Seeking advice on getting a loved one to take meds

[MarieKA]

Hi! I’m seeking advice. A loved one (LO) of mine went through a very traumatic breakup a few years ago. There are children involved and so they are now co-parenting with the ex and the relationship is hostile and antagonistic. My LO has undertaken some counseling but didn’t find it useful and are not motivated to try again. They have been prescribed antidepressants but refuse to take them. Depression is massively affecting their daily life - they miss appointments, work, breakdown in tears and explode in anger.

I have tried to encourage LO to take the meds but they refuse on the basis that what they are feeling is legitimate, they have a right to be angry and broken hearted about what has happened and they don’t want medication to artificially dampen their feelings. They fixate on events that happened years ago, but argue that as they are still living with the outcome (loss of house, strained relationship with children), these are effectively current events. I am no psychologist/doctor but I do think they may be suffering PTSD from the very serious events in the past (this has not been diagnosed though).

I haven’t taken ADs myself so struggle to explain how they will help them, but I strongly believe they will (or at least may) be able to help them move forward and find peace. I’ve not been able to find a good explainer of how they might help someone deal with trauma be able to move past it without forgetting it or being artificially ‘happy’ about actual terrible things that have happened.

Can anyone help me out, I’m really interested in first person experiences or articles that I could share with my LO.  Thanks in advance. Xx

[ecomama]

Hey Marie, welcome to the forums. 

I can see in your words that you care deeply for LO and that's admirable! 
I'm sure LO appreciates your support. 

It's a difficult thing when another person tries to force treatment (prescribed or otherwise), even with the best of intentions, onto a partner.... most esp when the partner doesn't want to go down that road. 

Your partner doesn't want to go down that road. 

I'd like to present a different POV to the one you're holding on to atm. More aligned, perhaps, with your partner I think. 

Yes, ADs won't change the situation. LO has a right to feel angry and any other emotions regarding the loss and grief they feel from the family break down. 

It takes a LOT of work to get past traumatic events. It takes a lot of work to heal from deep anger, depression and even PTSD. 

It can be done without medication, I'm living proof of that statement. 

I got some amazing advice from a MH therapist when I was beside myself in how to support my own children with post traumatic symptoms..... model SELF CARE. 
That was it. 
I was horrified lol. 

I did it anyway, overtly, explaining to the kids WHAT I was doing ie SELF CARE. 
They began to do this also. We had lots of talks about the "Wheel of Life" sectors (it went on the loo door! Lol)
and they began working on these. 

They are all doing SO WELL in life, we're all healing well. 

My advice is to leave it up to LO, perhaps you can model self care. 
Love EM