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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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IR Feel so bad
  • replies: 3

Hi there, I just really need a place to say something. Initially sorry for my bad English. I'm about to finish my bachelor degree recently (one more semester to go) and I'm applying for postgraduate courses. After I submitted my personal statement ye... View more

Hi there, I just really need a place to say something. Initially sorry for my bad English. I'm about to finish my bachelor degree recently (one more semester to go) and I'm applying for postgraduate courses. After I submitted my personal statement yesterday, I couldn't stop thinking how bad my PS was. I don't have great GPA. I didn't do anything useful or learn anything from my internship. I hate to social with others - that makes me out of breath. I have only a few friends - even though they are nice people, and are much more excellent than me. I feel like I didn't learn anything from school. Basically all I have done for the past 3 years is wasting my parents' money (and yes I was). I cannot focus on editing my PS, and only came up with "oh I should have written this" after I already submitted it. So my PS was like a trash - I am like a trash. Rationally I can still tell myself that I'm not in a super bad situation... I am in one of the greatest university in AU, and already received an offer from USYD. My GPA isn't extraordinary but it isn't that bad, just average. So the only thing I need to worry is whether my current school will give me an offer. Even if it doesn't I still have a second choice... But this thought that I am a trash just can't get out of my head. I used to have Hyperventilation syndrome (just googled its name) from Year 9 to Year 12. It gets better since I graduated from high school and came to AU, but seems like it is back a bit now. I stay up late these days and was keeping thinking about death - not about suicide, just feel fear that what happens after death. I know that sounds just like general teen problems, but it becomes not interesting when you keep thinking about this everyday. A friend of my mom is suffering from severe Anxiety and affected by that, she is having Parkinson's symptoms now. My mom is really sad bc of that, so I don't want to tell her that I'm feeling bad recently. I also dreamed of my family situations. Briefly said they all love me but they don't love each other. My father always doubts my mom's parents/brother was stealing his money. They didn't but he doesn't listen to that. While I grew up, my father was telling me that how they stole his money and destroy his career; and my mom's parents were telling me that my father was trapped in his own unreasonable thoughts and wouldn't listen to anyone or any truth. This thing might look messy and boring, thanks for reading it if you did, no matter who you are.

Donte Is it the journey or the destination?
  • replies: 2

Often there are times in our recovery process when we wish things will speed up. We really wanna come out of that dark hole and feel that progress has been made. It usually doesn't happen. The recovery journey can be a very a long one, but, can also ... View more

Often there are times in our recovery process when we wish things will speed up. We really wanna come out of that dark hole and feel that progress has been made. It usually doesn't happen. The recovery journey can be a very a long one, but, can also be full of adventure, full of discovery. How we would be without our condition? Would we see the world differently? What can we learn from this experience? Admittedly, we are today in an environment in which everyone seems to know everything and we are saturated by a million views on everything, including mental health and ways to deal with illness. But imagine for a moment, if we saw our illness and recovery as a journey in which we accumulate knowledge, experience, wisdom etc Imagine if we wished that recovery took really long. If we saw our mental distress as a gift. As something really special. Yes, we can keep recovery in our minds as a final destination, however, also learn to value the journey, the day to day experiences that we have. If we just took a step at a time, and didn't hurry up to get to the goal, but appreciate the experience we get and the way it shapes us as individuals, could this help us 'cope' better? How do we make the shift in our minds? How can we get to the point to be thankful for our distress and enjoy the fact that we are experiencing it as it can lead us (if we let it), to higher, greater, better things. Is it possible to get to the point that we are thankful for this marvelous journey? Without this 'issue' we wouldn't have started exploring our life and goals the way we do now. How do you see your mental illness through the lenses of your culture and family? Through your beliefs? Do you think you may be able, even for a while, to look at your situation with different eyes?

Lolita1 Important life lessons
  • replies: 6

HI there, I was reflecting about 2017 and all the good, bad things that happened but also the teaching it has left me and I remembered a very special lesson that 2017 gave me. It was a rainy winter day and I was on my lunch break having a coffee outs... View more

HI there, I was reflecting about 2017 and all the good, bad things that happened but also the teaching it has left me and I remembered a very special lesson that 2017 gave me. It was a rainy winter day and I was on my lunch break having a coffee outside the shop, when out of nowhere comes a man dressed in shorts a jumper and no shoes, I made eye contact with him and smile...(in my head I was thinking OMG poor guy, he must be so cold I wonder if I can offer him to get some cheap shoes) as I was thinking this he ordered a coffee and came to sit next to me and started to chat, he was telling me that he was there because his son had some mental health issue brought by drug abuse and he accompanied his son to the youth centre that was close by. I just nodded and listen to this man telling me all about his feeling about his son. When 20 min had passed, I asked him if he was cold and why he wasn't wearing any shoes and he said that he likes to be in contact with nature to remind him that he is alive. it ended up that this person was very well educated, quite wealthy and obviously was in no need of cheap shoes. another 10 min had passed and I had to go back to work so I stood up and shook his hand -nice to meet you I said - his replied touch my heart because he thanked me for smiling at him and giving him the chance to talked to me as he was feeling very down because of his son diagnosis. I learnt that day that I should never judge a book by its cover (because where I come from even homeless people have some sort of shoes) and the importance of smiling and listening to someone - he obviously needed that chat and so did I!! Have you ever been taught a life lesson that really changes the way you think?

beety Husband has depression
  • replies: 21

Hi Everyone. Want some advice please. My husband (my second marriage) of 16 years has depression. It has probably always been there but we both just didn't see it or want to see it. We have moved about a fair bit to make new starts, even emigrated. A... View more

Hi Everyone. Want some advice please. My husband (my second marriage) of 16 years has depression. It has probably always been there but we both just didn't see it or want to see it. We have moved about a fair bit to make new starts, even emigrated. About 6 months ago he decided again that he could not cope where we were living (rural australia), hates his job, hates everyone at work or anyone he meets, has nothing positive to say about anyone or anything. Just wants to stay at home. I told him I had enough, I can't do this anymore, we keep repeating the same story of him thinking the grass is always greener. I told him if he had to go see someone about this as I think he has a problem coping. He broke down, got angry but we hugged and I told him I wasn't going to leave as I love him. He saw a GP who gave him antidepressants. He went to see a counsellor once but decided he/she didn't seem that interested and didn't go again. Things got a bit better Then about a month ago he went away for a bucks weekend and came home very distant. Didn't reply to my texts, stopped being cuddly and wanting sex (he is normally the opposite). Was always going to the gym. I let it all go thinking he will come round eventually. Then this weekend he takes him self of into the spare bedroom under the pretence his back is sore (he does have issues with this neck which stops him from doing his favourite sports). I let this go too, for a day or two thinking he will come back to me. He hasn't, he says he needs space to sort out his issues, that I haven't done anything wrong, there is no one else (I genuinely don t think there is), he says he doesn't know what he wants. One minute he says we have just become mates and lost our spark then tells me not to read to much into it. he rejects any form of affection from me, doesn't want any physical attention at all. I ve never seen him this bad before and I just dont know what to do. Im crying all the time, not eating , sleeping trying to understand how he can just suddenly feel this way. Just when I get my hopes up that he is feeling better he pushes me away. I feel so devastated that he doesn't need me. Im scared Im the reason he feels this way and that all is lost. I don't want to loose him and our home. We are so isolated here, I have no family or close friends. what do i do? I don't want to push him but feel if i keep my distance like he says we will drift apart. Ive always been a positive bright supportive person up now I feel lost.

Donte Pretty in Pink?
  • replies: 23

Been watching the gifts children get for xmas and how they often perpetuate gender stereotypes. Boys often get trucks, tools, guns, robots etc while girls receive magical fairies, ballerina costumes, imitations of cooking equipment, dolls etc. Often ... View more

Been watching the gifts children get for xmas and how they often perpetuate gender stereotypes. Boys often get trucks, tools, guns, robots etc while girls receive magical fairies, ballerina costumes, imitations of cooking equipment, dolls etc. Often wondered if this is subconscious or directed. How does it work in your culture? What types of messages did you get as a boy or girl growing up in your part of the world? I remember as a teacher one day the principal came to our class and said: ‘Can I borrow four strong boys to help me carry a bookshelf?’...What type of message does this gives to the girls in the room? How about the weak boys? Aren’t there strong girls around? Stronger than the average boy? How do stereotypes like these affect our mental health? What message do we give to our girls when every fairytale is about a princess waiting to be rescued and saved by the prince who will come in and take her away and she’ll be his forever? What are we preparing our boys and girls for? What messages does religion give? Culture? Society? Art? Chen’s? Songs? Why are we still preparing our boys for war and our girls for marriage and child bearing? How does this gender inequality affect our view of the world? Our part in it? What kind of harmful notions did you had to overcome in order to start your recovery process? ‘Boys don’t cry’, I hear you saying! Or ‘Boys will be boys’. Or ‘She’s daddy’s girl!’... What do all these mean in the context of your culture and attitudes that could perpetuate mental illness, domestic violence, submissive or aggressive behaviors, rape etc? Let’s put some thought into the small things and perhaps initiate some change to foster a healthier interaction and relationships.

dalirian Accused of DV with no history or evidence
  • replies: 3

Hi all, After 10 yrs of being in a relationship and married for 7, my wife has slapped me DV charges and other herrendous charges. Her mother is a narcisstic person who has controlled her life and our relationship and has always been the reason for o... View more

Hi all, After 10 yrs of being in a relationship and married for 7, my wife has slapped me DV charges and other herrendous charges. Her mother is a narcisstic person who has controlled her life and our relationship and has always been the reason for our arguments. Her father has called her fat and the need to loose weight and are now barracading her behind lawyers with fake and made up charges. They have stolen all the cash I have saved for us and now I'm left to fight to clear myself. It was a shock the first 3 weeks, but now I'm getting better but feel alone. Haven't seen the kids in a month. They are poisoning the kids minds against me. I asked my wife to see how her mum is manipulating her and they have thrown me away like trash. is anyone out there with a similar situation and do you guys have any advice? i don't know anyone and have been in the country less than 6 months. Thank you.

Donte Census 2016
  • replies: 2

In Victoria, 46% of our population is either born overseas or has at least one parent born overseas in more than 200 countries. Below is a list of the top 20 languages spoken in Victoria (from CENSUS 2016). 1. Italian 2. Greek 3. Mandarin 4. Vietname... View more

In Victoria, 46% of our population is either born overseas or has at least one parent born overseas in more than 200 countries. Below is a list of the top 20 languages spoken in Victoria (from CENSUS 2016). 1. Italian 2. Greek 3. Mandarin 4. Vietnamese 5. Cantonese 6. Arabic 7. Macedonian 8. Russian 9. Croatian 10. Turkish 11. Serbian 12. Polish 13. Spanish 14. Maltese 15. Khmer (Native to Cambodian) 16. Chaldean Neo-Aramaic (Native to: Iraq, Iran, Turkey) 17. Assyrian Neo-Aramaic (Native to Iraq, Syria, Iran) 18. Hungarian 19. Punjabi (Native to India, Pakistan) 20. Albanian (Albanian, Kosovo and the Republic In the top 20 list, we have at least 5 new and emerging (NEC) languages, which are: 1. Khmer (Native to Cambodian) 2. Chaldean Neo-Aramaic (Native to: Iraq, Iran, and Turkey) 3. Assyrian Neo-Aramaic (Native to Iraq, Syria and Iran) 4. Punjabi (Native to India and Pakistan) 5. Albanian (Albania, Kosovo and the Republic of Macedonia but also in other areas of Southern Europe) If you or someone you know speaks one of these languages or any language other than English, I’d be interested to hear your views on how is mental illness viewed in your community. How is portrayed in your ethnic media and publications? What happens in your country of origin and how does it differ from Australia in the way we respond to and treat mental health? What words do you use to describe mental health in your language? What supports exist (if any), in your community? What would be some of the common barriers that stop people from accessing support and services and how can we overcome them? Tell us your story. Share your experience. Will be good to see what common threads we all have but also what differences. I believe we can learn from each other collectively and individually as we move from multiculturalism to interculturalism where diverse communities work with each other to support one another. What has worked so far? What hasn’t? As we hold hands together, we all take the next step in this multicultural dance we are all part of in Australia.

am1295 Recovering and Coping with Depression/Self Doubt/Break up
  • replies: 6

Hey everybody im a 22 year old male who migrated from the middle east when I was3 months old with my parents. Im currently studying engineering (in my final year!) and work part time. Id consider myself quite self critical, calm in nature and I have ... View more

Hey everybody im a 22 year old male who migrated from the middle east when I was3 months old with my parents. Im currently studying engineering (in my final year!) and work part time. Id consider myself quite self critical, calm in nature and I have good social skills. Just as a brief summary, the family dynamic in my household is incredibly toxic (parents constantly insult each other, anger directed towards me). Id say Ive grown apart from my father significantly and could be closer to my mother. Anyways I made 2017 a year to concentrate and change my results. University was an incredibly tough experience for me and taught me a lot in terms of my resilience. The stress of uni work, my parents constantly fighting, family financial stress, self doubt, self pity (was bullied in highschool) culminated into my depression I guess. My now ex gf is the reason I'm here and Im pretty sure I wouldnt be typing this message if it wasnt for her. We broke up late April I believe. We were doing a long distance relationship and towards the end it was getting too hard. I didnt finish my degree on time, she did and started to work. I dont have enough characters to explain but It came down to me or her family . The hardest part was the fact that we still loved each other and pretended it was all good before she flew up. I dont think Ive moved on, and of only recently convinced myself that she doesnt want me anymore. Through the guidance of a friend and my own determination, Ive recently gotten serious about strength training and have lost 12kgs, passed all my core units at uni and started accumulating money via investments and work, yet i feel broken and am incredibly nihilistic. My motivation stems from "im going to die, may as well be the best while im alive" which i find incredibly toxic and concerning. Me moving up to live with my ex was my plan and my ticket out, and though she has to choose for her own health and priorities, I feel like I gave the relationship everything in my handicapped state yet it was not enough. I now feel a resentment and hate towards her because I was there for her when her family wasnt and she still chose them over me. She left me despite knowing I wanted to get out of my family situation. Holiday times are more toxic as I am with my family more often tha not, and I feel it will undo the mental and emotional repair I have done for myself. How do I go about dealing with this anger and staying focused on my goals and recovery?

Donte Turn your radio off!
  • replies: 0

If you are like me, overwhelmed and emotional about all the tragedies, afflictions, devastation and disasters that we are constantly fed through radio, newspapers, tv and social media you might want to consider switching the world off! Of course ther... View more

If you are like me, overwhelmed and emotional about all the tragedies, afflictions, devastation and disasters that we are constantly fed through radio, newspapers, tv and social media you might want to consider switching the world off! Of course there are billions of terrible things taking place as we speak and that’s unfortunate but living in a constant state of fear, sadness and helplessness, which is often what the media aims to achieve with oversensationalism and focusing on certain events and portraying them in such a way as to create emotional reactions, may be very harmful for one’s mental health and levels of stress. As if it’s not bad enough driving through morning traffic to get to work or take your children to school etc. do we have to worry also about a mudslide on the other side of the world, the extinction of rare species, a volcano about to erupt, a plane crash on another continent, a war that’s been raging somewhere, the ice melting in Antarctica, economy collapsing and possible meteor hitting the earth in 45 years from now? You get me? I don’t mean to sound selfish or careless to the state of the world around me but one has to draw a line in order to preserve whatever mental health remains before we make it to morning coffee! Breathe! Take it slow! Feel the air! Smell the rain! Just take some time each morning to switch off the world, each day, whenever it gets too much. These things won’t stop from happening. We can find out about it tomorrow. It won’t chsnge anything. Switch off. The world can wait. There are billions of amazing acts of love, kindness and care that take place each moment but I don’t see them or hear them getting broadcasted every minute of the day, repeatedly with graphic pictures and illustrations! Maybe I’ll create my own channel. Maybe I’ll broadcast my own news! Meanwhile, switch off everything and breathe. The world is still here and so are you!

Donte The gift of anxiety
  • replies: 2

Now that the festive season is officially over there's no more forced socializing and uncomfortable small talk in the name of being festive. So we are free to return to our life and enjoy some of the awesome benefits of our condition (if we suffer fr... View more

Now that the festive season is officially over there's no more forced socializing and uncomfortable small talk in the name of being festive. So we are free to return to our life and enjoy some of the awesome benefits of our condition (if we suffer from anxiety)! How, you might say? Hear me out. Anxious individuals usually are great thinkers who love learning and adding to their vast stores of specialty knowledge, even out of fear of failure. It’s no surprise that anxiety can often help us become experts in our field. Anxious people tend to gravitate toward working alone. When you’re alone, you can clear your mind and focus your thoughts. And all this deep, concentrated thinking can lead to novel solutions and brilliant ideas. Albert Einstein, the world-renowned physicist who developed the theory of relativity once said, “It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” People who are anxious and overthink may work harder on a team because they care a lot about what others think of them. When you have an anxious person in your life, you may experience intimacy like never before. That's because anxious individuals really want to make sure that they attend to you and your needs as they do not want to be rejected or judged. - What have you learned lately? How are your ideas evolving? How are you really? They really want to know and they mean it. Anxious people tend to listen more than talk and think before they speak. They choose their words carefully because they know that once said, words can’t be retracted or easily forgotten, if at all. If an anxious person is working hard, they’re motivated from within. They are thinking of new ways to adjust. Before everyone else panics, they are already coming up with a backup plan. Quietly. If you are one of those people, spending time alone (which anxious people love to do) may help you develop more empathy, especially for people outside your social group. This is probably because being alone means you spend time reflecting. Solitude actually makes you more connected to others believe it or not. When you don’t rush things, you often make better decisions. Anxious individuals create worlds in their heads — and help create the world we live in. They can make great leaders because they know the value of being alone and focusing deeply. What's your thoughts on anxiety? Can it be looked from a positive lens? Can it be a 'gift'? Can it actually serve us, give us skills and make us truly special?