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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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AkechisPancakes Why can't i form lasting relationships with anyone?
  • replies: 2

I apologize if i rant a little, but I'm sick of just venting to myself lmao. I'm not a shy person, mostly introverted though I have good enough social skills, and and interesting personality ( at least I'd like to think...) I prefer to a have a small... View more

I apologize if i rant a little, but I'm sick of just venting to myself lmao. I'm not a shy person, mostly introverted though I have good enough social skills, and and interesting personality ( at least I'd like to think...) I prefer to a have a small group of close friends rather than a large group of people. Last year, both my best friends left my school. It's not like I don't have other friends, it's just there few and scattered amongst different friend groups. I have tried to make new friends within groups I am somewhat familiar with, but I have such a huge fear of rejection that I try to maintain a distance so I don't come off as clingy or annoying. I don't want to be a bother on others, but I want to be friends with them at the same time. I'm not sure if this is a product of my own low self-esteem, or if no wants to pay attention to me. It feels like I'm being ignored. Why would anyone want to make new friends if they have plenty already? I have a few friends who only seem to talk to me when its convenient. They will mostly ignore me if they're around people they like better. Bu tin the same sense, aren't I doing this to? Is the only reason I cling onto this relationship is because I too rely heavily on my self-image be that of not a complete social outcast? And I kinda hate myself for that. I convince myself that the only reason i seek out relationships is my only selfish pursuit of popularity. I'm scared i'm boring and not worth anyone's time, which is why no one takes notice, or tries to pursue a relationship with me despite me trying. Sometimes I think I'm not trying enough, and that if I want friends, I have to spend more time around them. But I'm so paranoid I'll get in the way, make people uncomfortable and be a general burden. I constantly flit from group to group, person to person. It sound stereotypical, but it feels like I don't belong. What makes it worse is that I know everyone in my year group from primary school, some of which were my friends. When I moved into high school, a couple of friends started distancing themselves from me, and taking the hint, I cut it off completely. I began to focus my time of my best friends, and I felt happy for a time. I know this all wont matter in a few years when I graduate high school. But it matters now and I'm worried this anxiety and low self esteem will lead to depression. I wish I wasn't so concerned with others opinion of me.

Rzhao Finally accepting my husband has a porn addiction
  • replies: 7

I’ve always known that he looks at porn every now and then, and we’ve had talks about it and then just tried to pretend it isn’t a thing. This worked and we would be able to live our lives as if it wasn’t a thing for periods at a time. Then the probl... View more

I’ve always known that he looks at porn every now and then, and we’ve had talks about it and then just tried to pretend it isn’t a thing. This worked and we would be able to live our lives as if it wasn’t a thing for periods at a time. Then the problem would resurface again and again. Just recently I have finally realised that it’s an actual addiction for him. He tried really hard to go without it but the longest he could go was a week, and that was a “victory” for him. I always thought he looked at it maybe once a month or less.. mainly because just after I had the baby we couldn’t have sex. But I wasn’t aware he was actually addicted and looked at it at least a few times a week all along. I’m really struggling this time, I’ve cried all night. Am I overreacting? Our baby is 6 months old too so maybe I’m just exhausted and a being irrational but I know this can’t just be in my head.. and I am not comfortable with porn in our relationship. my husband has always said he isn’t proud of it either. And he wants to stop using it. But after saying this so many times it doesn’t mean much to me.. I’m starting to just think he just says that like an addict. I’m so confused because he genuinely seems to feel so bad about it and understand that it negatively affects me and our marriage. Yet he continues or use it. Is it suggestive of how much he values us? Because he’s willing to continue harming our relationship?

DamagedPrincess Am i doing the right thing?
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I haven't posted in a while because things were going really well, but there is obviously a reason that I'm back. Stress at work started to get on top of me, i wasn't handling change well and my anxiety and depression have come creeping back ... View more

Hi all, I haven't posted in a while because things were going really well, but there is obviously a reason that I'm back. Stress at work started to get on top of me, i wasn't handling change well and my anxiety and depression have come creeping back up. The workplace is changing a lot and i don't deal well with change and i have been able to recognise this and plan on returning to seeing my psychologist as soon as there is availability. However this is not the reason I'm on the forum. A little background first. My Mum has always had a drug problem. This affected myself and my brothers over the years and has seen our family fall apart many times, both immediate and extended. Mum has always smoked cigarettes and green. She would occasionally use something a little heavier and when she did she was normally open about it and let me know in case anything happened. About 18 months ago i found out she had something EVEN HEAVIER in the house while I was at her house for a party and i lost it at her. I couldn't believe she would bring something like that into the house after everything she's/we've been through she said it was a one time thing and i thought that was the end of it. However, over the last day or so i have found out that she is still using the drug and has been for the last 12 months or so. The drug is heavy and highly addictive and due to its popularity at the moment is cheap and easy to get, thus her habit has gradually gotten worse and worse and she is now spending $250 + a week on it. She doesn't work but my step dad does. He works his ass off for everything they have and they constantly argue about money. He doesn't know she's on the stuff and I feel incredibly bad for him because they always have no money and he doesn't know why. One day while at work he went to get money out of the bank but it said the balance was $0 and was told that 'oh a bill must have come out' - which is a go to excuse. I found this all out from family so she doesn't know that I know. I don't want to involve them so i want to find proof of what she is doing and confront her and tell her she needs to tell my step dad or i will. I want to help her but I'm so worried about the outcome. Something needs to be done and if i don't handle it who will. I have all of this weight on my shoulders and I'm so sick of this stuff happening. If my Mum doesn't pull her head in i'm worried she wont be there for her future grandchildren or around much longer at all. Am i doing the right thing?

Loststriver Damaged by an alcoholic father - Am I crazy or sane?
  • replies: 2

Hello all, and thank you for taking the time to read my post. I'll start off by saying that I am a young adult of an alcoholic father. From the age of 21 on wards, I have lived with a mentally and emotionally abusive alcoholic father. The type of fat... View more

Hello all, and thank you for taking the time to read my post. I'll start off by saying that I am a young adult of an alcoholic father. From the age of 21 on wards, I have lived with a mentally and emotionally abusive alcoholic father. The type of father that would torture you and play on your emotions and thoughts constantly. In the past, I remember coming home from work one day, to find him intoxicated and violent against my mother and brother. I remember seeing him try to kill my mother and my brother was there trying to fend him off. He would often try and do these things as well as trying to drive his car whilst under the influence. My father has even tried to commit suicide at one point, as a desperate plea to gain, what I think to be, a form of attention. Seeing him was the darkest sight I've ever seen in my life. I feel as if all the abuse I have tolerated from him over the years has carried over into my adulthood (I am 26 at the time of posting this) and has damaged me beyond repair. I feel a lot of resentment and hatred towards him. My emotions are basically non-existent, in most aspects of my life. My brain feels like it was been rewired to that of a non normal person. I have noticed some traits that have developed in me that were never there, such as perfectionism, difficulties with intimacy, trouble with starting something and finishing it, fear of losing control, the list goes on. I've even begun to think disgusting thoughts such as "maybe my father would be better off dead." I have even begun to not trust my own thoughts about everything in my life, such as my studies at the moment, my friends, my future, whether what I'm doing or thinking is right or wrong. I feel like I can't distinguish from what is normal thoughts to those that evil. I just feel like a damaged, lost, confused, tormented soul that's roaming the earth, trying to make the best for himself and my future in any way possible. I have a constant need to improve myself in everything, all the time, and it's driving me insane. I have tried services such as eheadspace online chat as well as beyond blue chat and everything points to me going to see a Psychologist or perhaps even Psychotherapy. Would seeing a Psychologist be the right step for me? Any guidance would be great. Thank you.

Jade_94 Resentment towards my partner after 2nd child
  • replies: 3

Hello, I was looking around on google trying to find answers as to why I was feeling angry all the time and I found myself coming back to the question "what triggers these emotions" My Partner. We have just had our 2nd child together he is currently ... View more

Hello, I was looking around on google trying to find answers as to why I was feeling angry all the time and I found myself coming back to the question "what triggers these emotions" My Partner. We have just had our 2nd child together he is currently 6 months and out eldest is 3 in a month. My partner works full time and I work nights 3 days a week.. My partner works so bloody hard for us. I find Staying home with the kids is HARD 80% of the time. And I notice my self getting more and more short tempered . and it scares me. I find my self always waiting for my partner to get home. But when he does? Its not enough for me, I'm disappointed ? Why ? He likes to relax after work by playing games on the computer, he puts on his head set and talks to his mates nearly all night. He does help when I ask him to do things. But sometimes he complains. He says he has been working ALL day, so I should do what's needed for the kids. Like I'm sorry you had kids. They still apply even after you finish work. Most times I'm fine with this. But lately its PISSING me off. I just find my self so angry at him. All the time. Is it because he has a hobby? something to escape to when he comes home? Whyyyyy

Tigerlilly1 Cant understand and not dealing too well
  • replies: 6

I have just broken up with my fiancee. We were together 12 years. We have had ups and downs over the years but all couples do. The reason it started from what i am aware of is was checking my bank online and noticed he had used my card for a few more... View more

I have just broken up with my fiancee. We were together 12 years. We have had ups and downs over the years but all couples do. The reason it started from what i am aware of is was checking my bank online and noticed he had used my card for a few more things than he had told me so asked what he had spent my money on. All of a sudden he was yelling at me that i was always at him and i did nothing around the house to help him as i was always at computer doing cricket stuff. (I am a secretary of an association) then he grabbed me and pinned me to floor although he claims i tripped. But he still had me by the shirt and had fist raised at me. When he let go i just went outside in shock and would not talk to him as was waiting for an apology. He moved downstairs to sleep that night and then for 5 weeks we didnt speak. For 3 weeks after that he slept elsewhere. Didnt have a clue where and only come home to shower and change. Then when i messged him and said that was he moving out or i trying to get a response or apology. He wasnt moving anywhere that i was the one going. The day i moved is the day a so called friend of mine posted on FB that she and him were in a relationship. I am not dealing with him not wantung to talk to me to fix things that day and prior and that he and a friend are in a relationship. I asked to meet with him to find out what the go was to help me through this and was told we had nothing in common i was nasty and boring. I dont undertand how all this has come to being all of a sudden without my partner and when they started this relationship as he cant remember a certain date. He claims the last two years were hard for him. We even went on a cruise shortly before all this paid for by my kids as a 50th birthday present. I am crying at a drop of a hat at anything and just want to be swallowed up in a big black hole. My heart is in a million pieces over this as prior to this we were fine so i thought. I just dont understand says he still wants to be friends and have a bond but not the bond we thought we would have.

ShaneB91 Feeling incredibly lonely
  • replies: 3

Hey there. I'm Shane. I've gone through a pretty big break-up and although we're working things out, we're keeping our distance so as to not rush things. During the break up, my 'friends' (I use that term pretty loosely due to their words and actions... View more

Hey there. I'm Shane. I've gone through a pretty big break-up and although we're working things out, we're keeping our distance so as to not rush things. During the break up, my 'friends' (I use that term pretty loosely due to their words and actions) have essentially abandoned me. I think it's part to me somewhat maturing quite a bit over the past 6 months and their stagnant lives, but also their ragging on my ex (whom I still love to Gallifrey and back) even though I asked them not to didn't help the friendship. My best mate of almost 20 years all of sudden removed me from his life. I think it has something to do with my atheistic world view and his further movement into the Jehovah Witness church, which I never had an issue with (his beliefs) and I never questioned them, however I think he may have felt 'threatened' by things I've said in passing to others in conversation/debate. The loss of his friendship struck quite a blow, but I've come to accept that it's his life and his choice to not be in my life anymore. Aside from those people, I don't really have any other friends. I have a couple fellas I play Xbox Live with occasionally but those times are few and far between. I guess being a Sunday night in a dead-end town has me feeling lost. So I'm just wondering if anyone would like to chat at all? I could add you on facebook or even if you're a gamer (Xbox One and PC here), we could game together. I guess I'm saying I'm looking for a friend and with the power of the internet at my fingertips, things could be easy. I'm an introvert, however I do like to explore new places when given the opportunity. I'm a big Doctor Who fan (New Who only; haven't had a chance to watch the older stuff), I love new music, I enjoy a good comedy and my top 3 favourite tv shows are 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia', 'The Office (US)' and 'Doctor Who'. I'm a 26 year old lonely fella looking to keep my mind from turning into the beehive that my anxiety turns it into. Men or women, it doesn't matter. Just looking for friendship (PS, I apologise if this is the wrong place to post this. I sort of jumped straight into the first forum that had 'loneliness' in the description.)

Afraid99 Feeling defeated
  • replies: 3

I recently posted a thread related to anxiety around a new relationship. That has since ended. ( friend zoned hard) i feel defeated. I can’t seem to ever maintain a relationship. I live rurally, so meeting people can be hard. I’m on multiple online s... View more

I recently posted a thread related to anxiety around a new relationship. That has since ended. ( friend zoned hard) i feel defeated. I can’t seem to ever maintain a relationship. I live rurally, so meeting people can be hard. I’m on multiple online sites with a wide range of distance hoping to meet someone. I’m a pretty genuine person. I’m honest. Very hard working. Due to my job I can come across very confident, which I understand can put guys off. I’m very caring and understanding. I’m patient. I don’t limit my options by being overly selective. I’m happy to catch up with someone as long as there is a connection. I have been open to people who I would not consider to be traditionally attractive, but I go by personality and connection. I’m open to guys who already have kids and always work in conjunction with the guy so he can always put the kids first. I don’t interfere in the relationship they have with their ex. I just can’t figure out where I’m going wrong. I’m not overly full on towards the guy, even though in private my anxiety really plays at me . i really want a long term relationship. I genuinely have a lot to offer a guy, but never seem to get that opportunity. I’d love to have a family of my own, but I’m starting to get to an age where the clock is going to soon start ticking down. How do I meet someone who will be interested in something long term? How do I get them to hang around long enough to give me the chance to show I’m actually not a bad chick. I know this is a common problem for a lot of women.

Capybara Facing Reality of Alcoholism
  • replies: 10

Hi all, I have been with my partner for two years and he is my dearest friend and someone who I feel I can truly be myself with. About a year ago he told me that he believes he is an alcoholic - because he could never stop at one drink (or five, or s... View more

Hi all, I have been with my partner for two years and he is my dearest friend and someone who I feel I can truly be myself with. About a year ago he told me that he believes he is an alcoholic - because he could never stop at one drink (or five, or six etc) and he felt dependent on it. I have seen a lot of people engage with alcohol this way who don't believe they have a problem at all, and I guess I thought since he was acknowledging it himself, he was the one who identified the problem, and I hadn't really felt any particular issue with his drinking, I figured it wasn't a big deal. But I wanted to support him - so we've done a few different things over the year, we've both quit drinking together for short periods of time. We've had a calendar where we marked the days he didn't drink so he could see how he was doing across the course of a month (he went two months where he only drank a few days of the month). But I guess the past few months have been stressful, with pressure of study and social isolation. He started drinking fairly regularly again, the main issue of which really is that he can't really afford it and also that he never really invites me to drink with him, so he'll come home with a bottle and sit down with it and not even ask if I want a glass (though is happy to share if I ask). For a couple of weeks recently he started exercising every morning and afternoon and he didn't drink in that time, but then we went away and had a big weekend. Anyway, just recently he got so drunk and it was actually really hard to handle. He was unpredictable, forgetful, and eventually hostile. When we got home he passed out and I wrote down everything that had happened for him to read the next morning, which he did. He was very upset by it all, and felt he didn't deserve to be with me. The next day he emailed me from work and said he wants to quit drinking and asked me to talk to my family for support with this. He asked me to tell my parents so they don't offer him drinks at dinners etc. I feel like this is positive, but I'm scared as well of the possibility that things could get worse, not better. I guess I think I'm actually facing the reality that he's an alcoholic for the first time. Any support would be much appreciated... Thank you all.

Luvmydog Missing my daughter who lives overseas
  • replies: 2

Our daughter moved to the UK 3 years ago. At first temporarily on a 2 year visa, then her work place sponsored her for 5 years, and she has fallen in love with a Portuguese man. They are living together & plan on marrying. I am struggling terribly mi... View more

Our daughter moved to the UK 3 years ago. At first temporarily on a 2 year visa, then her work place sponsored her for 5 years, and she has fallen in love with a Portuguese man. They are living together & plan on marrying. I am struggling terribly missing her. I have up & down times with this & at the moment am very sad. What i stuggle with is not knowing if she will ever come back to Australia to live. I see a sad future where we only see each other once a year or so. It fills me with such sadness to think I won't see her or any grandchildren on a regular basis. And when we're too old to travel or it's too expensive for her to come back, what then? She had to return to Aus to wait for her visa approval & during that time she was cold & distant, not wanting to spend time with us & reverting to teenage behaviour staying in the bedroom etc. This was very hurtful to us both especially as she was only here for such a short time. She was angry that we had not given her the money to fly back while she waited for her visa & that she didn't feel supported by us in her decision. We could have afforded to pay, but i felt that if it was something she wanted, she should make it happen herself. We went to a counsellor a couple of times while she was home. I didn't click with the person really & I didn't really get to say what i felt in front of my daughter because I was too upset & spent most of the time crying. We've had a great holiday in europe with them both & they came home for Christmas. Our relationship has improved massively, esp since we visited over there & met her boyfriend. He's lovely & we like him a lot. we skype every week & she often rings when she's walking to work, & we text regularly. She was very upset when they went back to London after Christmas & sobbed when we all said goodbye. Saying goodbye is so hard for everyone, it's almost too much to bear. I know she misses us & home & loves us. We are planning on a half way trip to see each other later this year. The get togethers aren't enough for me though. I miss not being able to have coffees & go shopping or seeing her when she'd drop in on her way home from work. All that stuff we used to have. I keep busy, see friends, I go to work. But I'm still not coping. What else can I do? The separation & uncertainty are horrible.