I dint know what to do, worse, I had no idea she was in depression. There were signs, but they were camouflaged under the grief of break-up. Isn’t the pain of breakup same for everyone? Isn’t breakup just a normal thing and then you should forget and get going? No. The answer is a plain no to above questions. Phoenix saw the signs in her and decided to see a therapist. She decided to fight it for the greater good. It was not easy. There were so many moments of self-doubt, relapses, pain, hurt and anxiety. She had to go through it alone. Because, it is difficult to understand what it’s like to be in a therapy for person like me who had never visited a therapist. Thinking about it now, I feel bad for not being there. As a friend, I failed the fundamental promise of friendship. However, Phoenix rose above all. She found an awesome psychologist, did almost a year of therapy. She rediscovered herself. She was no more the old person that I had met two years’ ago. She was so happy, joyful, kind and forgiving. Phoenix inspired me and so many others to do something about concealed mental health issues. She talks non-stop about mindfulness; she wants more and more people to be happy and fight their mental health struggles. My Phoenix has indeed reborn from ashes and is now flying into the open sky. She knows no limit; she knows no fear. If you know anyone going through a bad break-up, don’t ignore them, don’t count their problems as trivial. Conditions like depression and anxiety attack in various harmless forms. Beware and be mindful.

Guest5643 Help got myself in a little pickle
  • replies: 3

Hi Theres an add on gumtree for someone wanting a dog to stop them from suicide. I replied just saying i understand what its like your not alone, and now im recieving full on messages. I mentioned bbforums to help to no avail. This person said im the... View more

Hi Theres an add on gumtree for someone wanting a dog to stop them from suicide. I replied just saying i understand what its like your not alone, and now im recieving full on messages. I mentioned bbforums to help to no avail. This person said im the first person theyve felt comfortable talking about this and wants to know my age. This person mentioned there on parole i dont know what for. Im now starting to feel extremely uncomfortable about this. Is is wrong of me to completely ignore this persons messages now to look after my mental health. cheers lynne