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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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Vilkas The hole.
  • replies: 8

Just under two years ago I lost my soul mate, my best friend, my lover, my wife, my life. We had been together for over 10 years, nearly 8 years married and had planned to start a family this year, she would have been 30. That fateful day, she got up... View more

Just under two years ago I lost my soul mate, my best friend, my lover, my wife, my life. We had been together for over 10 years, nearly 8 years married and had planned to start a family this year, she would have been 30. That fateful day, she got up to go to work. I was on leave, still in bed. My alarm woke me at 0735. I could hear her in the kitchen, I heard her place the kettle down. Then she brought me a cup of coffee. She looked so beautiful, her hair tied back, wearing her motorbike gear. She had never made me a coffee going to work before. I asked her why, she said she wanted me to have a great day, she knew I was visiting two close friends. I gave her a kiss, and a hug, told her I love her, and she left. I never saw her alive again. Shortly after I heard her motorbike ride off down the road, a friend rang. I got up, had a shower. After my shower I noticed she had done some stuff around the house. I took my mobile out of my pocket, to sms her thanks. The phone rang. It was one of my bosses, telling me, she had been involved in an accident and it's not looking good. I raced to the scene. It was too late, she had passed. I got to sit in the back of the ambulance with her. I balled my eyes out, oh how I cried.She was still warm, but her tooth was chipped and she was lifeless. That is the beginning of this journey, this hole, that I keep falling into. For days and nights, I cried and cried. I made myself busy. I went back to work quick, I took on big life changing tasks, I took on new hobbies. I put on a brave face. But this hole, this almost blank feeling, it is hard.I suppose when you love someone with everything you have, more than yourself, finding solace can be damn near impossible. I have good friends, good family. I bet they care. But I feel alone sometimes, almost feel cursed. I know there are many going through far worse, but my drive for life has gone. I was so happy, so much to live for, now I just have hope. Sorry for making any who read this feel down, but writing it I think, and sharing, perhaps, helps. Take care

lkjtjdp I don't know how to help my partner cope with grief
  • replies: 1

My partner has lost both his son and his father over the last three years. He feels incredibly guilty over the death of his son and feels he is a fault. He hadn't seen his son in over 10 years and missed a cry for help from another family member. He ... View more

My partner has lost both his son and his father over the last three years. He feels incredibly guilty over the death of his son and feels he is a fault. He hadn't seen his son in over 10 years and missed a cry for help from another family member. He has never properly addressed these feelings and drinks heavily. His family background is profoundly sad and I will never fully understand the suffering he has endured throughout his life. Recently he has had some more bad news which is compounding his depression. He is a very stubborn and headstrong individual and has told me many times he will not see a mental health professional. I know I am the only person who knows about the gravity of his pain and feel compelled to help him. I worry that he will do something stupid one day, and I will be the only person who can stop it. But I don't know what to do. I love him more than I can describe and can't bear the thought of loosing him.

Jo3 How to grieve
  • replies: 7

Last Friday I heard the most devastating news. My 23 yr old niece committed suicide due to an overdose on drugs. She was always a troubled child from a very young age. And to make things worse, my niece's mum took an overdose Friday afternoon and is ... View more

Last Friday I heard the most devastating news. My 23 yr old niece committed suicide due to an overdose on drugs. She was always a troubled child from a very young age. And to make things worse, my niece's mum took an overdose Friday afternoon and is in hospital. It so devastating. I am really struggling to come to terms with this. Even though I haven't seen my niece for over 10 years due to the divorce of her parents (my brother) and I just feel there was never a family connection with them. But, still she was my niece, she was family, she was someone's child. I feel so much for her mum and part of me feels sorry for my brother. But my situation is so difficult as i am coming to terms with being sexually abused as a child by 3 different guys and one of them was my brother. No one knows this except my husband. I have been dealing with this for 3 yrs now and my parents abandoned me when I told them. It feels like one big mess, my head feels like a tangled web with me trying to get out. I have no motivation to do anything at home. I don't want to talk to anyone or see anyone; i just want to be left alone and lie around and think of my beautiful niece and the times when she would come over to our place to play with our kids. It;s so sad to lose contact with family members and now it's too late to say - what if i did this or what if i did that. I'm grieving and it's affecting my depression and anxiety; i don't know how to cope Jo

britt Getting stuff of my chest for the first time
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone I have never really been one to open up to people but everyone's threads and courage moved me to share my story. I am a 15 year old girl, the daughter of a basket baller and this is the story of my long ongoing journey My Dad was abusive ... View more

Hi everyone I have never really been one to open up to people but everyone's threads and courage moved me to share my story. I am a 15 year old girl, the daughter of a basket baller and this is the story of my long ongoing journey My Dad was abusive towards my mum throughout my childhood both verbally and physically i saw him hurt her so many times. when i was in year 3 they finally split up and i thought it would finally end, but really it was just the beginning. I spent half my time at dads and half at mums for 3 years i was abused and hurt at dads i had knifes held to me and i got told i was a stupid child and i would never make it anywhere being a girl. when i stayed with dad he literally had a different woman every night, most weren't very nice. My dad fractured my ribs and we where in and out of court for many years, it was hard being so young and exposed to all this that most kids had never even heard of. My childhood was taken over by judges people turning me against my parents and countless tears. When I turned 13 my dad finally decided to move states to be with his mum and dad. At first i thought this was great due to all the pain he had caused but at the same time i loved him even though he didn't love me i felt like i needed a father. Dad and I kept in contact by phone and email for the first year, but then he just suddenly stopped all contact and no longer wanted to talk or hold a relationship anymore, I was heart broken. This year I found out my dad was and is addicted to many drugs and was unpredictable, and unable to be a good dad for me. He also has a Narcissistic disorder. 2 weeks ago I got diagnosed with 2 eating disorders, due to childhood trauma and what my dad did to me that never got professionally seen to. thank you for reading my story

patty lost, confused , not coping
  • replies: 3

My husband who has been my life for 18 years has left me. we seperated 6 months ago where we both rented houses seperately. I have 2 kids 16 & 10 who stayed with me this whole time. Our first seperation started from when I allowed my physio to undo m... View more

My husband who has been my life for 18 years has left me. we seperated 6 months ago where we both rented houses seperately. I have 2 kids 16 & 10 who stayed with me this whole time. Our first seperation started from when I allowed my physio to undo my bra. Hindsight would never do again. Whilst i was home with my kids he had a life where he was going out with mates. I was nasty to him, just like he was to me. In the last two months my lung has collapsed twice with the most reccent being 2 weeks ago. I have had to quit smoking for the reason that this may be causing my lung to collapse. I find out friday when i have my operation to fix this problem. So in total i am trying to deal with 3 things at once. If i picked up a smoke then the seperation would be easier to cope with but then my lung may collapse again. Its a no win situation for me. We have always the last 6 months fought and called names and told each other we were leaving. I would never have done it but he wants to now see someone from his work place. It seems he used me the last 6 months as his babysitter as he never had the kids stay with him. I feel betrayed and hurt but the main question is how do i pick myself up and move on. I never imagined my life would come to this.

Reanna85 Loss of my baby, why am I still here???
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am only new to this but I feel like I need help and only feel comfortable talking to strangers. My husband and I were expecting our first baby three years ago. We were so excited but at 38 weeks I noticed she wasn't moving much so I went to the... View more

Hi, I am only new to this but I feel like I need help and only feel comfortable talking to strangers. My husband and I were expecting our first baby three years ago. We were so excited but at 38 weeks I noticed she wasn't moving much so I went to the doctor and they bluntly told me "there is no heartbeat". I didn't understand and then had to deliver my baby girl the next day, she wasn't crying, she was so still. My husband and I rarely talk about it, and have since had two healthy children, but I have suffered depression since my first. I tried to speak to several councillors but never felt comfortable. Meditation etc may help for some people but it isn't for me. Now my depression is affecting the relationship with my husband and kids. I am always angry and feel stuck in a rut. I don't even know how to explain the way I feel or explain what it is doing to my family but I don't want to lose my husband, and I want my kids to remember me as a happy mum, not who I am now. I carry on life like everything is normal to my extended family. My parents and siblings have no idea how I feel, they see me smile and think everything is ok, but don't know that I think about ending my life on a daily basis. I have no friends, I have never really had friends. I feel so alone in my thoughts and would love some guidance on what to do? I think my kids are better off without me with me in this state of mind....

Darkness_within My childhood sweetheart cheated on me and now I'm so broken
  • replies: 6

My "boyfriend" and I are both 29 and have been together since we were 14 I know we were way too young but we loved each other and have spent 15 great years together......well I thought they were I found out last week that he was having an online affa... View more

My "boyfriend" and I are both 29 and have been together since we were 14 I know we were way too young but we loved each other and have spent 15 great years together......well I thought they were I found out last week that he was having an online affair. He has spent the last 2 months constantly messaging and calling a woman he met on an online gaming site. We had our confrontation and we have been really honest with each other about all that happened. We have decided that for now we will TRY and work through it but we both know it might not work. I just can't stop feeling this overwhelming grief and despair, I can't function normally no matter how much I've tried. i've lost 4kg in a week because of nausea I can't eat, I can't sleep properly, I lose my train of thought every 2 seconds, I've had to have time off work because I cant think straight (I'm a kindy teacher) and I just have so much anxiety. I don't really know what I'm trying to achieve with this thread but it feels good to even write it down. I feel like I can't talk to my friends or family because they will just judge my partner negatively and tell me what to do which right now I'm not ready to hear. I feel so alone

Brett_Murphy Four weddings and a funeral - my own story
  • replies: 0

On the 15th of this month, it will be 19 years since my mum's death. I thought I understood grief until I lost my best mate earlier this year. I have finally looked for help and mantherapy and beyondblue have been a part of that. I have started to wr... View more

On the 15th of this month, it will be 19 years since my mum's death. I thought I understood grief until I lost my best mate earlier this year. I have finally looked for help and mantherapy and beyondblue have been a part of that. I have started to write my story ... It all started with 'Four weddings and a funeral' ... http://teachbrett.blogspot.com/

Redmk78 My Story
  • replies: 2

I'm here because i am at abit of a loss of what to do. I feel so alone at the moment. My situation is that we ( my fiance and I ) have lost 3 people who we were close to in a short space of time (7 months) . My partner and I were careers for his dad ... View more

I'm here because i am at abit of a loss of what to do. I feel so alone at the moment. My situation is that we ( my fiance and I ) have lost 3 people who we were close to in a short space of time (7 months) . My partner and I were careers for his dad who suffered from MND, we moved in with his dad june last year and were both looking after him until he lost his battle with MND in November just gone, on the same day we also lost my sister's mother in law who i lived with for a short time years ago, we weren't close but still she was family. We were greiving and getting thru things together, and things were looking up but in May this year my nan past away. The day before she past I was talking to my fiance about going to see her on the weekend as i hadn't seen her in a while, she was ravenged with Alzhemiers and dementia and i was really scared about how she would receive me . The next day I get the call that she has passed. I had so much guilt about her passing , but the thing that annoyed me the most was that i felt that my partner hasn't really been there for me during this time . During the time when we were caring for my father in law i stood side by side with my fiance, i was there every step of the way - yet, when i'm going thru the same grief for my nan, he's not there for me. Im not close to my mum and dad, i have a sister that talks about nothing but herself non-stop, and i dont really have any friends. I definately suffer from SAD, but now that the sun has come back and its spring i should be happy again but im not.. i've never sort any help from a professional but I think maybe i should ?

Kat1234 Great stress in life and meds not working
  • replies: 4

I've suffered from depression/anxiety for several decades. I've mostly been able to manage this with medication, but now I feel overwhelmed. I separated from my husband 6 months ago, which has been very, very sad and difficult but I managed, more or ... View more

I've suffered from depression/anxiety for several decades. I've mostly been able to manage this with medication, but now I feel overwhelmed. I separated from my husband 6 months ago, which has been very, very sad and difficult but I managed, more or less. Now my elderly mother's recent illness has left me completely wrung out and I feel like I'm spiralling down. I have a grown-up daughter but no other family or friends. I have work colleagues who have been kind to me, but none of these relationships go beyond work. The free counselling sessions provided by my employer have almost run out. I feel cut off from everything and exhausted...just registering on Beyondblue and writing this has taken an enormous effort. I just can't see how I'm going to keep going.

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