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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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KittyMouse Struggling to decide
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’ve recently moved it of house with my partner of 7 years before we were both living with my parents as we were saving to build. Ok so I have a very close relationship with my mum and I’ve moved 40mins away from her now. I find I’m missing her a... View more

Hi, I’ve recently moved it of house with my partner of 7 years before we were both living with my parents as we were saving to build. Ok so I have a very close relationship with my mum and I’ve moved 40mins away from her now. I find I’m missing her and the late night conversations we had on the lounge and just the little things we used to do together. My Partner suffers from Anxiety and Homebase it a massive trigger for him, so we didn’t have a good first few months in our house. Now he’s talking about wanting us to move back to where he’s originally from which is 2 hrs away. I start to feel really bad and upset because I don’t want to move further away from my mum because I don’t think I will be able to handle it but than I want to be supportive of him. Am I just being selfish? And should I suck it up and go or is this something someone else has been through and can have a chat to me about it. I guess I’m scared that I’ll miss out on so much stuff at home and that I won’t have the same relationship with my mum.

Acatlady Husband No Longer Loves Me
  • replies: 1

I am 29 years old and my husband and I had been together eight years, married for two. We moved from Australia to Canada and then to England for his career. Last year he told me his feelings have changed and he doesn't feel romantic love for me any m... View more

I am 29 years old and my husband and I had been together eight years, married for two. We moved from Australia to Canada and then to England for his career. Last year he told me his feelings have changed and he doesn't feel romantic love for me any more. It's been absolutely the worst time of my life. I was in Australia on a visit to see my family when he told me this, I don't think he could tell me face to face. So I went back to England to have the real discussion. A few weeks later I packed what I could of my things and have moved back to Australia and am now living with my mother. I feel like I have been very stupid. I gave up a lot of my life to follow him around and support his career. I did not finish university and have worked in jobs I did not enjoy. Now I am 29 and living with my mother, waiting for divorce! I have no job and am very directionless. When I first arrived back I did get a job but I couldn't work there long. It was doing the same thing I had in England, I didn't like it and with everything else it was too much. I have had depression and anxiety issues since childhood and with this happening I have been struggling. I have been seeing a psychologist for the last six months and maybe it has helped a little to have someone objective to speak with but I still feel very very down every day. I started a university course at the beginning of the year but, again, I didn't feel able to cope. I withdrew from that. I had hoped it would be some kind of answer to everything and would make me feel better. I just felt worse and worse, surrounded by young people. I know I let it get to me. I would like to study again to give myself some kind of positive future.. Working in the industry I had been (optical retail) is not what I want to do. It drove me crazy. I still talk to my future ex husband almost every day. He is the one actually keeping in contact. I do think he wants to maintain a friendship. It's not what he wanted to happen in his life either.. Talking with him is hard but not talking would be harder? I don't know what steps to take next. I am very alone and have no friends in this area, as my mother moved while I was overseas. I have visited some which was good but I need something where I am now (Perth). I'm not sure what I am doing! My thoughts are very jumbled and my emotions are erratic too.

anxiousandoutgoing Anxiety and a break up/rebound
  • replies: 2

Hi whoever is reading this. i have recently ended a long term relationship after my partner cheated on me. I am constantly struggling since with my anxiety and depression as my thoughts are constantly telling me I’m worthless and that it should just ... View more

Hi whoever is reading this. i have recently ended a long term relationship after my partner cheated on me. I am constantly struggling since with my anxiety and depression as my thoughts are constantly telling me I’m worthless and that it should just end now to make life (or lack there of) easier. I started seeing a long term friend but he is struggling to understand mental illness. I’m on an emotional roller coaster at the moment while also trying to deal with a new job. I need help. Is there any advice that can help me out?

Coadie Depressed due to a relationship break up
  • replies: 11

Hey everyone, so I’m a 16 year old teenage boy who is currently in high school. Now by reading the title and seeing my age you may think I’m a little childish and don’t understand what ‘real love’ is but believe me I do. There’s this beautiful girl t... View more

Hey everyone, so I’m a 16 year old teenage boy who is currently in high school. Now by reading the title and seeing my age you may think I’m a little childish and don’t understand what ‘real love’ is but believe me I do. There’s this beautiful girl that I had a thing with, we were only dating for two weeks but we were close and getting to know eachother a few weeks before that. She ended it with me last night, she has a few issues going on in her life at the moment, that’s is her business and I’m not going to discuss those as it’s not my place to. But she broke up with me because she didn’t want to hurt me, she didn’t want to drag me down with her. We both suffer from depression and this break up has only made mine worse. I’ve spoken to her and she keeps saying it’s for the best but I don’t get it, I want to help her and I’m not going to get dragged down with her, I’m there to support her. I broke down into pieces last night, I was a wreck, I didn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about her, went to school today, went home an hour after school started cause I just couldn’t be there. The minute I got in the car with my mum I broke down, I was a mess but I couldn’t tell her what was wrong, I had to make up an excuse because I feel I can’t tell her about these things. ‘I had a migraine’ I said, I got home and took two of my dads anti depressant pills, it feels like it didn’t do anything besides make it all worse. Anything I do, anything I think about it just reminds me of her. I loved this girl and I still do and I don’t want this to be the end. I’m in a really messed up position at the moment and I need advice on how to talk to her about it, how to let her give me another chance, be able to tell her that I’m there to help her, that I’m not going to get dragged down by it all. Please I need this girl in my life.

Teibs Newly married and constantly fearing being cheated on
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone Really new to this. I recently got married, 3 months now to the man I really love. I’ve never had this feeling when we were dating but ever since we got married I constantly fear that he is going to cheat on me or that he is doing somethi... View more

Hi everyone Really new to this. I recently got married, 3 months now to the man I really love. I’ve never had this feeling when we were dating but ever since we got married I constantly fear that he is going to cheat on me or that he is doing something behind my back. I understand that a lot of it has to do with my past relationships where both times I’ve been cheated on. So I think the trauma from those is still bothering me. However, I logged in to his Facebook and I know it’s very foolish and stupid. I did and I saw that he deleted his conversation with this girl that I don’t like. Now I know that they used to talk before we started dating but nothing after that. I just don’t know why he would delete it. Then I went through his search history and I saw that he searched for her profile quite recently as well. Now that just added fuel to the fire. It’s been on my mind constantly. So I asked him if he would give me his Facebook password. He didn’t hesitate and gave it to me but then I realised he deleted all his search history before he gave it to me. I know he loves me and I know he would not cheat on me. But I want to know if this is normal? Like do guys just randomly check out other women? I just find it so very wrong and it’s been haunting me to a point where I haven’t slept in days. I’ve been having constant anxiety attacks and at times I cannot do anything. My body just gives up and I feel so weak that I just go to bed. It’s affecting my work, my relationship, my studies. Am I over thinking this? I try to tell myself that I am. The way these thoughts are haunting me it’s like a parasite. I really need help. I don’t know what to do. There are no other indications of him doing anything. He is really decent, he loves my family and always puts in the effort to make my day. I just feel like why would he hide those and why delete it if he has no bad intentions? i feel really stupid asking these but I also need to rest my brain. I just feel so tired being paranoid all the time

John2018 Struggle from day to day after break up
  • replies: 30

Hello, I have recently gone through a break up (almost 8 weeks) which may seem like Mental abuse as we have split a couple of times & got back etc. I got used to this behaviour and I allowed it. My friends would see & say I was getting abused mentall... View more

Hello, I have recently gone through a break up (almost 8 weeks) which may seem like Mental abuse as we have split a couple of times & got back etc. I got used to this behaviour and I allowed it. My friends would see & say I was getting abused mentally. i seem to only think of the good times and avoid the bad thoughts, I like that about me in normal circumstances. i get anxious leading up to the weekend As I know I will possibly get bored of my own company, u see I have somehow maybe become co-dependant My ex suffered from what I believe PTSD, took meds for anxiety and depression (though recently would say I never had depression only anxiety-this was a shock to hear) I would do anything to help, but I got blamed for things I did not even feel I did-unfortunately at times I would go quiet as she would treat me horribly, I even voiced that I would not accept the behaviour any more though this pushed her away. I always put others first and I thought that was a nice trait to have. I see her and she seems to be happy and I think to myself how this could be possible It’s like I am addicted to the pain, I find the relationship was what I’m addicted to so I struggle to move on. I still feel I love her though I know it’s not good for me. I tried all in my power to get us to counselling but she always avoided it! Last year we did 3 sessions and it worked well but our counsellor went on a break and we never re-booked. Don’t even know why I’m writing this? i struggle to get out of bed (my couch) it’s almost mid day & I just want to try & get used to my own space. I want to leave the house to go for a walk all the time, try and catch up with ppl though ppl are busy doing whatever it is they do, you know with family etc. I don’t know if that is normal so early in a split? Yesterday I cried a lot. Last night a friend came walking & at first I was a mess, to the point he wanted us to go to a hospital. He has depression and has it all under control with his dr. though after crying getting it out we walked for 2 hours and I was happy again. i wish God would speed things up for me. i try mindfulness,meditation but recently have stopped. I really want my life to be normal again (what’s normal right) I posted considering I’m on my couch still. Is this bad that I’m still on the couch or can I hav a day or maybe a few like this? This week was a tough one and I did find it hard every morning to get up.i hope I have not bored anyone. Thanks for listening/reading.

SummerOz Parent In-laws over stepping the boundaries.
  • replies: 7

In the past, we have had issues where my parent in-laws are to involved in our life and over stepping boundaries. They use to have a say in everything we do, constantly forcing help onto us after numerous polite declines, being involved in decisions ... View more

In the past, we have had issues where my parent in-laws are to involved in our life and over stepping boundaries. They use to have a say in everything we do, constantly forcing help onto us after numerous polite declines, being involved in decisions that my husband and I should be making as a couple or parents. On one occasion, without even consulting us first, they had discussed between themselves that they would be having our kids for 3 days and us 4 days, for the next 2 weeks. Unprecedented. I lost my marbles. However, we addressed it with them, result was awkward but respectful. Since then, things have been good but my instincts tell me that they want to be more involved with our life. Then, this happens!!! My parents in-laws stay at my house for 2 nights to look after my children while hubby (their son) and I had to travel interstate. We have always had a guest room in our home, to make sure we can accommodate visitors with comfort and own space/bedroom. e.t.c . The guest room is immaculate, clean linen, wardrobe space e.t.c. All of our guests have stayed in this room and have never had a problem with it. When the parents in-laws arrived, they set themselves up in the guest room as normal. They have stayed at our house before, so they are familiar with our Guest Etiquette in our home. However this time, when we returned, my mother in-law told me that her and my father in-law slept in our bed without even asking if its ok or not. My mother in-law made comment that "some people can be funny about it". But they did it anyway. The bed and bedroom I share with my husband is our own private room, our own space. Its the only place on this earth that we share together and we don't have to share it with anyone else (expect our little ones for cuddles). I am really crept out by this, I actually cannot sleep in that room now or bed. They whole thing grosses me out. My husband doesn't see a problem with it, but he can see where I am coming from and how invasive it is for me. In particular knowing that my father in-law is ok with sleeping in his daughter in-laws bed without asking, is next level creepy. And he choose that over the allocated guest bed provided. Worst thing is, my mother in-law knew that not all people are ok with this sort of thing happening, but did it anyway. They claim to be simple people, respectful people, but I am really struggling with this. Lost all privacy. What next.

Afraid99 Feel like I need to be a secret.
  • replies: 2

Hey all so in the past I’ve had some pretty poor relationships. My first ever relationship was an affair ( please no judgment. Hindsight is a beautiful thing and I learnt a huge lesson) but being involved in an affair means a lot of secrecy. The man ... View more

Hey all so in the past I’ve had some pretty poor relationships. My first ever relationship was an affair ( please no judgment. Hindsight is a beautiful thing and I learnt a huge lesson) but being involved in an affair means a lot of secrecy. The man eventually left his wife but continued to keep me secret out of fear of upsetting her further..... for 6 years.... we only ever went to places if he was sure she wouldn’t be there. He would only come to my house after a certain time so he could be sure he wouldn’t be seen not being at his house. In reflection I know how rediculous it was. But at the time you’re in it, you don’t see it. Fast forward to today. A couple of nothing relationships later and I’ve started seeing a guy going through a divorce. All seems very above board. He’s very open that he is seeing people. But I’ve realized, I’ve viewed myself as still needing to be a secret. If I go to his house, I don’t park close by - it’s a small town that his ex still lives in an my mind tells me it will cause trouble if a car is seen at his house. Next he sent pictures to his friend of he and I together on the couch. And I nearly had a stroke to think people would know that he is seeing someone. Added to this is that I’m over weight and have little to no self esteem. My mind feels like everyone will judge him for dating ‘ the fat chick’. Obviously my weight is not a big issue for him, because he’s interested in me. It’s just my own issues making me feel like that. My whole life I’ve been told “ you could be really pretty if you lost some weight “ I am on strong anti D medication, we all know how hard it is to lose weight while taking that. Believe me I tried But I’d rarher be fat and happy rather than skinny and sad i went into the city to have lunch with the bloke in seeing. My eyes were darting everywhere looking to see if there was anyone we know, feeling anxious that we would be seen or ‘ caught together ‘. There is absolutely no reason our interaction needs to be a secret. I just don’t know how to change my mindset on this. Or the anxiety of possibly being seen with someone who actually does like me. I feel like this behavior is ingrained into me. And the poor bloke I’m seeing probably thinks I’m an irrational freak for parking my car so far away.

Flerne Sudden feelings of sadness and loneliness after returning home
  • replies: 5

Hi all, Im someone who only a year ago loved time alone and enjoyed my own company sometimes more than the company of others. I recently returned home from a lengthy solo trip overseas and have had sudden overwhelming feelings of loneliness even afte... View more

Hi all, Im someone who only a year ago loved time alone and enjoyed my own company sometimes more than the company of others. I recently returned home from a lengthy solo trip overseas and have had sudden overwhelming feelings of loneliness even after I have spent all day socialising. I would normally be up bright and early every morning and now since returning home I choose to sleep in and feel fatigued all the time. I find myself sobbing when I think of being alone or knowing I have a few days ahead of me without any plans to socialise. Im suddenly terrified of not having people around me 24/7 and dont like feeling as though i suddenly need others around me to keep me feeling content. I have tried to talk to my family who have all had their own moments with their mental health seeking support but no one knows what to say or how to address the issue. I live with my roommate who is a shift worker and her not being home many nights of the week gives me anxiety about coming home to an empty house. I have no clue where these sudden lonely feelings have stemmed from and would like to hear from others if they have ever experienced this before.

James09 When do I stop trying to do thing for myself and just expect that I will never put myself first.
  • replies: 3

I m husband,father, worker, and trying to be a student. The student part is something that I really want for myself as I feel that continual learning is important. However, I am on my second attempt to study and find even with my best plans i have no... View more

I m husband,father, worker, and trying to be a student. The student part is something that I really want for myself as I feel that continual learning is important. However, I am on my second attempt to study and find even with my best plans i have no time. I can't not be work because i have to pay bills etc. we are not in a position that we can can send our children to child care and i can't not give my wife a couple hours of my time on the weekend, which is the only time we can have. I started my studies and got weeks in advance started assessments, reading and research. Now I am three lectures behind an assessment due in four days (without a legitimate reason to request an assessment). to complete the assessment i know have to get home from work midnight study til 6 sleep for 3 hrs if my son lets me til i have to hand it in. Anxiety through the roof depression its best friend well on it way. No time to talk to any one because that and this chew study time that cause more anxiety. I know there is no simple answer and that I should do something for myself but how?