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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Erin323 Divorced but my ex is still sucking the life out of me
  • replies: 2

Hi. My name is Erin and I'm new here. I am 45 years old and alone. I feel as if I don't at least write these thoughts down, I'm going to burst. I have a knot in my chest the size of Jupiter. I can't concentrate and am relying on sleeping pills to sle... View more

Hi. My name is Erin and I'm new here. I am 45 years old and alone. I feel as if I don't at least write these thoughts down, I'm going to burst. I have a knot in my chest the size of Jupiter. I can't concentrate and am relying on sleeping pills to sleep. My story: I came to Australia 14 years ago with work. I married an Australian and had a beautiful daughter. 7 years ago my husband and I divorced after eight years of isolation, physical and emotional abuse and many (finding out afterwards) affairs. I have since been left to live in Australia without any extended family or support, in order to keep my daughter, whom I have 72% of the time. As if TWO years of financial and emotional bankruptcy fighting in the courts for the right to keep my daughter wasn't enough, with little to zero child support, and constantly fighting to keep my head above water, my ex has now convinced my daughter that she's old enough to make the decision to move in with him full time. If I thought he as sincere, and if I thought he was a healthy individual, and if I thought he wouldn't hurt our daughter the way he's hurt me (if not now...eventually), I would say it's her choice and allow her an opportunity to trial living with him. But, sadly it's not about my daughter at all. It's about hurting me....which he goes out of his way to do all of the time!! It's actually quite torturous. He's re-married. He has all of his family around him to help and support him. He has a good job and is very well off. I don't understand why he won't leave me alone and why, as a Father, is he using our daughter as his next leverage to hurt?? My heart is broken. I'm tired. I'm alone. I want out, but not sure if I mean this figuratively or literally. Some days I just want to quit. As a matter of fact, I recently put my house on the market just to free myself in case I get an opportunity to move....which in reality I can't or I risk losing my daughter altogether....and there in lies my dilemma. Anybody who has a similar situation, male or female, please please tell me how you survive these years. Thank you.

Louise_1984 I let go of my depressed girlfriend after months of trying
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, This is my first post but these forums have been a god-send for me! I was in a relationship with a girl (lesbian relationship) for about 9 months. It was long distance. I go overseas for work every few months which is how I met her. At f... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first post but these forums have been a god-send for me! I was in a relationship with a girl (lesbian relationship) for about 9 months. It was long distance. I go overseas for work every few months which is how I met her. At first things were amazing! She was loving, caring, affectionate, attentive and fun to be around. I fell so deeply in love with her when I spent a month over there with her and I felt she did too. She confided in me that she suffers from depression and bi-polar. I have close friends and family who suffer from depression so I am very understanding of it and promised her I would never leave no matter how hard it got. About a month after I’d been home I got a text saying she had to let me go as I deserved someone who could be everything I need. I was able to talk her through it and let her know that I’m not going anywhere cause she’s the love of my life and I’m not letting her go. Things got better and before long it was time for me to travel back there. Things were great until about 2 weeks into my trip. I met her family and they seemed to like me but she started going cold on me again and when I asked her what was going on, she started with the whole “You deserve better than me” stuff. This time I wasn’t able to talk her out of it and it just got worse and worse until she ended things completely a few days before I left to come back to AU. I thought it was over and I was beyond broken and devestated. A few days later, she called me crying saying how sorry she was and how much she messed up. I love this girl more than anyone I’ve ever loved so I of course accepted her apology even though she had put me through hell in the last 2 months. Fast forward to a few days ago, she starts going cold again and we had a fight because I was pushing her to get her passport so she could come to Australia. Her answers were always the same “I want to, im just too messed up in the head right now to think clearly and function” I had to put my foot down. I told her if she can’t love me how I love her then to let me go.. So she did. I haven’t heard from her in 3 days and I’m thinking this might be the end. I want more than anything for her to come back and realise her mistakes.. I’m not really looking for advice, more so just to vent. I know I did the right thing for me, but would like to hear other people’s experiences with partners and depression though. Did they come back eventually? Did things ever change and get better?

NotSoSunny Will I be alone for the rest of my life?
  • replies: 4

I don't want to live like this. I've been single for almost five years. I'm 36, and nobody asks me out except for old gross men. I don't have kids or pets and I think about suicide every day. People tell me I'm attractive but I don't see it. I've tri... View more

I don't want to live like this. I've been single for almost five years. I'm 36, and nobody asks me out except for old gross men. I don't have kids or pets and I think about suicide every day. People tell me I'm attractive but I don't see it. I've tried everything - group sports, the gym, healthy eating, online dating - but nothing works. I now am struggling to do anything at work because I'm so unmotivated. Does anyone have any advice? I have lost hope that I'll ever find a husband or have kids, and I have just a glimmer of hope that one day I might not have to wake up alone like I do every other day

Worried_Sick Worried Sick
  • replies: 13

Hello I'm a middle aged mother of two school aged children. I recently found content/downloands on my husbands computer by accident of school girls in private school uniform from leading private girls schools in our City. There are over 50 or 60 down... View more

Hello I'm a middle aged mother of two school aged children. I recently found content/downloands on my husbands computer by accident of school girls in private school uniform from leading private girls schools in our City. There are over 50 or 60 downloaded photos from the private sc schools. Although no Child Pornography on computer there is a lot of adult pornography links saved in bookmarks along with the downloads of school girls ranging in age from Kindergarten through to Senior years and only has private school girl photos. ie not from boys or co-ed private schools. The images have been filed in his computer with code names etc. Although innocent enough if there were a few - there are just fairly excessive given that they are tied up with Pornographic adult websites on comp as well. These girls are my childrens ages so I am sure their parents would be horrified if they knew this. We don't know the girls but they are just photos taken perhaps by the inhouse school photographer of girls in uniform on their school grounds. Around 6 or 8 private schools were targeted within our city. It has affected me so much for some reason. I did confront my husband about it and said I came across some downloads of these images but he became so frighteningly angry that I was a "snoop" and bullied me into believing that I had done something wrong by using his computer. He has since deleted all the evidence although I have proof still as I made sure of this. When he became angry I backed down and did not demand for an answer as to why he had them. In the meantime I rang a domestic violence talk line and they ended up reporting it to Child Protection Services (they had my details/phone number from a past violent incident involving one of my children with their father). The Child Protection rang me the next day and visited me to chat to me about whether or not there was a child protection issue within our house. They felt it was not appropriate to question my husband about why he had images of such despite being extremely alarming and bizarre. After a 2 hour visit in my home when my husband was at work they felt they cant approach him about it due to safety issues. I am now beside myself if my husband finds out that all these people know - he is going to hit the roof. I'm so scared I can't cope.

Beautifulsoul75 HELP stuck between a rock and a bad place
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone im new to this site, but hoping I can get some sound guidance and support im with a man you who is right now suffering severely with anxiety and depression... he is on medication and just had his dosage increased which has caused him to f... View more

Hi everyone im new to this site, but hoping I can get some sound guidance and support im with a man you who is right now suffering severely with anxiety and depression... he is on medication and just had his dosage increased which has caused him to feel worse (part of the side effects). my problem is I’m the only one he has told how he’s feeling.... and now he has pushed me away and said he needs a week or so to sort himself out ... his family have no idea what’s going on .... to be honest I’m really scared for him. When He gets this down he sticks his head in the sand and just disappears and talks to no one ... I need to know should I be telling his family what’s going on so they can try and help or not break his trust and say nothing and let him come to me when he feels better .. I’ve been i tears all day over this ... and it’s worse as I can’t see him any advice would be greatly appreciated

Kazza13 Depressed about feelings towards husband
  • replies: 7

I have been struggling with depression for 25 years but was managing through medication for most of that. Gone down again. I have been married for 25 years but get depressed about how I feel about my husband and his looks. I know I love him and could... View more

I have been struggling with depression for 25 years but was managing through medication for most of that. Gone down again. I have been married for 25 years but get depressed about how I feel about my husband and his looks. I know I love him and couldnt imagine life without him, so why do I feel like this. Does anybody out there have the same thing, I feel like I am the only one in the whole world who feels like this.

Dee161 New To Depression
  • replies: 2

Hi Lovely ppl Well where do I start a few months ago I found out that my partner has depression. He came to me and was honest about everything we went to the doctors and he started antidepressants tablets A few weeks in everything was going great, hi... View more

Hi Lovely ppl Well where do I start a few months ago I found out that my partner has depression. He came to me and was honest about everything we went to the doctors and he started antidepressants tablets A few weeks in everything was going great, his anger towards me had seem to disappear and I felt like it was the old him, then without any word I found out that he had stopped the tablets and everything just seem to go downhill he told me he didn’t love me he didn’t want to be with myself and our daughters he was happy for me to keep the house and he would just move away. I just want to know how to deal with stuff like this I want to know if it’s really him or it’s going cold turkey on the tablets????? I’m beyond frustrated at the moment because once I found out that he had depression I was conscious of every think that I would say to him how I would act trying to be positive reassuring him that every think in the household is perfect and now after a massive few nights of just arguing he goes back to like nothing has happened like every think is perfect again . Any advice would be greatly appreciated

FragileFamily My Story
  • replies: 2

My story start around a month before our second daughters first birthday. My relationship with my partner hadn't been getting much attention due to my work and study, the two kids 3 and 1 and her study and rehearsals she was doing for 2 performances ... View more

My story start around a month before our second daughters first birthday. My relationship with my partner hadn't been getting much attention due to my work and study, the two kids 3 and 1 and her study and rehearsals she was doing for 2 performances she had coming up. The whole year was a write off really. I had made her strawberrys dipped in chocolate to surprise her when she got home. She told me the sight of what I had done made her feel sick because it was a very lovely gesture but she no longer wanted to be with me. We tried to discuss this issue and things got overheated by both of us which ended in her kicking me out of the house. I stayed away only visiting the house to see my kids and we both apologised but she was not prepared to work things out. I convinced her to let me come home and be with the kids over Xmas. We all had a great time and even went away for a holiday for a week after Xmas. Things were looking up. When we returned home I asked if I should pack up my things and move out properly but she wanted to speak with her psychologist first. I waited the 2 days as I thought she must be reconsidering and wanted to discuss it first. Once she had spoken to the psychologist she came back and said her psychologist suggests the we don't continue the relationship which I thought was a fairly odd. Nevertheless I did not fight this time I packed my things and left. At the moment I have the kids 5 days a week but she wants to see them more and contacts me almost every day, at one point to ask how I was doing with everything. She's gone from relationship to happy co-parenting over night and wants to do mediation which I have refused to do at this point because she is refusing to work on the relationship. I'm grieving the relationship, my work and social life is suffering. I want my partner and my family back together and shift our focus onto what is important but she will not partake. Only a month or two before at a wedding she has asked me when we would get married. She says she has been unhappy since before the birth of our second daughter but I don't believe it to be true. It's been found out she has extremely low iron and has for awhile. She says she needs space to find herself again and in 6 or 12 months may assess the situation if she sees positive changes I make within myself aswell. By this time I feel it will be too late to save the relationship as all the pain and adjustment will be over. thanks for reading if you got this far.

lilykitten Co-dependent Relationship help.
  • replies: 2

I'm an enabler. I cant rest until everyone around me is happy and it's very stressful. I realised recently that this was the principle cause for my panic attacks. I was 35 when I met my husband. We built a house together had a baby and he quit work t... View more

I'm an enabler. I cant rest until everyone around me is happy and it's very stressful. I realised recently that this was the principle cause for my panic attacks. I was 35 when I met my husband. We built a house together had a baby and he quit work to look after her while I kept working. He had dreams of working from home. We had a second daughter 16 months later. He often complained how difficult it was being home with the kids although he was constantly out of the house visiting friends with them. When they were toddlers he was frustrated he couldn't work on his projects so i organised family daycare 2 days a week. Then he got bigger projects and a friend offered to take them for another 2 days a week. In all this time i was working full time and paying for everything. He was having the parental payments put into his account for day to day expenses and I was also doing all the household tasks as well. When the kids had both started school I asked him to do a business plan and wanted him set a goal of 5 years and then if it wasn't working to go back to paid employment. He was heartbroken and said ultimatums were a sign I didn't believe in him. By the time my youngest was 10 years old my resentment about paying for everything and doing all the housework was extreme but I was also proud of the fact I kept everything running. Instead of getting praise for my efforts like I would if I were a single Mum with 3 kids, friends would not give me any emotional support saying I should leave. By this stage the thought of losing half of everything I paid for when I had no savings was too much so we went to counselling which helped a bit with the resentment but did little to change the situation as my husband cant see himself doing anything wrong. He works so hard, often 10 hours a day on his projects for little financial gain but feels he is doing his best and gets depressed about it. Now my youngest is 13. At the end of last year after finding I was paying almost $500 a month into his business petrol and phone bills, I said no more. He has not contributed any money to the family unit for 14 years and does not help around the house. I even do all the traditional male jobs like mowing and fixing things. Every week since then he has moaned about not having money. Today he asked me to help out with his monthly bills and I said no. IS IT POSSIBLE TO BREAK OUT OF A CO-DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT BREAKING UP? I do love him. He is also a wonderful father who doesn't drink and is a kind person. he is just blinkered when it comes to his work.

Little_lollipop Partner frustrating me with marriage
  • replies: 4

Hey everyone I am really struggling right now and could use some advice. I have been with my current partner for almost 12 years with two kids. After 5 years, he proposed but then about a month later he left me. We got back together and about a year ... View more

Hey everyone I am really struggling right now and could use some advice. I have been with my current partner for almost 12 years with two kids. After 5 years, he proposed but then about a month later he left me. We got back together and about a year after I mentioned marriage again. He promised it would be 'soon' but he still hasn't done it 6 years on. I approached him more than a few times and he always has an excuse. I love him but I feel like he will never do it. He only wants to drink and smoke on the weekend, we rarely do anything fun or go on dates so we had an argument. He just went to bed instead of resolving it. Now I'm all worked up and upset. I struggle with depression and anxiety so I'm a mess and blaming myself. I don't know what to do. Should I leave? Or wait? I'm at my wits end and a total mess over this frustration!