Antionette - caring for our 15 year old daughter

[antionette]

Hi, I, along with my very supporting husband are caring for our 15 year old daughter who has Depression, Suicidal attempts and PTSD.

Mostly what I needs to hear how others have coped, things that I can do to stay sane and support her. We are all having counselling and she is on her second type of medication.We have taken everything possible out of harms way to keep her safe, but now I think she is trying another means of self harm. This is driving me insane as I can do nothing about it and I feel if I hassle her it will make it worse.

Although the counselling is helping and we are still only a couple of weeks into her new medication i often need someone to chat to at times when I don't have anyone around. Are there other parents who are in a loving stable environment that have been through this and can help?

Many thanks

Antionette

[Aaronsis]

Hi Antionette

I am so very pleased that you have come to find some support and some people to chat to and share your experiences with as you and your husband support your 15 year old daughter.

I am so very sad to hear that she has depression, has made suicidal attempts and has PTSD, that is so very much for a young lady to endure and she is so very lucky to have a wonderful mother that is reaching out to find ways to help her other than just medication and counselling.

I too am a mother of a 15 yo son and a 13 yo daughter, however I have no experience with this type of situation that you are living through. I wanted to stop in and say how amazing that I think you are to be able to function everyday with the pressures of her illness to consider. I lost my 19 year old brother to suicide only 10 weeks ago and I would have given anything to be able to have supported him, in fact even know that he was in this state of mind and struggling to stay alive, so I feel relieved to hear that she is talking to you and letting you know what is going on in her life. I just wanted to say one thing and I am not sure that it will be helpful to you or not but I will share it with you none the less..one thing that my brother wrote in his letter was that "he wished he was able to ask people for a conversation, to be able to talk without feeling like he was a burden, and this was not by other people but by himself"..I guess what I am saying is even though you worry if you hassle her it will make it worse, I guess I am thinking that she is not wanting to hassle you. Perhaps you could say that to her in an open way that " I feel like I am hassling you and bothering you when what I would love to do is ask you what you need from me and what I can do to support you that doesn't frustrate you?". Hopefully this will allow her to do a big verbal dump and get some of her needs out and together you can establish how you can talk and support her.

I am not sure if what i have said is helpful but many more people will come on an chat with you too as this place has been my absolute healing place. People are so wonderful and share experiences and ideas and feelings and you will be so well supported so welcome, and I hope with all my heart that you and your husband can get through this time with your beautiful girl.

Hugs to you Antionette.

AS

[antionette]

Thankyou Aaronsis. Anything and everything is helpful in these situations.

Im so so sorry that you have lost your brother. All I ever wish is that people who are sad and struggling , just say exactly that. " I feel sad all of the time"

Antionette

[Summer Rose]

Hi Antionette

I am a mum and my daughter fell ill at the age of 13 with OCD and anxiety. She was so unwell that she initially spent time in hospital.

I remember being at my witts end and asking a nurse if my daughter would ever get better. It was more of a rhetorical question but she answered saying, if you have a strong family and support her, yes.

I clung to those words because like you I had a loving, caring husband and a wonderful son. We got through it together because we had to. This type of illness affects everyone.

One of the best things I did was to engage a counsellor to specifically coach me on how to help my daughter. She was a mental health nurse in private practise and I would bounce all tricky day to day issues off her to ensure my parenting strategies were working.

We also had family counselling. I also made sure that I looked after myself. At first I felt selfish, until I thought about the consequences for my daughter should I become unwell too.

Most importantly I ensured that I never gave my daughter a reason not to trust me. I knew that she had to trust me to keep sharing and talking with me. I never wanted to be adversarial or get shut out. You need to work together.

My daughter is healthy and strong today. She graduated high school, attends university, has travelled Europe and is in love. It gets better.

Keep ploughing on, always heading towars the light.

Happy to talk more and support you. Kind thoughts to you

[Aaronsis]

Hi Antionette

I am so very happy that you have found something helpful here, that is great news.

How are you feeling today and how is your daughter today?

I have been thinking about you alot over the weekend and wondering if you were able to do something together that made you all at least raise a smile?

Thank you for your support to me and I could not agree more with you about people just saying "I feel sad all of the time" or anything really, I am hoping that one day the stigma of mental health and especially suicide will be something we can easily talk about in a public forum and that people can speak up without fear of judgement or also feeling like a burden. I am sure that our youth of today are going to do that and people like your daughter will lead it. People who have been through this and have had amazing support and guidance as well as acceptance, your daughter is so very lucky to have you and your husband with her on this journey.

I have no idea how exhausted you must be but you are so very wonderful.

I hope today is brighter.

AS