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No friends.., a lonely single mum.

ConcreteRose
Community Member

So here I am at 36, a single mum of 4 kids & I nolonger have a social life. Friends" started to fade away from my life several years ago, just the usual with people moving, & people growing and changing and taking different life paths etc. I was finally down to 1 friend who was very toxic and I found the strength to end that 2 years ago, & since then I've had no friends 😞 I don't really have family either apart from my children. We visit my parents but I'm not close to them.

I feel extremely lonely and isolated. I have depression and social anxiety which doesn't help matters, although nobody could pick it as I'm good at hiding those things.

I have my youngest child with me 24/7, so joining activities etc I enjoy to meet people is not doable. I have tried playgroups etc and found them to be like high school, with how mums have their groups and can be very nasty etc unfortunately. I talk to mums when my youngest is playing with their child at parks, but nothing comes of it.

I started telling myself I don't care I'm alone, but I do care, it really hurts that I have nobody.

How am I supposed to make close friends at my age, especially when I don't get any child free time etc?

Does anybody else feel like this? I feel like I'm the only woman my age who doesn't even have 1 friend.

( I currently do not work & just study online at home until my youngest is old enough to start prep)

13 Replies 13

Little_Red_Rose_Bud
Community Member

Hi there concreterose,

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Whilst I am not in the same position as you as such. I do understand how hard it is too make friends and I turn keep them. I number if things you have said hit a little close to home for me.

If I can do anything, I'd like to. Feel free to talk to me when ever you would like. Sometimes the thing I want the most is just some one to talk to!

Holdyour head up, your a strong lady!

Hi Concrete Rose,

I am also 36..2 kids and no friends....I had 2 great dear friends that moved away..and since having kids we have grown apart...and like you have had friendships that no longer felt supportive..

No you are not the only woman your age....I am there with you...One thing I have done is reach out to extended family..you aren't close to your parents...but perhaps there are cousins etc...I have found some real characters in my family..and although I can't see alot of them ( mostly they are overseas).. I have hosted them in my house, write, call them etc...and when I get together with them...there is often hours of conversation and makes up for all the lonely years in between...Also, there is some common ground and trust is not so hard to establish as it is with strangers...

I do think friendships in modern society are very hard due to trust issues...I had made a friend through my son..but for a reason unknown to me she completely cut me off..Perhaps as I was not religious..That unfortunately coincided with when I was trying to claw myself out of post natal depression ( not that I had mentioned this to her) and I have since not trusted again..and pulled me back

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi CR and welcome,

you are not alone. I am 46 single mum 3 kids, 15, 13 and 4. My older kids see their dad one weekend a fortnight and little one with me full time. I'm also. It working and want to go back when she starts school. I have a couple of close friends but don't see them all the time. My family is not too far but not too close either and my parents have passed away. I didn't do playgroup with my youngest as I was sort of over it all. I go to my local coffee shop every morning and have met many regulars some with kids some without. Have you tried going to your local library? Ours has story time once a week.

how old are your children? Do they see their dad? How do you find time to study on line with 4 kids! What are you studying?

we all need someone at times. A few years ago when I was feeling really low I too was isolated and didn't mix with anyone. I made myself walk daily to my local coffee shop and things slowly improved.

You have us here if you ever need us, welcome to the BB family.

cmf x

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Rose

Sometimes people mention that 'we are only on the computer' Thats not really the case at all.

The posts above are from people that have embraced you and they mean it. Sure its not an immediate chat forum but if I can put my hand up too to be there for you too.......even if you just want to chat

I am 57 and my daughter doesnt live here. I dont have 4 kids. Just a huge dog at home and understand the 'lonely' word all too well. I feel your pain Rose.

Thankyou for being here with us 🙂

you are not alone here

my kindest thoughts for you

Paul

ShinySparkly
Community Member

Hi concrete rose . I haven't been on here in ages. But recently found myself seeking connections again. I went through a bad time when some so called friends did the dirty on me. Anyway this left me extremely down to the point I went to see apsychologist. She taught me to love myself. That's there's nothing wrong with me. I have always wondered why I find it hard to get any close friends . I always seem to get to the acquaintance stage then that's it. I too have a nearly 4 year old and very often I feel trapped although of course I love

her very much, she IS my best friend at the moment. I do gave a hubby though but still I am alone all day .

My solution to this was to send her to daycare one day a week. I only send her 9-2 which is enough for me to do my own thing.

When it is just me and my daughter out and about I do find even just a smile or a few second chat to another mum at the park or library makes me feel good . I haven't attempted to make any new friends . I Just hope one day someone will come along just like me and we will click. I find many women very toxic and untrusting and I have been a lot happier not having friends than wondering if I am saying the right thing, the wrong thing, being talked about. Coming back in this forum I think is a big steppingstone for me in creating new connections.

So no you are not alone. You have made the first step in hopefully making some online friends .

Natgirl
Community Member
Hi everyone I am s ingle mum of an 9 months old and from Victoria. I am also alone and would be happy to meet others on here

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Nat, welcome to the site, it's lovely for you to join us, and I'm sure your life must be busy with a 9 month old baby, trying to adjust to your babies needs.
We can't actually meet anyone from the site, sometimes it's something that we would want to do, however the site may then become too confusing, so it's anonymous.
You can think as though you're talking with the person if you want to display some sort of photo like I have, but that's up to you.
If you start your own thread then you will more people replying back to you because your comment is hidden away in this post by Rose, so only the people who have replied to Rose will see your comment.
Give yourself tyhe chance for help on your own thread. Geoff. x

ElisaP
Community Member

Hi ConcreteRose

Loneliness sucks. I think I am possibly a bit worse off than you: I have always had some struggles with social anxiety and have had trouble just being able to last socializing, in that I need more time alone than most people clearly do. I possibly am borderline asperger's my self, though labels can be funny things... I have currently only one friend. She is wonderful, however, I go through periods where I don't see her. Luckily, I am also to an extent happy alone a lot of the time. I need an amount of solitude I feel.

I think that perhaps you could try getting creative in solving your dilemma - look at options you hadn't considered before. I can just throw some out for you: start doing regular meditating at a Buddhist temple where it is free and you can have some casual aquaintances with people (although I am not sure what you would do with a small child, unless they were babysat); go to a neighbourhood house where there is some set up for mothers with small children to do some activity like yoga or whatever whilst their kids get looked after etc; look at the meetup website for any groups you can go to -if there is cattiness, avoid those people or even the group if need be and try a new one where your luck may be better; listen to audiobooks -I find that this is wonderful for allowing one to no longer feel alone; write a journal -you can even do this on line- and take time to be with yourself and even enjoy being alone; get into spiritual activities where you can feel the presence of God etc even if it is in fact doing sketching -I find sketching brings me a feeling of being one with things and connected in this sense; go to your local library even just to be physically among people, and let your kid play while you do some reading; join groups where the focus is less on socializing and more on some effort of some sort, like some volunteer effort perhaps. ...you can be with people and yet not have to interact much or keep interactions limited.

Last but not least: read Harry Potter books! ...seriously though, if I am every really blue, this is like a brilliant anti depressant.

...Oh yeah, exercise is actually a great antidepressant, so that it can lift your spirits. Maybe socializing around exercise can help take the edge off of your social anxiety and make it easier for you to ward off any crappy people that might be around as well. I know what you mean about them, but don't let one or two jerks spoil things for you.

Bluebelle_Rose
Community Member
ConcreteRose, your story mimics mine, alone, 4 kids, no friends, no family. Only with ceasing work, I found those 'friends' weren't really friends after all and the only friend I have is my 10 year old daughter. It's soul shattering to be so alone when everyone else is making play dates for their kids to catch up and your's are being excluded. I tried to make friends with school mums and a few will say hello, some even were friendly for a while, but now all - yes, every single one - actively ignore me when I arrive at school. When we first started at the new school, kids had one play date, and never asked to go again, even though the children would ask me everyday if they could, I texted or asked them and have been brushed off in so many different ways I can't even bare to ask anymore. I'm educated, well presented, always helping out when asked, listen more than I talk, but somehow I've managed to offend every single one of them. Beats me. Dads are more friendly, but then they get told not to talk to me as well I guess, but would usually nod hello, the mums actually turn their bodies away, or if I'm near they walk off - not even to see someone else - just walk away. I just hate that my children are suffering for whatever has been said about me, and what I've apparently done. They don't know me and I've never said a bad word about any of them or their children, so it really beats me what my problem is.. just not allowed to have any friends I guess. It really torments me. Everyday is hell.