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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Jazz and Blues Finding meaning through the existential grief of mental illness
  • replies: 2

I've been reflecting lately about the grief that comes alongside living with a chronic mental illness. We tend not to reflect in depth about the losses that we accumulate whether we must endure recurrent depression or anxiety; the missed opportunitie... View more

I've been reflecting lately about the grief that comes alongside living with a chronic mental illness. We tend not to reflect in depth about the losses that we accumulate whether we must endure recurrent depression or anxiety; the missed opportunities, the wasted time, the seemingly pointless suffering. Instead, we are inspired to focus on our individual recovery. We are told to hold onto hope - to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Whilst these views are no doubt essential, and are certainly things that have carried me through the darkness at times, I can't help but wonder how we tend to our existential grief. Perhaps our grief brings with it a learning of acceptance? Or perhaps we simply learn to move on despite our setbacks? This grief can leave us feeling hopeless at times. What has worked for you when you are overwhelmed by despair? When you feel that everything is unfair and the world has taken something that you thought you deserved? How do we continue to endure? An essential part of the grieving process is enduring the struggle that leads us to find meaning in our losses. For me, I find meaning in using my story. I must accept that some things have changed in my life, perhaps forever, as a result of my illness. But, equally, I would not trade away my illness despite the grief it causes. Because to do so would be to change the very nature of who I am, who I have become and how I have improved as a person not despite but because of my own battles. Over to you forum. How do you find meaning?

Lizzy27 Loss of my best friend
  • replies: 5

It was almost 2 years ago, a normal day at home watching tv, I get a call saying there was police and an ambulance outside my best friends house but I thought “typical”. Later that day I get the dreaded call that my best friend had taken his own life... View more

It was almost 2 years ago, a normal day at home watching tv, I get a call saying there was police and an ambulance outside my best friends house but I thought “typical”. Later that day I get the dreaded call that my best friend had taken his own life. My heart shattered into a million pieces, almost 2 years later my heart is still breaking. I still cry at night. I miss him so much :((

Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

Bee1998 Lost My Best Friend Of 10 Years To Suicide
  • replies: 10

In February this year (2021), I received a phone call to say that my best friend had died (committed suicide). At first I was calm/in shock, as it did not feel real.... Once I hung up the phone, I broke down into tears. I felt a sudden darkness/coldn... View more

In February this year (2021), I received a phone call to say that my best friend had died (committed suicide). At first I was calm/in shock, as it did not feel real.... Once I hung up the phone, I broke down into tears. I felt a sudden darkness/coldness run through me, and I felt the most sadness I've ever felt in my whole life. I did not stop crying for the next few days after finding out the daunting news. My eyes were swollen and black all around from the amount I had cried. I just could not stop. I refused to leave my bed, as I felt physically sick every time I did. A few months have passed, and I am starting to feel a lot better than I did (in regards to the sadness), but I am not the same as I used to be. Every day since I lost my friend, I have felt so lost and stuck in the same place constantly. She was the only person in my life that I could properly talk to about anything and everything, and the only person who actually understood and gave real, honest advice. She was the only friend I could be entirely myself around, and the longest/closest friend I had my entire life. She was like a sister to me. In high school we had sleepovers at each others houses almost every night and spent every weekend together. We had baths and showers together, slept in the same bed, we did everything together. We were inseparable. Even once we had finished high school, we drifted apart for a while and didn't speak, but when we came back into contact, it was like we never stopped talking, like we saw each other just yesterday. We always had this special bond between the two of us. We both always knew that no matter how long we went without seeing each other or speaking, we would still love each other forever. It has been a really rough past few months for me, as I haven't been able to speak to anyone properly about what happened, so it has been bottled up inside. I just miss my friend so much, and often I have thoughts like "Maybe this is just a joke, and she will reappear one day soon." It doesn't feel real..... I have also been having really strong thoughts of suicide myself, pretty much every day since I lost my friend. Could really use someone to talk to....

BangALang Losing My Father a month back due to Covid
  • replies: 2

I lost my Dad a month back on 21st May, 2021 due to covid. He had retired from his job a couple of months back and was planning to enjoy his retired life. He has spent most of the time is a different state of India due to nature of his job. And now w... View more

I lost my Dad a month back on 21st May, 2021 due to covid. He had retired from his job a couple of months back and was planning to enjoy his retired life. He has spent most of the time is a different state of India due to nature of his job. And now when it was his time and our time to be together he started showing symptoms on 22nd April,2021. he was taken to the hospital on 26th April and was tested negative on 5th of May. But after that his lungs were so severly affected that he had to be put on Ventilator. He never came back home. I really miss him. I could not even see him in his last time because I am in Australia and could not travel because of the restrictions. I feel a huge gaping hole inside of me that gives me a sinking feeling 24/7. I dont know what to do. I cant cry to let the feelings out instead I always think about him and I feel as if I am sinking. I cant sleep at nights. If someone can please help me out. thanks

Ace.x-ray Losing my father during this pandemic
  • replies: 3

It was about 6 weeks ago I lost my father. How did this unfold? Well first of all on a Thursday night, 6th May , my mother and myself were watching T.V when my sister, who was at work, got a call from the nurses from his nursing home and has said to ... View more

It was about 6 weeks ago I lost my father. How did this unfold? Well first of all on a Thursday night, 6th May , my mother and myself were watching T.V when my sister, who was at work, got a call from the nurses from his nursing home and has said to us he will go into hospital tonight. This was due to his personality changed recently, 2 weeks after, he had a little cold, stopped talking and was eating properly. the next day my mother and I went to see him in the morning when he was in hospital, the doctors and nurses were looking after him, a few minutes later the doctor looking after him told us they were monitoring and taking tests to see if something was wrong. then they next few days his results came back and she, the doctor, said to us he had pneumonia, kidney failure and had trouble swallowing food and water. He was in hospital for 8 days, most of my family and family friends came over to visit him. Mind you he was completely blind so he couldn't see, he would always sleep and move around, make noises, he was bed ridden. 4 Days in our immediate family decided to take him off the medication and let him go to comfort care. Then on the 13th May he passed away at 10.30am. It was another tough week after his death we arranged a Lao traditional Funeral wake. which took a few days until the funeral. It was hard losing him, my mother, sister, myself and my brothers family were having a hard time dealing with the loss of our father. I am still having trouble accepting it as I have severe depression, and his death made it worse I don't want to go out or talk to my friends. My father was 71 years, had diabetes, suffered 2 strokes and survived he also drank a lot of alcohol before becoming very ill and going to the nursing home. I dream about him most nights and I don't know how to handle it. It is strange not to go visit him at the nursing home and bring him treats or take him to his appointments.

Anonymous__2639 I have never dealt with losing my partner and now 9 years later i cant handle life anymore
  • replies: 2

I was 18 when i lost my partner, i then lost everyone around me in the following years, some people stayed longer than others. I have never been able to accept what happened and now i am the deepest darkest hole i have been in for years. I now have a... View more

I was 18 when i lost my partner, i then lost everyone around me in the following years, some people stayed longer than others. I have never been able to accept what happened and now i am the deepest darkest hole i have been in for years. I now have a fiancé and a daughter which in all honesty are the only reasons i am searching for help rather than just giving up. Please anyones input or help is aappreciated. I have gone to therapy and councillors, and never been able to go back to the same person more than twice. I've been prescribed medicines and coping methods, and all have made things worse, leaving me in even darker, more withdrawn places. I dont know what to do anymore.

MrsEM Two miscarriages in 3 months :(
  • replies: 8

My husband and I started trying for a baby this year and I sadly had a miscarriage in March. I was only about 5-6 weeks but it was the most heart breaking thing I have ever been through. It left me feeling like such a failure. I’m a woman! This is wh... View more

My husband and I started trying for a baby this year and I sadly had a miscarriage in March. I was only about 5-6 weeks but it was the most heart breaking thing I have ever been through. It left me feeling like such a failure. I’m a woman! This is what I am made for! I am lucky enough to have a good psychologist that I see monthly To help manage my anxiety. We were surprised when I fell pregnant again so quickly in May. We were both over the moon! I was so nervous and wouldn’t let myself get excited because I was dreading the same thing would happen if I got excited. Sadly it did I had a miscarriage on the weekend. That feeling of devastation and grief hit us both like a tonne of bricks. I feel so empty and so worthless. Until I experienced my first miscarriage, I didn’t realize how common it is. Because no one talks about it. I’ve now found numerous family members and friends have had miscarriages. It gives a tiny bit of comfort knowing I’m not alone. We are going to give ourselves a bit more time to deal with it all this time. I’m petrified of even thinking about trying again. I don’t know how many times I can go through this

TheLastSlice_ofBread Bub
  • replies: 5

Remember when I loved you in primary school? I certainly do Claire and Kate painted your picture and made me kiss it It was some crazy childish plan to make me not like you Then in high school we met again But you went out with one of my friends I th... View more

Remember when I loved you in primary school? I certainly do Claire and Kate painted your picture and made me kiss it It was some crazy childish plan to make me not like you Then in high school we met again But you went out with one of my friends I think the next time our paths crossed was year 10 when At your brothers party I finally felt like I could say I don’t want this to end I used to dream of a life together You and me forever You didn’t feel the same And at just sixteen of course you wanted to be out playing games I always thought I was on the outside of your the grove crew I didn’t realise how much we were alike and that this town also made you feel blue Just two days before I was thinking how we don’t speak anymore I made a choice To just leave it And I stupidly assumed your voice I feel narcissistic even writing this down Like my actions could have affected your mental merry go round But what if I just sent a message saying hey? Would you still be here today?

Whispa Lost mum to MND not sure how to cope
  • replies: 3

Hi all. I lost my mum recently to what looks like it was a rare variant of MND. She had been getting weaker for a year or more, speech was severely affected and eventually swallowing and breathing. She never actually got paralysed tho, and until 10 d... View more

Hi all. I lost my mum recently to what looks like it was a rare variant of MND. She had been getting weaker for a year or more, speech was severely affected and eventually swallowing and breathing. She never actually got paralysed tho, and until 10 days before she died she was still living independently, but struggling more than she let on. I was her carer and visited daily, driving 40 mins each way. We had been going to every doctor to try get help, but between Covid and the fact that on paper she was still functioning she was never taken very serious, and was never seen by a neurologist until it was too late. I knew she was sick but we all thought she would get answers and get better. Death cert says MND but they still have doubts about it, but either way the ending was the same. The things is I can’t get past the anger. I’m 32, have 2 kids, plus now also my teenage nephew who my mum was raising before she died. I have a great partner and home, so I need to keep going, but I’m so damn angry about it all, and then I swing between anger and bawling my eyes out. It breaks my heart every single time I think of how scared mum must have been, how she just wasn’t ready and she didn’t deserve it and how helpless and vulnerable she was on that hospital bed. I’m not angry at the doctors as I think if she had been diagnosed her last few months would have been even more horrible, I’m just angry at how she must have felt. I’m keeping busy with my horses, doing the things with them I didn’t have time for before, I’m seeing a councillor and focusing on my family but nothing is helping. My mind keeps saying what’s the point of trying anything in a world that’s just so evil and unfair. It’s changed my views on everything about life why bother being a good person when good people get punishments like that, my mum just have to others her whole life. It’s not her death I can’t handle, it’s the cruel ness and suffering of MND I can’t get out of my mind. She was almost childlike by the end and so vulnerable. And I stayed with her day and night in hospital and had to authorise sedation and that was hard. Not sure what other coping methods people may have who have been through a loss to MND or any cruel disease, I just need some honest words maybe, so I can stop the urge to beat everyone who comes near me with a stick so I can sit and sulk alone ha thanks for reading this so far, not sure how much sense I’ve made.