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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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JWR Broken heart looking for advice
  • replies: 1

Hi all, My girlfriend of two years recently broke up with me out of the blue. We had been living together for a year and in my eyes everything was going great. We had recently purchased some items for the house (blinds, washing machine), had booked a... View more

Hi all, My girlfriend of two years recently broke up with me out of the blue. We had been living together for a year and in my eyes everything was going great. We had recently purchased some items for the house (blinds, washing machine), had booked a holiday in January and often talked about the future together. Her reasons for breaking up were very vague such as "I feel something is missing', 'I am not excited about the future' and 'we have lost our spark / chemistry'. She happily acknowledges we were best friends, loved each others company and had a ball living together. In my mind we had become a bit complacent living together in terms of keeping the romance alive but it wasn't anything that couldn't have been fixed and is quite common in relationships. Sometimes I wonder if she watches too much reality romance TV where the idea of love is sensationalised and isn't exactly reality. In addition, there have been some other things happen in her life lately that have had a big impact on her. She lost her job 4 months ago and is unemployed. Her career was so important to her so this has been causing her a lot of stress/anxiety and she has said she feels a loss of identity. Also, she has had to get some facial surgery lately which has left her with scarring. She is extremely self conscious about this. I wonder if these events have caused her some depression and as a result she is pushing me away? She has pushed members of her family away previously when under extreme stress studying at uni and for the HSC (this was before I knew her). For the moment we have agreed to give each other space and time to heal. We have said we are always there for each other and perhaps will be friends down the track. We have never broken each others trust, get on great with each others family and always have so much fun hanging out so in my mind we have the foundation of a successful long lasting relationship. I am just absolutely heart broken as I had never had a single doubt she was the girl I wanted to marry and build a future with. Do you think her current life situation is impacting her thinking or has she just realised I am not the one for her? Any advice on what to do from here? Thanks. JWR

tashi My Father dying distancing himself
  • replies: 4

Hi all sorry I feel like a bit of a serial poster but I find in my life no one gives honest genuine advice just sympathy that I don't want . I'm 23 and up until my dad was diagnosed with cancer we were very close . It is unlikely he will live past th... View more

Hi all sorry I feel like a bit of a serial poster but I find in my life no one gives honest genuine advice just sympathy that I don't want . I'm 23 and up until my dad was diagnosed with cancer we were very close . It is unlikely he will live past the next 4 years my heart aches to think about a world without him . I havnt had to deal with a lot of loss in my life . My father won't talk to me about it which I understand but he is becoming like a stranger to me especially ever since I had my son a few months ago . I feel like this should be the time to make memories together and for him to bond with his first grandchild it makes me incredibly sad that he always seems to be busy or when we do spend time it's awkward . I've tried to speak to him about it and he just tells me everything is fine . When I know it's not . I just wanted to make his time left special he is in denial and has refused any treatment which to me just feels like giving up .shouldnt he want to fight to be here with his children he is only 55 that's to young to give up ! What do I do everytime I'm not busy being a mum this is what I think about

Aaroninaus0 Broke it up with me
  • replies: 2

So me and my well ex now have been together for 3.5 years and I know not a super long time but we talked about marriage, kids and even named them all so it was fairly serious. For 3 of those years we lived between my house and her parents like one da... View more

So me and my well ex now have been together for 3.5 years and I know not a super long time but we talked about marriage, kids and even named them all so it was fairly serious. For 3 of those years we lived between my house and her parents like one day here one day there but we both still worked full-time. We moved out about 4-5 months ago and since then we kind of got into a routine and got comfortable with each other, and i guess started taking each other for granted. Now she could see this but I could not because I was so focused on finding a job I enjoyed and what type of career I even wanted to do for the rest of my life, it was a fairly stressful few months for me and still is. On the 3rd of this month she basically came home from a 2 day camping trip over the weekend with her friends sat me down and said we needed a break, she needed to work on stuff for herself and look I knew what it was the moment she said it so i picked a few clothes up for the week and headed over my parents, no big deal she was just going through a few things and needed space, so I thought. When I stepped back I saw the problems we where having and my part in these problems so I took this week to attempt to change the way I was with everything but in the back of my mind I knew she wanted to leave me so I would check up on her and what ever but she would never check in with me. She basically spent that week thinking of how to say to me on the following tuesday "We just arent working anymore" Its been a few god damn months of hardship for me and I spent that week thinking we where working on ourselves to better the relationship and she actually spent it trying to find the words to say to me, I felt so god damn hurt and angry that day. So after the talk i sped off to my parents and basically had a few days of seriously depression and sadness. Not once did she check up to see how I was doing, not a single god damn time. So I said to her I need to meet this was on the 13th at this time at 5am i had not slept all night. I went over there and kept fighting for her and she basically said I don't think we can fix this (a completely fixable relationship) and that there is no chance, she did not want to try not a single god damn bit. We had our little down moment but for her to completely not love me anymore, not care and not even try to make this relationship work It is so hard to stomach, every single night I have about 2-3 nightmares about it. I don't know what to do this sucks ass.

ayue For him
  • replies: 2

Title kinda says it all, the help I'm asking for isn't really for me: I've been in a relationship with a guy for about 7 months now, and recently he's been going through a period of self-doubt. I'm honestly not sure if it's depression since I know th... View more

Title kinda says it all, the help I'm asking for isn't really for me: I've been in a relationship with a guy for about 7 months now, and recently he's been going through a period of self-doubt. I'm honestly not sure if it's depression since I know that depression is different for everyone and I am in no place to diagnose him (especially as I've never had it myself), but regardless of what it actually is or isn't, it's definitely hard on him. He's very up and down lately - there are days where I'll spend the entire day with him and he's happy and smiling and in all truthfulness we don't do what we should be doing (studying) but it matters more to me that he's happy so I let it go. But then there are days where he can't convince himself to get out of bed - we can arrange to meet at 12pm, and he'll still be in bed at 4pm. We have exams coming up soon and I know he hasn't studied much, if any, and I'm worried. I love him to pieces and I wish he loved himself as much as I do but I understand that is a hard process to learn. I don't want to be more of a 'stressor' to him but I know if I don't drag him out to do things (especially study), he won't do them at all. I've probably over-done it lately: calling too much and too often, and I think it's starting to become nagging. His mother and older sister nag at him a lot already and he deals with it by ignoring it (not the best way but still) - and I think my insistence is starting to sound very similar, so I think he's starting to ignore me too. It's creating distance between us when we're not physically together and it hurts our relationship badly, hurts me a lot because little things bum me out, but right now, I think what's most important is him so I'm trying to push these feelings aside for now. I'm 100% determined to stick by him for as long as he'll have me. I don't want this relationship to become something he also feels is a chore or something he thinks he's doing badly at as well. I want to help him but I don't know how to - I don't know if the things I'm doing right now (spending a lot of time with him, trying to talk to him throughout the day, forgiving him easily when he messes up, etc.) are working. I'm worried that I'm with him too much but I worry even more that if I leave him alone, he'll spiral down because that's what it seems like happens. I've tried talking and he seems to understand in the moment but afterwards it's the same thing all over again. He's considered a psych but hasn't acted on it.

Depresso Is there hope for us?
  • replies: 10

Hi all, I've been dating a man for over a year now and have always been honest with him about my mental illness. Recently we had been discussing buying a house together and starting a family. I recently spent 6 weeks in hospital having ECT which is t... View more

Hi all, I've been dating a man for over a year now and have always been honest with him about my mental illness. Recently we had been discussing buying a house together and starting a family. I recently spent 6 weeks in hospital having ECT which is the most effective treatment for me. During that time, his parents came from interstate to help support him emotionally and also to help look after my dog (which he loves). I have no recollection of how they were during my stay due to the memory loss but they did visit several times apparently. My dr decided to release me early from hospital to spend a week with them and my dog. I appreciate that they have little understanding of mental illness etc and how hard it is to adjust to life out of hospital. And all the memory loss. (I had 20 ECT sessions). I did tell his parents that I appreciate mental health can be so unknown and they were welcome to ask me anything to help understand. There aren't enough characters here for me to explain everything that happened, but his mother was very nasty and aggressive to me, with the last straw "you said I could ask you anything, are you bipolar? No? Well you're certainly a mad bit*h and you HAVE just spent 6 weeks in a mental institution". I am still in shock by the naivety and cruelty of it. I immediately called a taxi and grabbed my dog and went home. All the time she was still abusing me. My partner was at work when this happened and he was upset at me for having left. (I appreciate it's hard for him being stuck in the middle). There has been very little to no communication between us since (a few days) but given how domineering his mother is (and he's an only child), if we work things out, is it even worth it? How can I get over that comment? I'm so tired of always being at a disadvantage in relationships because of mental health, and I am 36 and do want to have a family.

NorwayB I feel stuck
  • replies: 3

I have been with my beautiful boyfriend for three and a half years (since I was 20). He makes my heart so happy and puts an instant smile on my face. So why is my brain telling me to break up with him? Let me tell you about my situation ... I am stuc... View more

I have been with my beautiful boyfriend for three and a half years (since I was 20). He makes my heart so happy and puts an instant smile on my face. So why is my brain telling me to break up with him? Let me tell you about my situation ... I am stuck in my lease until January next year by which time the recruitment season for my profession will be over - it sucks, I know. My boyfriend and I have never lived together just us before. But we are aiming to next year. He lives two hours away from me and although we do spend great time together he always has to study. Which I feel has put a strain on me and how I feel about the relationship. We never fight or argue really. I have openly told him that I am having these thoughts and he was just so supportive of me - which makes me feel even worse! Why I am having these thoughts --- I hate them! Am I just scared of moving in together and taking that next step? Help me

Mumworrier Children with anxiety
  • replies: 4

I just posted yesterday for the very first time about my own anxiety but also realising how much I may have impacted my children. At times everything is fine but just lately my 10 year old cannot seem to go to sleep on his own and bedtime has become ... View more

I just posted yesterday for the very first time about my own anxiety but also realising how much I may have impacted my children. At times everything is fine but just lately my 10 year old cannot seem to go to sleep on his own and bedtime has become exhausting for everyone. More worryingly though is that I think he has picked up on my anxiety with illness and is now pretending to be sick. I am worried he has actually made himself vomit because he knows if he is unwell I will sit in his room until he falls asleep. He denies faking vomiting but I have seen him genuinely sick over the years of being his Mum and this feels unusual. He denies being worried about school etc when I asked if anything was bothering him. He is usually a happy and well-liked, if not maybe a little bit quirky, little boy but I am struggling to understand if he is genuinely sick or just trying to get attention or out of school or putting on a show for some other reason. At a loss!

Minder How to forgive myself
  • replies: 1

I was unfaithful to my partner. She has forgiven me, but i just can't forgive myself. I feel like i dont deserve to be forgiven. I haven't made thr mistake again. How can I get past this? I have developed depression and anxiety over what I have done.... View more

I was unfaithful to my partner. She has forgiven me, but i just can't forgive myself. I feel like i dont deserve to be forgiven. I haven't made thr mistake again. How can I get past this? I have developed depression and anxiety over what I have done. I just want to feel alive again

kitkat88 The guy I was dating has depression - says he still cares?
  • replies: 3

To cut a long story short, I was dating a guy for four months before he told me he wasn't well. He never used the word depression, he said anxiety and explained he was difficult to date. We spent a good three hours talking about this & crying at my a... View more

To cut a long story short, I was dating a guy for four months before he told me he wasn't well. He never used the word depression, he said anxiety and explained he was difficult to date. We spent a good three hours talking about this & crying at my apartment about his situation and that it was making us both upset. He mainly said he needed space, and that I deserved to know what he was going through because he didn't want to be selfish and only see me when he was feeling good. We decided not to end it and I gave him space. We talked on and off over text for the next four weeks when we saw each other again. When we met up it was great, we had laughs. He said he had missed me. We went back to mine to talk somewhere more quiet and he got really upset when he explained his family situation that was causing him a lot of upset. He was visibly upset and told me he just feels sad all the time and that is not usually him. He mentioned he hadn't really spoken about it with anyone else. He then asked how I was, I told him he really hurt me and asked why he pushed me away. He said he thought he was protecting me, but he didn't know why he did it. He never wanted to hurt me. I asked why he didn't just break up with me, and he said the words couldn't come out of his mouth. I never saw him again after that night, and the past two months have driven me insane. We talked everyday but he just couldn't see me again. I gave him plenty of outs in case he just didn't want to date me - to tell me to go, but he would say I don't want you to go, but then he didn't want me to stay if it hurt me. I finally was able to say lets not talk until you are better, and he got in contact three days later and started the cycle over again. He told me he was a mess and needed time, yet I kept pushing for clarity because I was scared I was being let on. I even asked him this and he said no. He went silent on me when I asked should I move on. I was very upset and let him know. Three weeks later he sent me a large msg, saying he couldn't handle the emotional situation which is why he ignored my messages. He apologized profusely, saying he was fighting depression and that I deserve to be treated better. He said he is an emotional coward which is why he was so difficult. He said it didn't mean he never cared, he did and he still does. I don't know what to do. Do I try again or leave it? He was right, I didn't deserve to be treated like that, but I don't understand the way his mind is working.

asieslavida She stopped loving me
  • replies: 1

Last Thursday she dropped the bomb: ‘I don’t love you any more, I have no feelings for you” and it’s not you, it’s me! You are amazing, I cannot find fault in you, but I just stopped loving you”. I know that after 10 years of marriage and three child... View more

Last Thursday she dropped the bomb: ‘I don’t love you any more, I have no feelings for you” and it’s not you, it’s me! You are amazing, I cannot find fault in you, but I just stopped loving you”. I know that after 10 years of marriage and three children, the spark has gone, but I do still love her and I don’t want to lose her. She was adamant that we should go our own ways, and that there is nothing I can do to make her love me again. She has reassured me that there is no one else in her life. So, I started doing research and I know that even the odds are against us, I will not give up. We are working in China, moved here from QLD 3 months ago and we work together, right next to each other. The move was hectic and the stress enormous, but I Thought we were happy, I was wrong. She said yesterday that she’s been feeling this way for about a year now. We stop sleeping in the same room. Our conversation was mainly about having a trial separation, which she believes it’s the last thing she can try. I’ve read various articles about trial separation, lots of pros and cons. We never had a fight or major argument, we are very efficient and loving parents. She has agreed to see a marriage counsellor next week and she is seeing a clinical psychologist this Friday. We are in open and honest communication now and she asked me not to do cheese things like I used to years ago, ie. Send her flowers or shower her with gifts and chocolates, because it’s only going to push her away further from me. She has agreed to remove her IUD she had implanted 8 months ago, as I believe our love life deteriorated from then on, but she is adamant it’s not the case. So is up to her to remove it or not. She keeps blaming herself, she says that any women would jump at the opportunity to be with a man like me, but she just wants to be parents and friends. I ll stay positive, its bloody hard when you are so far away from home though, and she refuses to talk or tell anyone in the family, as she knows they’ll give her hell and I respect that. I just want to cry, but have no one to talk to. What do I do?