Traumatic experiences

[Smilemore954]

I didn’t really have a good start to life I was sexually abused by my dads friend at the age of 5, on top of dealing with emotional and physical abuse from family,I had no proper friends,I felt so much emotional pain as a child but didn’t understand the feelings I was experiencing, which then lead to me developing strong feelings of low self esteem and a lack in self worth which I still suffer from today.I later on in life had two psychotic episodes and was hospitalised for 2months I felt that was my lowest point in life where I was then diagnosed with ocd,depression,anxiety and psychosis.All that I have mentioned which has happened to me is what haunts me and makes me feel lonely because I don’t really have friends or a social group that understand my frustration.I am now left with two choices,the first is to stay in the abusive household I only know and grew up in where I suppress my happiness to keep my parents happy or leave my abusive family and rediscover myself and what I truely want out of life but be cut be off from my family and be seen as a shame to my own family which Is a decision I am struggling to make as a young adult because I don’t want my parents to be upset with me and to be viewed as a shame.i have always had to prove myself to them and it’s just exhausting because they don’t reciprocate the same energy

[Sophie_M]

Hey Smilemore954, thanks for joining us here on the Beyond Blue forums. We're very sorry to hear of the difficult journey you've experienced so far. We also sorry to hear how lonely you feel within your family and the decision you find yourself having to make. We're very glad that you've chosen to talk through this situation with us and we hope our community can offer you some words of wisdom. If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. Our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.


 

[Smilemore954]

Thankyou for the support and words of encouragement,I will try calling them soon

[White_Rose]

Dear Smilemore

Hello and welcome to the forum. I am very sorry you had such an abusive childhood with the resulting effect on your life. This should not happen to children who are supposed to be protected. I am also sorry you have waited so long for an answer from us. We do not neglect the people who write in here but sometimes things slip through the cracks.

Did you call the Kids Helpline or beyond blue? I hope you found some support and help.

You have had such traumatic experiences that maybe it would help if you spoke to a professional mental health person. I'm not sure how old you are or if you are working. I am guessing you have a job as you want to leave home and set up your own home which of course needs money. I'm unsure why leaving home would cause your family shame. There was a similar thread a while ago where the person wanted to leave home but because of their family customs leaving home was not acceptable. Is this your difficulty?

Can you talk to your parents about leaving? In Australia leaving home is normal. In fact many families expect adult children to move into their own accommodation. That way the person still has family support and a place of refuge if necessary. This is something you could discuss with a professional MH person.

After you left hospital did you continue to with therapy? Is that still happening? I believe it would be a good idea to find another therapist if you do not see anyone at the moment. Have a chat with your GP about it all.

I am concerned about the load of grief you are carrying and its effect on you. It must make everyday life difficult. Please reach out to those who can help such as your GP. Also it would be good if you continued to write in here.

Mary

[Smilemore954]

I’m 20 and I come from a background that doesn’t accept a non Married women live on her own as a result I am left with parents who are against me even bringing the topic up and with work I am working on a casual basis but not being given enough shifts because of the corona virus outbreak

[White_Rose]

Hello Smilemore

Thanks for your reply. I thought this was the difficulty about living on your own. I can appreciate how difficult this is when two cultures clash over these sort of actions. My first thought is to ask how much you want to leave home. I can understand the pressure you are under to stay at home and the hurt arising from this situation. I wish I could give you an answer that would solve all your difficulties. I see you have a casual job and getting shifts is difficult because of COVID. It may be better to wait before you tackle leaving home at the moment as you may not get enough work to cover your rent and food etc.

Are you seeing a therapist still? I think it would be helpful if you did. You have a complex history of abuse and it would be helpful if you could start to express your grief etc. As I said above, if you do not have a therapist at the moment your GP will be able to help. I take it you have your own Medicare card. If not then go into your nearest Medicare office and apply for a card of your own.

I know it's hard struggling along on your own which is why I suggest finding a therapist. In the meantime the Beyond Blue 24/7 helpline is available on 1300 22 4636 and the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. Both are very good resources.

Do your parents know about the abuse when you were five? What do they think about this? I think it's important that significant people in your life know about these things and give you support. Again I am not sure about the cultural implications of this sort of abuse in your life. I would like to think your abuser was charged with this offence but I know so often families want to push it away for various reasons.

Please continue to post in here if it helps.

Mary

[Smilemore954]

Hi white rose,

Thank you for the reply I’m currently seeing a domestic violence psychologist and I’ve seen many other health professionals to help with my mental health issues and I both them and I have realised that I haven’t been recovering from my mental illness and realised that whenever I was outside of my family environment I was a completely different person and Despite the medication I’m taking,despite the family therapy sessions Ive had with them,despite the healthy eating and the exercise I do everyday I noticed that the issue was my environment