Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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Being Gay and trapped in Religion.

replies: 1

Hey All. well this is a new and daunting step for me. My name is Jack and I live in far western NSW. I was bought up in a Catholic household. Attended Catholic schooling and went to single sex schools. I had and have nothing but good thoughts about my faith. I do honestly believe in something and have just cut out “the institution” of church because honestly, their negativity against the community is unnecessary. so it’s between God and I. I can still attend mass and feel good. I do however, still feel there is a block in me to complete self acceptance. To truly believe that I am ok and loveable. I guess that little voice in my head is still there and the feeling of guilt or shame is still there because the church still preaches that it’s wrong. why is this an issue, well because I cut myself off from people, I’m terrified people will k ow and so I still “hide” in plain sight. many of my gay friends tell me to give up religion and walk away because it’s evil and hate fuelling etc and I get how they have that feeling but I don’t see or feel that so that leaves me on my own not connected to the gay community hiding in the catholic one I’ve spoken to Psychologists etc but no one really knows how to move forward does anyone know of any churches I can follow or be a part of? resources I can read I am lonely and alone and I don’t know how to move forward

Don't know who I am?

replies: 1

Hi, For a very long time I have struggled with my sexuality. I have always been attracted to women and have been in relationships with mainly women and the odd relationship with men (opposite sex). I have never been in love the only love I feel is for my two young children. I have not been in a relationship for over 6 years and don't feel the need to be in one either, I struggle with intimacy which is generally what causes breakdowns when in relationships. I often think I'm asexual as intimacy is something I don't really care for but companionship is something I wish I had. The few times I thought about possibly wanting a relationship I struggle as I know the other person will want to have that intimacy which I can not give. I am feeling lost as to who I am and what I want I feel like my only description I can give to people is I'm a mum and cannot describe anything else as I have no idea who I am or what I want. I crave a companion but feel that is something I will not find.

Trying to navigate friendships with my confusing identity

replies: 1

I am a 20yo AMAB on the spectrum and, long story short, the newer experiences I've had in only the past few years have led me to realising more about myself and at this point I consider myself to be nonbinary, borderline ace. Amongst those experiences is the opportunity to make friends of a wider range of gender identities (compared to the single sex male environment of high school) and I've found that I identify more with my feminine-presenting peers. Cutting to the chase, I'm envious of the way they interact amongst each other; the platonic, openly supportive relationships I observe amongst my female friends. These are friendships I see value in building towards but as long as I am still uncomfortable with my gender expression and sense of self they all stagnate around the 'friendly acquaintances' zone. I constantly feel like there are things I can't do or say even as other people are doing literally exactly that already. I feel like part of that is my inability to actually do so confidently (deep voice, making facial expressions) and the idea that hearing it from a male would somehow come across differently just because (my form is definitely more masculine than I want it to be). I especially don't want to come across as a man trying to invade women's spaces. Particularly since I don't identify as a man to begin with nor am I sexually interested. Lockdown has only made it worse since i haven't seen any of such friends in over five months now, nor have I had a chance to experiment with self expression to reflect how I identify. Even trying to reach out to them and suggesting making a time to hang out is yet another thing I feel unconfident with. I actually thought I was getting somewhere with improving in the months leading upto lockdown but the rug got pulled out from under me so I'm back to square one it feels like. I can provide more context if needed, but basically how should I think about navigating this feeling of not fitting in and doubting my ability to do so?

Going forward, uncertain.

replies: 10

So being a 49 year old male, always known I was gay but never wanted to accept it and fought hard to deny it. Married for 25 years to the most beautiful person in the world and have 3 incredible children who are well grown up, and am extremely proud of. Could not give my everything to my wife from a love point of view, even though I love her and always will. Over the years became more and more distant and eventually, 6 months ago, brought it out. And we had both known for 25 years and both wanted to deny it. So moved out staying alone, feel awkward around family and just simply don’t want to see or talk to anyone. It’s weird and hurts at times. Work keeps me sane and completely immerse myself in work and love it. Don’t want anyone else to know and only a very few do. So my question is, does this ever get better, how can I stop hurting the ones I love, and what is best for the family , for them?

Whats up with my gender?

replies: 3

Hey everyone! lately, I've been feeling pretty weird and uncomfortable with my gender (cis woman) and I was hoping to get some advice about how to go about this. I'm not experiencing any sort of dysphoria and I don't feel as though I'm the opposite gender. And I say lately but honestly, I've been feeling this way, or more of a watered-down version of this, since I was 15 (I'm 20 now.) For some context, I was diagnosed with BPD and Depression when I was 16 and have been in and out of hospital since then for self-harm/suicide attempts and not eating. I identify as a pansexual cis woman and have since I was 15. I'm a left-leaning communist and a pretty radical feminist, of course, I am 10000% in support of trans rights and the rights of every other gender out there. Honestly, I just feel kind of wrong about my gender, or that something is missing, I feel almost empty (in regards to my gender) like there should be something more. I often feel that my gender isn't enough or it doesn't fit me right. This is causing me to feel even more depressed than I do with my BPD and actual Depression. So what's up with this? Seeking helpful advice, Happy Hippie.

Gender identity

replies: 3

Ok, I have an issue. I get extremely annoyed and agitated at this movement of gender identity. Now, I wish I was more accepting, but when people start saying there is more than 2 genders, it really pisses me off. I have never questioned my own gender, never even crossed my mind. I am a male, not by choice, but because of my chromosomal make up-mainly that I have an XY chromosome, rather than XX means I am biologically a male. I am not stereotypical male, Im not particularly masculine, or anything like that. If anything, I have never felt like I fit in with what some people consider a man. HOWEVER, I dont doubt I am a man, because of the fact I have XY. Additionally, I thought the societal representations of what men and women were; gender roles for example, was wrong and that it is wrong to have gender roles in society. And yet, people are basing their genders on these out dated forms of what a female and a male should be. I am not against acting however you want, but why is there such a huge importance placed on identifying yourself as a certain gender? Your gender doesn't define you as much as you would like to think it is. I have seen so many videos explaining different genders, and some of them sound the EXACT same as another gender. Stop defining everything and just live how ever you want to live. Not everybody needs to know your gender either, if you look like a man and I call you a man in public, dont say I misgendered you (if you dont identify as a man), I cant tell how you FEEL/THINK you should be identified as. THank you for coming to my ted talk. Any advice on how to deal with this, or anyone that would be willing to explain (deeper than just feelings), of why this is etc?

The Moment of Realisation

replies: 3

Hi Beautiful People, Coming out is a very different experience for everyone for various reasons which can be positive and negative. But I'd like to hear about your 'light bulb' moments and when you were able to look back and think 'ohhh this is why i felt jealous of my best friend making new friends or this is why I used to become introvert in the girls locker room'. I say ask this because I have found peace and clarity in thinking back to those moments with the knowledge I have today and knowing that I wasn't crazy, It was just at that time in life I hadn't grown into my true self yet. Billiee xx

Questioning my gender

replies: 1

Hello everyone! I need some help. I'm a biological female, but recently I've been questioning that. I'm thinking i might be gender fluid, but I'm honestly really confused. Please help me out! I know i need to make this decision for myself, but i woul... View more

Marraige

replies: 5

Hello everyone, I am pretty new at this. I am in my late 20's and a single female. My family are very traditional, and would have liked me to be married in my early 20's. I have been in relationships with three men and two women. I had always known I was attracted to women, but I never intended to act on it. The two women I was with kind of just happened.. wasn't my intention. I know that the relationships with men didn't feel as strong, but I still am attracted to men and feel I will end up marrying a guy as that's what my family want. They don't know I've been with women. And I'd love to "follow my heart" and be with a woman but I honestly don't see that happening in my future. Is marrying a man something I may regret.. I feel depressed and anxious as my family want me to settle down already, and are putting gentle pressure on me..

Not trans enough or not woman enough

replies: 6

Hi All, I am a trans woman, well at least that is how I currently identify. I am really struggling with not be trans/woman enough. I look like a man and everyone identifies me as a man. I have a deep voice and dont know how to fix that. I do try to present female but then people just look at me weird. I am not talkative enough, not that all woman are talkative. I dont have friends, again not exclusive to one gender. I just dont feel like I fit in with either binary gender and I dont feel there is a middle. I am 38 and I know there is not much hope for me but I am still transitioning.

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

Being Gay and trapped in Religion. replies: 1

Don't know who I am? replies: 1

Trying to navigate friendships with my confusing identity replies: 1

Going forward, uncertain. replies: 10

Whats up with my gender? replies: 3

Gender identity replies: 3

The Moment of Realisation replies: 3

Questioning my gender replies: 1

Marraige replies: 5

Not trans enough or not woman enough replies: 6