Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Carly69 Adult son who is always angry
  • replies: 4

Hi, New to the forum and hoping anybody has some good advice for my issue. My husband and I have 3 adult sons. Our youngest is 22 years old and is always angry. He lives at home and is currently unemployed due to health reasons (suffered two tonic cl... View more

Hi, New to the forum and hoping anybody has some good advice for my issue. My husband and I have 3 adult sons. Our youngest is 22 years old and is always angry. He lives at home and is currently unemployed due to health reasons (suffered two tonic clonic seizures a couple of weeks ago and we are currently undergoing testing, They thing it is due to heat exhaustion). He is banned from driving for 6 months because of the seizures which is obviously frustrating him. He doesn't have any friends as his friends started following the 'let's experiment with cannabis' path which our son thankfully has no interest in. He doesn't have a girlfriend either. He has always been very short tempered and always seems very angry and short. He 'flies off the handle' even with the smallest thing. E.G. He was sweeping yesterday and the wind picked up, blowing the leaves back onto the porch. He lost it, threw and broke the broom. He snaps at my husband and I all the time. I have spoken with my son about this last night and he knows he has an anger problem. He says he just wakes up angry and doesn't know any different. We discussed strategies including, walking away when feeling frustrated; deep breathing; change of scenery etc but he said none of those work for him. Hubby and I are financially supporting him and our son is frustrated about that too. He says he hates the fact he has no financial independence, albeit not being his fault due to the medical issues. He has applied to do his Diploma of Nursing (starting late January) as he has a keen interest in this. However, I feel sick at the thought of him not being accepted into the course. I really am stuck and some sound, logical advice would be fantastic

Sam_K Need your advice
  • replies: 29

Hi everyone i am 34 years old male . I have been married nearly 8 years . I am really depressed and anxious all the time . Going through counseling with psychologist I need your help to understand if I am the only one wrong . 1 - When we got married ... View more

Hi everyone i am 34 years old male . I have been married nearly 8 years . I am really depressed and anxious all the time . Going through counseling with psychologist I need your help to understand if I am the only one wrong . 1 - When we got married . My wife went to a party at her friends house after three or four weeks . I said ok . She said she was dancing without pants in dark with her friends and other men’s . And later a guy claimed she was sexual with him. My wife says she did not do anything wrong because nobody touched her or she never touched anyone . But I was abused because I went to pub with new work mates when I started a onsite job in different city . I don’t go to pubs normally or drink regularly . It was just to socialise . No women’s were involved. 2 - my wife had four kids and I had none when we met . she had freedom to spend her money whenever or whatever she wanted to spend on. She bought her kids whatever she wanted to and I thought it’s her money she can do it . But when I tried to help my mum it was problem. She think I should only spend money in the house and don’t help my mum if she needed. 3 -in 2012 my wife bought a 5 year old commodore with 160000km for $23000 which was originally advertised for 17000. Dealer added extras things . And 23000 was borrowed from a bank on 20% interest rate . She did not ask me anything or discussed anything. When I said please don’t get this loan because it was going to cost $41000 in total . But she said I am going to pay from my pay. In2014 When I got personal loan to help my parents it was a problem. Why did not I discussed with her. Our finances are together but why our finances are together only when I want to do something. She calls me arrogant what I found her arrogant when I ask her not get that car but she did it anyway am I only one wrong or do I have any right to spend money out of my pay wherever I want to after paying most of the bills. Was it ok for my wife To go dance with other men’s or I was wrong to go for few drinks to pub just to get along with new work mates .

donnie123 I need help before year 12 starts
  • replies: 10

Hi im Tom, turning 17 in about 2 days, relationships suck, and no i dont mean to overstep my boundaries because by no means have i experienced any pain or anguish as these divorcees and widows, but i need help, this seems a while back now but back in... View more

Hi im Tom, turning 17 in about 2 days, relationships suck, and no i dont mean to overstep my boundaries because by no means have i experienced any pain or anguish as these divorcees and widows, but i need help, this seems a while back now but back in april i broke up with my girlfriend, why? because she was ill, in the head, she was horrible, and yet i loved her and cared for her and ill i wanted to do was make her happy, as it would appear i do right now. so theres one main issue what do i do with that, she hates me, and uses guys just for fun. My next problem is something a little bit worse, after being servely hurt from the breakup i decided to go for a "rebound" and yes its a horrible idea to get over someone, but something ended up going wrong and i got a girl pregnant, yes yes im horrible and deserve to die, since then she has got an abortion and everything is gone now, but this whole year my friends hate me , everyone hates me, everyone calls me names because the girl i had a half a year relationship was 1 1/2 years younger??! , and with the pregnant things schools just gotten so much worse and i have no clue what to do. To anyone who actually took the time to read this, you are special and amazing and you are worth every bit of love people give you

Hollybambam My partner blows up when I want to discuss feelings
  • replies: 8

Hi all, just seeking some support/ advice maybe on how to manage this. TBH I'm not looking to be told to leave my relationship. I don't think it's at that point and I'm more Keen to try than not. Whenever I want to discuss something thats bothered me... View more

Hi all, just seeking some support/ advice maybe on how to manage this. TBH I'm not looking to be told to leave my relationship. I don't think it's at that point and I'm more Keen to try than not. Whenever I want to discuss something thats bothered me or that happened between us, it almost always goes like this: Me: can we talk about that thing you said yesterday? I felt a bit upset by it. Her: *big sigh and eyeroll* what now? There's always something. Can't we just relax I don't want to fight about something right now. Any further attempts from me to explain that I don't want fighting I just want to talk are met by increasing frustration behaviors, defensiveness and anger. My partner has a short fuse. She knows she does. Maybe I want to talk about stuff too much. It's really hard to tell. Right now I want to tell her that I felt disrespected when she told me to shut up yesterday when we were having a bicker. An important element is mutual respect. But I feel like I know how this conversation will go. It will end up with me apologising for something. I don't know what to do. H.

ConfusedNanxious Can I have my happily ever after?
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I have posted on here before, and my journey has certainly come in a number of swings and round abouts. After having some time apart from my ex-partner (i.e. no communication and no contact), I have really seen the light and miss him tre... View more

Hi everyone, I have posted on here before, and my journey has certainly come in a number of swings and round abouts. After having some time apart from my ex-partner (i.e. no communication and no contact), I have really seen the light and miss him tremendously. I miss everything, like how he used to make my hot chocolates so perfectly, how he knew I loved to sleep in so many layers and keep incredibly warm. I miss all of it. Some people think I just miss the 'idea' of him, but no, I miss him as the amazing person I know he is. We separated after he refused to seek treatment for his 6 month long battle with depression. However, after we separated, he really took it upon himself to start working on himself. He started going to the gym and eating properly to help with an underlying medical condition (whcih contributed to his depression) and he has been seeing a psychologist to help with his immediate depression, but also tackle some stuff from his childhood and young adulthood (his parents both passed away and he was carer for both of them and did not really receive sibling support during that time). As a result, he developed coping mechanisms that just weren't enabling him to lead a full life. His social life was affected and he had trouble communicating and actively dealing with issues. BUT, these are all things he is working on now. I remember the amazing individual he was before depression took its hold of him, and I am so excited to have him back to the way he was. But I am apprehensive about the permanence of these changes. I know it will be an ongoing process, and I too, have experienced my own mental health issues, but I just want to know whether we can have a happy, fulfilling future. I love him so much, and want to enjoy so much more time with him. I still feel hurt about how I was neglected during his depressive period, but I too, having dealt with anxiety in the past, know that the depression is a separate entity to him. He has promised that he will always keep on top of it, because we have something too good to lose again. I do have to deal with my parents' potential disapproval of our reconciliation, but my heart is leading me to my ex and I cannot ignore it. I need to listen to what I want in this instance. I would love to hear similar stories, or any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just want my happy man back, and it is seeming like it could happen. He felt like my soul mate - I don't want to miss out on this opportunity.

cookiesandcream Adult child treating me bad
  • replies: 2

Hi there, Just seeking some advice. I had a disagreement with my adult child last week. They proceeded to tell me they hate me!. The conversation that this was over was petty and not even worthy of a discussion. However when my daughter said this to ... View more

Hi there, Just seeking some advice. I had a disagreement with my adult child last week. They proceeded to tell me they hate me!. The conversation that this was over was petty and not even worthy of a discussion. However when my daughter said this to me it really cut my heart in half. I know people say things in the heat of the moment, but it's really not what she said, but how she said it, (with anger and spite, like she really meant it). I had to go to work the morning she said this, and I cried all the way to work, (I got myself together when I arrived at work). You would expect that type of behaviour from a teenager, but not a grown woman. This is not just one isolated incidence. She has spoken rudely, mean and made me cry before. Her other siblings are not like this, and she has treated them the same, berated them and made them feel worthless. Both her and her husband are very opinionated, they think they know everything about anything and everything going on in the world, and when we don't conform to their political viewpoints or opinions, we are made to feel stupid and uneducated. I'm saying 'we' as in my husband and other children as she speaks and treats us all the same. I have tried talking to her, but it goes on deaf ears, because while she says she'll 'try' to be better, she always does something again to be opinionated and bossy on. I love her, and I love her strength and determination to believe in her values, but she and her husband never listen to others and just treat us all like we are uneducated imbosoles. I do so much for my kids, the other 3 can vouch for this. I do a lot for her too, but she is just ungrateful and unappreciative. How do I back off in their lives, if they need me? I don't want to be at their beck and call anymore, especially if her and her husband don't treat me with respect. I can be left alone in the room with her husband and he will not strike up a conversation with me, I always have to make the effort. I'm starting to feel that because she (his wife-my daughter) doesn't respect me, he neither does too. I'm starting to feel like they think we are dumb people. any advice please from people who have older grown up children? how to still be good parents but setting boundaries where we are respected.

Magnolia1974 Partner pushing me away - left out of Xmas plans
  • replies: 5

A first time post on here. My partner of just over a year has depression and anxiety. He masks it well and I am the only one who would know. He’s known as a funny, social guy and we have many mutual friends. We met through our outdoor interests and w... View more

A first time post on here. My partner of just over a year has depression and anxiety. He masks it well and I am the only one who would know. He’s known as a funny, social guy and we have many mutual friends. We met through our outdoor interests and were friends before we dated. We are very compatible, have easy conversations for hours on end, and enjoy being together when he’s feeling “all in” and positive. During our time together we have been in a cycle of on/off driven by him. I’ve been all “in” from the start. I have a few family members who have/had severe depression so I have empathy and patience. They have turned corners due to loving partners. I have had a rough patch in the past few years - divorce, moving house, death of my mum, two controlling narcissist relationships. I’ve been able to cope by seeing a psychologist and with help from family and friends. My family live 6 hours away and are busy, so mostly friends are my immediate support. Back to my partner - I assumed I would be spending Xmas lunch with him and his family, as I did last year, when he didn’t have his daughter. However this year he has his daughter and I’m not invited as he doesn’t feel comfortable with me being there. Also his ex-partner will be picking her up and doesn’t want us to meet as it would be “messy”. Are my expectations too high after one year of dating? I am now spending Xmas alone, just my kids in the morning and evening, as is assumed I’d be going to his family lunch. This makes me feel incredibly sad. Xmas is a horrible time for me as it is with loss of family/spouse. We live within 7 mins of each other but with the juggle of kids and shared care, plus my work, we see each other for perhaps a total of 24 hours one week, maybe 12 the next. He is depressed but seems to use this as a reason to not see each other more. He hasn’t been working for over a year and want to establish his own online business. But his procrastination and self-doubt are holding him back. He has told me numerous times he’s not sure about out relationship and me. He says he cycles between seeing a clear future one minute then feeling anxious that I’m not “the one”. Last night he told me he’s still not sure and I should make a decision. When my mum died a man gave up on me and has regret. Do I give up on him or remain patient? I love him very much and know we are highly compatible. I see us being old together. He does too, but at the moment can’t see past tomorrow as his life is uncertain.

Truetomyself Family, friends and understanding
  • replies: 3

I have anxiety and severe depression. I mainly have my counsellor and psychiatrist who help. I have one aunt who completely understands as she has gone through the same as I have her whole life. My family do not understand and I really only have one ... View more

I have anxiety and severe depression. I mainly have my counsellor and psychiatrist who help. I have one aunt who completely understands as she has gone through the same as I have her whole life. My family do not understand and I really only have one friend. But as I have been in hospital. Many people do not want to be friends and have moved away from my life like I have the plague. I hate having my mental illness and would do anything for it to go away. I am struggling as I feel alone. I just want to know how others have maybe dealt with these issues themselves and helped to form friendships. I am in my 30's and I am finding it lonely and hard. I know I have those who I can lean on but I really wish I had more people in my life who are understand me. Thanks

Guest_294 Values, hopes and desires not aligning?
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend (we'll call him B for the sake of the story) for not a long time - coming up to six months now. But it has been an amazing six months. We live together most of the year in college and have pretty much given up ha... View more

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend (we'll call him B for the sake of the story) for not a long time - coming up to six months now. But it has been an amazing six months. We live together most of the year in college and have pretty much given up having our own rooms. As a result, we have become close very quickly. We've since been travelling together to a location that meant our company was isolated to each other and the restaurant staff at our dinners out and it was the most beautiful experience, one I didn't want to end. He is so amazing - he supports me 100% and is my best friend and favourite person. In my head I feel like this could be a longer-term thing. I've never had a relationship last beyond like 3 or 4 months and this one is showing no signs of stopping. We're doing long distance over the holiday and are both just counting the days until we reunite. We speak at least twice a day for hours on end. My point is he is an amazing person and I love him so much and really want this to (and can see it) work. Here is my issue (and it may seem dumb but it's in my head and I can't come to a conclusion): we want different things in the future. We have some goals in alignment. We both want to travel and see the world, we want to get jobs that we love and that give us the opportunity and time to do the other things we envisage for ourselves. But, he doesn't want a family. My entire life, all I have ever been certain about, is the fact that I want to have children - at least one, ideally two. B is convinced that he will never have kids. He considers them a financial weight that he can't bear and is ultimately not a huge fan of kids. At the moment we are both 20 and have shitty part-time jobs that barely constitute a living. He is on government support and I am still largely living off my parents. But at some point in the future I imagine we will both come to a point where we are able to support a family. I know we are young, and early in our relationship. But I am scared. What if I ignore this difference and years down the track we're still together and he still doesn't want kids? At what point can a value-based difference like this be enough to cause concern? I don't want to break up with him at all. Even thinking about it makes me cry. I don't know what I would do without him but I can't tell how long it is reasonable to let that kind of difference sit, without confronting it or discussing? I know this might sound mad but any advice is valued. M.

tanner456 My partner keeps putting me now .. maybe I’m being over sensitive
  • replies: 2

I’ve been with my guy for 8 years and we have one son together.. Our relationship has been great for the most part having a child definitely makes things harder.. Recently I haven’t been feeling connected to him ... an example of our fights start he ... View more

I’ve been with my guy for 8 years and we have one son together.. Our relationship has been great for the most part having a child definitely makes things harder.. Recently I haven’t been feeling connected to him ... an example of our fights start he wanted to go to a work event and told me about it, the next day I asked if food would be provided and he got upset and said “why don’t you ever listen when I say something don’t talk back to me just do it “ He makes a point in very argument to tell me to listen him and just do it (whatever he requests or tells me) then would I do try to respond by saying I’m just trying to start a conversation with you or tell a joke it only makes it worse I feel like I can’t have an opinion and it’s his way or not way with I don’t feel like an equal to him and then get very hurt ... I’ve tired to explain to him but I also get defensive and stubborn which probably doesn’t help any advice? we are recently engaged and I have a fear of being a wife to someone who demands things from me