We all (?) have things that may be difficult to talk about. I had great difficulty talking about suicide with my psychologist. I could not answer the questions that were asked to me - actually, I could not talk, chose not to talk, and either stared at the floor or ceiling and really did not want to be there. I was (not) quite a mess that day.
(I was and am a person based on all of my experiences. My thoughts or what I had been told about suicide were wrong and as a consequence thought that I was weak for not being able to control myself.)
I do not know much about your thoughts on this topic or what stopped from being about to tell your therapist. And whatever it was, please know that you are not the first person to freeze or the last. Similarly, you are not a bad person because you could not tell them.
If you cannot tell your support people, perhaps an email or give them something in writing. Would that make it easier for you.
For myself ... we were eventually able to talk it through. I also had a embarrassing thing to talk about re side-effects of an AD I was prescribed. The relationship with our therapist is odd - we share our inner-most thought and secrets that we might not be able to tell our partner. And yet we also using a service. Again, for myself, given this odd relationship we have, once certain topics have been discussed other things become so so.
Please be kind to yourself and know the people also care about you, walking this journey with you.
Peace and comforting thoughts,
Tim
