lost, confused , not coping

[patty]

My husband who has been my life for 18 years has left me. we seperated 6 months ago where we both rented houses seperately. I have 2 kids 16 & 10 who stayed with me this whole time. Our first seperation started from when I allowed my physio to undo my bra. Hindsight would never do again. Whilst i was home with my kids he had a life where he was going out with mates. I was nasty to him, just like he was to me. In the last two months my lung has collapsed twice with the most reccent being 2 weeks ago. I have had to quit smoking for the reason that this may be causing my lung to collapse. I find out friday when i have my operation to fix this problem. So in total i am trying to deal with 3 things at once. If i picked up a smoke then the seperation would be easier to cope with but then my lung may collapse again. Its a no win situation for me.

We have always the last 6 months fought and called names and told each other we were leaving. I would never have done it but he wants to now see someone from his work place. It seems he used me the last 6 months as his babysitter as he never had the kids stay with him. I feel betrayed and hurt but the main question is how do i pick myself up and move on. I never imagined my life would come to this. 

[Rbjustme]

Hi Patty,

You have taken the first step, when something like this happens in your life concerning a long term marriage, your whole world suddenly vanishes and you feel like that you are the only one left in the world and you are suddenly facing so may emotions that you don't know which way to turn.

This on it's own is a very traumatic experience, let a lone the feelings you have of your medical condition. I would suggest that your health is your first concern and that won't be easy for you to decide, but without your health,  coping with your marriage problems will be far more difficult for you. I assume that you are having counselling from a professional, if not, that would be worth considering.

[geoff]

dear Patty, please get your lung attended to, because as we get older our body deteriorates, plus I have seen many people with emphysema and all I want to do is to take a deep breathe for them.

It could be that 'going out with his mates' meant going out with the girl from his work, and he was trying to push you away by calling you names etc.

I have never taken up smoking, maybe for a day or so but not full on, but I know that it's a very difficult habit to stop, and I have been trying to convince my 2 sons to stop smoking, and tomorrow is too late.

Please do as what Rbjustme has said and seek some professional help, and look after yourself. Keep in contact with us. L Geoff. x

[Chris_B]

Hi patty,

Last year, my partner of 17 years and I separated.  One of the first things we had to come to terms with was that the decision had been made, and that we had to begin the process of starting new lives - and that begins with concentrating on yourself, particularly if you have a serious physical health issue.

As Rbjustme and Geoff have said, seek some professional help to get you through this time, but I think the best thing you can do right now is limit your contact with your ex-husband (even hearing and saying that word can be difficult in the early stages) while you concentrate on you and the kids.

best

CB

____________________________________________________________________
Online Community Manager