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BeyondBlue Hi! Read this if you are not sure what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond B... View more

Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond Blue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage and want a specific space to share their experience. Please be aware that posts on the Beyond Blue Forums may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our Forums guidelines, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Beyond Blue

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Donte We Are More Than We Are!
  • replies: 11

Looking back at my life I see diversity within diversity. I have always been 'a bit of this and a bit of that' but not completely. Often the various roles of my life are in antagonism. My birth was unplanned and not welcomed. My mother was a teenager... View more

Looking back at my life I see diversity within diversity. I have always been 'a bit of this and a bit of that' but not completely. Often the various roles of my life are in antagonism. My birth was unplanned and not welcomed. My mother was a teenager. My father in the army. Grew up in Greece but my parents had embraced a protestant faith. Grew up feeling 'different', culturally, spiritually, religiously, socially, and sexually. A minority within minorities. This deeply engraved in me feelings of shame, guilt, fear, void and a sense of not-belonging. An abusive childhood, migration as a teen, attempts to 'fit in' by getting married, later falling in love with someone of the same sex and 'coming out' in my mid thirties, divorcing, bankruptcy, life-limiting illness, death of my partner and having full custody of my child whom I raised are some of the significant elements that shaped my path and perhaps contributed to my depression, anxiety, panic attacks, including night terrors, and mood swings that have tormented me for a number of decades. Entering middle-age as an empty-nester, widower living with chronic illness and as someone not defined by my ethnicity, cultural background or faith and with no family in Australia to support me as I face the challenges of aging, I can say that the thing that gives me hope for the future is that I have always being resilient and bounced-back no matter what the challenge. Traumatic experiences and stigma have forced me to embrace and honor my personal truth and remind me daily of the importance of staying true to myself regardless of how others may view me. My experience can be summarized in three stages: 1) overwhelmed by anxiety, depression, fear and shame and trying to 'hide' from these through denial; 2) compensating, by trying to work hard to neutralize the effects in my life by being more successful etc. in a desperate attempt to forget or soothe my internal pain and endeavor to escape it; 3) cultivating authenticity, by beginning to build a life based upon my own passions and values rather than trying to 'fit in' to cultural or religious norms. Until I was able to re-examine my life, I was not able to realize the undercurrent of shame that has carried me into a life that often wasn't fulfilling. I had to accept myself for the person I am, not the one my community, church or family wished for. I feel honored to be able to share my story and give and receive support through this forum. Thank you for the opportunity.

blueskye How do You Respond to Racist Remarks?
  • replies: 6

I never understood that people were being racist to me when I was younger. I remember going into the car when my Mum picked me up from Primary School, and I was singing "Ching Chong China". My Mum told me to stop singing and told me it was racist. Wh... View more

I never understood that people were being racist to me when I was younger. I remember going into the car when my Mum picked me up from Primary School, and I was singing "Ching Chong China". My Mum told me to stop singing and told me it was racist. What's racist? Not too long after, I learnt what it was. ** How do You Respond to Racist Remarks? ** ...as a third party watching it unfold in front of you? or having it happen to you? As a third party, I feel awful. I can see the victim's crushed face and I know exactly how he/she is feeling... because I have had it happen to me. I have retaliated before and shouted back at the bully to shut their mouth, but it was useless and seemed to add fuel to the flames. I have tried to think of something mean back... but I couldn't think of anything about Western people. When racist remarks are said to me, I feel utterly awful and ashamed of who I am. But then I remember that the bully is the awful one and there is nothing wrong with me. Some example of racist remarks that have been said to me: - Go back to where you came from! You don't belong here! It's our land. - Your eyes are Ching Chong. Can you even see? - You Asian people are taking our jobs and land. You need to go back. - Asian girls are submissive! That's why I like them! - There are too many of you Asians. You guys need to die out.

Donte Does Depression Speak Your Language?
  • replies: 4

Hi all, A few days ago I started antidepressants again. I say again, cause it’s not the first time. My experience in managing my depression, anxiety and mood swings has been as episodic as the illness itself. What I’d like to discuss in this thread i... View more

Hi all, A few days ago I started antidepressants again. I say again, cause it’s not the first time. My experience in managing my depression, anxiety and mood swings has been as episodic as the illness itself. What I’d like to discuss in this thread is how medication management is seen in your culture. What notions do people - professionals and others have in regards to treatments. And particularly, how are you seen by others, family, friends etc if you choose to start medications. I understand there’s a section dedicated entirely to depression on these forums but my interest is the reactions people have once they find out you are on meds or starting meds or thinking of stoping meds. How do people commonly respond in your group? I still find that most people react surprised, as they don’t believe I’m depressed or suffering from anxiety and mood swings. Many give me disapproval either by words or body language. Others avoid the topic altogether and don’t talk about it. There are also the ones who jump in and give advice, give links to alternative therapies and send me information on the benefits of various foods, exercise, mindfulness etc. Please don’t misunderstand me. I find everything beneficial and believe in a wholistic approach that incorporates medication if necessary with counseling and peer support plus lifestyle changes to help manage this illness. Like many people, my medication intervention has been periodic - after my migration, when dealt with my childhood issues, parenting, divorce, financial hardships, health issues, loss and grief etc. At different times and when everything else I tried wasn’t enough, I looked at the medication option. After a period of time, usually a year or two, I would stop and have years without it. Then start again if needed at a future point. This is where I am now. This time around though, nothing particular has taken place. No trauma. No stress. No incident to pin point why. I’m happy. Work in areas that I love. Life is good. Only I have many physical symptoms like migraines, lethargy, inability to focus etc and thought I’d give medication a try again purely to address these symptoms. The reactions from people can be startling, overwhelming, surprising. What’s your experience and how does that make you feel? How do people in your circle view medications and the use of them in treating mental illness and how does this affect the way you view this? Interested to hear from you.

Donte The elephant and the blind men.
  • replies: 4

Once I heard a story about some blind men and an elephant. According to the story, the men were born blind so they’ve never seen an elephant in their entire lives and neither they had a concept of what this animal look like. They were in an enclosure... View more

Once I heard a story about some blind men and an elephant. According to the story, the men were born blind so they’ve never seen an elephant in their entire lives and neither they had a concept of what this animal look like. They were in an enclosure at the zoo and asked to describe the elephant by touching and feeling parts of the animal. One man said an elephant is like a tree trunk, for he was holding one of the legs. Another said, it was like like a big flat leaf, as he was touching the ear.The third one told the other two were wrong cause an elephant is a long thing like a hose. Yet another said that everyone had it wrong as he was feeling the little tail in his hands. When I heard this story I felt like it could be applied to so many diverse experiences in life. We all have different perspectives, beliefs, understandings according to whatever we have experienced or we are experiencing. The same thing, situation, issue, event etc can be described so differently by everyone depending on what angle we look at it. Our cultural and religious experience, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, migration experience, education, status, employment, family, types of relationships we have, our environment, experiences, trauma etc will surely affect the way we perceive and interpret things. The same applies I believe to mental health. The way we experience and understand distress, moods, energy levels, sleep, attitudes and behaviors towards ourselves and others it will vary depending on our reality. I’d like to suggest that perhaps there’s no right or wrong and one approach is not better to another when we are dealing with issues, but, rather, it is different. There are different outlooks that we all have depending on our own unique experiences and the individual way we perceive and respond to them according to our personality, character, idiosyncrasy and background. Perhaps, a successful way in our recovery journey could be to develop the ability to see and understand another point of view and acknowledge or accept that multiple ways of dealing and managing mental health exist. This may help us to expand and grow in our understanding and develop empathy for others who equally experience similar issues thus, making it easier to share our stories and ‘hold hands’ so to speak in this journey of recovery towards a better quality of life and improved wellbeing. What’s your experience? How do you perceive the ‘elephant’ in the room?

smalloli Advice on handling a relative - when to know the person just is or is it the mental health condition
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I am a relative to a person with anxiety issues. While her issues has being long known, the whole family had been in denial or unable to handle in a way that is helpful. I've had a chat with the beyond blue webchat, and I feel desperate? and ... View more

Hi all, I am a relative to a person with anxiety issues. While her issues has being long known, the whole family had been in denial or unable to handle in a way that is helpful. I've had a chat with the beyond blue webchat, and I feel desperate? and looking for advice everywhere. She is in her early 30s, can't hold a job, can't even properly tend to room keep (e.g. she's decided not to use bedsheets, and keeps used tissues next to her bed?? and has severe hayfever, in her room??), and does not have friends. Had been tested in her childhood to have IQ on the low side, but just able disabled range. (Sources from her immediate family, I took that with a lot of grains of salt). She is subtly but surely disadvantaged in childhood. In her childhood days, her family had been advised that she may need professional help, but the mum was in denial, went to a couple of sessions and said there is nothing wrong with her. The mum is still in denial. Growing up, all she learnt from her mother was to look elsewhere for any problems, nothing was ever their fault, and her dad is the big bad wolf. Her dad, with the (plausible) excuse of working to support the family, and left the family rearing to who he know is -THE most incapable person ever. She has been to a psychologist before, but has not kept going. I think she didn't want to go and face issues, but nobody really knows what she thinks. 5 months ago, she went on a life finding mission. She went to her home country to try and find a life. She was living with a relative. While she was there, she has had 5 different jobs. She has exposed her REAL character to ALL her relatives, and had been causing (unbeknownst to her) different troubles every month (because of her lack of education on common courtesy). A couple of days ago, she was admitted to hospital (with her uncle's advice) while she was experiencing stomach pains at work. She was tested, and nothing was found as the cause of her stomach pains. We as family advised the doctors that the pains may have come from a psychological factor. She is still vomiting and has not being able to hold down food (vomiting). I have tried in the past to talk to her. While I talked to her, she seemed like she was listening, but then what she does complete demolishes that idea. I feel a need to help, but she does not think she needs any. I sometimes feel I should bother with this person, but I know it cannot end well.

Donte Childhood memories...
  • replies: 2

When I was a child, my parents used to send me to a summer camp every year. For a couple of weeks I was out of the city, in an idyllic countryside that incorporated a pine-covered mountain that was sparsely inhabited, and only had a couple of holiday... View more

When I was a child, my parents used to send me to a summer camp every year. For a couple of weeks I was out of the city, in an idyllic countryside that incorporated a pine-covered mountain that was sparsely inhabited, and only had a couple of holiday houses scattered here and there among the pines. The luscious greenery would come down to a point where it used to join a deserted rock-pebbled beach. We used to go there for morning and evening swim in the crystal clear beach among the many activities of the day. One thing I vividly remember, apart from the strong pine smell and the salty air from the sea at nights when the summer breeze permeated the air, is the sound of cicadas in the afternoon heat and the engine of a distant fishing boat passing by. During the compulsory afternoon siesta, when it was too hot to be wandering outside, only the cicadas were brave enough to keep on singing. And the fishing boats in the distance. This was forty plus years ago, in another country, in another life, another era. Strangely enough, eventhough it's such a long time ago, without realising that I would still carry in me these memories or their impact upon my life; I find myself often, prior to falling asleep, when I'm in that semi-awake state, between conscious and asleep, hearing in the background of my mind that distant fishing boat passing by...cutting the waters swiftly, douf douf douf... This help me relax. It makes me feel it's all ok. I can let go. I can drift into sleep. I'm safe. My breath starts following this imaginary sound of the fishing boat's engine and it puts me in a hypnotic trance. It's funny how a simple childhood memory of a sound can repeat in our minds years later, even if we are middle-aged. How do you relax? Is there any particular memory that plays a pivotal role when you're battling with anxiety or depression? Do you remember of a time or a place where you felt safe, happy, cared for, loved? What is it that you hold dear in your heart from your childhood days that has helped you cope during times of strife?

IR Feel so bad
  • replies: 3

Hi there, I just really need a place to say something. Initially sorry for my bad English. I'm about to finish my bachelor degree recently (one more semester to go) and I'm applying for postgraduate courses. After I submitted my personal statement ye... View more

Hi there, I just really need a place to say something. Initially sorry for my bad English. I'm about to finish my bachelor degree recently (one more semester to go) and I'm applying for postgraduate courses. After I submitted my personal statement yesterday, I couldn't stop thinking how bad my PS was. I don't have great GPA. I didn't do anything useful or learn anything from my internship. I hate to social with others - that makes me out of breath. I have only a few friends - even though they are nice people, and are much more excellent than me. I feel like I didn't learn anything from school. Basically all I have done for the past 3 years is wasting my parents' money (and yes I was). I cannot focus on editing my PS, and only came up with "oh I should have written this" after I already submitted it. So my PS was like a trash - I am like a trash. Rationally I can still tell myself that I'm not in a super bad situation... I am in one of the greatest university in AU, and already received an offer from USYD. My GPA isn't extraordinary but it isn't that bad, just average. So the only thing I need to worry is whether my current school will give me an offer. Even if it doesn't I still have a second choice... But this thought that I am a trash just can't get out of my head. I used to have Hyperventilation syndrome (just googled its name) from Year 9 to Year 12. It gets better since I graduated from high school and came to AU, but seems like it is back a bit now. I stay up late these days and was keeping thinking about death - not about suicide, just feel fear that what happens after death. I know that sounds just like general teen problems, but it becomes not interesting when you keep thinking about this everyday. A friend of my mom is suffering from severe Anxiety and affected by that, she is having Parkinson's symptoms now. My mom is really sad bc of that, so I don't want to tell her that I'm feeling bad recently. I also dreamed of my family situations. Briefly said they all love me but they don't love each other. My father always doubts my mom's parents/brother was stealing his money. They didn't but he doesn't listen to that. While I grew up, my father was telling me that how they stole his money and destroy his career; and my mom's parents were telling me that my father was trapped in his own unreasonable thoughts and wouldn't listen to anyone or any truth. This thing might look messy and boring, thanks for reading it if you did, no matter who you are.

Donte Is it the journey or the destination?
  • replies: 2

Often there are times in our recovery process when we wish things will speed up. We really wanna come out of that dark hole and feel that progress has been made. It usually doesn't happen. The recovery journey can be a very a long one, but, can also ... View more

Often there are times in our recovery process when we wish things will speed up. We really wanna come out of that dark hole and feel that progress has been made. It usually doesn't happen. The recovery journey can be a very a long one, but, can also be full of adventure, full of discovery. How we would be without our condition? Would we see the world differently? What can we learn from this experience? Admittedly, we are today in an environment in which everyone seems to know everything and we are saturated by a million views on everything, including mental health and ways to deal with illness. But imagine for a moment, if we saw our illness and recovery as a journey in which we accumulate knowledge, experience, wisdom etc Imagine if we wished that recovery took really long. If we saw our mental distress as a gift. As something really special. Yes, we can keep recovery in our minds as a final destination, however, also learn to value the journey, the day to day experiences that we have. If we just took a step at a time, and didn't hurry up to get to the goal, but appreciate the experience we get and the way it shapes us as individuals, could this help us 'cope' better? How do we make the shift in our minds? How can we get to the point to be thankful for our distress and enjoy the fact that we are experiencing it as it can lead us (if we let it), to higher, greater, better things. Is it possible to get to the point that we are thankful for this marvelous journey? Without this 'issue' we wouldn't have started exploring our life and goals the way we do now. How do you see your mental illness through the lenses of your culture and family? Through your beliefs? Do you think you may be able, even for a while, to look at your situation with different eyes?

Lolita1 Important life lessons
  • replies: 6

HI there, I was reflecting about 2017 and all the good, bad things that happened but also the teaching it has left me and I remembered a very special lesson that 2017 gave me. It was a rainy winter day and I was on my lunch break having a coffee outs... View more

HI there, I was reflecting about 2017 and all the good, bad things that happened but also the teaching it has left me and I remembered a very special lesson that 2017 gave me. It was a rainy winter day and I was on my lunch break having a coffee outside the shop, when out of nowhere comes a man dressed in shorts a jumper and no shoes, I made eye contact with him and smile...(in my head I was thinking OMG poor guy, he must be so cold I wonder if I can offer him to get some cheap shoes) as I was thinking this he ordered a coffee and came to sit next to me and started to chat, he was telling me that he was there because his son had some mental health issue brought by drug abuse and he accompanied his son to the youth centre that was close by. I just nodded and listen to this man telling me all about his feeling about his son. When 20 min had passed, I asked him if he was cold and why he wasn't wearing any shoes and he said that he likes to be in contact with nature to remind him that he is alive. it ended up that this person was very well educated, quite wealthy and obviously was in no need of cheap shoes. another 10 min had passed and I had to go back to work so I stood up and shook his hand -nice to meet you I said - his replied touch my heart because he thanked me for smiling at him and giving him the chance to talked to me as he was feeling very down because of his son diagnosis. I learnt that day that I should never judge a book by its cover (because where I come from even homeless people have some sort of shoes) and the importance of smiling and listening to someone - he obviously needed that chat and so did I!! Have you ever been taught a life lesson that really changes the way you think?

beety Husband has depression
  • replies: 21

Hi Everyone. Want some advice please. My husband (my second marriage) of 16 years has depression. It has probably always been there but we both just didn't see it or want to see it. We have moved about a fair bit to make new starts, even emigrated. A... View more

Hi Everyone. Want some advice please. My husband (my second marriage) of 16 years has depression. It has probably always been there but we both just didn't see it or want to see it. We have moved about a fair bit to make new starts, even emigrated. About 6 months ago he decided again that he could not cope where we were living (rural australia), hates his job, hates everyone at work or anyone he meets, has nothing positive to say about anyone or anything. Just wants to stay at home. I told him I had enough, I can't do this anymore, we keep repeating the same story of him thinking the grass is always greener. I told him if he had to go see someone about this as I think he has a problem coping. He broke down, got angry but we hugged and I told him I wasn't going to leave as I love him. He saw a GP who gave him antidepressants. He went to see a counsellor once but decided he/she didn't seem that interested and didn't go again. Things got a bit better Then about a month ago he went away for a bucks weekend and came home very distant. Didn't reply to my texts, stopped being cuddly and wanting sex (he is normally the opposite). Was always going to the gym. I let it all go thinking he will come round eventually. Then this weekend he takes him self of into the spare bedroom under the pretence his back is sore (he does have issues with this neck which stops him from doing his favourite sports). I let this go too, for a day or two thinking he will come back to me. He hasn't, he says he needs space to sort out his issues, that I haven't done anything wrong, there is no one else (I genuinely don t think there is), he says he doesn't know what he wants. One minute he says we have just become mates and lost our spark then tells me not to read to much into it. he rejects any form of affection from me, doesn't want any physical attention at all. I ve never seen him this bad before and I just dont know what to do. Im crying all the time, not eating , sleeping trying to understand how he can just suddenly feel this way. Just when I get my hopes up that he is feeling better he pushes me away. I feel so devastated that he doesn't need me. Im scared Im the reason he feels this way and that all is lost. I don't want to loose him and our home. We are so isolated here, I have no family or close friends. what do i do? I don't want to push him but feel if i keep my distance like he says we will drift apart. Ive always been a positive bright supportive person up now I feel lost.