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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Farmer_J Generations Apart
  • replies: 7

Just because you can't see the tears falling, just because my eyes aren't red from crying, just because I seem to be listening and joining in, doesn't mean I am OK. Often as you get older, you are able to put on that brave face, that "I'm coping" per... View more

Just because you can't see the tears falling, just because my eyes aren't red from crying, just because I seem to be listening and joining in, doesn't mean I am OK. Often as you get older, you are able to put on that brave face, that "I'm coping" persona, and pretend that life is great, retirement is fun, the drought is someone else's problem - the next generation can deal with the decision-making and worry. But unfortunately there is another side, another you that only your secret self knows about and dreads when it tugs at your heart and wakes you from sleep, night after night. This is the anxiety side of me, the side that I have learned so well to recognise, to be wary of its influence, manage it and sometimes dodge its dangerous prompting. Sometimes it seeps into my mind like water leaking from a garden pipe...mostly underground and you don't realise until you see the damp patch, slowly spreading. Sometimes it hits me emotionally, prompted by a memory or some pain that I have stored in a mental box, marked "do not open". Sometimes it slams into me with physical force as I fight against the limitations of reaching seventy. But often, it is a combination that can best be described as a broken heart, as I struggle with wanting to be loved, wanting to be included, wanting to feel relevant, wanting to share. Rejection that is unexpected is like the shock of plunging into cold water, and no matter how you try to call on the normal strategies to understand it, sort through the scenarios, drag your thoughts into perspective, it hurts and the hurt turns into self-blaming and that turns into a pointless, anxious search for reasons, which then consumes you with a fear of not being important any more and even a burden. The knock-on effect is compounded by your age, your "alone" status, your slowing fitness levels, some unexpected health issues, and a cursed history of being the "solver", the "fixer" the "rock" for children who have now moved on and left me with a huge hole. The scary thing is, the hole looks like a safe hiding place, where no one can hurt me anymore, and I can curl up and shut out the noise and the light and the world. Normally my farm, the paddocks, my garden, pull me back from the edge of the hole, and with professional help, I get back on track. But of late, a heap of things have triggered really bad anxiety and my son openly rejecting my visit to meet my new grand child in Canada, has broken my heart, and I am struggling.

rg725 Jealousy/Anxiety in Relationship
  • replies: 3

How do I make myself happy again? I am usually a very confident person, I really have nothing major to stress about I have a good job, good upbringing etc and a roof over my head. I also have a loving boyfriend who I love dearly. But lately the past ... View more

How do I make myself happy again? I am usually a very confident person, I really have nothing major to stress about I have a good job, good upbringing etc and a roof over my head. I also have a loving boyfriend who I love dearly. But lately the past few months I have found myself over anxious of things with my partner. A few months ago before my partner and I made it “official” in his words he was caught using tinder and chatting sexually to other women. He was really apologetic, never seen a man cry so much and say he was sorry. We had been together for about 5 months already and we spent every moment together and he said he loved me etc but I couldn’t fathom why he could go looking for others. Anyways I forgave him for that, but I have never forgotten. also when we went out or went to festivals if he would get too drunk I’d find him with other women getting cosy everytime I left him to go with my friends. We now live together and it’s great. I am happy in the aspect and happy when we’re together we laugh and we get along so well and I love him dearly. But I find when we go out now I get this sick feeling like he may get too drunk, and do the same but he says it’s different now we’re in a relationship and we live together. He always says how much he loves me, and wants to marry me one day and he always says I’m the best thing that could have ever happened to him. The other night we went out and same thing happened as the past. He reckons he’s just being friendly and having fun which I respect but there is a line I believe that shouldn’t be crossed. I have expressed to him on a few occasions how I feel but he thinks I am overreacting. These sort of things have cause some jealousy in my relationship and it makes me want to push him away cause I just want to be happy and be loved the same way I love. I find once I’ve talked to him about it and had some alone time I’m good and I get over it but sometimes it pops back into my head at random times and it annoys me. I guess my question is, because I do love him dearly and I do see a future with him how do I overcome the jealous/worry feeling when it comes to him? Because I know this will ruin our relationship and I truely want to trust him because I believe he made mistakes in the past but it is different now but my overthinking mind always brings me back to square one. And I don’t like feeling worthless, or not good enough or worried. It’s stressful and I truely want to be happy and overcome this.

SCowell Failed Marriage
  • replies: 3

I'm hoping there might be some people on here who can help me get through the absolutely overwhelming sense of loss I am feeling at the failure of my marriage. I am alone, mother to a toddler and 5 months pregnant with my second child. I can't eat or... View more

I'm hoping there might be some people on here who can help me get through the absolutely overwhelming sense of loss I am feeling at the failure of my marriage. I am alone, mother to a toddler and 5 months pregnant with my second child. I can't eat or sleep, and am alternating between feeling numb and having full blown panic attacks. I know it will get easier but I'm really struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and my child is the only thing keeping me from giving up altogether. I need some advice on how to cope, I have never felt so absolutely broken. Please help

Chatz The floodgate of resentment
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend and I, both primary Carers of two children, live separately about three streets away. Right now I’m feeling so angry trying to holdback the floodgates of resentment. I know he’s entered into a new level of unstableness and I know it need... View more

My boyfriend and I, both primary Carers of two children, live separately about three streets away. Right now I’m feeling so angry trying to holdback the floodgates of resentment. I know he’s entered into a new level of unstableness and I know it needs intervention but I’m so exhausted at the moment I can’t think right I need to come vent here so I can get some space back in my head. All bought about because he’s made the most progress in a long time, self sabotage will work it’s charm. My partner has an excuse for everything! He needs help constantly! He can’t cope at the slightest thing till there isn’t any option and either his mother, I or someone else sort things. We’ve had ‘the talk’ over and over so to avoid actually doing anything he tells what we need to hear, then without actually doing anything everything is all hopeless again! I know the fog is thick, and the simple act of getting referred to a psych by his GP and actually attending, or doing any other beneficial thing for that matter has miles between them. Forget about makeing the appointment for him as the excuses why he couldn’t attend when organised would come thick and fast, I would be talked over and down. sorry for trying, your right if you did something for yourself we wouldn’t be able to go over the same issue next week. My mistake. We get through quite well usually as I’m down for just chilling and spending our time together on things we like to do. But he can’t come back and do life which means I either have to sort for him or sort the mess and it’s draining me emotionally and financially. He’s always needing something and life is hopeless if he doesn’t get it. I resent the way he can bitch and moan to me about the impending doom and in the next breath speak with a happy voice over the phone to someone . I resent how he sits and waits for answers when he used to be the one with the vision and motivate me. I resent being told I wouldn’t know what it’s like. I resent being made to feel resentment. I’m sure I’ve gone way over my space limit and I’ve only touched the surface but my heart and head ate a little lighter. I really hope not to offend anyone, and sorry if i broke any rules. I couldn’t let those feelings fester, I’m going to have a little cry and get a plan. Don’t do anything silly babe, I got this sorted, I’ll figure something out.

Lachy2018 My Children Are Being Kept From Me
  • replies: 7

Hi, I am a father of 2 girls 6yrs and 8yrs. My previous marriage with their mother broke down over two yrs ago and as of the past 12months their mother has began to utilise the girls to get to myself in the way of withholding them from myself and sto... View more

Hi, I am a father of 2 girls 6yrs and 8yrs. My previous marriage with their mother broke down over two yrs ago and as of the past 12months their mother has began to utilise the girls to get to myself in the way of withholding them from myself and stopping communication, dictating to me that I will only see and speak to them when she wants and how she wants and if I do not I will not see or speak with them. I am at breaking point as all I want is to be a part of my daughters life and have a meaningful relationship with then but this is being disrupted at every turn just to hurt myself emotionally. She took a DVO out on myself in December last year. How do you prove that something did not happen? How do you provide evidence that something did not occur if there is no evidence to give? After several months of fighting and throwing thousands of dollars at legal fees, I decided to consent without admission to just make it go away. This was a decision made as at that time, my daughters were withheld from me until a final order was issued. I rolled over and copped something just to be able to see my girls. I keep being threatened that she will use the DVO against me if I don't do as she wants. I am allowed only 1night a fortnight with the girls. I have been requesting for 2nights per fortnight for 18months to which keeps being rejected. Mediation did not eventuate so now I have finally obtained a cert to go to court for a magistrate to rule when I am allowed my girls. In the past month she has stopped access all together as she doesn't want me to have access till parenting orders are enforced. I am now at breaking point and think it would be easier to turn and walk away. I am lost and over the whole saga. I have never understood how a parent can walk away from their own flesh and blood. I now understand that there is a number of parents who don't walk away, they are pushed away. How do I move forward as I am spent and the legal system tells me to suck it up and just wait. How long? Maybe a yr, maybe 2? Who knows. All I want is my daughters to be part of my life. All I want is for my rights as a father to be accepted and to stop being told to roll over and cop it. I love my daughters but I'm nearly done. I can say that I have overwhelming support from my girlfriend. She has been amazing throughout but this is also taking a toll on her as well as myself. I need advice as to how to progress or how to deal with this until the legal system can finally help me

Ash7441 Changes in relationships
  • replies: 5

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years. We met through a sport we were both active in, and agreed our aspiration to make the sport a career is what comes 1st. While I no longer partake in the sport due to personal reasons, he does.... View more

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years. We met through a sport we were both active in, and agreed our aspiration to make the sport a career is what comes 1st. While I no longer partake in the sport due to personal reasons, he does. Recently, there have been talks about his future and progressing, which would mean he has to move overseas. While I am proud of him, and support him, I feel very alone. I know that I cannot go with and follow him as he follows his dream, because I have a great career that cant be moved. I have my pet here, and I couldn't imagine leaving him. I've made friends, even though I find it very difficult to make meaningful connections. I feel I cannot tell him my fears, because it will take away from his moment. I feel like I will have to give up someone I truly love. When I said our sport comes 1st, I only liked him. 4 years later, I'm in love with him, and the sport is meaningless. The sport requires a certain lifestyle if you do it professionally. I have concerns about his life on the road, partying and having extra female attention, while I'm playing house for months on end, alone. I dont want him to give up his passion, but I feel that he is giving up on us if he receives some offer. I feel that all my sacrifice for us, finishing my studies, working my way through shit jobs to get one which could support us, giving up my sporting career, giving up travel, saving every last cent to put towards making a home for him and I, has been for nothing. There's no winning. Not for either of us. I feel hopeless and I cant tell him, because he is currently experiencing depressive symptoms. I just don't know what to do...

TP123 Boyfriend overseas for a month and I'm struggling
  • replies: 3

So my boyfriend has gone overseas for a month to a country that has limited service and he's working there Mon-Fri (early to late) for a project organisation so there's little to no contact for this whole month (he doesn't get back until 22/12). He's... View more

So my boyfriend has gone overseas for a month to a country that has limited service and he's working there Mon-Fri (early to late) for a project organisation so there's little to no contact for this whole month (he doesn't get back until 22/12). He's only been gone for literally two days but I'm already finding it super hard. We usually spend every day together, if not at least 5-6 days together out of 7. We just like spending time together. We've been together for a year and almost 2 months and this is the first time we've been separated for such a long time. He went on a family vacation last Christmas for 10 days but for some reason it didn't really bother me as much as this trip is. I assume maybe it's because we hadn't been together for as long, or because it was a family thing and not just him going by himself like this trip. I know this is going to sound bad, but I've been worried ever since he announced he was going on this project because there were so many girls in the group he was going with. I know, I shouldn't be dwelling over something so petty. But my brain keeps screaming at me "He's not going to see you for a month, he's going to forget you", "He's going to be surrounded by pretty girls who he's going to fall for", "He's going to need some sort of sexual release, and all those girls around that he's sharing housing with...". I just can't stop thinking these things and I really hate myself for it. I trust him and I trust that he loves me, but for some god awful reason I cannot shake these thoughts. They're making me so anxious that sometimes I just sit and cry and wish he never went (which is selfish and I don't like thinking like that). Not only all of these thoughts, but I keep thinking that he's not going to love me when he gets back. I keep thinking he wont miss me and when he gets back he'll be distant and not want to see me as much and maybe even break up. I've gone through CBT throughout this year for my social and generalised anxiety, and I finished around October and I felt so good. I felt so much better and like I could control myself and I was happy. But it seems his trip has set me back a bit and I'm feeling very depressed and anxious and I'm not sure how I'm even going to last another 27 days. I don't have a job at the moment and uni has finished for the year, my bike is broken and I don't drive so I feel like I don't have any distractions at all. Sorry for the huge rant, I just want to know if anyone has any advice for me. Thx

Happilyneverafter ghosted
  • replies: 2

Hi there, this is going to be long so please bare with me. My husband and I both suffer from mental health issues. Mine being anxiety and serous abandonment issues. He suffered severe depression, has anger and alcohol problems too. An incident occurr... View more

Hi there, this is going to be long so please bare with me. My husband and I both suffer from mental health issues. Mine being anxiety and serous abandonment issues. He suffered severe depression, has anger and alcohol problems too. An incident occurred a few months ago where he ended up in hospital for a week in a psych ward. Our whole relationship we have had communication problems, mostly on his side as he never opens up until everything hits the fan. He constantly gaslights me to the point where I end up in tears for weeks hating myself for the situations I am faced with. He promised to stop drinking, which he did for a while and then BAM, he started to ignore me completely and would spend the whole night at the pub, driving wherever drunk and turning his phone off. I snapped, I kicked him out and here where it gets horribly messy. I had been trying to contact him for weeks, we have children together. I lost hours at work and a huge chunk of pay because he completely ghosted me and I couldn’t work as I had no one to care for the kids. He wouldn’t answer the phone when his children would call, he wouldn’t reply to my messages, and we had no idea where he was and even if he was alive. Then I get an avo served on me, stating he is afraid of me. I have never been violent towards him, he on the other hand has. I was devastated. We have been together for 20 years and I have always been there for him through drug addiction, bouts of unemployment, the excessive drinking. When things get tough he always leaves us, hence the abandonment issues. He is angry at me for his actions and refuses to acknowledge he’s done anything wrong. I am so heartbroken. My beautiful children are angry, confused, blaming themselves for this situation and I can’t do anything about it. I have noticed he’s been going downhill for months and have desperately tried to get him to open up and talk it out, but nothing. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve been scared to walk into the garage for fear I see him harm himself. He has moved into his parents place who constantly blame me for their sons problems and his mother is so manipulative and enabling he can’t see he’s done anything wrong. They have for years denied he has mental health issues, I am the one who’s mentally unwell in their eyes. I cannot talk to them about my fears for my husband as they hate me. It’s been a month since I saw him and he’s still angry at me and has made no effort to contact his children.

SisterKiKi I'd really love some help...
  • replies: 4

Hi All.....I've been married to a really good man for 29 yrs & we have three adult children. From very early in our relationship he would give me the silent treatment when upset rather than talk about things. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic fathe... View more

Hi All.....I've been married to a really good man for 29 yrs & we have three adult children. From very early in our relationship he would give me the silent treatment when upset rather than talk about things. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father & an emotionally absent mother, & 6 siblings. All varying degrees of complicated coming from our parents. I am quite emotional & probably the very opposite to my mum. I miss our three children so much. I didn't drink alcohol really until I was 48 & I had an op plus alot of different stressors, marriage, work, difficult neighbours, my kids grew up etc & I started drinking wine about 5 yrs ago. At first it was a little, I then got quite dependent on it & would get black out drunk. I am drinking less & try not to buy it. I last about 4 days then I buy more. My husband hates it & says he's done.I am so sorry for the grief I've caused because of this. I am off work at the moment which makes it harder. I try not to go out because then I'm tempted to buy a bottle. I suffer quite bad anxiety & depression in vary forms. Always have. I asked my husband to please hang in there & I'll try my hardest not to buy any. I hate that its so readily available. My childhood was so affected by alcohol & now I feel so ashamed that I'm drinking. I've tried so many things. Even a few months in rehab. I feel so lost without being a mum of my littlies. I miss them so much

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