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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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AGrace Music that Moves You
  • replies: 4

Hi Guys, One of the forms of therapy that I've tried, with quite a bit of success, is music therapy. So I was wanting to start a thread for what types of music people listen to: To help with Anxiety, To help with Depression, To motivate you, To help ... View more

Hi Guys, One of the forms of therapy that I've tried, with quite a bit of success, is music therapy. So I was wanting to start a thread for what types of music people listen to: To help with Anxiety, To help with Depression, To motivate you, To help you sleep, To distract you from urges or unhelpful thoughts, To help you feel less tense or stressed. So my question is what music moves you? AGrace

grungerock Finding Hope
  • replies: 24

I am an Australian male living and working in Hong Kong. 3 years ago I suffered anxiety disorder with mild depression, treated with medication with some minor therapy for 6 months. I was well for the last 3 years, until recently I had a relapsed beca... View more

I am an Australian male living and working in Hong Kong. 3 years ago I suffered anxiety disorder with mild depression, treated with medication with some minor therapy for 6 months. I was well for the last 3 years, until recently I had a relapsed because of job change - but this time it's more depression but minor anxiety. I was feeling hopeless with this relapse, I went with the same above medication but it didn't work and psychiatrist changes it. The issue is I am dwelling / worry about this sickness, I still haven't accepted and depressive symptoms are more challenging. It's like when things are so great for the last time..then "bam"....it returns. I like to hear from people around how do they cope this when it relapse and staying well. Thanks.

white knight Broke? oh that rotten feeling
  • replies: 13

I'm 58yo. When I was between 17 and 37yo I was always broke. Couldnt save a cent. I now know it was likely due to my mania. My impulsiveness saw me searching car yards for the dream car I didnt need and subsequently the better salesman sold me a car ... View more

I'm 58yo. When I was between 17 and 37yo I was always broke. Couldnt save a cent. I now know it was likely due to my mania. My impulsiveness saw me searching car yards for the dream car I didnt need and subsequently the better salesman sold me a car and the added loan for it. The loans built up and I had a real problem on my hands. I was one of those people though that always paid his bills as soon as they arrived, which left me nothing to spend on transport, social outings or sometimes- food. There were many weeks I'd live on 5 kgms of spuds, cooking chips every night or bubble and squeek. I now look back and see financial management like parenthood. Most of us grow up thinking we know automatically how to manage it. New, young parents, they often dont even read a book about parenthood and they have a child to raise. Thankfully they get support now. Whereas when a 18yo gets a job its purely their upbringing with money management that is their saving grace...or their downfall. Or in some cases like mine, mental incapacity to control impulsiveness. The modern world especially in the city doesnt help. Often couple purchase a homes and repayments are based on their dual incomes, one income goes so does their home. Banks and leading institutions lend money when they shouldnt. 30 years ago you wouldnt get a loan in many cases, now they sign you up. And we consumers cant resist that jet ski or 4WD. There are some smart ideas you can adopt. eg buying a new car? if you are going to own the car long term consider a diesel. We have owned our Hyundai i30 diesel hatch for 6 years and travelled 270,000 kms. After 25,000 kms we saved $30 a tank having repaid the $2500 for a diesel. So we are now ahead around $9,000 and the car will last longer than a petrol car. A friend of ours purchased a 4WD and wont ever take it off road. We can travel 3 times further on one tank. That is one answer. But a financial advisor is the expert we should seek when we slide off the rails. Depression will get much worse when the pressure of debts come home to roost. It is very common. One of my previous professions was debt collection. When the tow truck arrives to tow a car away, the owners can get hostile and upset. I could see that my arrival was the arrival they would always dread. With depression you have erratic days in terms of health. You cant predict the return of those bad days or worse - hospitalsation. Income becomes effected. Give yourself the best chance. Seek help to sort it out

check-in_chick My check in
  • replies: 14

Hello everyone, I am new here and looking for a little daily support to help me to recover and stay well. I have recently been discharged from my second hospital admission in 3 months for depression that led to a suicide attempt. I have spent more ti... View more

Hello everyone, I am new here and looking for a little daily support to help me to recover and stay well. I have recently been discharged from my second hospital admission in 3 months for depression that led to a suicide attempt. I have spent more time in hospital than out in recent months and now that I am out in the real world I find I'm missing my daily check-in and group support. So this is my check in for this morning. I feel a bit teary but with the sort of tears that won't come. I feel tired and sleepy and a little drained. I had a psycho therapy session yesterday and I was surprised at how drained it left me. It wasn't too heavy duty but I felt extremely emotional at times over past incidents that I haven't cried over for a while. Today I have a headache and finding it hard to get started. Despite all of that I feel safe. I don't like how I feel today but I will cope without resorting to self destructive activities. I will try to remain present and take very small steps in my recovery. Thanks for listening and any words of support are most welcome. R

Asche Fish out of water
  • replies: 5

Really, this is just whining compared to the legitimate grievances most people on the forums have, but it's been frustrating me for a while and I feel like venting. And who knows? Maybe it'll even be pertinent to others out there. I've had depression... View more

Really, this is just whining compared to the legitimate grievances most people on the forums have, but it's been frustrating me for a while and I feel like venting. And who knows? Maybe it'll even be pertinent to others out there. I've had depression for a good portion of my life. Almost half, in fact, although at my tender age that only rounds out to 10 years or so, give or take a few depending on where you draw the diagnostic lines. To give a little context, I had my first MDE and suicide ideations at 8, and it's been an on-again, off-again tale of whirlwind abusive romance with depression ever since. I spent the majority of those years undiagnosed; as a child I didn't really have the option, as a teenager I hated and feared everyone too much to drag myself to therapy (not to mention that damnable pride), and my parents are from a different age and place, where the entire concept is foreign. I was finally forced to cave two years ago when the 3rd MDE hit during my HSC. It was probably one of the best things that could've happened to me. Thanks to a few lifestyle changes (university is several thousand times less tedious than high school and regular exercise is pretty fantastic as well) and a decent therapist, I've been making progress ever since. Sluggishly, slowly, yes but progress nonetheless. I'm still bonded to the black dog, but rather than trailing in its wake, I'm the one who chooses where I go now. It's still there, but at least this time round I'm the one doing the dragging. It can (and does) slow me down, but at least I'm moving forward now. I've seen the light of the tunnel and have for a good two or so months. I don't know if I'll ever get there, if I can ever get there, but I'm closer to it than I've ever been. So why "fish out of water"? I've been pushing my life forward and recently it seems to have shifted in a big way. I've always been on top of things academically and where professionalism is required, my perfectionism keeps me up to par. Like so many others, the social sector is where I falter. Yet these recent changes are forcing me to work on precisely that. I've had depression for a long time. Anxiety too. They are old, malevolent companions, and I know how to deal with them. I know how to endure their influence and the pain they cause. I can move forward despite the burden they present, slowly but surely. For the sake of my goals, I can do anything. Will do anything. But friends? I haven't the foggiest where to begin.

white knight Different values and their effects
  • replies: 7

It's subjective to the extreme. Everyone has different values on everything be it life, family, friends, ...everything. Had a friend at our house a while back. She commented that her friend is really lazy. She then mentioned she believed she was lazy... View more

It's subjective to the extreme. Everyone has different values on everything be it life, family, friends, ...everything. Had a friend at our house a while back. She commented that her friend is really lazy. She then mentioned she believed she was lazy because "she sleeps in till 11am every morning". So does my wife and I. But I let that comment go. And the reason we should let others make their comments without too much scrutiny is because we should be, to a degree, tolerant. For the sake of peace and general harmony. You can though, pick the judgmental person clearly if you arent too judgmental yourself. Judging someone laziness based on their sleeping pattern is a bit rich. My wife and I like TV shows that are on late at night. That friend of our friend works afternoon shift. and so on. Some are early birds, some not. So what effect do different values have on our mental health? Does being over judgmental display a negative attitude that could hinder recovery? Does negative thoughts and judgmental stance contribute to a tormented mind? so many questions and so few answers. When in recovery you really want to give your life its best chance to not only recover but remain recovered to the best of your ability. It could mean sacrifices. Today, after 6 years I deactivated my Facebook. It was a hard decision. So many friends on there that I know will no longer choose to email me instead, or phone. But following two major instances of bullying, several instances of my own mania dictating my over reactions in social clubs and being caught up in silly comments enough was enough. But more importantly it was time to cut it out of my life as part of my ongoing quest for better chance of recovery. You simply cant have the attitude that recovery is when your medication is ok or you are feeling good for a while. It has to be ongoing. Just like working on a marriage that had broken down. Why should your mental health be any different? You have to keep the effort going, constantly reviewing, always looking at ways to help yourself. Everyone has different values, see life in their own eyes. Everyone has a right to these values. It's part of being free. It only becomes a problem when you judge others by their values too often and too harshly when it alters ones harmony of mind away from any positivity that could be achieved. Extra tolerance of other people, greater acceptance for others values could allow you mind to free up clutter so you can recover better. Hope it helps. Tony

white knight The weighing scale effect on friendships
  • replies: 8

Thirty years ago I was walking along Sydney Road Brunswick. It was 40 degrees. A lady with 3 kids, one a baby, had a flat tyre on her car. I was, due to the heat, reluctant to help her but that soon passed. Before you know it the sweat was running do... View more

Thirty years ago I was walking along Sydney Road Brunswick. It was 40 degrees. A lady with 3 kids, one a baby, had a flat tyre on her car. I was, due to the heat, reluctant to help her but that soon passed. Before you know it the sweat was running down my back as I changed her wheel for the spare. At the end of the task she boarded the driver's seat and drove off. No thank you came. That disgruntled feeling remained in me about that incident for 25 years until I mentioned it on afternoon radio to an announcer. He replied- "did you do it for the thankyou or did you do it to help the stranded lady out?" It was a good point, I'd never viewed it that way. For the first time in my life I reflected about my family's attitude of "if I do this for you, you should do that for me". And furthermore I began to observe this trait in myself further and in my family members. Before long I listened to one family member say "I've rang you 4 times and you've only rang me once" and another "I gave you a birthday gift worth $80 and yours to me was only worth $20. I'd realised that this weighing scale of comparison had been in my family seemingly forever. I had, prior to this event so many years ago, used the same argument on my friends. "I've visited you 5 times last year and you only came to my place once and then it was only to borrow a tool". Do you have a weighing scale in your head? If so, it could be causing you a lot of unhappiness because you will never get it weighing equally. People have different lifestyles, commitments, work obligations, hobbies, friendship and family priorities and chores. It is an area we should not judge too harshly. But then again there are exceptions and that is for you to decide. Mental illness can come with (speaking from experience) annoying thoughts that are exploded in your mind. Comparing others with your own routine, likeness for others, needs and priorities is not fair and can easily push people away. Friends under pressure to visit you when told they should might not be keen to bow to such pressure. Friendship is a fluid thing, for people to come when they feel like it. When under the cloud that follows us around we can become demanding due to disappointment of others. Of course if the friendship is never strong it will not last. But better to have a distant friend that might one day transform to a close one than pushing them away only for them not to want to see you at all. I've done that and I regret it. Dont force conditions on friends.

helpmeplease listening to music
  • replies: 10

sitting here 5.20 am keeping an eye on all my new friends( I feel like you are all my friends) even though we have never met. listening to my normal music. These songs play over and over night after night. there meanings to me all differ but all help... View more

sitting here 5.20 am keeping an eye on all my new friends( I feel like you are all my friends) even though we have never met. listening to my normal music. These songs play over and over night after night. there meanings to me all differ but all help in there own way. you see my music is like therapy for me. songs like 'just give me a reason', 'mad world' 'someday never comes' and 'standing on the outside' are just a few of my favourites. and depending on my mood is how each song makes me feel. I feel as though I can relate to so many of the songs in so many ways. 90% make me cry but then again so does 90% of my life. right now im listening to 'somebody I used to know' and oh its like the singer has stepped into my shoes for this song. big thanks to GA and Suzbj for keeping me company on here tonight. I don't feel half as bad now thankyou. hanging in there, HMP

white knight Realism, you are what you are. It's your nature
  • replies: 6

For those that havent heard of the short story. It was told on the mini series with Nicole Kidman called "The Bangkok Hilton A scorpion wanted to cross a river. He couldnt find a way. Along came a frog so the scorpion that would normall sting and kil... View more

For those that havent heard of the short story. It was told on the mini series with Nicole Kidman called "The Bangkok Hilton A scorpion wanted to cross a river. He couldnt find a way. Along came a frog so the scorpion that would normall sting and kill the frog asked the frog if he could ride on the frogs back to get to the other side. The frog refused "you'll sting me and I'll die when we get to the other side" said the frog. The scorpion pledged he would do that and promised. Finally the frog gave in and the ride went ahead. Just as the frog got to the other side the scorpion stung the frog. As the frog was dying the forg asked- "you stung me and you promised with all of your heart and honour that you wouldnt. "arhh, said the scorpion....but it is my nature" With all the changes we try to implement in our lives tackling our mental conditions I wonder how much we are trying to change that is in our DNA that shouldnt be focussed upon for change. How much of you isnt right? How much is personality and how much is illness? Do you trade some of yourself in order to become well? Do you lose yourself amongst the changes that are made in your quest for inner peace? Sometime ago I had gone through a bad time, for a few months. I was taking medication and it began to work. I was getting therapy and that was working also. Then a friend told me "You might feel like you are improving but I still see the same confused guy as always, the guy that is loud when it suits him and a bit over the top". He could have kicg hit me and I'd preferred it. Such was that comment that I recall so vividly. I dont see him now. What occured was that my friend attacked what I believed to be my personality and not my mental well being and progress. I'm known to be loud when happy, tell jokes and my laugh can be loud. So lets take this a step further hypothetically. If I seek change so much so that my loud laugh goes away....have I helped myself? or have I robbed myself of part of my personality to "get well" eg under so much medication I am no longer me? I'm not advocating reducing your medication in any way. What I'm asking is, at what point do you (if you do) start to lose your personality? Can you keep all of your "nature" of what is your nature and what is there that seems like your personality but is there due to your illness. It appears to me that many of us are criticised for our behaviour because we are mentally ill but all along it is not outside normal boundaries of character.

white knight Feeding your brain
  • replies: 1

You brain is an organ, an amazing piece of ...whatever its is made up of to make it think. I'm no brain surgeon (rocket scientist maybe) but we have consciousness and subconsciousness and all I know is that by feeding it information you think differe... View more

You brain is an organ, an amazing piece of ...whatever its is made up of to make it think. I'm no brain surgeon (rocket scientist maybe) but we have consciousness and subconsciousness and all I know is that by feeding it information you think differently. And that is a vague example of my lack of expertise. Here on BB forums we have often talked about positivity. I'm a believer of this. I have had, in recent weeks become aware of latest research that says that being positive too much when in deep depression, can lead someone into false hope, then disappointment which can lead to the depression being worse. That aside positive thinking works sometimes so we should embrace it whenever we can. I went shopping today. I leapt out of our car to walk 40 metres to the supermarket. Just as I alighted the vehicle an old lady was pushing her trolley to return it to the store. (we dont need coins to return it as this town is too small). I offered to push it back for her allowing her to leave it to me. I thought about this simple gesture. It's effect on me. I felt good, I felt proud and above all I might have set in place an old persons faith in humanity. Effectively I was "feeding my brain". How far can this self brainwashing go? Now that's a question. It can go to great lengths. We can actually program our brains, flood it with good deeds that can alter you perception of your worthiness. How often on this forum have we read that someone doesnt feel "worthy", low self esteem etc.? What can they do about it? Feed the brain might be one answer. And the answers I'm suggesting like good deeds and there are others I'll suggest shortly, are genuinely good things to do for other people. So there isnt any cost. Could simple tasks you do for others subconsciously feed the brain to relieve the effects of depression or self worth without you realising it? Some other actions that can feed the brain could be- - a reward for restraint. eg a small chocolate bar for a week of dieting ( a common action) - voluntary work. (I believe my attendance here this year has fed my brain of the feeling of worth.) - replying to posts here. Often new posters here take advice and return the good will by helping others - talking to yourself in positive ways. You have just had a small accident. "So glad I didnt get hurt" Feeding your brain of positive comments. It works. You might know of other things to help yourself think better.