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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Ace.x-ray Losing my father during this pandemic
  • replies: 3

It was about 6 weeks ago I lost my father. How did this unfold? Well first of all on a Thursday night, 6th May , my mother and myself were watching T.V when my sister, who was at work, got a call from the nurses from his nursing home and has said to ... View more

It was about 6 weeks ago I lost my father. How did this unfold? Well first of all on a Thursday night, 6th May , my mother and myself were watching T.V when my sister, who was at work, got a call from the nurses from his nursing home and has said to us he will go into hospital tonight. This was due to his personality changed recently, 2 weeks after, he had a little cold, stopped talking and was eating properly. the next day my mother and I went to see him in the morning when he was in hospital, the doctors and nurses were looking after him, a few minutes later the doctor looking after him told us they were monitoring and taking tests to see if something was wrong. then they next few days his results came back and she, the doctor, said to us he had pneumonia, kidney failure and had trouble swallowing food and water. He was in hospital for 8 days, most of my family and family friends came over to visit him. Mind you he was completely blind so he couldn't see, he would always sleep and move around, make noises, he was bed ridden. 4 Days in our immediate family decided to take him off the medication and let him go to comfort care. Then on the 13th May he passed away at 10.30am. It was another tough week after his death we arranged a Lao traditional Funeral wake. which took a few days until the funeral. It was hard losing him, my mother, sister, myself and my brothers family were having a hard time dealing with the loss of our father. I am still having trouble accepting it as I have severe depression, and his death made it worse I don't want to go out or talk to my friends. My father was 71 years, had diabetes, suffered 2 strokes and survived he also drank a lot of alcohol before becoming very ill and going to the nursing home. I dream about him most nights and I don't know how to handle it. It is strange not to go visit him at the nursing home and bring him treats or take him to his appointments.

Anonymous__2639 I have never dealt with losing my partner and now 9 years later i cant handle life anymore
  • replies: 2

I was 18 when i lost my partner, i then lost everyone around me in the following years, some people stayed longer than others. I have never been able to accept what happened and now i am the deepest darkest hole i have been in for years. I now have a... View more

I was 18 when i lost my partner, i then lost everyone around me in the following years, some people stayed longer than others. I have never been able to accept what happened and now i am the deepest darkest hole i have been in for years. I now have a fiancé and a daughter which in all honesty are the only reasons i am searching for help rather than just giving up. Please anyones input or help is aappreciated. I have gone to therapy and councillors, and never been able to go back to the same person more than twice. I've been prescribed medicines and coping methods, and all have made things worse, leaving me in even darker, more withdrawn places. I dont know what to do anymore.

MrsEM Two miscarriages in 3 months :(
  • replies: 8

My husband and I started trying for a baby this year and I sadly had a miscarriage in March. I was only about 5-6 weeks but it was the most heart breaking thing I have ever been through. It left me feeling like such a failure. I’m a woman! This is wh... View more

My husband and I started trying for a baby this year and I sadly had a miscarriage in March. I was only about 5-6 weeks but it was the most heart breaking thing I have ever been through. It left me feeling like such a failure. I’m a woman! This is what I am made for! I am lucky enough to have a good psychologist that I see monthly To help manage my anxiety. We were surprised when I fell pregnant again so quickly in May. We were both over the moon! I was so nervous and wouldn’t let myself get excited because I was dreading the same thing would happen if I got excited. Sadly it did I had a miscarriage on the weekend. That feeling of devastation and grief hit us both like a tonne of bricks. I feel so empty and so worthless. Until I experienced my first miscarriage, I didn’t realize how common it is. Because no one talks about it. I’ve now found numerous family members and friends have had miscarriages. It gives a tiny bit of comfort knowing I’m not alone. We are going to give ourselves a bit more time to deal with it all this time. I’m petrified of even thinking about trying again. I don’t know how many times I can go through this

TheLastSlice_ofBread Bub
  • replies: 5

Remember when I loved you in primary school? I certainly do Claire and Kate painted your picture and made me kiss it It was some crazy childish plan to make me not like you Then in high school we met again But you went out with one of my friends I th... View more

Remember when I loved you in primary school? I certainly do Claire and Kate painted your picture and made me kiss it It was some crazy childish plan to make me not like you Then in high school we met again But you went out with one of my friends I think the next time our paths crossed was year 10 when At your brothers party I finally felt like I could say I don’t want this to end I used to dream of a life together You and me forever You didn’t feel the same And at just sixteen of course you wanted to be out playing games I always thought I was on the outside of your the grove crew I didn’t realise how much we were alike and that this town also made you feel blue Just two days before I was thinking how we don’t speak anymore I made a choice To just leave it And I stupidly assumed your voice I feel narcissistic even writing this down Like my actions could have affected your mental merry go round But what if I just sent a message saying hey? Would you still be here today?

Whispa Lost mum to MND not sure how to cope
  • replies: 3

Hi all. I lost my mum recently to what looks like it was a rare variant of MND. She had been getting weaker for a year or more, speech was severely affected and eventually swallowing and breathing. She never actually got paralysed tho, and until 10 d... View more

Hi all. I lost my mum recently to what looks like it was a rare variant of MND. She had been getting weaker for a year or more, speech was severely affected and eventually swallowing and breathing. She never actually got paralysed tho, and until 10 days before she died she was still living independently, but struggling more than she let on. I was her carer and visited daily, driving 40 mins each way. We had been going to every doctor to try get help, but between Covid and the fact that on paper she was still functioning she was never taken very serious, and was never seen by a neurologist until it was too late. I knew she was sick but we all thought she would get answers and get better. Death cert says MND but they still have doubts about it, but either way the ending was the same. The things is I can’t get past the anger. I’m 32, have 2 kids, plus now also my teenage nephew who my mum was raising before she died. I have a great partner and home, so I need to keep going, but I’m so damn angry about it all, and then I swing between anger and bawling my eyes out. It breaks my heart every single time I think of how scared mum must have been, how she just wasn’t ready and she didn’t deserve it and how helpless and vulnerable she was on that hospital bed. I’m not angry at the doctors as I think if she had been diagnosed her last few months would have been even more horrible, I’m just angry at how she must have felt. I’m keeping busy with my horses, doing the things with them I didn’t have time for before, I’m seeing a councillor and focusing on my family but nothing is helping. My mind keeps saying what’s the point of trying anything in a world that’s just so evil and unfair. It’s changed my views on everything about life why bother being a good person when good people get punishments like that, my mum just have to others her whole life. It’s not her death I can’t handle, it’s the cruel ness and suffering of MND I can’t get out of my mind. She was almost childlike by the end and so vulnerable. And I stayed with her day and night in hospital and had to authorise sedation and that was hard. Not sure what other coping methods people may have who have been through a loss to MND or any cruel disease, I just need some honest words maybe, so I can stop the urge to beat everyone who comes near me with a stick so I can sit and sulk alone ha thanks for reading this so far, not sure how much sense I’ve made.

Quercus Anticipatory grief: coping when someone is very unwell
  • replies: 13

Hi, From where I sit 2021 has been even worse than last year. Dad has stage 3/4 cancer. Specialist says I'm at high risk too. My Nan (94) is not in a healthy place. And someone so very very dear to me has passed away (more bloody cancer, my goodness ... View more

Hi, From where I sit 2021 has been even worse than last year. Dad has stage 3/4 cancer. Specialist says I'm at high risk too. My Nan (94) is not in a healthy place. And someone so very very dear to me has passed away (more bloody cancer, my goodness how I loathe that C word). But strangely it's not death that has me so upset... It's my reaction once I anticipate future grief. I found I shut down and block people out. It's like I'm trying to prepare myself for life without that person. I don't know how to stop doing this. I worry that it hurts the people I love and they may not understand why I have backed away. Good old Google introduced me to an idea I'd never heard of. Anticipatory grief. Apparently other people feel this too. Psychology websites suggested spending more quality time with the person/ people. I seem to have done the opposite. It has helped me cope without my depression taking over but now I feel guilty. I didn't support my friend as I should have. I need to learn from this and change for my Nan and my Dad (although I'm stubbornly positive he will survive this). Has anyone else experienced this reaction? Could you find ways to stop yourself isolating? Thank you in advance and seeing as this thread is in the grief section I hope you are managing to get through the days coping with your own loss and know you can always write for support. There's no time limit on grief. Nat

SapphireDreams Loss of one of the only family members I have left... Sheer guilt
  • replies: 6

I feel like there should've been something that could've been done. The way it happened was so out of the blue, I miss him so much. But I can't get past it. All I do is feel like it's my fault... He was the best pop and overall one of the best people... View more

I feel like there should've been something that could've been done. The way it happened was so out of the blue, I miss him so much. But I can't get past it. All I do is feel like it's my fault... He was the best pop and overall one of the best people I knew. How do I cope with this? I feel alone, like my circle is getting so small, and it'd almost be gone soon. I love my pop but now I only really have my mum left family wise...

Niamhs_mum Recently bereaved
  • replies: 3

we lost our youngest daughter on 21st february very suddenly - it has thrown our world off its axis and our family is distraught. She was our baby and at 21 yrs old had so many hopes and dreams. Each day is a living hell and the pain is so overwhelmi... View more

we lost our youngest daughter on 21st february very suddenly - it has thrown our world off its axis and our family is distraught. She was our baby and at 21 yrs old had so many hopes and dreams. Each day is a living hell and the pain is so overwhelming.

Imarni I’ve lost my best friend- my companion dog
  • replies: 3

Yesterday we had to put to sleep my best mate. He was my companion dog and he would nudge me when distressed. He was 11 large boy and not to well. There is a story behind his purchase and the breeder. It was quite amazing and so he had a very special... View more

Yesterday we had to put to sleep my best mate. He was my companion dog and he would nudge me when distressed. He was 11 large boy and not to well. There is a story behind his purchase and the breeder. It was quite amazing and so he had a very special bond for both of us. I knew it was coming but wanted him comfortable and planned at home. I left it too late. He had a turn possibly a stroke. So we had to rush to get him to a vet to be put to sleep. I feel so sad, so guilty and just like my purpose is gone. If I didn’t have a little cat who also senses my distress and comes and cuddles me I would not wish to continue. I feel just distraught. I know animal people will get it but I have some friends who don’t. I lost my other cat late last year and I’ve lost parents recently and to me this is far worse. My pets were everything. I do not have a strong bond to my children who are now adults. I am so anxious about the well-being of my little cat but I do have have this about my children and I think it upsets the kids. I know I won’t cope if anything happens to her.

masopaul I was a monster
  • replies: 4

I have treated so many people badly and in particular my sister and her husband who then passed away. Some of the last words mentioned to him were that I was sorry for how I treated him and he accepted the apology well he said he did. She says she fo... View more

I have treated so many people badly and in particular my sister and her husband who then passed away. Some of the last words mentioned to him were that I was sorry for how I treated him and he accepted the apology well he said he did. She says she forgives me and I have poured tears in front of her but I just don't understand how she could forgive me. its been nearly 7 years