Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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Bipolar depression problems

replies: 2

Hi all, I have gone through a number of bouts of depression and hypomania over the last few months which is believed to be an underlying bipolar 2 which has been caused to emerge when I restarted my antidepressants. I had the worst depression ever about a month ago but with an addition of an antipsychotic plus an increase in a mood stabliser I seem to have finally come out the other side of it. However, I feel as though I am settling into the mood stabliser dose and I can feel the depression edging back. It feels so good to have life almost back to normal, so I am very hesitant to mention anything to my family, because as soon as I do, I am no longer really able to drive, work, get out and just be where I am at right now. During my last depression I was lucky to survive, but I had said to my mum, if my mood gets like this again, I am not making it through, this will be it. Last time there was an overwhelming feeling as if it was just my time to die in life and that it is so much easier than the recovery process. While my mood improved I still believed within that any drops in mood and this would be it. Right now my mood is fine, yet after a tiny bit of stress, I am already planning how to end things. I don’t know what to do and I guess I’m confused how I can feel fine but not want to live as much

Safety plans work

replies: 11

Just a quick note. Got to the last step of my safety plan on Sunday. Without it I am pretty sure I would not be writing this. I am not out of the woods yet. It's still a day by day proposition. The extension in Melbourne restrictions is taking such a personal toll that I need all the support I can get. Sunday, while actively contemplating my demise, I called a friend. She was also in a very bad way. Somehow, we managed to talk each other out of our states and promise to talk again the next day. Stay around for just one night. Was a rough night, but I had the call the next day I had to make. Since then, I have let my wife know how close I have been. I had been trying to protect her, but was almost unable to protect myself. It has been hard for her, but she is part of the reason I am still here. I have SH in the previous weeks. I had kept that from my wife as she is also struggling in these times. I feel for those that do not have a close and supportive family. Especially those in Melbourne at the moment. It is a daily struggle not to SH again. With help from family and friends I may succeed. Not being able to meet with friends is crushing. Alasdayr

Caring for unwell mother, whilst also trying to keep myself mentally well, not sure if I’m coping?

replies: 8

Hi My mother has recently been diagnosed with cancer, she is extremely tired after 4 weeks of Radiation, she’s lost about 10 kg and still not really wanting to eat although says she does want to get better? I adore her and have cried and cried so much, however I am getting better with coping and only breakdown occasionally and always in private. It’s so hard because on one hand I know how exhausted and tired she is, and on the other hand it looks as if she’s giving up, by not wanting to eat or do anything. I feel guilty at times because of the frustrating circumstances, I am realistic and know she has to die one day, but I know she doesn’t want to go yet. She is living with me at present with the hope she can go home ASAP. I am also exhausted, with 3 jobs, looking after her and the rest of the family and also all the work required to keep a household going, ie: cooking, cleaning etc. The other problem is she doesn’t want anyone else to know what’s going on, my family think she‘s having treatment for a benign condition, I don’t have anyone to be there for me and it looks like I’m being a spoilt brat when I say how exhausted I am. I don’t even know what I want or need from this forum, maybe just a way of venting my feelings and experiences. I will be by her side no matter what throughout this journey, but I’m worried now ,(after today, a particularly hard day), about my mental health, I did feel an urge to go down a familiar path of self harm to help me cope. I am constantly trying to use my DBT skills to prevent this, but I am human and can’t practice them all the time. I’ll sign off now, (trying to get an early night). Thanks for these forums and for reading my post when you can. Kindest regards Jules

So lost about 3 months now

replies: 32

Felling so..... I don't even know, had a bad 12 months , the last 3 i have had panic attacks i self-harm i get completely drunk every night i feel worse everyday now things that I thought were the only things keeping me going, the things that got me up every morning, i am finding them annoying and hard to deal with and just cant be bothered with anything anymore even the things I thought throughout the last few months despite my mood would never change but they have, what do I have left. Don't wanna hear anymore ur not urself go to a gp we all have problems

I feel really guilty and horrible.

replies: 2

I've been having intrusive thoughts about myself that I'd rather not disclose, and it's just alot. I feel so guilty even though I haven't done anything wrong. I feel like I don't deserve happiness, or to be alive. I wouldn't kill myself because I don't want to hurt the people who love me, and I'm afraid of death even though I just want this horrible feeling to be over. This particular thought has lasted for about 2ish weeks, and I'm so tired. I'm just so tired. I'm sick.

Trudging Along - Passive Suicidal Ideations, even after evaluation

replies: 5

I have been struggling for a few years now, but over the past year i have developed depression and anxiety. Been seeing a therapist and talking to my GP. Over the past 6 months I have been experiencing passive suicidal ideations. Passive suicidal ideations being me not wanting to live but not wanting to take action. They have been progressively becoming more severe. I struggle with symmetry and cleansliness ocd, and i have certain schemas that cause me to always focus on the past and future, and how my decisions will affect my oppourtunities. I always overthink every decision, i also focus on the bad parts of every situation, which can me feel bad even when things are going okay overall. There do seem to good times but when i am in a bad headspace or something the feelings are so strong. You may be wondering what i mean in the title by "even after evaluation". By this, i mean i have hope and expectations for a better future, but I dont think its worth getting to. Its not uncommon for me to think 'The things i want to experience in life are not worth the things i have to experience to get there'. In this situation, i am so glad I overthink decisions and fear missing out on oppourtunites, as it keeps me from taking action. But while i dont take action, the feelings i have are so strongly that i dont want to live. Even with me not wanting to take action, i recently walked to a highway and stood there for 10 minutes thinking about if i should lie down on the road. As a final note, i believe i have no real intentions of taking action.i just dont know how to deal with the things in daily life that make me feel this way.

I don't want to live anymore

replies: 30

I have given up. There's no reason to live. There's no joy. There's nothing

I can't exist in the world the way it is and It's getting worse

replies: 5

I can't exist in the world the way it is and It's getting worse. I loved freedom and I live in a time where the government wants to ruin your life if you continue to smoke and doesn't know how to mind it's own business, I loved smoking and 3 years on I dream about it every night. I have PSD and I can't sleep without a baseball bat under my pillow which is illegal to do now. I have fibromyalgia as well. Australia feels like a overcrowded concentration camp to me. I have untreated pain that I can't bear. I don't think it's fair that I'm forced to live In a Country that disgusts me. Counselling can't help me anymore and everything I loved in the world is gone leaving me empty a feeling nothing but resentment. I need help to be put to rest.

I am desperate

replies: 2

I don’t know where to go to express the way I’m feeling, I have struggled with my depression since I can remember. to cut a long story short, I am a mum of 3 babies 3 years and under, in a happy marriage, with plenty of support, but lots of trauma from the past and a stack of history with my mental health. I am at a point now where I feel like it hurts to live, I am dying inside. The suicidal thoughts are non stop, I am scared of myself some days, I know how I can be quite irrational and when I get into a bad episode, I lose all of my self control and i go absolutely nuts. My kids are my only reason that I wake up and carry on. But I’m so tired, I just want to close my eyes and not wake up. I’m scared of the act of actually killing myself, I’m scared of what comes after, I just want to not think about it and just die. But then I think about my babies and the people I love and I know it would destroy lives around me. It’s just hurting me everyday to breathe. To live with a heavy aching heart. I hate myself

1 step forwards. 2 back. Health, guilt and self harm

replies: 4

Hi everyone. I am pretty new here. Just looking for a bit of support as I feel I can’t turn to my family and friends. Growing up, from an early age, I strangely had a lot of friends die through cancer or other illness. I had an eating disorder for most of my early 20’s. Then a benign health condition that I have had for years (which was incorrectly diagnosed as panic attacks, but ended up with me fainting regularly and having a procedure on my heart) left me with anxiety and depression like I have never felt in my life. To be honest it’s not I even that bad of a condition to have in the scheme of things (fainting is not normal) + it’s actually quite common. But my family/friends never really seemed to care. I was told nothing was wrong and to get over it so many times. It took doctors over 10 years to diagnose. I have heard of other people having the same condition and getting diagnosed straight away. And even have seen family members of people I know with the same (untreated) condition get so freaked out and worried and cry, which worries me because I feel like it must be really bad. This has led to me freaking out over everyone’s health. If someone mentions something I wrong - particularly with their heart I go into full panic mode. I feel so anxious I could throw up. My legs feel like jelly and I can’t focus on anything but that. And I become convinced that someone is going to die. I spend so much time lying awake thinking about how I wish I could trade places with that person and bear so that they don’t have to. I wish so hard that I could make it better for them but I can’t and end up taking it out on myself through self harm. I feel so guilty that my health condition was treated when others aren’t, either through choice or because they can’t I have recurring nightmares. I don’t understand why I am still here when others aren’t. This was almost 3 years ago that it all started and I feel like I just can’t move on. Especially when I get drunk (which is very rare!) I start getting urges to self harm and panic like crazy. My poor husband has been so amazing but I feel like he can’t take me like this forever. I have been seeing a psychologist which is helping. I am on medication (but am backing off it as we are wanting to have a family), and I have been trying to meditate and journal every day. Some days I feel amazing but sometimes it is 1 step forwards and 2 back like today. any advice or help would be amazing. Does it ever end/get better?

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

Bipolar depression problems replies: 2

Safety plans work replies: 11

Caring for unwell mother, whilst also trying to keep myself mentally well, not sure if I’m coping? replies: 8

So lost about 3 months now replies: 32

I feel really guilty and horrible. replies: 2

Trudging Along - Passive Suicidal Ideations, even after evaluation replies: 5

I don't want to live anymore replies: 30

I can't exist in the world the way it is and It's getting worse replies: 5

I am desperate replies: 2

1 step forwards. 2 back. Health, guilt and self harm replies: 4