I don’t know how to manage my parters substance abuse

[Scot_Girl_In_Aus]

So my partner and I have been together two and a half years. We’re from different countries and have overcome a lot to be together. My partner suffers from depression, anxiety and PTSD from trauma he suffered a few years ago. He has always smoked weed and has played with recreational drugs but nothing too serious. Recently he had started abusing prescription medication to “help him sleep” and ended up in hospital. I thought all that had stopped and this week we went on our trip to Bali. We’ve been here 4 days and in that four days he has been buying and taking in secret pills and lying to me repeatedly about it. When I have found out throughout the 4 days we have had fights about it that end in him promising no more drugs and no more lying. He has done it again and I’m at a loss of what to do. He is now asking for my help like he did before but nsw asking me to monitor him and be in control of his drug intake I.e. giving him a small dose before bed. What do I do? I can’t talk to our friends or family as we will be left homeless and he will be cut off from everyone. Please I need input and advice!

[Croix]

Dear Scot.Girl.In.Aus~

First I'm sorry you have had to wait so long for an answer, unfortunately the system does not always work as well as we would like. Please rest assured it is nothing to do with you personally or the subject of your post.

Now, I guess the ideal answer is twofold, though how realistic it is I do not know. I'm aware this will sound very blunt, however I don't think skirting round the issue is helpful

Your partner needs to return to Australia without getting into trouble with the authorities. The only sure way to do that is not to buy, posses or use any illicit drugs.

The other is once he has returned to seek medical help both for his PTSD, anxiety and depression and also to help him tail off from overuse of medication and hopefully also weed. I'm not trying to be judgmental about the weed, however it can have unsuspected and very negative effects when combined wiht regular medication, so his doctor needs to be aware of the situation.

The brunt of all this falls very heavily on you and it is important you do not fall into the trap of being an ally in his drug abuse, even to the extent of monitoring his dosage. From a practical point of view that might put you in trouble with the authorities too.

Additionally you do not really have the qualifications or knowledge to deal with the matter safely. If he does, as he has in the past, take various things without your knowledge then whatever you administer will be additional to them, an unknown.

It sounds as if your talks and arguments with your partner have had some effect, perhaps this may be enough to get him back to a safe environment.

Please do not think I have no sympathy for him, I too have the same diagnosis, though fortunately I've always been in a position where therapy and prescription medications have been properly available as needed.

You are as important as he is, and need to understand that while you may love him you only have a limited responsibility in the matter - and limited power to make things better. Plus gettng yourself enmeshed with authorities over there will help no one. Your partner has to be the one to help himself long-term, and that will involve him accepting medical help.

Again my apologies for being blunt

Croix

[White_Rose]

Dear Scot.girl.In.Aus

Welcome to the forum. I see Croix has given you some good suggestions. I don't want to repeat what he has said but I do want to urge you not to hold his drugs for any reason and not give them to him as the legal system in Bali is very strict. It would be best if he disposed of them but that's up to him. Please keep yourself safe and check he is not hiding any drugs in your possession.

When do you return to Aus? Hopefully soon so you are out of this potentially dangerous situation.

Do you live together? If so you may want to consider asking him to leave as you do not feel safe around him. I know it's hard when you care for someone to be separated even if it is a temporary separation. He will not take responsibility for himself if you dole out his drugs and he will blame you for his habit. Legally you are supplying his drugs so stand back, tell him to leave until he takes responsibility for himself.

I know this is not what you want to hear. I realise it will be hard but I am concerned for your safety and potential consequences due to trying to help him. Your responsibility is to yourself.

Love to hear from you again and apologies that your post was unanswered for so long.

Mary

[Scot_Girl_In_Aus]

Dear Mary and Croix,

I eventually just tried to keep him in the villa as much as possible. It was a very distressing and painful two weeks, with a lot of scares. In the two weeks we were there he managed to spend thousands of dollars, go missing for three hours and almost die twice. I managed to get him back to Australia and his family in one piece before getting into a fight where I ended up going home to Scotland. We stayed together for a couple more months but have recently ended our relationship amicably and still support each other. Since I left he’s been to two different rehabs but is now sober and seems to be in a better place. I am also doing a lot better, surrounded by my friends and family. Thank you so much for the advice and concern.

Erin

[Croix]

Dear Erin

Thank you so much for bringing us up to date. You were in most difficult circumstances when last we spoke and one could not help wondering how things worked out.

I'm very glad you did not get into trouble wiht authorities, returned him to Australia and are now back with family and freinds. I'm also glad for him.

You realise you are welcome here anytime, it does not have to be a disaster before you speak

Croix