Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Firsttimedad Growing resentment towards step-kids and ex's
  • replies: 8

I am seeking some input from others who have navigated similar situations and have found limited information from the perspective of other men on this topic. I started my relationship with my partner knowing she had two children from previous relatio... View more

I am seeking some input from others who have navigated similar situations and have found limited information from the perspective of other men on this topic. I started my relationship with my partner knowing she had two children from previous relationships (teenager and a toddler). At the time it didn't seem to be an issue to me; I was head over heals in love with my partner and whilst it was an adjustment for me having kids around when we were in a new relationship we made it work and still had time to ourselves. Our relationship progressed quickly and my partner and I also had a baby (my first) early in our relationship. I couldn't be happier to be a father; I love the new role and have changed my life to make sure I am home as much as I can be with our baby. In the lead up to having our baby and certainly since though I have a growing resentment towards my step-kids and the ongoing relationships my partner has to manage with her ex's for the benefit of the kids. I am uncomfortable when the kids from her past relationships interact with our baby, dread when those kids our returning home and often feel like I miss out on experiences with my partner and our baby due to the impact mainly of the toddler she has from a past relationship. Things feel perfect when the other kids are not around but that all changes when they come home and the return of those kids also means interactions with the ex's which is something I dread having as part of my life. I understand that these issues just come with the territory of being with someone who has children from previous relationships but I am increasingly concerned about whether I can cope with this being my life because the resentment is clearly not healthy or sustainable. I haven't spoken too openly with my partner about the growing feelings towards her kids but have over-talked about the issues with the ex's particularly the father of the toddler because due to the age of the child there is a lot of contact. I feel stuck now in a constant battle of weighing up how good things are in the relationship and being a new father against the anxiety/resentment/frustration I feel about having other kids from past relationships interrupt that and the involvement of my partner's ex's in our life. I understand these are my issues, there is nothing my partner can do about them, but I am increasingly focused on these aspects of my life to the point it stops me enjoying the good parts of my life...

Berito Relation ship issue with wife with depression
  • replies: 4

Hey all looking for some advice if anyone has been through similar issues. My wife of nearly 2 years now has had depression issues since we met over 8 years ago and I have tried to help her through it. Just recently I found out she now has feeling fo... View more

Hey all looking for some advice if anyone has been through similar issues. My wife of nearly 2 years now has had depression issues since we met over 8 years ago and I have tried to help her through it. Just recently I found out she now has feeling for another bloke she works with aswell as me but her depression is all over the place and her head is not clear at the moment she doesn't understand if she just likes the feeling of being wanted and doesn't know what she wants. We have split for the time being till she can work out her head and what she wants. She says she still loves and cares for me and she doesn't know if being split will be forever or she just needs a break to clear her head and get back in track again. I'm really struggling with it specially as we have a beautiful 7 year old daughter together and we are trying to keep things as normal as possible for her so she doesn't know what's going on as yet till my wife works out what she wants as we don't want to confuse her if we do get back together once she clears her head If anyone has any advise would be great thanks guys

Gur i think my husband is suffering from depression.
  • replies: 2

Hi, i am new to this website. I am here to ask that who do i approach if i think my husband is suffering from depression?He denies to seek any medical help but the way he behaves are typical signs of depression. But how do i convince or make him to g... View more

Hi, i am new to this website. I am here to ask that who do i approach if i think my husband is suffering from depression?He denies to seek any medical help but the way he behaves are typical signs of depression. But how do i convince or make him to get treatment if he does not even accepting it? I can tell because i am from Nursing profession so can tell that something is right. But i am stuck and have no where to get him treated. I do have two kids and all other responsibilities but i think my husband's mental health is making me very concerned!! Please help!

Bassface909 Partner has feelings for somebody else
  • replies: 10

So recently my long term partner has come out and said they have feelings for somebody else. We are in a relationship over ten years. This other person has been in our life sexually a few times (open relationship) in the past but that fizzled out and... View more

So recently my long term partner has come out and said they have feelings for somebody else. We are in a relationship over ten years. This other person has been in our life sexually a few times (open relationship) in the past but that fizzled out and the past few months my partner and them have formed a new friendship, which I am totally fine it. It looks like it became an infatuation somewhat as they wanted to spend more time together and growing the friendship side of things etc. Partner has since told this person that the feelings were growing and that they need to cease communication with each other. Other person has said they have feelings too but don't really want to come between us. Partner has been feeling really low since then and said they now have a broken heart and it needs to mend etc. Nobody is at fault here as feelings cannot be controlled and I don't blame anybody for what happened. I am just finding it a little difficult to process with reason and logic that a heart is broken after a few months. Is this something between them or is it just a new friendship? Any advice or thoughts? I am feeling like we are at a crossroads and I do not want to cloud any decision making by anybody by offering deep insights or getting angry, sad, etc. My thoughts are clear enough considering what is going on but I just dont know how to support my partner and proceed through this.

Purple4 Feeling trapped with narcissist partner
  • replies: 21

Firstly I don't even know why I call him my partner as I don't even feel like I'm in a relationship. I feel really stupid saying this out loud as I am a 46 year old woman who should know better. I have been in a 'relationship' for 6 years, a very one... View more

Firstly I don't even know why I call him my partner as I don't even feel like I'm in a relationship. I feel really stupid saying this out loud as I am a 46 year old woman who should know better. I have been in a 'relationship' for 6 years, a very one sided relationship. He takes and I give. I just don't know why I stay with him. I'm so unhappy but yet I stay. My partner is also my boss at work which complicates everything. He is sucking all the joy out of my life and I dream about life without him. My doctor asked me why do I stay and my response was that he needs me. He wouldn't cope if I left him. I'm so down tonight after another hurtful degrading arguement with him and I just try to put my relationship in the too hard basket and ignore my feelings. I dont have close friends or family I trust to talk to so I am very isolated . Has anyone broken free from a narcissist? I'm just so exhausted.

spontaneous sunflower My 16 year old brother is insufferable
  • replies: 1

I'm 17 (F) and I have three brothers. Two are older (24 and 22) and one is younger. They're all living at home and they all get on my nerves time to time, but the youngest gets on my nerves (and everyone else's nerves for that matter) 24/7 and it's b... View more

I'm 17 (F) and I have three brothers. Two are older (24 and 22) and one is younger. They're all living at home and they all get on my nerves time to time, but the youngest gets on my nerves (and everyone else's nerves for that matter) 24/7 and it's becoming so much that I genuinely wish I could just move out. Where do I even start? I guess I should describe the type of person he is. Like most 16 year olds, he is clearly going through that "it has be be my way, no one understands me, I'm too cool for everyone, life sucks, etc" phase. God I hope it's just a phase, because he takes it next level. He is so arrogant, ungrateful, rude and disrespectful. He talks down to women, even his own Mum, his own sister (me) and his friend/girlfriend (don't even know if he has a girlfriend, he seems to talk to a lot of girls). He talks back to everyone. He's so blindly ungrateful but he calls me spoiled? I am sure I have my moments, and my mum says that he's jealous of me because I get more attention.. but that's only because I am grateful, I do stuff around the house and I actually spend time with my parents, so of course I get "more attention". As the youngest, he has been plenty "spoiled" and loved, my parents always ask him if he wants to go to the shops with us or go out for coffee and he always says no, and then complains about it later. He gets away with everything, not because my parents are bad parents but because he has no respect and finds a loophole around everything. He sneaks out, he smokes weed in his room, he steals cigarettes. His bedroom is next to mine and he keeps me up by talking loud to his friends or worst of all, I've heard him doing stuff with a girl a few times. When he's being loud and it's past midnight, i try telling him to shut up but it's no use. He doesn't listen, and even when my parents tell him off, he still doesn't listen. He is so rude to me. He's called me names, made hurtful jokes about my appearance and overall he just walks all over me. I know brothers can be like that sometimes, but my other two brothers are much nicer, this one is just blatantly rude. He's even said rude hurtful jokes to our own Mum. He says he's just joking, but no matter how much we tell him off for taking jokes too far, he doesn't care or see what he's doing wrong. I've done so much for him and he takes it all for granted. I'm so fed up with him, as is everyone else. He has his decent moments but overall he's awful and no one knows how to control him.

white knight Grandparents- their role
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The role of grandparents is a very special one to both them and the grandchild. Grandparents are usually calm loving souls that seem to fill a void that parents can’t fill especially in this modern world of two income families. While they are importa... View more

The role of grandparents is a very special one to both them and the grandchild. Grandparents are usually calm loving souls that seem to fill a void that parents can’t fill especially in this modern world of two income families. While they are important. Their role is often fragile in that, for any number of reasons, they could lose their role altogether- cut out of their grandchildren’s lives. This leads to tremendous levels of grief. The role of being a grandparent doesn’t come with a “user manual”. As new parents we mums and dads get visiting nurses, read books, Dr google and GP care, a grandparent won’t find a short course on grand parenting so it is accepted being one doesn’t need education. I believe this is an error in society because grandparents can easily fall into being out of favour and losing their role regardless of the high level of love they give. Lets be bold and discuss some of the basic errors a grandparent can make- Interfering with how the parent raises their child - for the parents this can be demeaning. They often are critical of how they were raised so they won’t allow history to repeat. Subtle suggestions done with love and support is good, anything beyond that builds resentment commenting on the lifestyle choices the parent makes- a grandparent can voice expectations and worse- insist on them. Again, they should try to steer the ship steady not take over the captains wheel entering the role of parenting- remember, you are not the parent. Caring for your grandchild is an honour not a right, Discipline and educating the child should be along the lines of the parents techniques and wishes or conflict is likely Not feeling significant- try not to feel this way. Nanas and Pops are really important for a child. Even spoiling a grandchild is ok. Remember, your love and care will be a lifetime of memories for that child. making their role as grandparent their life- this is a common trap. For some they cannot keep a buffer zone from the grandchildren, they reduce their friendships, sports and hobbies. All eggs in one basket is not such a good idea However there is s flip side and that is the attitudes of the parents . Sometimes outside influences like drugs, in laws, resentment from historic conflict or other underlying issues can suddenly result in a severing of ties. A common occurrence is divorce of the parents. All the more reason to be in the background without controversy giving you better chances of continual contact. TonyWK

B_r_e_e Since having my baby 3 years ago my incredible relationship is now so sad and I feel so alone
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Since having my baby 3 years ago my incredible relationship is now so sad and I feel so alone. We had the most incredible partnership even though we are different and were together for 13 years before our son. Since he arrived we fight all the time, ... View more

Since having my baby 3 years ago my incredible relationship is now so sad and I feel so alone. We had the most incredible partnership even though we are different and were together for 13 years before our son. Since he arrived we fight all the time, havent has sex and I have no interest and we’ve lost our affection and constant public showing of love. We don’t sleep in the same room and I’m full of sadness all the time. I was always so giving of my time to my partner and now I can’t be bothered giving any.

LostRoo Am I overthinking or am I in an abusive relationship?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am a newbee and want help to understand what's happening to me. I am so confused.. I have been in the relationship with him from last 11 years. I loved him and showed it by action..for last 11 years I showed up physically, emotionally,... View more

Hi everyone, I am a newbee and want help to understand what's happening to me. I am so confused.. I have been in the relationship with him from last 11 years. I loved him and showed it by action..for last 11 years I showed up physically, emotionally, mentally and financially. Feared if I have a baby I can't show up financially and cause fights. didn't speak to my parents, sister or friends in front of him as he would get mad. Served his mother in stroke as a humanity.. hardly could visit or stay with my family when I went back home even though we were from same city as he gave excuses to take care of his family or saying that your parents are judgemental etc. During this time, when he would get angry he would get cruel with words, undermine me, my family.. after his mother had stroke he even hit me.. then showed remorse the next time saying he got angry as I kept fighting and blamed on his depression. I thought he needed support and didn't said nothing to no one.. He blamed me for not being able to conceive, blamed me for being fat, didn't show intimate emotional connection and concentrated on himslef, his hobbies his work.. On regular basis, I bought groceries, cleaned, cooked and kept track of all the paperwork related to household. When I got frustrated he said he bought dishwasher for me.. when I was sick or couldn't cook I ordered pizza for both.. and then he complained that he hated pizza or it wasn't nutritious.. at no point he made an effort to make simple sandwhixh for me even when I was sick.. and I just kept going on.. He also has been home from last 9months as he wasn't coping with some boss issues.. I had told him to quit as I knew if he gets frustrated he will get angry and I will suffer.. However, recently I got stood down due to covid-19 and I couldn't bear the behaviour.. and fights I distanced myself from him.. I felt undesired and loved and felt need for external appreciation. In this thought I ended up on porn site wanting to post my photos, never posted but deleted.. he found out as it got uploaded on google drive.. he embarrassed me further by showing it to my family.. I got more distanced.. I ended up telling my family first time how I felt.. It has been 7weeks.. in this time I also got infatuated to some random guy online which I never met which he found out about.. well now.. he says I am cheating on him.. I understand that I shouldn't have gone this way.. but I just don't know where to start from.. and what's wrong with me??

pandalover00 Dealing with infatuation?
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I've been infatuated with someone for the past 5 years now... I don't even know them that well and haven't seen them in person in 4 years. We recently started messaging randomly (about books and stuff) and we really get along but I recently found out... View more

I've been infatuated with someone for the past 5 years now... I don't even know them that well and haven't seen them in person in 4 years. We recently started messaging randomly (about books and stuff) and we really get along but I recently found out he just had a kid with his girlfriend. I have PTSD from my childhood and I've been alone all my life. This is the only person that really shows that they care and I'm just crushed. I was actually starting to move on before we started messaging as well. I keep myself busy and have a few friends (we aren't close) yet I can't seem to get over them. Honestly this person's offered me more support than the various psychologists+psychiatrist I've been to (bad experiences) and people who have been my friends for years now... One of my friends (who I was starting to get close to) is suicidal and is in the hospital so I'm probably going to completely alone again. I'm thinking about telling them I want to stop talking (I don't know how to though?) so that I can move on before I actually get attached... I don't think I'd be able to handle that. I've been thinking I might have BPD as well but I'm not sure. I don't know what I want to get out of posting this but yeah...