Support
Support

Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

Start a conversation

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Categories
Start a conversation

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

All discussions

Start a conversation

Eek Gender identity
  • replies: 3

Ok, I have an issue. I get extremely annoyed and agitated at this movement of gender identity. Now, I wish I was more accepting, but when people start saying there is more than 2 genders, it really pisses me off. I have never questioned my own gender... View more

Ok, I have an issue. I get extremely annoyed and agitated at this movement of gender identity. Now, I wish I was more accepting, but when people start saying there is more than 2 genders, it really pisses me off. I have never questioned my own gender, never even crossed my mind. I am a male, not by choice, but because of my chromosomal make up-mainly that I have an XY chromosome, rather than XX means I am biologically a male. I am not stereotypical male, Im not particularly masculine, or anything like that. If anything, I have never felt like I fit in with what some people consider a man. HOWEVER, I dont doubt I am a man, because of the fact I have XY. Additionally, I thought the societal representations of what men and women were; gender roles for example, was wrong and that it is wrong to have gender roles in society. And yet, people are basing their genders on these out dated forms of what a female and a male should be. I am not against acting however you want, but why is there such a huge importance placed on identifying yourself as a certain gender? Your gender doesn't define you as much as you would like to think it is. I have seen so many videos explaining different genders, and some of them sound the EXACT same as another gender. Stop defining everything and just live how ever you want to live. Not everybody needs to know your gender either, if you look like a man and I call you a man in public, dont say I misgendered you (if you dont identify as a man), I cant tell how you FEEL/THINK you should be identified as. THank you for coming to my ted talk. Any advice on how to deal with this, or anyone that would be willing to explain (deeper than just feelings), of why this is etc?

Billiee The Moment of Realisation
  • replies: 3

Hi Beautiful People, Coming out is a very different experience for everyone for various reasons which can be positive and negative. But I'd like to hear about your 'light bulb' moments and when you were able to look back and think 'ohhh this is why i... View more

Hi Beautiful People, Coming out is a very different experience for everyone for various reasons which can be positive and negative. But I'd like to hear about your 'light bulb' moments and when you were able to look back and think 'ohhh this is why i felt jealous of my best friend making new friends or this is why I used to become introvert in the girls locker room'. I say ask this because I have found peace and clarity in thinking back to those moments with the knowledge I have today and knowing that I wasn't crazy, It was just at that time in life I hadn't grown into my true self yet. Billiee xx

Bowie_Fandom_64 Questioning my gender
  • replies: 1

Hello everyone! I need some help. I'm a biological female, but recently I've been questioning that. I'm thinking i might be gender fluid, but I'm honestly really confused. Please help me out! I know i need to make this decision for myself, but i woul... View more

Hello everyone! I need some help. I'm a biological female, but recently I've been questioning that. I'm thinking i might be gender fluid, but I'm honestly really confused. Please help me out! I know i need to make this decision for myself, but i would really appreciate some advice. Love you!

starfish123 Marraige
  • replies: 5

Hello everyone, I am pretty new at this. I am in my late 20's and a single female. My family are very traditional, and would have liked me to be married in my early 20's. I have been in relationships with three men and two women. I had always known I... View more

Hello everyone, I am pretty new at this. I am in my late 20's and a single female. My family are very traditional, and would have liked me to be married in my early 20's. I have been in relationships with three men and two women. I had always known I was attracted to women, but I never intended to act on it. The two women I was with kind of just happened.. wasn't my intention. I know that the relationships with men didn't feel as strong, but I still am attracted to men and feel I will end up marrying a guy as that's what my family want. They don't know I've been with women. And I'd love to "follow my heart" and be with a woman but I honestly don't see that happening in my future. Is marrying a man something I may regret.. I feel depressed and anxious as my family want me to settle down already, and are putting gentle pressure on me..

DownDad Not trans enough or not woman enough
  • replies: 6

Hi All, I am a trans woman, well at least that is how I currently identify. I am really struggling with not be trans/woman enough. I look like a man and everyone identifies me as a man. I have a deep voice and dont know how to fix that. I do try to p... View more

Hi All, I am a trans woman, well at least that is how I currently identify. I am really struggling with not be trans/woman enough. I look like a man and everyone identifies me as a man. I have a deep voice and dont know how to fix that. I do try to present female but then people just look at me weird. I am not talkative enough, not that all woman are talkative. I dont have friends, again not exclusive to one gender. I just dont feel like I fit in with either binary gender and I dont feel there is a middle. I am 38 and I know there is not much hope for me but I am still transitioning.

Leo8 Married, gay? Confused
  • replies: 17

I’ve been married for many years and have three kids. I love my wife and children but think about being with men. I thought I could carry on as normal and deal with this but I’m finding with increasing work stress that I’m not coping with anything at... View more

I’ve been married for many years and have three kids. I love my wife and children but think about being with men. I thought I could carry on as normal and deal with this but I’m finding with increasing work stress that I’m not coping with anything at the moment and I’m finding it hard to isolate what the real cause of my anxiety is.

hellootheree how am I supposed to know my sexuality...?
  • replies: 3

hi again, I'm 15 year old girl and only a year ago I discovered I was bisexual. I'm pretty comfortable with telling people this so my whole family knows aswell as my close friends. I've kind of only recently been questioning it again, I barely ever h... View more

hi again, I'm 15 year old girl and only a year ago I discovered I was bisexual. I'm pretty comfortable with telling people this so my whole family knows aswell as my close friends. I've kind of only recently been questioning it again, I barely ever have much of an attraction to guys. I've had crushes on girls and that sort of stuff but it's hard for me to come to terms with possibly being a lesbian. Maybe it's internalised homophobia because I am honestly kind of scared of identifying with it. Am I omnisexual? pan? I have no idea someone help please

Independent The marriage that never happened
  • replies: 8

I am unsure whether I should start this but this issue has been bugging me for years and lately I have been cursing God for it. I am a life long Christian but not a Bible basher. My faith has carried me through a lot of dark times in my life. I may n... View more

I am unsure whether I should start this but this issue has been bugging me for years and lately I have been cursing God for it. I am a life long Christian but not a Bible basher. My faith has carried me through a lot of dark times in my life. I may need to make a number of posts before I am finished. I hope a mental health professional will get involved in this issue with me. Ok, so here goes. Ever since I was a young person I have always wanted to get married and have kids. In my head I planned for nothing else. My parents couldn't understand why I didn't pursue relationships nor even have sexual interests. You see I am female but it hasn't always been that way - I had a choice to make. I was pushed through puberty with hormone injections as nothing was happening. My Dad wanted a boy my mind and body said otherwise. So the thought of marrying a girl seemed rather wrong to me because of my faith - girl on girl just didn't seem right for me. Also sex before marriage seemed wrong. I was brought up as a very conservative Christian so sex just didn't figure into my thinking at all. I am still somewhat traditional in my beliefs but I believe each to their own. I love Church and wanted to do the 'right' thing. For me, as a female marrying another female just couldn't happen either - at least in my head. I have no regrets of being who I am - it is the most natural thing in the world but I find not being able to marry and have kids and having not being able to have a normal life just eats away at me most weeks. I was able to keep the thoughts at bay by keeping busy with study and my nursing but now at 63 this lack of kids just doesn't go away. I blame God that there are no adults kids of mine to visit me, no grand children, no memories of love affairs or marriage. Outside of Nursing I had no reason to exist and now I am not nursing that seems more so. It is like I wonder why God even made me - what was the point of my life? I am still very much faithful to my Christianity but God gets a battering from me every week. I still pray and read my devotional and use my Lutheran Hymnal but I just can't understand why God would do this. I love who I am - I can't imagine being anyone else but the lack of memories of love and children is so hard to bear. I have one consolation in that I trained in midwifery and brought kids into this world. They would in their 20s now. I feel a bit better for getting this out. But that lack of kids is still depressing.

lunamaree7 best friend knows i'm bisexual?!?
  • replies: 5

i am female 18yrs old. i have recently accepted and discovered i am bisexual. still dealing with internalized homophobia but most of us here do. i am out to a few accepting friends and my gay brother. my best friend of 10 years is religious and prett... View more

i am female 18yrs old. i have recently accepted and discovered i am bisexual. still dealing with internalized homophobia but most of us here do. i am out to a few accepting friends and my gay brother. my best friend of 10 years is religious and pretty conservative in most ways. she pretends to accept and has other gay/lesbian ect. friends but i don't think she's actually an ally like i think she thinks being gay isn't like real like people just think they are gay or something (hopefully that makes sense lol). obviously i havn't told her because if she doesn't accept then i don't know what i will do without her, i've relied on her being there and being essentially my soulmate so if i tell her and she gets weird about it, distances from me... i don't know what i will do. and I KNOW that you shouldn't keep someone around that doesn't accept or they aren't a real friend if they don't support. like i would be happy not telling her and just hiding my whole life (well not happy the thought of not being able to tell her or hide who i am makes me cri but you know what i mean) but she's been weird lately. she's been acting quite suspicious like she KNOWS!! she searched something on my tiktok and i know my recent searches were lesbian and bisexual (to be fair, i was trying to find a video i knew had that tag so nothing actually gay there lol). she's made a comment about me being so gay but she knows im straight, like almost passive aggressive?? also one of her friends didn't tell her she was bisexual and found out therough a mutual and she got really mad at her for not coming out to her??! like wtf that's not how it works sweetie. i think she didn't come out to her because she isn't accepting or homophobic, but i think she hides it well or something because i can't remember her being like ew gays or anything. today i showed her some pride doc martens i want to die and she's like wow youre such a good ally you might as well be gay haha. it's not weird for me to be liek that, she knows im an ally (was, now i gay bois) and very liberal and accepting. so yeah a few times she's said some weird things where im like OMG she KNOWS! she's acting so sus!! and when she says it its almost like she wants to catch me up?!

Star_Gazer Since the moment I could talk, I was ordered to listen....
  • replies: 6

I'm new to the group and joined as I felt it was time to allow myself to talk openly about me within a space I feel safe. Up until this point the only people I have shared this is my psychologist and my wife. My situation, I have been unsure of mysel... View more

I'm new to the group and joined as I felt it was time to allow myself to talk openly about me within a space I feel safe. Up until this point the only people I have shared this is my psychologist and my wife. My situation, I have been unsure of myself since I was a young teen; I have a few decades on that now. As a young man I was very confused about my gender but knew and accepted myself as male. During this period if not for my mother I probably would not be writing this today. Growing up feeling the way I did with an alcoholic father with very unpleasant views of individuals who did not conform to the 'normal' binary way of things was not easy. I found I had to put up barriers to push what I felt inside away so as to feel like I conformed to my fathers views. Ironically many years later, it was discovered that my body did not produce (or at least very little) Testosterone and I had obviously been this way for a very long time. At this point in time I was started on HRT for Testosterone. Although this treatment helped with symptoms akin to chronic fatigue it did absolutely nothing to help my confusion. For some reason for years I felt I had to continue to undergo treatment so as to conform. Approximately 1 year ago I lost my Mum to Suicide. This hit me very hard (not the topic of discussion; however) but what I found very unexpected is because I have been able to let go of the mental hold my father had over me, things I had not thought about in years are coming to the surface. I recognised very quickly that I needed help and I sort out the help of a psychologist. I guess where I find myself is in a situation where I feel like I am in conflict with my own shell intensified by a medication I am being given to "help". I am seeing my Endocrinologist soon to discuss my situation; my last visit it was actually recommended to consider coming off the medication soon. I have spent a lot of time thinking about how I see 'me'; and I guess what I have come to is I have no uncertainty about my sexuality and no desire to change. Where things diverge is I see myself as very much more feminine and always have, just felt like I had to hide it. There are some physical aspects of myself I struggle to deal with. The purpose of my post was simply to metaphorically shout from the roof tops 'this is me and I'm ok with it'. My wife has been my rock and has been there for me and has said she always knew I was a little different. Thanks for listening

As an organisation that supports people from across Australia, Beyond Blue acknowledges the Traditional Owners and Custodians of Country and their continuing connection to land, waters and community. We pay respect to Elders past and present.

First Nations Peoples are advised that this website may include reference to and images of deceased persons.

Beyond Blue is committed to safe inclusive spaces, policies and services for people of LGBTIQ+ communities and their families.

Helpful information

Stay in touch

Sign up below for regular emails from Beyond Blue, filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.

Stay in touch

Talk it through with us, we'll point you in the right direction.

Call 1300 224 636

24 hours / 7 days a week

Chat Online

24 hours / 7 days a week

Email us

Get a reply in 24 hours

Copyright © 2026 Beyond Blue Ltd

All rights reserved

Contact us Terms of use Privacy policy Site map