The gift of anxiety

[Donte]

Now that the festive season is officially over there's no more forced socializing and uncomfortable small talk in the name of being festive. So we are free to return to our life and enjoy some of the awesome benefits of our condition (if we suffer from anxiety)! How, you might say? Hear me out. Anxious individuals usually are great thinkers who love learning and adding to their vast stores of specialty knowledge, even out of fear of failure. It’s no surprise that anxiety can often help us become experts in our field. Anxious people tend to gravitate toward working alone. When you’re alone, you can clear your mind and focus your thoughts. And all this deep, concentrated thinking can lead to novel solutions and brilliant ideas. Albert Einstein, the world-renowned physicist who developed the theory of relativity once said, “It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” People who are anxious and overthink may work harder on a team because they care a lot about what others think of them. When you have an anxious person in your life, you may experience intimacy like never before. That's because anxious individuals really want to make sure that they attend to you and your needs as they do not want to be rejected or judged. - What have you learned lately? How are your ideas evolving? How are you really? They really want to know and they mean it. Anxious people tend to listen more than talk and think before they speak. They choose their words carefully because they know that once said, words can’t be retracted or easily forgotten, if at all. If an anxious person is working hard, they’re motivated from within. They are thinking of new ways to adjust. Before everyone else panics, they are already coming up with a backup plan. Quietly. If you are one of those people, spending time alone (which anxious people love to do) may help you develop more empathy, especially for people outside your social group. This is probably because being alone means you spend time reflecting. Solitude actually makes you more connected to others believe it or not. When you don’t rush things, you often make better decisions. Anxious individuals create worlds in their heads — and help create the world we live in. They can make great leaders because they know the value of being alone and focusing deeply. What's your thoughts on anxiety? Can it be looked from a positive lens? Can it be a 'gift'? Can it actually serve us, give us skills and make us truly special?

[Lolita1]

Hi Donte,

I am very happy that the festive season is over as all the stresses that come with it are just overwhelming.

My husband has anxiety and the way you describe it is spot on, I can always see when things are really happening in his head and I have learnt to give him space and making sure that if he wants to discuss his emotions I am ready to listen. He has taught me the importance of thinking before acting / speaking and most times when I follow his actions I can see things more clearly.

On the other hand, for me is a constant worry because I care about his mental health and I know that if he gets too much time to overthink he becomes quite panicky with matters that are out of his control. I have spoken to him about this and we have decided that he needs to include me before he gets to this stage and we can both come out with a decision and or a resolution. I used to think that it was my fault he felt this way and that the pressures of being with me (and my odd Chilean family) was the problem. I now know that this is not the case.

cheers

[Donte]

Hi Lolita1,

It is not easy to be a partner and a carer simultaneously. The dynamics change and the struggle for inclusion is ongoing as you mentioned. It is challenging at best to engage and effectively communicate but the advantage is that you already have a relationship and know the personality, character and temperament. Being in a cross-cultural relationship has additional complexities to be navigated. Do you get any support as a carer? Now that the NDIS is becoming effective there is many supports your husband and you may be eligible for. Being a career is a tremendous responsibility and a very important role in the management of a mental health condition but also is important for you to look after yourself and receive respite from time to time to be able to recharge and not burnout. Hope 2018 will be a good year for both of you. 🙂