If there is one story that defines what goes on inside me -
then it is this. It is reproduced from my martial arts blog:
"This next piece is going to be a confession of sorts.
Honesty that is not usually spoken out loud but takes place
in all of us at some stage.
The situation took place recently. My instructor stood at
the front of the class with his highest ranks next to him. I was one of them.
He announced to the class that there were some brown belts looking at black
belt and how excited he was at the prospect. The black belt on my left nudged
me, as if to say the instructor was talking about me. I looked at him and shook
my head as if to say, "No he doesn't mean me."
Hang on, why not?
And where did that
negativity come from?
Then I thought maybe
I am my own worst enemy when it comes to backing my judgement and belief in
myself. Maybe I am holding myself back from going to the next level. Maybe
focusing on what I have achieved is stopping me from what I can achieve in the
future. Ouch, that’s ego. Surely not me. Surely after 30 years plus of training
I would possess the tenacity of a lion when it comes to achievement in any
martial art.
What happened was the
‘human’ side of me surfaced. The voice of the teenager who originally started
martial arts to become confident still sits in there. Refusing to admit that
this alter ego no longer exists is the same as believing that your instructor
was always a black belt. Everyone struggles. Everyone has self doubt. Those who
stick with their struggles overcome them in the long run. It is just a matter
of time.
The Rain Dance
Researchers some time
ago heard about a tribe in Africa that had a 100% success rate with their rain
dance. Other tribes recorded a 50/50 success rate (sometimes it rained,
sometimes it didn’t!) When they tracked down this tribe, they looked at the
type of dance, the location, the words they used and everything they did in
their particular ritual. Everything matched what other tribes did. They found
no reason to have such an incredible record. Then one variable surfaced that
made all the difference. They danced UNTIL it rained.
So as humans wanting
to achieve, it seems we underestimate the power of Osu No Seishin –
Perseverance Under Pressure.
So what now?
Keep moving. The
confidence and calmness that you desire lies on the other side of difficulty.
Your instructors job
is to present that difficulty. Your job is to confront it."
