Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Distrot_Wife Is a seperation a good idea
  • replies: 4

My husband and I have been married for 14yrs and together for 21yrs we have 3 beautiful kids and the last 3yrs have been really hard on us all with his depression in respects that he has withdrawn from everyone and everything and now we are fighting ... View more

My husband and I have been married for 14yrs and together for 21yrs we have 3 beautiful kids and the last 3yrs have been really hard on us all with his depression in respects that he has withdrawn from everyone and everything and now we are fighting all the time. Don't get me wrong I love him and have been by his side through all this like he was for me 16yrs ago but there is no sign of him wanting to change his frame of mind and thinking. We are in counselling and it doesn't seem to be doing anything this time around either. His negative thinking is just taking over and I am just so sad that he is missing out on his kids childhood. I am also over the fighting but I am afraid that if we seperate that he will fall deeper into his hole.

Visoredsugar I feel lost in my family
  • replies: 3

My parents have been separated for as long as I remember. Since then they have both married other people and have given me three younger half-brothers who I love dearly (one on my dad's side and two on my mum's). I am in shared custody and, by my own... View more

My parents have been separated for as long as I remember. Since then they have both married other people and have given me three younger half-brothers who I love dearly (one on my dad's side and two on my mum's). I am in shared custody and, by my own choice, spend a week with my dad and the next with my mum. However, the older I get the more I realize the damage the split custody is damaging my familial relationships. Split custody has led to problems forming close relationships with my brothers and has often made me feel like an outsider in the family. On my mum and stepdads side, I have a very large extended family. While my two brothers on my mum's side seem to have close relationships with a lot of the family, I have maybe two or three cousins that I could hold a conversation with. Again, this makes me feel like an outsider, especially at family events at which I normally spend the time in the corner on my phone. I have the opposite problem on my dad and stepmums side. My dad is only close with his parents which means I rarely get to see my cousins and have never met any of my extended family since I was 6. I crave seeing more of my family, especially my cousins, but am unable to due to my dads tense relationship with his sister. Finally, my dad and stepmum are moving to a town an hour away. They want me to move with them, but I have no interest in leaving the life I have behind. They say that whatever my decision, they will be happy, but after a short discussion about it where I shared my honest thoughts, they both got angry and disappointed and told me I was being selfish by not going with them. They haven't moved yet and I still spend every second week with them, but I fear that once they move I will be damaging my relationship with them. I wouldn't be able to spend weekends with them due to transport and scheduling issues, but my holidays are also usually filled as well with friends, sports and various other things so I don't know when I would ever get to see them. Overall, I dont know what to do. On my dads side, I feel utterly alone in a strict household, whereas at my mums I feel overwhelmed in my large family and am given way too much freedom at a time in my life where I need some semblance of structure.

Hildjborn Need help: I Lie to those closest to me and I have to stop
  • replies: 1

Hello. I have been caught out lying to a very close friend of mine that I want to go into business with and I can not stop myself from lying even when I am screaming in my head to stop and know it is wrong. I have grown up having to lie a lot to hide... View more

Hello. I have been caught out lying to a very close friend of mine that I want to go into business with and I can not stop myself from lying even when I am screaming in my head to stop and know it is wrong. I have grown up having to lie a lot to hide things about my family to other family members and friends and I just hate knowning I will lie and that I have been brought up that it is ok to lie to save face or to not let anyone know what the problem is. I also lied for a very long time about what happened to me physically as a child so that has not helped and this amazing person is the person I opened up to as well. I just want to stop lying and be happy and honest. I am seeing a therapist but I keep putting it off and just got to go and see him as regular as I can I just feel so much shame and guilt from so much of my life that I distract myself and cancel/put off important things like seeing my therapist. Just looking for a path out of no mans land where I feel I am atm I got to stop lying it is what I need to do just I keep blocking myself and taking the easy way out.

misscc lost
  • replies: 1

Sorry if this is poorly written. My head is all over the place. Basically, I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months, prior to this relationship we had been close friends. I have had to deal with a lot of stress throughout our relationship whether ... View more

Sorry if this is poorly written. My head is all over the place. Basically, I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months, prior to this relationship we had been close friends. I have had to deal with a lot of stress throughout our relationship whether it had do with university/study stress, family issues, my personal issues. I only feel comfortable to vent to my boyfriend which has caused me to become dependant on him, and i have been struggling to be happy independently. I also am struggling to find solutions to manage my stress. He has been stressed with his studies as well, so as a result we argue a lot and find our selves unhappy. He also feels responsible for me being sad (ex-if i had a bad day at work he would get frustrated if he couldn't put me in a better mood, frustration turned to anger which would result in a fight).We love each other so much and want it to work, however the fighting has caused my boyfriend to not feel 'in love with e'and doesn't feel as close to me but he still loves me, i understand this. Therefore we have decided to seperate to sort through our personal issues, so we can work things out. We both feel positive that things will work out as we've been so happy together in the past, before the personal issues got out of hand. My family life is a bit unstable and i have always had constant feelings of unhappiness before i met my partner, I'm just not coping and miss him a lot. Im in the process of trying to organise to talk to a councillor when i have the time to, but does anyone have tips to learn how to stop being so dependant and stressed? also how to deal with a separation and feelings of rejection? Thank you in advance

Raghu Compulsive Lying
  • replies: 4

I think I am a compulsive liar. I keep hiding things from my wife with regards to financial matters and my smoking habit. This is affecting our relationship. We have a 18 month old kid. I want to change this habit of mine because I love my wife but m... View more

I think I am a compulsive liar. I keep hiding things from my wife with regards to financial matters and my smoking habit. This is affecting our relationship. We have a 18 month old kid. I want to change this habit of mine because I love my wife but my habit is hurting our relationship alot. I dont know what i need to do in order to fix myself up.

Jaynelauren Need help!? Family/sister trouble
  • replies: 2

I hope this makes sense. I have 4 sisters who we all would seem pretty close but behind everyone’s backs there’s nothing but nasty gossip. its been going on for years but I’ve been in a serious relationship for over a year now and his made me realise... View more

I hope this makes sense. I have 4 sisters who we all would seem pretty close but behind everyone’s backs there’s nothing but nasty gossip. its been going on for years but I’ve been in a serious relationship for over a year now and his made me realise I want to live a different life I want more for my life. So I’ve been going really well losing weight finishing my course etc and my sisters and 1 friend are just going crazy behind my back hating on me. I’m hearing a lot of she said he said and it’s making me feel really depressed. It’s gotten to the point no one is really speaking to me anymore cause they are believing each other’s lies and hating me. All I have is my partner but I feel like I’m taking it out on him. I’m not a confrontational person at all but if I tried to confront no one would admit it. I feel so lonely I have no one to talk to and no one who actually cares about me. I’m always the one going to visit them and seeing what they’re doing and doing everything for them but no one ever just does something for me. I’m over them ignoring me and using me and then when they feel like it or they want something they will talk to me. I need help!? How do I move on in my life cause I know they’re not going to change . Also how do I stop being so emotional to my boyfriend I feel like it’s makinf me moody towards him and finding reasons to cry or be angry at him.

vanilla12 Worried my friend is getting used?
  • replies: 3

Hi there, So I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm really worried about a close friend of mine, who is also 17. Let's call her Rose. Rose is gay (and out to pretty much everyone) but lately she kept saying she's lonely and wants a girlfriend. Tonight, she m... View more

Hi there, So I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm really worried about a close friend of mine, who is also 17. Let's call her Rose. Rose is gay (and out to pretty much everyone) but lately she kept saying she's lonely and wants a girlfriend. Tonight, she messaged me and said she offered to hook up/sleep with a guy who is 20 something and who she doesn't know very well, I think she met him at a party once, because she's lonely and desperate. She's clearly not interested in a relationship with him at all and has suffered severe depression and anxiety in the past, although she's recovering now. At the time she met him, she described this guy flirting with her even though he knew she was gay and a lot younger than him. Don't get me wrong, I have no issue with casual sex in general but the age difference bothers me and I talked to a mutual friend who said she thought Rose was being self destructive but that we can't do anything. I tried to tell Rose I was worried about her and to be safe but she just said "I love you and I'll be fine". I don't feel like Rose is that mature and can see this ending badly for her but I have no idea who I should tell or what to do since Rose isn't really listening to my warnings about getting used, even though I tried to be chill and friendly about it. Thanks!

Jacq333 So lonely it's stopping me making friends
  • replies: 9

Hi I've came to the realisation that I am that lonely that I have lost the confidence to make new connections. I have recently moved to a small(ish) country town where I don't know anyone. I am the manager in one of the main facilities in town which ... View more

Hi I've came to the realisation that I am that lonely that I have lost the confidence to make new connections. I have recently moved to a small(ish) country town where I don't know anyone. I am the manager in one of the main facilities in town which has issues I need to fix therefore meaning I feel I can't make friends with colleagues (i'm having to performance manage them). I'm not australian so I didn't grow up with the football/netball culture which is so prevailant in a country vic town so don't have that to fit in. I just don't feel connected to anything and don't know how to make friends. I'm a confident prrson on the outside but my fear of people not liking me is stopping me from trying to make friends in the first place. I just feel so lost

KAL25 What can I do better
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together for nearly 2.5 years and are engaged to be married this August (same-sex relationship). She has trouble telling me when she is upset about things or talking about events that frighten or scare her. Instead she will... View more

My partner and I have been together for nearly 2.5 years and are engaged to be married this August (same-sex relationship). She has trouble telling me when she is upset about things or talking about events that frighten or scare her. Instead she will pick on something else small and explode, in hindsight I know I should just reassure her everthing's okay, and know that she isnt actually mad at me its a previous issue, but the moment she snaps and gets mad I snap back, I have no idea how to just stop and say its okay. Im sorry. And I know saying that will stop her getting worse. Sometime I can brush it off and realise its me, but most of the time i retaliate and basically tell her she shouldnt be mad. I love her, but these small problems happen constantly and are exhausting, I just want to know what I can do to help her. Push my own stubbornness aside. thank you

JackM Help! Mother with dementia and brother with schizophrenia
  • replies: 4

I have a mother with dementia, and a brother with schizophrenia. My mother needs treatment but my brother is dead set against my mother getting treatment, and is riling her up all the time telling her that the rest of her children are trying to harm ... View more

I have a mother with dementia, and a brother with schizophrenia. My mother needs treatment but my brother is dead set against my mother getting treatment, and is riling her up all the time telling her that the rest of her children are trying to harm her in some way. My brother speaks in simple platitudes, promised to buy her a house (a promise that he cannot keep), and is basically the only person that she trusts at this point. This has been going on for about 18 months. Recently our sister and I were given a guardianship order to supervise our mother's health care, housing, and so on. We need our mother to cooperate but it is very hard when he is always on the phone to her telling her that he mean her harm. I've spoken directly to my brother about this, and he seems amenable for the most part when on the phone to me, but as soon as the call ends he is doing the same thing. We had a brief respite for about a week when the police picked him up during an episode, and was sent to the mental hospital. Once he got out he kept on doing the same. My question is what can we do about this? He is making it impossible to go about our duties are guardians as she refuses medical care, refuses relocation (back to her own home), and if this continues she is going to be permanently in a nursing home, something that we would like to avoid for as long as she is able to live semi-independently with in-home care. Are there any options to have my brother stop this behaviour? Negotiating haven't worked.