Relationship and family issues

Partner has lied so many times I can’t trust him

replies: 8

When I first met my partner 5 years ago, he was hardworking, family orientated & great to get along with. We travelled & got engaged however things started to change around 2.5 years ago. He began asking for money (ranging from $100-$1000) every 2-4 ... View more

When I first met my partner 5 years ago, he was hardworking, family orientated & great to get along with. We travelled & got engaged however things started to change around 2.5 years ago. He began asking for money (ranging from $100-$1000) every 2-4 days and would get nasty if I wanted to know what it was for or if I said no. He became distant from his large family & slept for days on end (every weekend). November last year, i went through his phone (wish I had done it sooner) because I became really suspicious of his behaviour- he sleeps with his phone turned off inside his pillow case. I found out he was doing drugs (pretty much begging for it). He denied it & I left him. He begged & begged for me to take him back & said he was doing drugs but he could stop. Months of him coming to my work every day & calling/messaging, I took him back. He had lost everything. His business, his car, property, savings & has ended up with a $40,000 debt all from drugs & gambelling. A few weeks after taking him back, I found a pipe in his car & saw messages of him again asking for drugs & borrowing money from everyone he knew for it. Again, he denied it then eventually admitted when I kicked him out. He again begged & begged me to stay & said he would go to rehab. He went down to a $30,000 rehab clinic & seemed back to normal when he got out. He stuck with his routine for 2 weeks then began acting strange again. Going for drives at 3am most mornings to “get a burger” or to “get phone credit”. I found a pipe in the bathroom cupboard & a work colleague of mine saw him smoking drugs on the side of my road In my car. I kicked him out again & he blamed me for his relapse & said I am his trigger. Despite this, he is begging me to forgive him & help him move forward. My heart is completely shattered. I work full time & study full time so I have had no time to look after my own well-being. I feel broken. I want to have a family & if I leave for good, I am scared I will throw my chances away (I am nearly 29). I also found out he had been sleeping with prostitutes this year - we have been rocky but I know I would have paid for them all & I know he would have been with me after them all. I love him & miss him when I’m not with him.. more so because he tells me how much he needs me & now he wants us to work on things so we can build a future. I don’t know whether I am being too harsh. seems like everyone is doing drugs these days.

Feel like giving up on love

replies: 4

Hi there I'm in my 30's and new member. Kinda nervous about posting how I feel. Don't know where to begin so I'll do my best I suffer from Depression and anxiety and I'm also Gay for most of my life I've wanted nothing more than too be loved and too ... View more

Hi there I'm in my 30's and new member. Kinda nervous about posting how I feel. Don't know where to begin so I'll do my best I suffer from Depression and anxiety and I'm also Gay for most of my life I've wanted nothing more than too be loved and too give love. I've had a few failed relationships one was a Girl back in my teens then I figured out I was gay not long after I re content with my old school mate We was together for near on year before he cheated. Once Ingot past that it took a while too put myself back out there. When I finally did, I met this guy who I thought was terrific I built a friendship with this guy. for nearly 6 years. Eventually we got together in 2019 and I let him move in with myself and my family. Only too discover that four months later he was not the person I thought he was. He was addicted to drugs and started with abuse of all kinds and I kept telling myself. It's okay he's going through a lot so I stayed in the relationship hoping that one day he will go back too the person I first fell for. I kept telling myself he's only hurting me because he's been through some bad things and I didn't want too give up on him because I always give people chances and even tho my family told me and friends told me he is not right for you he won't change. I still believed he would and still kinda do even now I'm not with him no more. I keep telling myself every day that he is no good for me and it takes a lot out of me trying not too contact him. But on the other hand I hate what he has done too me from the abuse and I feel like he's destroyed everything about me I feel like I won't ever be able too fall in love again and that I'm too damaged for anyone too have. I feel like I'm not worthy enough or too ugly not smart and I just can't see myself in the future ever wanting too open up or love someone ever again. I feel like and know that I won't be able too or too trust again because in my mind I'll be thinking what if they hurt me what if I get cheated on and the thought of that I cant do. And recently I've been thinking it's not worth the Hart ace because I know I could not stand too get my heart broken again. An I don't know what else too do because ATM I feel completely alone. Even tho I've got loving family I just feel empty hurt and feel Like I won't ever be able too trust or love no one else again.

My son hates me!

replies: 3

I really need help. I feel like I cannot do this anymore and seriously want out. I feel selfish for thinking this way because so many people lose their lives to disease, and here I am just unable to cope anymore! I'm a single mum to two boys,10 and 2... View more

I really need help. I feel like I cannot do this anymore and seriously want out. I feel selfish for thinking this way because so many people lose their lives to disease, and here I am just unable to cope anymore! I'm a single mum to two boys,10 and 2, and my eldest hates me. He tells me to f off, if I tell him something is happening the next day he will just blaintantly refuse and just say "I SAID NO". It doesn't sound like much but I cannot stress just how bad it is, he throws things at me, punches walls, slams the door in his brothers face and says he is going to kill himself. I can't get him in the car if he knows I am taking him to a hospital. He has taken a knife to his room before and locked his brother and myself out of the house resulting in the police being called. He got taken to PCH but nothing was done, he wasn't admitted, there were no follow ups nothing. Honestly I'm at serious breaking point! Help!

Cheating

replies: 15

I have been with my husband for 14 years married 8, we have two children 10 & 8. I have just caught him emotionally cheating on my for the 6th time throughout our relationship. The first few times I caught him we were young and it was fresh relations... View more

I have been with my husband for 14 years married 8, we have two children 10 & 8. I have just caught him emotionally cheating on my for the 6th time throughout our relationship. The first few times I caught him we were young and it was fresh relationship so I just put it down to being immature (Stupid I know) then I found him texting someone when I was 8 months pregnant with our second child and 2 months away from being married. He said nothing sexual ever happened and it was just texting, I guess we were a family and I didn’t want to be the person to break it up. You see everyone thinks he is amazing, I get told it on a daily basis how lucky am I to have someone like him. I have never told anyone about what I have discovered over and over again, I have always protected his ego. Well we had our second baby and he was a very difficult baby with lots of complications, I know I neglected the relationship but I was trying to survive with this new baby, I lost my sex drive completely and it has never returned I have been to Drs and get the same line every time your a Mum it will come back no one helps. Then a few years ago my husband had an accident and was in hospital for 2 months I went every day, almost neglecting my children this time because I was so worried about him. I nursed him back to health only to find him texting someone again, again I made excuses for him like he had just been through trauma so let it pass. This time I have caught him again but I don’t think I can let it pass, I am so broken that my son asks me everyday if I am better yet or still sick. I feel empty and lost and like I have no purpose in this world. He says he loves me and is begging me to go to therapy with him but I have heard it all before. He says he speaks to them because I am not sexual enough anymore and he misses that. I have also put on a lot of weight and he says that I won’t dress for him or met his needs. I feel like I am getting the blame for all his bad behaviour, we have sex twice a week and it has gotten a little bit routine but when I have no sex drive, I am exhausted looking after the kids and working full time and have trust issues because he always finds someone else what am I meant to do? I know I will get the blame if I end this, I know everyone will say I have up on the relationship and that’s because I can’t tell people what he has done I am not that person to air my dirty laundry but I also can’t be the bad guy in this. I am so so lost, I am so so broken.

Making the best of a loveless mate

replies: 3

I’m a 50 year old Dad with ADHD , anxiety and depression. I’m a catastrophiser and critical overthinker. My wife of 26 years has slowly been drifting away from me to the point now where she hasn’t spoken to me other than for mundane chores for 3 mont... View more

I’m a 50 year old Dad with ADHD , anxiety and depression. I’m a catastrophiser and critical overthinker. My wife of 26 years has slowly been drifting away from me to the point now where she hasn’t spoken to me other than for mundane chores for 3 months. It’s been the hardest time of my life but with some cognitive therapy I am trying to keep positive. My children and my mates have been incredible and I realised that the easy way out would be divorce. I’m trying to find happiness in other ways as she refuses to sit in the same room as me and I’m just trying my best to be here for her and hoping that she turns around. I’m trying to put myself in her shoes and understand how hard it must be living with someone like me. I’m really hoping that things change. Any suggestions on how to find happiness in a loveless marriage would be appreciated, this is my first post.

Anxiety in family life and relationships

replies: 4

Hello there, To begin first and foremost I am enormously overwhelmed by the fact that I am going into my first year of tertiary education. As well as the fact that my parents, almost two years ago separated and are soon to be divorced. And lastly I h... View more

Hello there, To begin first and foremost I am enormously overwhelmed by the fact that I am going into my first year of tertiary education. As well as the fact that my parents, almost two years ago separated and are soon to be divorced. And lastly I have to move house. At the moment I have a massive amount of uncertainties. It's incredibly startling. To clarify, this has enhanced the anxiety and misery that has occurred throughout my life recently. My dad is very lonely and is suffering enormously from the separation of his marriage. He is constantly venting to me about how he feels and it is truly exhausting. I understand that he is going through a lot of self doubt, loneliness and uncertainties but there is only so much I can take. I feel like I am constantly listening to his problems and stresses and it is getting to me. Then when I stay with my boyfriend he feels lonely and reminds me how he has nobody. And my dad has recently been trying to chat with/chat up one of my older friends who is her late twenties. Dad is lonely and wants to really speak to this girl. I keep reminding him, that a mature aged man should be seeking friendships and relationships with people who have common ground or are in a similar age bracelet. I tell him he needs to focus on himself but he just constantly complains to me about how lonely and depressed he is. And I am trying to be as supportive as I can be. I also have recently started properly dating and this is all so new and particularly overwhelming to me. I am scared that I'm not doing the right things in my life even though I'm being very very very cautious and attempting to act as rationally as I can. However, due to seeing my parents' rocky marriage I now have trust issues. I'm worried my boyfriend will lose interest in me, even though he reassures me that I'm a great person and I deserve to feel loved. He actually was the one who encouraged me to seek professional psychological assistance and recommended that I try antidepressant to help with my reoccurring anxiety. Time is going so fast and everything is happening far too quickly. I am so overwhelmed. I just don't really know what to do. I feel trapped, lost and even worse I feel truly isolated. Signed, PF.

Relationship between two people w mental illness

replies: 5

Hi, my first post! im reaching out for advice, thoughts and opportunities opinions about my current relationship within the context of mental illness. Me: diagnosed recurrent depressive disorder, eating disorder, adhd and addiction (alcohol, drugs pa... View more

Hi, my first post! im reaching out for advice, thoughts and opportunities opinions about my current relationship within the context of mental illness. Me: diagnosed recurrent depressive disorder, eating disorder, adhd and addiction (alcohol, drugs particularly). Partner: diagnosed bipolar, BPD and has a history of criminal incidents. Also has a history of lying, may be related to bipolar? Significantly has a history of child molestation abuse. Both currently under independent and combined relationship treatment. Both reasonably.....stable. I guess my question is, can we work through this? I love him. But I am concerned that given our needs and preconditions we will fail. Any tips or ideas are greatly appreciated!!!!

Dad doesn’t want to come to my wedding

replies: 4

Hi I’m newly engaged which I’m really happy about. I live in Vic and we have family all over so we are having an engagement party because who knows when we can have a wedding!! Anyway, my parents have been divorced for 22 years and my mum is happily ... View more

Hi I’m newly engaged which I’m really happy about. I live in Vic and we have family all over so we are having an engagement party because who knows when we can have a wedding!! Anyway, my parents have been divorced for 22 years and my mum is happily remarried. My dad is still single. when i asked my dad if he would come to our engagement party he said he doesn’t want to because mum and my step dad will be there. He said he doesn’t want to come to the wedding either but will if he must as he went to my sisters and ‘its only fair’.... now what can i say. I have little to no expectations of my father, he hasn’t really been there for me or supported me ever. Hes never come to anything important for me. He doesn’t show up. Yet i still feel heart broken and angry. i feel like he shouldn’t come to the wedding if its going to be such a horrible chore for him. My fiancé is terrible at emotions and now im angry at him too for saying the wrong things. can anyone help me with this? Should’ve i just get over it? I already accept my dad is not a good father and ive made peace with the ways he’s broken my heart in the past and just lowered my expectations of him, but this is my wedding and I really thought he would WANT to be there for me and be happy for me.....

My Eldest Sister Treats Me Like She's My Mother And Mum Allows It

replies: 8

My eldest sister is 40 an I'm 37, we still live at home and for the past several years, she's treated me like she's my mother. I don't know how many times I've overheard her having private conversations about me with mum. On one occasion, I was sitti... View more

My eldest sister is 40 an I'm 37, we still live at home and for the past several years, she's treated me like she's my mother. I don't know how many times I've overheard her having private conversations about me with mum. On one occasion, I was sitting in my room and heard her say to mum "Adam's not doing this, how should we punish him? Maybe not allowed to use the computer? How long would you say? A week? Two weeks? Yeah, how about two weeks? I know, why don't you go tell him? Go on! Go do it!" Then mum comes in and says "No computer for two weeks" and goes back out into the lounge-room with my sister and says "There I said it." Several months ago, I went to go on a walk after dinner and she said "No you're not." Just a few weeks ago I was talking to my young sister on the phone and she came up and said "Off the phone. Dad needs your help"and then shortly after she whacked me on the butt and said "You were told to get off!" And now just earlier last night, my sister used the excuse of going outside to look at the flowers to have another private conversation with mum about me. I heard her say "And if he doesn't, I'm going on strike." Mum came over to me while I was on the computer and said "When you strip and make your bed, you will dust and vacuum your room." When she went into the lounge-room, my sister immediately asked "So what did he say?" I like to buy DVDs and Blu-rays for myself and my sister has recently "revealed" that it upsets her. She tells Dad it's because I have so many and because of her, mum tells me "If we can't have what we want, you can't have what you want." The real reason is because they are "desperate" to get another dog but everywhere refuses their applications. They want none of the responsibility that goes with having a pet. Mum just keeps letting my sister treat me like this but Dad on one occasion told her "You are not his mother, you are his sister. Stop treating him like you are."

Feeling confused

replies: 2

Hi there, I have been dating this guys for 8 months and things were going great. Around Oct time he opened up to me and said that he suffered from depression, I felt comforted by the fact that he was so open and told me that. Since about Nov time he ... View more

Hi there, I have been dating this guys for 8 months and things were going great. Around Oct time he opened up to me and said that he suffered from depression, I felt comforted by the fact that he was so open and told me that. Since about Nov time he has been really down on himself, feeling low and has become quite withdrawn. We'd keep in regular contact but he didn't like who he was or the person he saw in the mirror so we didn't really see much of each other. Today he has messaged and said that he feels he needs to take a break from seeing me to work on himself. I've told him that understand and hope that he spends the time working on himself to become the person he needs to be. But I'm not really sure what it means in reality and what if anything I should be doing. Do I just give him his space to work it out?

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