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Supporting family and friends

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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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mitten20 Depressed young teen
  • replies: 5

Hi, I have a 13 year old who is suffering from depression and is harming herself. She is so withdrawn and will not interact with us at home - won’t watch a movie together, refuses to come on family outings or walks, refusing to eat with us. I’m reall... View more

Hi, I have a 13 year old who is suffering from depression and is harming herself. She is so withdrawn and will not interact with us at home - won’t watch a movie together, refuses to come on family outings or walks, refusing to eat with us. I’m really sad and scared. What can I do? She has started medication and sees many docs/counsellors but I can’t get her to interact with us. It’s breaking my heart

Shelly2024 Need help
  • replies: 4

Hi, i am an this forum because my daughter has tried to take her life again i dont know what to do anymore. This time she posted on facebook (which i cant see) that she was going to end it. I knew something was not right so i told her i would go to w... View more

Hi, i am an this forum because my daughter has tried to take her life again i dont know what to do anymore. This time she posted on facebook (which i cant see) that she was going to end it. I knew something was not right so i told her i would go to work and be back within the hour and we can spend day together. I got home and found she had attempted. I called ambulance and know hoping she will come home today. The problem is i dont know what to do anymore although she always says it has nothing to do with me. She is a beautiful young woman with so much potential but she cant see it. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you Michelle

saddenedsaint At loss part 2
  • replies: 2

So 16 days of pure heart ache and anguish have passed, he is back tomorrow. I’m not sure how things will unfold, I love this man, he has broken me, left me at my most vulnerable and assumes things will be ok when he returns. I’m afraid I’m not strong... View more

So 16 days of pure heart ache and anguish have passed, he is back tomorrow. I’m not sure how things will unfold, I love this man, he has broken me, left me at my most vulnerable and assumes things will be ok when he returns. I’m afraid I’m not strong enough to do this anymore. I’m scared that he will return and decide that we are not what he wants anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I am strong enough for my family to go on. That’s a woman’s way, we just keeping going. But I am so tired of trying to carry this load on my own. I don’t know if I should be passive and listen to what he has to say about our future or just make the choice that will break my heart in the best interests of my family. Or keep trying. He’s my love and my best friend, I just don’t know what to do anymore.

worried-auntie Worried about suicidal nephew and how to talk to my children
  • replies: 1

Hi, a family member told me last night that her foster son (15) who has experienced trauma as a young child is going through a very tough time including depression, self-harm, and substance abuse. They have been seeking help and have a great mental h... View more

Hi, a family member told me last night that her foster son (15) who has experienced trauma as a young child is going through a very tough time including depression, self-harm, and substance abuse. They have been seeking help and have a great mental health and school team supporting them at this time, and our family is also here for any support they need. I have 2 kids (10, 13) and am worried about how to best talk to them about their cousin's struggle. I told them this morning that he is going through a difficult time (as they know his history) without going into any details yet. I am not sure how to best support them? They want to help their cousin feel better as best as they can by including him in some activities we spoke about. I found out yesterday that he has been cutting himself and that some of his cuts are visible on his hands. How do I best explain this to my kids? I am also worried about contagion. I would really appreciate any ideas, thoughts, and support resources. I am not sure if there is a helpline that I could call to talk about this? Any info would be great. Thank you!

Loubaby How to help my son with his wife’s depression
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone I have sunk to the depths of despair worrying about my adult son. Not long after my son married he found out that his wife was bingeing alcohol behind his back. A few trips to emergency and she has been placed on medication. Her depressio... View more

Hi everyone I have sunk to the depths of despair worrying about my adult son. Not long after my son married he found out that his wife was bingeing alcohol behind his back. A few trips to emergency and she has been placed on medication. Her depression is all consuming. I know that is a hideous disease but it is destroying him. The other day he got a phone call from her on his way home from work to say she’d overdosed on her medication. She is going into rehab again. Part of me wants him to leave her but I know it’s not my decision. He says he loves her but I’m wondering if he’s just scared. This is not the life I envisaged for him. They don’t go anywhere or do things as a couple. Certainly no signs of affection from her and they’ve only been married 4 years. He does most cooking and housework. How do I help him. We suggested he get his own counseling. Keep up some exercise and do something for himself each week. It’s killing me inside to see his zest for life slipping away

anteater08 Good or bad friendship?
  • replies: 5

Um this is my first time doing these kinds of things but I need to vent somewhere. So I have this friend and I really enjoy hanging out with her. She's really nice and also funny, but recently she's been acting all mean and like fed up with me. Maybe... View more

Um this is my first time doing these kinds of things but I need to vent somewhere. So I have this friend and I really enjoy hanging out with her. She's really nice and also funny, but recently she's been acting all mean and like fed up with me. Maybe it's just me or something but sometimes I feel like she actually hates me. I want to tell her how I feel about it but I don't want something big to happen and I don't want it to affect our friendship or anyone around us. I just don't know what to do.

DB91 My wife has been diagnosed with Bipolar after having our baby, how will our lives change?
  • replies: 4

Prior to having our baby, my wife had never experienced any mental health issues, I mean none that required intervention. However, after having our son my wife was diagnosed with Postpartum Psychosis. She would suffer extreme highs and lows, hear voi... View more

Prior to having our baby, my wife had never experienced any mental health issues, I mean none that required intervention. However, after having our son my wife was diagnosed with Postpartum Psychosis. She would suffer extreme highs and lows, hear voices and would forget we even had a baby at times. It was awful. This was eventually treated with mood stabilising medication and she began to recover. A few months later she relapsed and became very depressed, she was then readmitted to hospital and the medication was adjusted. After this we enjoyed six months of stability. unfortunately, she has relapsed again after the psychiatrists began to reduce her medication as she began to exit the post natal period. Since this admission to hospital, they have now confirmed a diagnosis of Bipolar. As her husband and now also a father to an almost 1yr old I’m feeling lost. I find myself unsure of how to act around her just in case I say the wrong thing, guilty about devoting time to our baby over helping her accept this diagnosis, and worst of all I feel almost annoyed at how this is affecting our son. Even though I know it’s not her fault, she didn’t choose to have this happen to her. has anyone else experienced their spouse suffer Postpartum Psychosis? And are there any other husbands that have had their wife receive a bipolar diagnosis? Also, has anyone started a family with someone with bipolar and has any advice on what to expect?

FaithandHope App to alert family and friends of your wellbeing
  • replies: 1

HiDoes anyone know of an app or other resource that a person who is feeling depressed or suicidal can complete about their mood, that can then immediately alert (with their consent) their family and/or friends about how they are feeling? Do others th... View more

HiDoes anyone know of an app or other resource that a person who is feeling depressed or suicidal can complete about their mood, that can then immediately alert (with their consent) their family and/or friends about how they are feeling? Do others think this would be helpful?

Morechilli Struggling with my mums mental health.
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am currently going through the process of my Mum who had attempted suicide. She has mental health issues (depression & an ED). I am currently 37 weeks pregnant with my first child and can’t help but blame myself. We saw each other earlier in th... View more

Hi, I am currently going through the process of my Mum who had attempted suicide. She has mental health issues (depression & an ED). I am currently 37 weeks pregnant with my first child and can’t help but blame myself. We saw each other earlier in the week and had a disagreement and she gave me the silent treatment afterwards. I tried to talk to her, asking her to talk through it all. I said some things that clearly upset her and she did too. She left and a day later and it happened. This isn’t the first occasion and she has been in and out of hospital throughout my life for her mental health concerns. We have throughout the years had our disagreements, as most Mother's and daughters do. I feel so many emotions, I keep replaying every single moment. My partner has been a great support and was here when we had the disagreement and is at a loss that my Mum took so much offence to what I had said. My mum is in hospital in another town, over 1.5 hours away and it’s not recommended that I travel due to being heavily pregnant. I have been speaking to my Dad on the phone daily to see how she is. But I feel so much guilt, sadness, anger about this and also how much stress I feel under this late in pregnancy. I love my Mum endlessly and want the best for her. However, her mental illness has caused quiet a bit of trauma to me over the years. Seeing her in many states has been very difficult and I have tried to put boundaries in place for my mental health. Often this is met with her not respecting that or again giving me the silent treatment after I try to communicate that with her. I have seen a gp for a mental health plan because I wanted to be able to deal with my own mental health before it got any worse. I have struggled to find someone I ‘gel’ with so far. She has now awoken and won’t speak to me. I can’t comprehend how she could be like this during what is meant to a happy time for myself and our family.

busy-bee Setting boundaries
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I have been with my partner for 8 years and I believe he is really struggling with his mental health. We had to put our dog down due to cancer 2 months ago, and since then I feel he has lost control. He quit his job without notice, and since ... View more

Hi all, I have been with my partner for 8 years and I believe he is really struggling with his mental health. We had to put our dog down due to cancer 2 months ago, and since then I feel he has lost control. He quit his job without notice, and since then spends most of his time in bed, only to wake up for a few hours at night and repeat again. He says he feels hopeless and doesn't see the point in life. He feels he can't cope with the responsibilities of life. Looking back he has always been a very existential person, and has struggled with completing things such as university or holding down a job for more than one year. He has often cycled from periods of apparent happiness and vitality, only to crash after a few months and seclude himself. This is the worst episode I have ever seen. He acknowledges that he may be depressed and should seek help. However, I feel this is all talk and no action. After years of this cycle, I am feeling I have nothing left in me. I am wondering if anyone has any advice on setting boundaries for myself and respecting his boundaries. I am a healthcare worker but I feel as if I am dealing with this terribly. On one hand, I understand it is not his choice to feel this way, but I am under significant financial pressure to support us both and be understanding of his low mood and irritability - all on top of the stress I deal with at the hospital. I have tried to step back and let him make his own decisions only to find each day he has remained in bed. He told me he has not booked to see the doctor yet as he doesn't feel like doing anything and doesn't trust himself to show up for the appointment. I am wondering if it would be appropriate to set up an appointment for him and take him to the doctor, or if this would be too disempowering or infantilising for him. I want to be supportive but I feel helpless myself, and am wondering to what extent I am enabling him. Is it possible to enable someone with these patterns if it is not their choice to feel this way? Any other advice would be appreciated.