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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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TheLastSlice_ofBread Bub
  • replies: 5

Remember when I loved you in primary school? I certainly do Claire and Kate painted your picture and made me kiss it It was some crazy childish plan to make me not like you Then in high school we met again But you went out with one of my friends I th... View more

Remember when I loved you in primary school? I certainly do Claire and Kate painted your picture and made me kiss it It was some crazy childish plan to make me not like you Then in high school we met again But you went out with one of my friends I think the next time our paths crossed was year 10 when At your brothers party I finally felt like I could say I don’t want this to end I used to dream of a life together You and me forever You didn’t feel the same And at just sixteen of course you wanted to be out playing games I always thought I was on the outside of your the grove crew I didn’t realise how much we were alike and that this town also made you feel blue Just two days before I was thinking how we don’t speak anymore I made a choice To just leave it And I stupidly assumed your voice I feel narcissistic even writing this down Like my actions could have affected your mental merry go round But what if I just sent a message saying hey? Would you still be here today?

Whispa Lost mum to MND not sure how to cope
  • replies: 3

Hi all. I lost my mum recently to what looks like it was a rare variant of MND. She had been getting weaker for a year or more, speech was severely affected and eventually swallowing and breathing. She never actually got paralysed tho, and until 10 d... View more

Hi all. I lost my mum recently to what looks like it was a rare variant of MND. She had been getting weaker for a year or more, speech was severely affected and eventually swallowing and breathing. She never actually got paralysed tho, and until 10 days before she died she was still living independently, but struggling more than she let on. I was her carer and visited daily, driving 40 mins each way. We had been going to every doctor to try get help, but between Covid and the fact that on paper she was still functioning she was never taken very serious, and was never seen by a neurologist until it was too late. I knew she was sick but we all thought she would get answers and get better. Death cert says MND but they still have doubts about it, but either way the ending was the same. The things is I can’t get past the anger. I’m 32, have 2 kids, plus now also my teenage nephew who my mum was raising before she died. I have a great partner and home, so I need to keep going, but I’m so damn angry about it all, and then I swing between anger and bawling my eyes out. It breaks my heart every single time I think of how scared mum must have been, how she just wasn’t ready and she didn’t deserve it and how helpless and vulnerable she was on that hospital bed. I’m not angry at the doctors as I think if she had been diagnosed her last few months would have been even more horrible, I’m just angry at how she must have felt. I’m keeping busy with my horses, doing the things with them I didn’t have time for before, I’m seeing a councillor and focusing on my family but nothing is helping. My mind keeps saying what’s the point of trying anything in a world that’s just so evil and unfair. It’s changed my views on everything about life why bother being a good person when good people get punishments like that, my mum just have to others her whole life. It’s not her death I can’t handle, it’s the cruel ness and suffering of MND I can’t get out of my mind. She was almost childlike by the end and so vulnerable. And I stayed with her day and night in hospital and had to authorise sedation and that was hard. Not sure what other coping methods people may have who have been through a loss to MND or any cruel disease, I just need some honest words maybe, so I can stop the urge to beat everyone who comes near me with a stick so I can sit and sulk alone ha thanks for reading this so far, not sure how much sense I’ve made.

Quercus Anticipatory grief: coping when someone is very unwell
  • replies: 13

Hi, From where I sit 2021 has been even worse than last year. Dad has stage 3/4 cancer. Specialist says I'm at high risk too. My Nan (94) is not in a healthy place. And someone so very very dear to me has passed away (more bloody cancer, my goodness ... View more

Hi, From where I sit 2021 has been even worse than last year. Dad has stage 3/4 cancer. Specialist says I'm at high risk too. My Nan (94) is not in a healthy place. And someone so very very dear to me has passed away (more bloody cancer, my goodness how I loathe that C word). But strangely it's not death that has me so upset... It's my reaction once I anticipate future grief. I found I shut down and block people out. It's like I'm trying to prepare myself for life without that person. I don't know how to stop doing this. I worry that it hurts the people I love and they may not understand why I have backed away. Good old Google introduced me to an idea I'd never heard of. Anticipatory grief. Apparently other people feel this too. Psychology websites suggested spending more quality time with the person/ people. I seem to have done the opposite. It has helped me cope without my depression taking over but now I feel guilty. I didn't support my friend as I should have. I need to learn from this and change for my Nan and my Dad (although I'm stubbornly positive he will survive this). Has anyone else experienced this reaction? Could you find ways to stop yourself isolating? Thank you in advance and seeing as this thread is in the grief section I hope you are managing to get through the days coping with your own loss and know you can always write for support. There's no time limit on grief. Nat

SapphireDreams Loss of one of the only family members I have left... Sheer guilt
  • replies: 6

I feel like there should've been something that could've been done. The way it happened was so out of the blue, I miss him so much. But I can't get past it. All I do is feel like it's my fault... He was the best pop and overall one of the best people... View more

I feel like there should've been something that could've been done. The way it happened was so out of the blue, I miss him so much. But I can't get past it. All I do is feel like it's my fault... He was the best pop and overall one of the best people I knew. How do I cope with this? I feel alone, like my circle is getting so small, and it'd almost be gone soon. I love my pop but now I only really have my mum left family wise...

Niamhs_mum Recently bereaved
  • replies: 3

we lost our youngest daughter on 21st february very suddenly - it has thrown our world off its axis and our family is distraught. She was our baby and at 21 yrs old had so many hopes and dreams. Each day is a living hell and the pain is so overwhelmi... View more

we lost our youngest daughter on 21st february very suddenly - it has thrown our world off its axis and our family is distraught. She was our baby and at 21 yrs old had so many hopes and dreams. Each day is a living hell and the pain is so overwhelming.

Imarni I’ve lost my best friend- my companion dog
  • replies: 3

Yesterday we had to put to sleep my best mate. He was my companion dog and he would nudge me when distressed. He was 11 large boy and not to well. There is a story behind his purchase and the breeder. It was quite amazing and so he had a very special... View more

Yesterday we had to put to sleep my best mate. He was my companion dog and he would nudge me when distressed. He was 11 large boy and not to well. There is a story behind his purchase and the breeder. It was quite amazing and so he had a very special bond for both of us. I knew it was coming but wanted him comfortable and planned at home. I left it too late. He had a turn possibly a stroke. So we had to rush to get him to a vet to be put to sleep. I feel so sad, so guilty and just like my purpose is gone. If I didn’t have a little cat who also senses my distress and comes and cuddles me I would not wish to continue. I feel just distraught. I know animal people will get it but I have some friends who don’t. I lost my other cat late last year and I’ve lost parents recently and to me this is far worse. My pets were everything. I do not have a strong bond to my children who are now adults. I am so anxious about the well-being of my little cat but I do have have this about my children and I think it upsets the kids. I know I won’t cope if anything happens to her.

masopaul I was a monster
  • replies: 4

I have treated so many people badly and in particular my sister and her husband who then passed away. Some of the last words mentioned to him were that I was sorry for how I treated him and he accepted the apology well he said he did. She says she fo... View more

I have treated so many people badly and in particular my sister and her husband who then passed away. Some of the last words mentioned to him were that I was sorry for how I treated him and he accepted the apology well he said he did. She says she forgives me and I have poured tears in front of her but I just don't understand how she could forgive me. its been nearly 7 years

phoenix74 It feels like the death of my mother left me with nothing...
  • replies: 3

Hi. My first post here. I'd love to be able to help people here just through my experiences with anxiety and depression over the last 30 years or so. At the moment, I'm afraid - mainly of death. I'm also deeply depressed. I've always struggled in thi... View more

Hi. My first post here. I'd love to be able to help people here just through my experiences with anxiety and depression over the last 30 years or so. At the moment, I'm afraid - mainly of death. I'm also deeply depressed. I've always struggled in this world - haven't worked or studied for many years. Just got by. Day by day. Month by month. Just over 2 years ago my mother died. I was close to her - and was her carer for the last few years of her life. It was a body blow. I don't get on as well with my father. Now, as I said, I'm worried about myself. I don't eat. Can't stand the thought of eating. I just drink coffee all day. I don't take care of myself. I don't do any exercise. I don't look after my teeth. They're a mess - and if I survive long enough there will be a reckoning with a dentist one day. I've a passion for films, which I used to enjoy writing about. I still watch as many good ones as I can - and keep up to date. Thanks to COVID, my infrequent outings with good friends have dried up to nothing. No going out. Very little keeping in touch. Often I'll start to panic about the fact that death is inevitable. I've had kidney cancer - successfully beaten through surgery. But I didn't heed the warning I was so clearly getting. Continued to smoke. Kept on drinking. At least I don't drink anymore now. I can't stand it. But everything else that is bad for me I do. I watched as my mother died in agony. Is that what I've got to look forward to? All my treasured memories gone for all eternity. No children to carry on after me. But hey, at least I'm not suicidal at the moment. I'd like another 50 years! I'd like to work as a carer in the future and become more healthy. I'd like to write again. The problem is that I avoid people as much as I possibly can. I just get through days. I'm finding first steps towards a better future so impossible to take. I just want to know I'm not alone - and I want someone to know that I'm here. That I exist and that I'm slowly crumbling....

Guest_342 What do I do?
  • replies: 3

Hi there. My little nephew passed away this week and the service is coming up in a few days. I live alone and my boyfriend lives interstate and won't be coming here for it. I have been really anxious about the service because my brother and his wife ... View more

Hi there. My little nephew passed away this week and the service is coming up in a few days. I live alone and my boyfriend lives interstate and won't be coming here for it. I have been really anxious about the service because my brother and his wife are friends with my ex-fiance. I haven't spoken with any of his friends (didn't hear from them when we split) or him for 2.5 years. I want my brother and his wife to have the love and support of all their friends but I feel like I can't grieve properly because my thoughts are clouded with fear of the awkwardness and and that they might not be friendly towards me. It's making me angry because I want to be grieving for my nephew instead of this stupid selfish worry. I'm terrified. I wish this could be a day that i can solely focus on the love I have for my family and my nephew. Everyone going has their own partners and children and I'm scared I'll find myself standing there alone having to have awkward conversations with people who were once part of my friendship group.

Moonstruck Never done this before
  • replies: 77

Good morning all, My loving partner died 3 weeks ago and I've been different each day....managing to do all the essentials but at times in a confused "lost" sort of way that I hide well. I conduct conversations with others, some who know, some who do... View more

Good morning all, My loving partner died 3 weeks ago and I've been different each day....managing to do all the essentials but at times in a confused "lost" sort of way that I hide well. I conduct conversations with others, some who know, some who don't very easily...chatting and laughing and carrying out the essentials of daily life, paying bills, making appointments, car services, new appliances etc....as if nothing had happened. Most mornings though I want to lie in bed for the whole day,never seeing or speaking to anyone. Driving in the car when a piece of music plays that reminds me of "us" the tears come. I attended a small group meeting of member of a club I belong to (of course it's all been shut down and in limbo since Corona, so nothing happened to distract me from the loss)....just needed to see familiar faces. Strangely enough conversation seemed to shut down and become a bit stilted when I arrived..no one mentioned my loss at all. I was longing for a hug, so I could give way to my pent up emotions, but there were none. No touch,no comfort offered....nothing! Why was this? These are great people and I know they care and like me..........but they didn't offer any words of comfort. Perhaps I was wrong about them being my friends, perhaps they couldn't give a stuff about me after all...what an idiot I am! The loss is not just"him"...a person. It's the other things that have also gone. No one knows me, "gets"me, or thinks I am as beautiful as he did. No one will tell me how lovely I look (even when I don't ) any more. No one calls me "darling". No one has my crazy at times black, sense of humour. I don't know anyone else who laughs at the same things we did. It's all those things that have gone too. No one comes in the door and immediately enfolds me in a hug. Why didn't my friends comfort me?