When all is lost....what can you do? Be radical (Part 2)

[white knight]

In part 1 I raised the notion of being radical, indeed any action at all, in avoiding suicidal thoughts or plans.

It is 24 years ago I made my one and only attempt on my life, one of my siblings suicided as did an uncle and my sister had an attempt as well.

I recall vividly that I had zero vision of anything other than escape. Now, much wiser, more aware and in 2008 a diagnosis of bipolar I’m able to see the warning signs. But there is two assets I possess that will guarantee I will never fall into that well again, they are-

1/ Positive thinking. I’ve attended motivation lectures, read books on how to transform from negative thinking to positive etc. Positive thinking won’t prevent depressive cycles but will help you kick start your life when coming out of those periods.

Being a positive person makes recognising negative people easy and one feels sorry for these sad souls that simply don’t enjoy life.

2/ A safety plan. Your own safety plan can be as simply as being radical in actions providing of course you let loved ones know you are ok.

A change of immediate environment is a good concept. A walk or if you are ok to do so, a drive to a beach or attend a movie. It’s all about having faith things are bad for a short time only. Once you’ve accepted same and your depressive cycle begins (or triggers), then you’ll be aware of such steps so you can avoid the suicidal path.

All this seems ..well, logical but we aren’t logical when on the way to self harm.

Now, imagine you are stranded in a small island alone. What would you do in the first 48 hours? Write SOS with rocks on a beach? Make shelter? Find water, food etc. That’s logical yes? Then such survival instincts are automatic- but instincts are absent in us when we are deeply depressed hence the need for a plan.

What do you think? Do you have a plan? Does it include important contacts like lifeline, Dads in distress or Beyondblue? Or is it worth avoidance strategies as I’ve mentioned?

TonyWK

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tony

You're right that we need to take self-protective, logical steps - so impossible to do in crises - but having the safety plan is a major help to me.
I've been using some things from my safety plan lately. I know without a doubt that if I didn't have these things written down on a safety plan, I'd never ever consider trying them in my darkest moments - I'd decide in advance that they were useless and a waste of time.

Having a safety plan for me jumps over these defence mechanisms and helps me get what I need in crises.

[Elizabeth CP]

I have been struggling badly. Combination of lots of stress & then removal of normal means of coping due to covid lockdown. I understand the need for lockdown & need the pandemic to be controlled but that doesn't stop it harming me.

I spoke to my psych re how I've been feeling & the fact that I overreact to even minor things but then are left feeling very emotional for hours. My GP is concerned re my high blood pressure caused by stress rather than anything physical.

Yesterday, something made me feel angry & upset with my husband & situation we were in. My reaction was definitely an over reaction. I decided to follow the plan recommended by my psych- I took off in the car, I'd grabbed face mask first. I'd already had a printed copy of the letter my psych had written for me to show the police if I was stopped in the glove box, I drove to a park a bit further than the 5km we are allowed to go but it gave me a safe place to park away from others & the chance to walk on my own near a lake until I calmed down & then returned home. For some reason getting away from my home environment including the streets I normally walk seemed to help I did feel guilty travelling further than I am supposed to but tried to remind myself I had the letter & my psych had told me to give the police his number if they questioned me.

My psych has also asked me to go out twice a week on my own for a couple of hours as a regular thing to help me reduce my stress levels & enable me to cope. Normally this would seem like a minor thing but in the current restrictions following these recommendations is very radical.

While my plan is very different to other people's but what it shows is how important it is to be prepared prior to needing to follow it. In my example having discussed what to do prior to the situation really helped & having prepared by putting the letter in the car meant I could go when I needed rather than having to worry about printing the letter or going & then worrying about not having evidence that I was following medical advice not trying to break the law.

The other thing is being realistic. -In my example no point in telling myself to stop getting upset, stressed & angry. Accepting that life is difficult ATM & my ability to control my emotion as much as I'd like is not good under the current circumstances means having a plan to deal with the situation was important

[Guest_1643]

Hi Elizabeth,

i liked to read about how your psych works with you to put you first - that is very caring. Self-care can seem so radical, as I think society sometimes programmes us to put ourselves last. Or that self-care is selfish. Thank you for showing us all and reminding us to be radically kind to ourselves

[ecomama]

Hi TonyWK, what a spectacularly useful thread!

Yes I would think having a plan would help alot. I haven't been suicidal for years now but there are warning signs of thinking in certain ways for me.

If i'm in extreme distress, the first thing I do is call a Helpline. The major traumas of my life have been DV & FV so 1800RESPECT has been brilliant and they have notes on myself and my family... therefore I'm put through to a trauma psych to speak with.
I may cry a LOT on the call but I always feel a ton better by the end.

So my 2nd go to is to drink cold water.

I avoid alcohol entirely as it turns the volume up on any thoughts and feelings.
I also avoid driving unless I drive straight to buy a chai latte and to the waterfront to cry, read, view the water and usually all 3 lol. I also do the latte run and park at the waterfront when I'm happy or if it's a beautiful day some times.

For me, depression was / is suppressed anger, frustration, sadness.

It's like on a spectrum for me.... depression way down left, suppression from the mid line to the left. So when I notice my feelings going left towards depression.... I do an activity that matches the feeling.

These work for me:
For anger - "Angry cleaning".... heavy cleaning housework or heavy gardening work.
For frustration - get out of the house. Take dog for walk or if safe, do the latte run.
For sadness - I journal, cry, sleep, cuddle a pet or child, text a friend, have a hot bath with Netflix on. Not all at once lol.

For any day, in any mood or in any state, I pop on the forums.

EM

[white knight]

Hi everyone, Thankyou for your contributions all of which are so valuable.

For a few years my own safety plan that I didn’t even know was one was taking the advice of my most cherished guru “Maharaji Prem Rawat “ that has many Youtube videos.

You climb the nearest hill and watch a sunset, have you ever watched a sun...set? It takes two hours, how many of us have done that.

No distractions, sit there and watch the most beautiful process, hear the birds, rest, let your tears fall.

Google

YouTube Maharaji sunset

YouTube Maharaji the perfect instrument

YouTube Maharaji appreciate

These videos ground me just like the beach, a lake with ducks or a child’s hug.

Again Thankyou for your replies, imagine how many readers will now create a safety plan from your examples

TonyWK

[white knight]

THE CORNER OF THE BUSH

Giving society a gentle push
arrived at the corner of the bush
moved fast lane aside for harmony
closer to ones own destiny

Shadow moon shines infinitely
night owls a symphony
sitting, arms in Buddha pose
allow a spider to dance upon your nose

Furry paws best caring hand
no mask needed in wonderland
no internet, no dog, no bone
all the stones are never thrown

In the corner of the bush
give society a gentle push
blending bark with your skin
protesters nearby - but they wont win

Children nearby 'hide and seek'
Strength mustered as I weep
fun and more fun echoes around
some life lived- some never found

Further and further into branches and leaves
like us- do animals grieve?
bush has no need for duck and weave
only matter- what you believe

Hark the bells of sanity
no mirror for your vanity
cyber rocks thrown from a cowards lair
I'm in the bush- no quarry there

Trip over plastic traps
cradle broken bird in your lap
send society off with that push
from the corner of the bush.......

TonyWK

[Guest_1643]

hi all thank you for sharing your self-care processes.

Tony, you nearly brought tears to my eyes... at a particularly low time in my life I went to a small country house air bnb alone - on a big farm. I sat in the barn cottage at night, (it was Summer) with a blanket and tea and watched the sun set over the beautiful expansive horizon, accross the trees, kissing the tops of the heads of the alpacas and horses, on the farm. I was alone with the universe. Watching the sun set is magical. I sat there for two hours and took it all in, and will never forget it.

[white knight]

Thankyou Sleepy

that means a lot to me.

TonyWK

[white knight]

Hi EM,

Im impressed with how you categorise your symptoms and used certain distractions according to that symptom. I’ve never done that.

In another thread (Distraction and variety) I highlight the importance of distraction but to divide those distractions up is another useful idea.

Thankyou

TonyWK