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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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Donte Pretty in Pink?
  • replies: 23

Been watching the gifts children get for xmas and how they often perpetuate gender stereotypes. Boys often get trucks, tools, guns, robots etc while girls receive magical fairies, ballerina costumes, imitations of cooking equipment, dolls etc. Often ... View more

Been watching the gifts children get for xmas and how they often perpetuate gender stereotypes. Boys often get trucks, tools, guns, robots etc while girls receive magical fairies, ballerina costumes, imitations of cooking equipment, dolls etc. Often wondered if this is subconscious or directed. How does it work in your culture? What types of messages did you get as a boy or girl growing up in your part of the world? I remember as a teacher one day the principal came to our class and said: ‘Can I borrow four strong boys to help me carry a bookshelf?’...What type of message does this gives to the girls in the room? How about the weak boys? Aren’t there strong girls around? Stronger than the average boy? How do stereotypes like these affect our mental health? What message do we give to our girls when every fairytale is about a princess waiting to be rescued and saved by the prince who will come in and take her away and she’ll be his forever? What are we preparing our boys and girls for? What messages does religion give? Culture? Society? Art? Chen’s? Songs? Why are we still preparing our boys for war and our girls for marriage and child bearing? How does this gender inequality affect our view of the world? Our part in it? What kind of harmful notions did you had to overcome in order to start your recovery process? ‘Boys don’t cry’, I hear you saying! Or ‘Boys will be boys’. Or ‘She’s daddy’s girl!’... What do all these mean in the context of your culture and attitudes that could perpetuate mental illness, domestic violence, submissive or aggressive behaviors, rape etc? Let’s put some thought into the small things and perhaps initiate some change to foster a healthier interaction and relationships.

dalirian Accused of DV with no history or evidence
  • replies: 3

Hi all, After 10 yrs of being in a relationship and married for 7, my wife has slapped me DV charges and other herrendous charges. Her mother is a narcisstic person who has controlled her life and our relationship and has always been the reason for o... View more

Hi all, After 10 yrs of being in a relationship and married for 7, my wife has slapped me DV charges and other herrendous charges. Her mother is a narcisstic person who has controlled her life and our relationship and has always been the reason for our arguments. Her father has called her fat and the need to loose weight and are now barracading her behind lawyers with fake and made up charges. They have stolen all the cash I have saved for us and now I'm left to fight to clear myself. It was a shock the first 3 weeks, but now I'm getting better but feel alone. Haven't seen the kids in a month. They are poisoning the kids minds against me. I asked my wife to see how her mum is manipulating her and they have thrown me away like trash. is anyone out there with a similar situation and do you guys have any advice? i don't know anyone and have been in the country less than 6 months. Thank you.

Donte Census 2016
  • replies: 2

In Victoria, 46% of our population is either born overseas or has at least one parent born overseas in more than 200 countries. Below is a list of the top 20 languages spoken in Victoria (from CENSUS 2016). 1. Italian 2. Greek 3. Mandarin 4. Vietname... View more

In Victoria, 46% of our population is either born overseas or has at least one parent born overseas in more than 200 countries. Below is a list of the top 20 languages spoken in Victoria (from CENSUS 2016). 1. Italian 2. Greek 3. Mandarin 4. Vietnamese 5. Cantonese 6. Arabic 7. Macedonian 8. Russian 9. Croatian 10. Turkish 11. Serbian 12. Polish 13. Spanish 14. Maltese 15. Khmer (Native to Cambodian) 16. Chaldean Neo-Aramaic (Native to: Iraq, Iran, Turkey) 17. Assyrian Neo-Aramaic (Native to Iraq, Syria, Iran) 18. Hungarian 19. Punjabi (Native to India, Pakistan) 20. Albanian (Albanian, Kosovo and the Republic In the top 20 list, we have at least 5 new and emerging (NEC) languages, which are: 1. Khmer (Native to Cambodian) 2. Chaldean Neo-Aramaic (Native to: Iraq, Iran, and Turkey) 3. Assyrian Neo-Aramaic (Native to Iraq, Syria and Iran) 4. Punjabi (Native to India and Pakistan) 5. Albanian (Albania, Kosovo and the Republic of Macedonia but also in other areas of Southern Europe) If you or someone you know speaks one of these languages or any language other than English, I’d be interested to hear your views on how is mental illness viewed in your community. How is portrayed in your ethnic media and publications? What happens in your country of origin and how does it differ from Australia in the way we respond to and treat mental health? What words do you use to describe mental health in your language? What supports exist (if any), in your community? What would be some of the common barriers that stop people from accessing support and services and how can we overcome them? Tell us your story. Share your experience. Will be good to see what common threads we all have but also what differences. I believe we can learn from each other collectively and individually as we move from multiculturalism to interculturalism where diverse communities work with each other to support one another. What has worked so far? What hasn’t? As we hold hands together, we all take the next step in this multicultural dance we are all part of in Australia.

am1295 Recovering and Coping with Depression/Self Doubt/Break up
  • replies: 6

Hey everybody im a 22 year old male who migrated from the middle east when I was3 months old with my parents. Im currently studying engineering (in my final year!) and work part time. Id consider myself quite self critical, calm in nature and I have ... View more

Hey everybody im a 22 year old male who migrated from the middle east when I was3 months old with my parents. Im currently studying engineering (in my final year!) and work part time. Id consider myself quite self critical, calm in nature and I have good social skills. Just as a brief summary, the family dynamic in my household is incredibly toxic (parents constantly insult each other, anger directed towards me). Id say Ive grown apart from my father significantly and could be closer to my mother. Anyways I made 2017 a year to concentrate and change my results. University was an incredibly tough experience for me and taught me a lot in terms of my resilience. The stress of uni work, my parents constantly fighting, family financial stress, self doubt, self pity (was bullied in highschool) culminated into my depression I guess. My now ex gf is the reason I'm here and Im pretty sure I wouldnt be typing this message if it wasnt for her. We broke up late April I believe. We were doing a long distance relationship and towards the end it was getting too hard. I didnt finish my degree on time, she did and started to work. I dont have enough characters to explain but It came down to me or her family . The hardest part was the fact that we still loved each other and pretended it was all good before she flew up. I dont think Ive moved on, and of only recently convinced myself that she doesnt want me anymore. Through the guidance of a friend and my own determination, Ive recently gotten serious about strength training and have lost 12kgs, passed all my core units at uni and started accumulating money via investments and work, yet i feel broken and am incredibly nihilistic. My motivation stems from "im going to die, may as well be the best while im alive" which i find incredibly toxic and concerning. Me moving up to live with my ex was my plan and my ticket out, and though she has to choose for her own health and priorities, I feel like I gave the relationship everything in my handicapped state yet it was not enough. I now feel a resentment and hate towards her because I was there for her when her family wasnt and she still chose them over me. She left me despite knowing I wanted to get out of my family situation. Holiday times are more toxic as I am with my family more often tha not, and I feel it will undo the mental and emotional repair I have done for myself. How do I go about dealing with this anger and staying focused on my goals and recovery?

Donte Turn your radio off!
  • replies: 0

If you are like me, overwhelmed and emotional about all the tragedies, afflictions, devastation and disasters that we are constantly fed through radio, newspapers, tv and social media you might want to consider switching the world off! Of course ther... View more

If you are like me, overwhelmed and emotional about all the tragedies, afflictions, devastation and disasters that we are constantly fed through radio, newspapers, tv and social media you might want to consider switching the world off! Of course there are billions of terrible things taking place as we speak and that’s unfortunate but living in a constant state of fear, sadness and helplessness, which is often what the media aims to achieve with oversensationalism and focusing on certain events and portraying them in such a way as to create emotional reactions, may be very harmful for one’s mental health and levels of stress. As if it’s not bad enough driving through morning traffic to get to work or take your children to school etc. do we have to worry also about a mudslide on the other side of the world, the extinction of rare species, a volcano about to erupt, a plane crash on another continent, a war that’s been raging somewhere, the ice melting in Antarctica, economy collapsing and possible meteor hitting the earth in 45 years from now? You get me? I don’t mean to sound selfish or careless to the state of the world around me but one has to draw a line in order to preserve whatever mental health remains before we make it to morning coffee! Breathe! Take it slow! Feel the air! Smell the rain! Just take some time each morning to switch off the world, each day, whenever it gets too much. These things won’t stop from happening. We can find out about it tomorrow. It won’t chsnge anything. Switch off. The world can wait. There are billions of amazing acts of love, kindness and care that take place each moment but I don’t see them or hear them getting broadcasted every minute of the day, repeatedly with graphic pictures and illustrations! Maybe I’ll create my own channel. Maybe I’ll broadcast my own news! Meanwhile, switch off everything and breathe. The world is still here and so are you!

Donte The gift of anxiety
  • replies: 2

Now that the festive season is officially over there's no more forced socializing and uncomfortable small talk in the name of being festive. So we are free to return to our life and enjoy some of the awesome benefits of our condition (if we suffer fr... View more

Now that the festive season is officially over there's no more forced socializing and uncomfortable small talk in the name of being festive. So we are free to return to our life and enjoy some of the awesome benefits of our condition (if we suffer from anxiety)! How, you might say? Hear me out. Anxious individuals usually are great thinkers who love learning and adding to their vast stores of specialty knowledge, even out of fear of failure. It’s no surprise that anxiety can often help us become experts in our field. Anxious people tend to gravitate toward working alone. When you’re alone, you can clear your mind and focus your thoughts. And all this deep, concentrated thinking can lead to novel solutions and brilliant ideas. Albert Einstein, the world-renowned physicist who developed the theory of relativity once said, “It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” People who are anxious and overthink may work harder on a team because they care a lot about what others think of them. When you have an anxious person in your life, you may experience intimacy like never before. That's because anxious individuals really want to make sure that they attend to you and your needs as they do not want to be rejected or judged. - What have you learned lately? How are your ideas evolving? How are you really? They really want to know and they mean it. Anxious people tend to listen more than talk and think before they speak. They choose their words carefully because they know that once said, words can’t be retracted or easily forgotten, if at all. If an anxious person is working hard, they’re motivated from within. They are thinking of new ways to adjust. Before everyone else panics, they are already coming up with a backup plan. Quietly. If you are one of those people, spending time alone (which anxious people love to do) may help you develop more empathy, especially for people outside your social group. This is probably because being alone means you spend time reflecting. Solitude actually makes you more connected to others believe it or not. When you don’t rush things, you often make better decisions. Anxious individuals create worlds in their heads — and help create the world we live in. They can make great leaders because they know the value of being alone and focusing deeply. What's your thoughts on anxiety? Can it be looked from a positive lens? Can it be a 'gift'? Can it actually serve us, give us skills and make us truly special?

Gillian01 How to cope with single parent mother who is aging,mentally unhealthy and put more stress on daughter?
  • replies: 4

When I thought the single parenthood will only impact on young children, I’m totally wrong when my Mom keep giving me stress on my growth and new established family. My Mom is a very good mom, after the divorce with my father, she raised up me alone ... View more

When I thought the single parenthood will only impact on young children, I’m totally wrong when my Mom keep giving me stress on my growth and new established family. My Mom is a very good mom, after the divorce with my father, she raised up me alone and send me to overseas to study. I’m a lucky child because though my parents have been divorced, they did that peacefully, both of them still love me and support me emotionally and financially. However, my mom loves to give comment on my life plan, marriage and the way of raising up my own child. She is always anxious especially after menopause (she’s been diagnosed with psychasthenia and anxiety) She does not allow my father to visit me with his new wife. She is not happy with my husband. And she is angry with me about the way I raising up my own child. I tried my best not to quarrel with her as it will hurt her feeling, after all she is my mom and I know the reason that she become unhappy and negative about things is because she has been alone for so many years that she is lack of love and safety. But if I do not do as she commend she will threat me with cutting off her relationship with me. Now I have just given birth of my baby girl, my father and his wife want to visit us, my mom is so angry to hear about this and thread me again that if they stay with me she will cut off her relationship with me. I am very stressful after given birth and this thing driving me even more crazy that sometimes I cry with no reason. What shall I do? I don’t want to hurt both my mom and father’s feeling as both of them loves me so much.

blueskye How to tell your Parents that you have Mental Health Issues?
  • replies: 5

Depression and anxiety can be seen as taboo in a family household, as with many multicultural households. ** So how can you tell your parents that you have mental health issues - depression, anxiety, etc? ** With me, it didn't go down well back then.... View more

Depression and anxiety can be seen as taboo in a family household, as with many multicultural households. ** So how can you tell your parents that you have mental health issues - depression, anxiety, etc? ** With me, it didn't go down well back then. My parents saw it as being attention-seeking and immature. I wish I did it differently. If I could re-do time, I would have first told a family friend's 'aunty/uncle' who understood what mental health issues were. They would then pass it on to my parents. My parents would have listened if it came from another senior.

Donte Born This Way!
  • replies: 0

I don't know about you, but I come from a culture where from an early age it was drilled into me that you are born the way you are. We have popular sayings like 'A man is born not made!' or 'You see a madman, he was like this from small!'. So what do... View more

I don't know about you, but I come from a culture where from an early age it was drilled into me that you are born the way you are. We have popular sayings like 'A man is born not made!' or 'You see a madman, he was like this from small!'. So what does that mean in regards to mental health? How do attitudes as such affect the way we view mental illness? Are we born this way? Or does life turn us into mentally unwell individuals due to hardships and trauma that accumulates along the way and gets us to a breaking point? Is it one or the other? Or a combination of both? Does hereditary factors as well as environmental play a role? And how does one overcome obstacles posed by culture and intergenerational notions especially in the era of information and technology and upon arrival in a western country? If we are born mentally ill, is there any hope for recovery? If, on the other hand, mental illness is an outcome of hardships and trauma, does this means it goes away once those are removed from one's life? What's your belief? What are some notions around self and health and particularly mental health and illness that you grew up with? Is it healthy to challenge these? How much to we throw away and how much we keep in this ever-changing environment of information and new knowledge that we are bombarded with on a daily basis over social media and the news? Are your attitudes in this area and your deep core values unchanged or have you altered your views by migrating to Australia and getting older? Do you think you would hold the same attitudes, views, beliefs if you never left your country of origin? Are we born this way? Or do we become who we are?

Donte New Year's Resolutions?
  • replies: 6

I've been asked a few times this week what's my new year's resolutions. It's always awkward and stressful to be put on the spot like this and no matter how expected it may be (year after year), we can get caught unguarded when the question pops up. I... View more

I've been asked a few times this week what's my new year's resolutions. It's always awkward and stressful to be put on the spot like this and no matter how expected it may be (year after year), we can get caught unguarded when the question pops up. Is new year's resolutions something you are accustomed to in your culture? Even though as an idea sounds positive, to set some new goals at the beginning of a new year and plan ahead where you'd like to see yourself in a year's time, the daunting reality for many, and especially if you are battling with a mental health issue, could be that you still feel stuck, numb, unable to plan and maybe even hopeless knowing that you haven't progressed much in the year that just ended. Progress is not easy to see from the inside out. 'Have you got over your depression yet?' someone asked me. 'Still don't have a partner?', 'Have you found a job yet?', 'Didn't you say you'd start going to the gym?', etc the list goes on. Pressure is on. The message is clear: You need to change. You're not good enough as you are now. etc. There are reasons why new year's resolutions are difficult for each of us. What are they for you? What is difficult about New Year and new year's resolutions? On one hand there is the post Christmas come-down, (eat too much, drink too much, spend too much etc), then there are the New Year celebration pressures and resolutions can just add more stress to the whole thing. Many face financial pressures (not being able to afford presents, decorations, a nice meal or the latest gadgets), or social pressures (social gatherings where we feel excluded, out of place, pressured or uncomfortable). It seems to be the time of the year where people get into some sort of existential crises, plus painful memories of childhood or lost relationships or families not living in Australia bring back difficult past memories which can hurt. So how do you prepare for those awkward questions that people ask? What are some of your responses? What to say when people ask you what have you done with yourself this year? or what do you do/ about your job? or about having a partner? or other awkward questions? When asked about my resolutions I say : I try to be present instead of buying presents. I wanna wrap people I love in a hug instead of wrapping gifts. I send love instead of cards or gifts. I donate food instead of shopping for food. I make peace instead of making cookies. And finally, I wanna be the light instead of seeing the lights.