Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Isla_Dreams Deciding to start a family when you can't even decide what's for lunch!
  • replies: 1

My partner and I have been together for 8 years almost, in our early 30's. All our friends/family are starting their own families and I am feeling more pressure than ever to have to decide what to do. It is such a big decision, but of course my anxio... View more

My partner and I have been together for 8 years almost, in our early 30's. All our friends/family are starting their own families and I am feeling more pressure than ever to have to decide what to do. It is such a big decision, but of course my anxious mind is clouding everything. I can't decide what to have for lunch, let alone decide if I want to have a child! A part of me wants that, but then I am overcome with issues of my own self doubt and insecurities and feel like It is safer for me to just remain childless so as not to burden them with my worries and woes. My partner doesn't seem to want to talk about it, and doesn't not seem to be thinking about theses much as I do. I am at a good place In my job and we are trying to save for a house, which will be impossible on one income. Has anyone else been through a similar experience? I think about it constantly, distracting me from my everyday. We have so many friends and family constantly asking if we are going to have kids, and I am sure I am being paranoid, but feel really judged because we aren't trying for a family.

ReeCar123 When love is not enough
  • replies: 4

Hi All, my partner and I have recently made the painful but necessary decision to go separate ways for now. We love each other dearly and miss each other very much but he has a lot of old wounds, both from childhood and a past toxic marriage that nee... View more

Hi All, my partner and I have recently made the painful but necessary decision to go separate ways for now. We love each other dearly and miss each other very much but he has a lot of old wounds, both from childhood and a past toxic marriage that need to be healed first before he will be truly able to live a life without guilt, avoidance and fear. I will work on myself too and although we do not know what the future holds and it may not hold each other for us, we are both hopeful and see this as a great opportunity to get ourselves to a better level of awareness of self and a better quality of life so that we can truly love (each other) fully one day. We would like to have another chance with each other but I am not sure whether it will be so in the end. Only time will tell, I guess. I know everything will be ok in the end, no matter what, we will be ok.But at the moment, since this is all fresh and I love him very much, I am still hoping to have him in my life again one day. We are very kind and warm with each other still and not entirely cut off from each other but we implement boundaries on purpose because we know that if we perpetuate old patterns, nothing lasting and good will come from it. So long story short, I am wondering whether anyone has any stories of successful reconnection with a person they loved after the hard work was done. I would really like some words of encouragement and hope right now. I know I might be holding on to a weak straw and I also know that, one day, this hope might fade and that will be ok, too. But right now, something positive would really help. So if you have anything positive to share, I would be eternally grateful. Thank you in advance and I wish you all the best in return.

Heavenly_Flower Sons struggle
  • replies: 2

I’m not sure if this will help me but I’m going to try putting down these feelings of despair and anguish in the hopes that I may find some relief. I am in a very precarious position , one that I placed myself in as I felt I had no other option and t... View more

I’m not sure if this will help me but I’m going to try putting down these feelings of despair and anguish in the hopes that I may find some relief. I am in a very precarious position , one that I placed myself in as I felt I had no other option and this was the end of the line for me , the last straw. The emotional abuse turned physical 1 time then another and with that I found the strength to take myself into the courts to declare myself a mess and am applying for a restraining order against my own son . The most undignified position for me to find myself to be . In my life ,I have loved and sacrificed cared nurtured and defended my sons honour. Always making it known that I have his back and that I understand his struggles. Or at the very least an ear for him to talk to. Then the pandemic. Not knowing where he is living if he is safe kills me a little bit everyday. The worry is always just one thought away and has the potential to spiral me down into the very depths of despair. I’m holding onto my love for my son. I pray the light of my love reaches him everyday.

Heartcentred A Poem on Love
  • replies: 6

Hello! Just a short poem on love. I hope it brings inspiration and helps identify the small acts of love... ** Love is the feeling of pure joy Love is the feeling of excitement Love fills your heart and makes you smile When a loved one says, be caref... View more

Hello! Just a short poem on love. I hope it brings inspiration and helps identify the small acts of love... ** Love is the feeling of pure joy Love is the feeling of excitement Love fills your heart and makes you smile When a loved one says, be careful - it is a way of expressing their love for your safety When someone asks you how you are - they are expressing their love for your feelings Feel the love and express it to those who are yet to feel the love, for it will do good for the greater community **

Indoz Confused about us
  • replies: 2

I am so confused about our marriage and have been since nearly past 2 years. We were so much in love, but it just doesn’t exist anymore. We don’t talk much and I don’t feel any emotional connection between us. I guess one of the biggest reason our re... View more

I am so confused about our marriage and have been since nearly past 2 years. We were so much in love, but it just doesn’t exist anymore. We don’t talk much and I don’t feel any emotional connection between us. I guess one of the biggest reason our relationship was great was because he use to be very calm, loving and full of positive emotions. But it has all changed, he has now become repulsive, and snaps. He blames me for his behaviour change and believes that I have been dominating him since our marriage and now he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t understand that his snapping behaviour is causing us emotional grief. I go through sleepless nights. We have lost all intimacy and emotional balance in our marriage. The only time we talk is if we need something done at home. Every time I try to talk to him, he says he understands that things are not the same but we will work it out. I have told him that this whole relationship turmoil is leading me to have an affair where I can find someone to emotionally support me. And all he says is that it’s fine and I am an adult who can make their own decision. I don’t understand if our relationship will go back to what it was or not? I love him, what can I do to fix it?

PinkPigg Keep pushing people away old/new relationships
  • replies: 1

I've been trying to reach out to people who I once pushed away when my anxiety and depression was really bad. I've begun taking medication and have a better mindset, but I can't connect with anyone and it's making me spiral back into a deep depressio... View more

I've been trying to reach out to people who I once pushed away when my anxiety and depression was really bad. I've begun taking medication and have a better mindset, but I can't connect with anyone and it's making me spiral back into a deep depression. I need advice in maintaining/fixing old and new friendships/relationships. I've been alone for a while and want to make an effort but even then it doesn't look like anything I'm doing is working.

coco1691 Why is this happening to me
  • replies: 3

For the last two years I've felt very little for anyone in a romantic sense. There was one guy that I went on one date with and I had sparks but he was a jerk and would have made my life terrible as I found out a fee days later. So I broke it off. I'... View more

For the last two years I've felt very little for anyone in a romantic sense. There was one guy that I went on one date with and I had sparks but he was a jerk and would have made my life terrible as I found out a fee days later. So I broke it off. I've went on countless dates with guys and I actually have a new boyfriend at the mkoment. He easily makes me smile and can pick my mood up off the floor so quickly. He's supportive and caring and puts me first. We have a lot of things in common and we have a ton of fun together. I never get bored of him being around. He's not bad looking either. His smile always makes everything seem so much better. So why am I feeling blank? Why do I not have intense feelings for this man if he's everything I've ever wanted? When in alone, why do I often feel like breaking away from him and distancing myself? 2 years ago I was with a man I loved more than anything in this world and I felt so so much for him that it was unexplainable. We dated for a year and a half and then he broke up with me one morning in a text message. I cried for months. It hurt me more than anything ever has. I've never been the same since then. I also have borderline personality and OCD along with depression and anxiety. I'm constantly questioning what I feel for him and if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm wrong or I'm sabotaging myself by psyching myself out. I can't get in contact with my therapist to have a session because of lockdown and she doesn't help that much anyway. Can someone help me make sense of all this. I told him last night I felt blank towards him and it's put him in a downwards spiral and I'm crowing between what he's saying and the guilt and sadness I feel mixed with the bad thoughts travelling through my head constantly questioning everything. I'm at the point where I just want to drive and drive anywhere to escape everything. I'm not coping at all. Not to mention I lost my pet a week ago whom was 10 years old. That broke my heart. Please don't tell me to leave my boyfriend because that just makes my head worse. I need some sort of insight into why I'm feeling how I do and how can I fix this.

High_Anxiety Disposable relationships
  • replies: 35

Hi there, Just wondering if anyone else is seeing that relationships and marriage are a disposable item these days? I have been searching the net as I'm potentially going through a break up of an 8 yo marriage and there seems to be a lot of stories a... View more

Hi there, Just wondering if anyone else is seeing that relationships and marriage are a disposable item these days? I have been searching the net as I'm potentially going through a break up of an 8 yo marriage and there seems to be a lot of stories and examples where when life gets a little too uncomfortable with someone you just end it like tossing them away. Why is it that some people give up so easily on people that they are supposed to love? Where has commitment gone? Yet some of the stories in this forum show that some people tolerate so much pain yet still won't let go!

kiwiboy0897 Help!
  • replies: 10

Hi, I am in need of advice and perspective. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, and our relationship has been very strong. We both feel a very strong connection between us which we think is rare, and are very serious about staying togethe... View more

Hi, I am in need of advice and perspective. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, and our relationship has been very strong. We both feel a very strong connection between us which we think is rare, and are very serious about staying together. We are monogamous, and we value loyalty and honesty. This is my first real serious relationship. I have struggled with anxiety, depression and PTSD for a very long time. My boyfriend works at a gym as a trainer. He conducts classes with many people simultaneously, kind of like a boot camp. In November last year, there was a new person who signed up. My boyfriend found his social media, and saw that I had liked one of his posts. He asked if I knew him, and I said yes. Him and I had a fling a few years back. One day, as my boyfriend was going in to shower at the gym, and this guy (I will call him Tony) followed him and came onto him by choking him and making sexual remarks. My boyfriend told him to get off, and pushed him out of the room. Eventually, Tony apologised as he hadn't realised my boyfriend was in a relationship. Along the coming months, the two of them developed a friendship. Tony owns a business, and my boyfriend is looking to start a business of his own, so Tony would give him advice on business ideas, etc. They would go for walks after class and discuss this. One day, Tony admitted to my boyfriend that he had developed feelings for him. My boyfriend responded by confessing he had developed something for him, too. He describes it to me as solely an admiration for his motivation and drive rather than infatuation, falling in love or desire. He told Tony that it sucked this was how he felt, but he told him that in the end, he loves me and nothing would become of this mutual attraction. He has never thought of him in a sexual way, more so just attraction to a personality trait. A few hours after this ordeal, my boyfriend told me what had happened, crying. I consoled him, and we talked about it. He was remorseful, and acknowledges he made a mistake. That was two months ago, and I still can't get it out of my head. The trust has come back, but I still feel hurt. He has completely cut him off. I do not want to leave. I can’t think of how someone who says they are loyal can develop an attraction for someone else, and confess the way they feel to them. When I asked him why he confessed to Tony, he said that it just came out. He didn’t really think about it, and that it was a mistake. Advice?