Experimenting while married

[MamaBB]

Hello all!
This is my first time asking for support regarding my sexuality & the possibility of exploring.
I have known for many years that I have been attracted to women.
However I have never acted on my feelings or desires. But recently I've thought about the possibility of exploring a part of myself that has been hidden for so long. I have held onto these feelings for so long that it it's affecting my libido.
I'm married & we have a child together.
A few months ago when I was having very strong thoughts & felt so confused I opened up to my husband. We had a good chat & I opened up to him for the first time. I asked him how he thought about me exploring with a couple of my girlfriend's. He said he would be ok with it but there would be a worry that I might choose to be with a woman instead. My gut feeling is that won't happen and it would just be a casual thing. I understand that it is hard to tell what emotions may develop but I don't see myself with a woman.

Has anyone else successfully been in this arrangement?
Does anyone have any advice for me?

[Guest_342]

Dear MamaBB,

I haven't been in your specific situation before. But I thought I would reach out and put this question to you - How will you feel having never explored this versus how would you feel if you explored it and did in fact realise that you prefer to date women? I'm not suggesting either way is preferable but I find it sometimes helps to picture this 'choice point' and how you'd live with each outcome.

I wish you all the best.

[MissBenthos]

Hi MamaBB,

It's really great that you have been open with your husband about this. The thing with emotions is that we don't get to dictate how they go so there's always a chance you could develop more than casual feelings. On that note though, it doesn't mean you love your husband any less and it doesn't mean you need to separate from him. You can create the relationship dynamic that works for both of you. The main thing is communication - setting out expectations with all parties involved. If you want something casual you explain that with the casual person and if your feelings on the matter change then letting them know that casual isn't working anymore and you need to stop or change the dynamic.

There's a book you might find interesting called "Stepping off the relationship escalator" by Amy Gahran, it has examples of so many different types of relationship structures.

All the best xo