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Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Hays4 Help..my boyfriend has anxiety
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone this is my first post..I'm 28, female I have been with my boyfriend for just over 7 months now. He is the most amazing person I have ever met, the love of my life, my best friend. He has anxiety. I am scared and ashamed to admit I am stru... View more

Hi everyone this is my first post..I'm 28, female I have been with my boyfriend for just over 7 months now. He is the most amazing person I have ever met, the love of my life, my best friend. He has anxiety. I am scared and ashamed to admit I am struggling with dealing with it. I know what I'm dealing with is nothing compared to what he is dealing with but I need some sort of support and I thought here would be a good place. The times I find the hardest and I would like to hear from anyone who experiences the same thing, is times when he shuts off, shuts me off. Times when like right now, he turns over and sleeps with his back to me. No goodnight no kiss no I love you. It's absolutely tearing me up inside. He did it last night too and I mentioned it to him and how much it hurts me but he did it again tonight. Is this abnormal anxious reaction? Please help.

ND79 Losing hope. Cup of support running out
  • replies: 3

I don't know where to begin writing this post. Everything seems so full on, confusing and completely hopeless some days. My husband (married 4yrs, together 13 yrs) is suffering from severe depression, anxiety & ptsd. In 2015 we had our first child an... View more

I don't know where to begin writing this post. Everything seems so full on, confusing and completely hopeless some days. My husband (married 4yrs, together 13 yrs) is suffering from severe depression, anxiety & ptsd. In 2015 we had our first child and this is when it all reared its head. Initially it felt mild, he got some treatment (meds & cbt) & although there were ups and downs along this road it seemed to be disappating. 3 days before the birth of our second child in Dec 2016 he went off his meds voluntarily and kept it hidden from me for weeks. Things went downhill fast. His depression became severe & I felt alone watching him decay all whilst I was raising a newborn and a toddler. Our relationship was suffering. After a sudden blood nose (which he has never had) he went back to the GP and everything came flooding out. It was then we got a referal to a psychiatrist and he got back on his meds. He has now had a few appts with the psychiatrist and working on getting meds right. He is also taking meds for flashbacks and another tablet to help him sleep (non addictive apparently) ontop of the Anti-d's. Ontop of this he had his first psychotherapy session for help with PTSD late last week which triggered him. Finally to add to things he was made redundant at work two weeks ago. So that's a run down on my situation. Obviously it's a shortened version. I don't know what to do anymore. I try to be supportive but I'm getting told I'm saying the wrong thing. I feel hopeless, helpless & some days just absolutely angry and frustrated. I feel like I walk on egg shells and feel guilty if I try to keep life moving. The down days are so hard to keep positive and I can't help but feel like everthing will continue to get worse. There's no light. My cup of support is running out and i feel like I'm being affected by all the negative myself and I'm running out of steam. The psychotherapist said that I shouldn't try solve his problems as they will work on that but just to be there as support. But what do you do when you feel like your supportis not enough. That the darkness is to strong? I'm so overwhelmed.

ButtonB Mother not open to doing anything differently.
  • replies: 5

Hello, every year from around late March until September my mother (in her early 70s) slips into a prolonged bout of depression. She has been taking an SSRI for quite a few years now and even increased her dose before during depression bouts. The med... View more

Hello, every year from around late March until September my mother (in her early 70s) slips into a prolonged bout of depression. She has been taking an SSRI for quite a few years now and even increased her dose before during depression bouts. The medication does not seem to assist though during this time. She has just become depressed again this year and she says she will just "put up with it" again and is really resistant to seeking help other than discussing her medication dose with her GP as she does each year. She's really closed to seeing a counsellor - she believes they don't help. I'm seeking other ideas on what alternative support and possible remedies might be available to her as I don't believe she just needs to go through this each year for the time she does. I'd welcome others suggestions and thoughts. Thanks in advance.

Mish_A_Wish How to explain the need for personal space
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year. I believe that he is suffering from depression. It has been very hard supporting him for so long when he doesn't seem willing to help himself, but I am reading more about depression now ... View more

Hi, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year. I believe that he is suffering from depression. It has been very hard supporting him for so long when he doesn't seem willing to help himself, but I am reading more about depression now and learning what it is like for him and the support that I can offer. What I am finding difficult is taking care of my own welfare. My boyfriend is very clingy and needs me to say how much I love him all of the time. But whenever I have a weekend if I say I need a day at home to "do my own things" I get severely cross examined on why I don't want to spend the time with him. He really doesn't seem to understand that sometimes I need my own space. I really need some downtime to give myself space from his misery which feels suffocating sometimes. But I can't ever ask for this without him questioning if I love him or asking for justification of why I don't want to be with him. If I tell him w reason e.g. That I want to read my book he teases "you love your book more than me!" It is said in a teasing way but it is clear that he is offended. Aside from waiting for it to get so bad that I have to break up with him for my own welfare, I don't know how to gently explain what I need. If I say that I need time away from him to relax or to protect my own welfare, I know that he will feel really guilty and miserable for making me feel down. If I ask him to accept when I say that I need time and not ask questions, this feels like dumping him and blocking him off from support. Please help with suggestions! Mish

kezza_187 When do I put myself first? Partners anxiety and nastiness
  • replies: 3

My partner and I have 2 kids together (6 and 4). He is a past drug addict, spent the first 3.5 years of my son's life in jail, cheated on me when he was on drugs and I was pregnant with my daughter. We weren't together when he was in jail but we comm... View more

My partner and I have 2 kids together (6 and 4). He is a past drug addict, spent the first 3.5 years of my son's life in jail, cheated on me when he was on drugs and I was pregnant with my daughter. We weren't together when he was in jail but we communicated often so he could build a relationship with his kids. He has been out for 9 months and showed no signs of using, has been working full time and we have developed more of a relationship and seeing where it can go (the kids come first and I know that even if we totally break up we will stay in each other's lives as we always have despite situations). I have been on anxiety meds for 9 years. I have anxiety, phobia and OCD. I would love to say he's helped me with this, at times he has, but more often than not I am told my anxiety is ruining our relationship, I need to get over it etc. I admit that I hold resentment towards him for not being there for our kids. Even since he got out he doesn't have the kids on his own for longer than a couple of hours as it's too challenging for him. The last few weeks he has sunk into depression and anxiety. He says he finds it hard to talk to me as I'm a bit of a stress head. I have filled his sister in and she has been spending more time with him etc. The issue is I feel so selfish and lost as to what's right and wrong. When is enough enough? He speaks to me so badly, always thinks the worst of me and puts me down to the point where my self esteem is barely there, constantly tells me how I'm feeling. He says I make him feel worthless and constantly bring up the past, which I actually make a point of never bringing up! This is where it is difficult because I selfishly think what about me! I have done everything on my own for 6 years, when do I get to make my life about the kids and I, maybe have time to myself even just for an hour or two. I have struggled to get out of bed and go to work in the past but I was the only one there for the kids so I did. I have had enough of feeling like I have a third child. My Dad has cancer, he hasn't even asked how his appointments have gone. My Dad being sick is another thing making me anxious, I spent last week in hospital with my sick daughter and was made to feel guilty for not spending time with him. How selfish am I? How do I help him when I am getting put down? How do I stop the resentment? How do I find a balance? When is enough enough as it is affecting my mental health hugely. Thank you

Mamma_Mar How do i help my daughter long distance ???
  • replies: 9

My daughter has been diagnosed with anxiety she is visiting from Brisbane and has had two attacks , i do not know how to help her. She leaves in two days and i feel so helpless. My concern is how do i help her long distance.???

My daughter has been diagnosed with anxiety she is visiting from Brisbane and has had two attacks , i do not know how to help her. She leaves in two days and i feel so helpless. My concern is how do i help her long distance.???

BenD I want to help
  • replies: 4

Hi all, My younger bro is on the autistic spectrum (relatively mild symptoms) and sometimes it's really hard to be tolerant of his way of doing this. In our family he is known as "Mr Resister" because he resists almost every proposition and change su... View more

Hi all, My younger bro is on the autistic spectrum (relatively mild symptoms) and sometimes it's really hard to be tolerant of his way of doing this. In our family he is known as "Mr Resister" because he resists almost every proposition and change suggested to him, and questions everything. Of course,I love him to bits for his unique and refreshing way of viewing the world but sometimes it can be a bit much. E.g. my mum is away and so I spent 3 hours after uni shopping and making dinner (I'm the eldest of 5, Dad works till 7pm) and when it was all done he came in and made a cheeky comment about the quality of the food, probably not understanding the effort I had put in. I got mad when he didn't apologise and wrestled with him a bit (not anymore or any less than I would do with my other brothers) and he got upset. Dad arrived home and thought I was to blame (despite my other siblings assuring him otherwise) and so I took myself off to uni again to study (unproductively). Anyway, I later apologized for hurting my bro and he accepted it, but I still feel like he didn't appreciate how much he had upset me earlier. I didn't mean to go off at him like that but it's hard to always hold back when you just want to react. Anyone else get this way? Thanks in advance, Ben

d_93 Family member suffering from anxiety and depression
  • replies: 5

Hi all, This is my first post so i don't really no where to start or what to expect. I'm a mild anxiety sufferer who takes medication on a daily basis to keep it all under control. Anxiety and depression runs in my family. My sister suffers from depr... View more

Hi all, This is my first post so i don't really no where to start or what to expect. I'm a mild anxiety sufferer who takes medication on a daily basis to keep it all under control. Anxiety and depression runs in my family. My sister suffers from depression and my mum has been living most of her life with psychotic anxiety and depression. After 20 odd years of her suffering in December last year it got a lot for the family and my mum needed help where she was admitted into a mental health ward to get her help. Medications were changed and she was receiving ect to hopefully help her. Since then she has been in and out of the mental health unit receiving treatment but is still feeling extremely anxious. We have noticed improvements since entering but it's always a bit of a two steps forward one step back kind of thing. At home it's obvious the affect and impact this is having on us. My father is stressed and concerned, my sister is suffering from more depression and i miss my mum like crazy and just want her back to her normal, happy and talkative self. I feel anxious because i feel like everything is falling apart for us and i just don't want this to destroy our family. I feel so incredibly helpless because we are getting her the best care but she also needs to help herself (keeping in mind it is easier said than done). As this is putting a strain on our family at the end of the day i just want my mum home and back to her normal self. I want everything to go back to normal so i can spend happy times with the ones i love most. If anyone has been through something similar or has any advice i'd love to hear from you. Thank you, d.93

MW86 Unable to help wife suffering PTSD and depression/anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi, My wife is really struggling with depression and anxiety, bought on by a traumatic birth and post birth experience. My wife is very stressed as she has started a new job, and is now working full time hours again after 6 months off and 6 months 2 ... View more

Hi, My wife is really struggling with depression and anxiety, bought on by a traumatic birth and post birth experience. My wife is very stressed as she has started a new job, and is now working full time hours again after 6 months off and 6 months 2 days working, she is studying to further her career, and living in a mostly, but not fully, renovated house. She feels disorganised due to the renovation mess, and has low self esteem from the birth and breastfeeding problems, as well as from the weight gain after childbirth. She went through a program and has lost 16kg and is now back to her pre baby weight, which is amazing. But still doesnt feel right. She punishes herself for the odd occasion where she doesnt eat 'correctly'. She will not go and see professional help. And the mere suggestion of that causes arguments. Now the big issue. Im doing what I can to support her, however im a practical person. I try to fix problems. She stresses over something, and I fix it. most recent it was not having blinds in the living area of the house yet. I installed blinds. Its not enough. So she withdraws to her mothers group via the internet. There are nights where we barely talk because she is on her phone chatting away flat out with other people, just not me. She gets offended when i tell her to put her phone down. She tells me she isnt attracted to me anymore, and that intamacy is 'too hard' but complains that there isnt enough of it. Most of the problems seem to stem from errors ive made, or things i havent got to yet. When these are bought up, they are done so in what i see as an aggressive way. Which makes me defensive and causes arguments. I cant seem to do anything right. Im by no means perfect, and we argue because I have a hot head on occasion and refuse to continue to take what I see as unnecessary abuse. So there are most definitely times when I am less than helpful. I am struggling to give her the emotional support she needs while looking after myself and our young daughter. I need help in the best way to provide emotional support to her as its not something I am good at and what im currently doing isnt working. I am trying to keep a cool calm head, but feel that a lot of the time her anger is directed at me, and that its unneccesary. Im struggling to deal with that, and its making me feel more and more like I am no good, and im doing the wrong things, etc. Its starting to bring me down and that makes it harder again to support her.

Blu_Frankie Struggling mum of daughter with social anxiety
  • replies: 4

Hi, first time posting so bear with me.. I have a 15yo daughter who suffers from Social Anxiety. She left school mid year last year and has registered as homeschooling.Wev been 'unschooling' though as I can't get her motivated to actually do anything... View more

Hi, first time posting so bear with me.. I have a 15yo daughter who suffers from Social Anxiety. She left school mid year last year and has registered as homeschooling.Wev been 'unschooling' though as I can't get her motivated to actually do anything. She hates going anywhere so starting a course isn't going to happen. As she hates talking to anyone other than me or her brothers.. she's only now after 4yrs starting open up to my partner... I guess I just need advice on what I can do to help her? I hate seeing her licked away in her bedroom alone all the time. (She stays in there so she doesn't have to talk to anyone)