Getting stuff of my chest for the first time

[britt]

Hi everyone I have never really been one to open up to people but everyone's threads and courage moved me to share my story.

I am a 15 year old girl, the daughter of a basket baller and this is the story of my long ongoing journey 

My Dad was abusive towards my mum throughout my childhood both verbally and physically i saw him hurt her so many times. when i was in year 3 they finally split up and i thought it would finally end, but really it was just the beginning.

I spent half my time at dads and half at mums for 3 years i was abused and hurt at dads i had knifes held to me and i got told i was a stupid child and i would never make it anywhere being a girl. when i stayed with dad he literally had a different woman every night, most weren't very nice. My dad fractured my ribs and we where in and out of court for many years, it was hard being so young and exposed to all this that most kids had never even heard of. My childhood was taken over by judges people turning me against my parents and countless tears. When I turned 13 my dad finally decided to move states to be with his mum and dad. At first i thought this was great due to all the pain he had caused but at the same time i loved him even though he didn't love me i felt like i needed a father. 

Dad and I kept in contact by phone and email for the first year, but then he just suddenly stopped all contact and no longer wanted to talk or hold a relationship anymore, I was heart broken. 

This year I found out my dad was and is addicted to many drugs and was unpredictable, and unable to be a good dad for me. He also has a Narcissistic disorder. 

2 weeks ago I got diagnosed with 2 eating disorders, due to childhood trauma  and what my dad did to me that never got professionally seen to. 

thank you for reading my story 

[geoff]

dear Britt, welcome and thanks so much for sharing this horrible story.

I wish that I could be much more empathic towards you, but because of your age I have to be careful, I wish that this wasn't to be so, but I will try my hardest to do this in a protective way.

Your life hasn't been by any means an ideal one, and to be abused by your father is disgusting, and personally I can never understand why grown men want to do this to either grown ladies and especially young children, it's way out of my comprehension.

The devastation that your father has done to you and your mother is way beyond the boundaries the duties of care, and the damage is colossal.

It makes me believe that he was using drugs when he was living with you and your mum, and were there any other children involved.

I just wish that I could say ---------------------------------------------------but I won't be allowed to, so I hope you can imagine what I am thinking.

Unfortunately lawyers have a way of helping the guilty person, and sometimes the good for the innocent never prevails, or it's adjourned and this can be done a few times for the guilty.

Just briefly I knew of someone taking drugs and consuming alcohol, but his case was adjourned at least 6 times by his lawyer, so he kept on doing everything that he was not allowed to do.

Oh boy, ------------------------------------------------------------------------and now you have 2 eating disorders which need urgent attention, and is your mum well enough to help you get this help, or is she suffering from depression.

You know Britt that you do need assistance from someone that you actually trust, and it's going to be a long haul, so ------------------------------------------------------------------,sorry I have to be careful otherwise this reply won't be posted, but I ------------------------------------------------------------.

I realise that you may still love your dad, but he needs to go to detox, and that's only if he wants to, because if he is forced to do it it will never work, as he will use them again when he faces more problems.

Oh dear !, --------------------------------------, can you please reply to us as there will be many other replies to you, and the ones from the ladies will be allowed to be empathic. Take care. Geoff.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Britt,

Eating disorders have very little support in Mental Health so I hope you can find some service to help you.  In a major hospital you will be hard pressed to find a ward devoted to eating disorder sufferers even within the psychiatric part.

Your story is amazingly stark and forbidden.   Father/daughter relationships can be so meaningful it's very sad that yours took the wrong turn although you list reasons for your dad's extreme behaviour.  There is a bit of unconditional love on your part which is truly amazing after all the abuse, Courts and danger.  Maybe you have great coping mechanisms now as a result of this turmoil. You sound mature.

I came across a good quote on acceptance attaining wisdom in the Sydney Morning Herald today !   The topic was how single parents find it hard to let go of things when they re-marry but it pertains to your dad/daughter relationship too.  Greek Philospher Epictetus:

"If you think you have free reign over things that are naturally beyond your control, or if you attempt to adopt the affairs of others as your own, your pursuits will be thwarted and you will become a frustrated, anxious and fault-finding person."

Adios, David.

[britt]

Thanks Geoff, your reply really made my day, i feel like Im in a hole I cant get out of, I cant forget about the past no matter how much i want to.

thanks again 

Britt

[britt]

Hi David, thank you so much for your reply 🙂 and the quote is really good i actually stuck it on my wall 🙂

Thanks again

Britt

[geoff]

dear Britt, -------------------------------------------------------------------------------, but please keep us involved OK, -------------------------------------. Geoff.