Bub

[TheLastSlice_ofBread]

Remember when I loved you in primary school?


I certainly do


Claire and Kate painted your picture and made me kiss it
It was some crazy childish plan to make me not like you


Then in high school we met again
But you went out with one of my friends


I think the next time our paths crossed was year 10 when
At your brothers party
I finally felt like I could say I don’t want this to end


I used to dream of a life together
You and me forever


You didn’t feel the same
And at just sixteen of course you wanted to be out playing games


I always thought I was on the outside of your the grove crew
I didn’t realise how much we were alike and that this town also made you feel blue


Just two days before
I was thinking how we don’t speak anymore


I made a choice
To just leave it
And I stupidly assumed your voice




I feel narcissistic even writing this down
Like my actions could have affected your mental merry go round

But what if I just sent a message saying hey?


Would you still be here today?

[Croix]

Dear TheLastSlice ofBread~

Welcome back, I am sorry it is in such sad circumstances. As before you have captured your feelings in verse so well and If I’ve missed or misunderstood anything it is my lack, not yours.

I understand for a long while, since young kids, you felt e very close attraction for Bub, and over the years tried to get close, however it never seemed to happen. Eventually you resigned yourself not to try again.

Bud took their life and now you have a mountain or hurt, grief, loss and guilt to cope with.

The feelings you have are those of any normal sensitive person, not only over the loss, but being buried in self-doubts -the guilt.

How come “I didn’t realise how much we were alike and that this town also made you feel blue”. How were you to know? Not being there, not having been given signals, in fact it may well be no signals were ever given at all.

The what ifs “what if I just sent a message saying hey?” You do not bear the burden of keeping another alive. You cannot possibly know the effect if by some random chance you had sent a message -you had no reason to – what it’s effect would have been. It takes those close, a medical team and a small spark from the person themselves to keep someone from taking their life.

You are now the person that badly needs support, the pain and effect on you is very great. May I ask if you have someone you trust who cares about you to talk with often and lean on? A friend or family member perhaps? Trying to bear this alone is very hard. They do not have to ‘fix’, just listen and care.

Can I also suggest you do talk with a professional to help you through. Griefline – 1300 845 745 is an excellent place with free counseling. They can listen and give advice, show tools to help you get by.

I’d be grateful if you came back and talked more, In fact I'd welcome it

Croix

[geoff]

Hello TheLastSlice ofBread, a very warm welcome to the forums, and by writing down a very sad but beautiful verse has left a definite thought for all of us.

In our lifetime, not everyone will struggle with a mental illness, but everyone may have a challenge with their mental well being, if that makes sense, no different than with our own physical well being and this can happen at any stage in our life.

Our emotions, our thoughts and feelings, our ability to solve problems to overcome any difficulties which may include our friendships to try and understand why we try so much to keep them but may not be able to is always very sad.

We only wish we were able to actually know what is going through their mind, sometimes they haven't been game enough to discuss with us, their closest or a distance friend where little communication has been achieved, but know there is a connection between these two people.

Having good mental health means we are able to cope with problems, sort them out and cope with our lives, but if you or your friend suffers from a mental illness, then they struggle with negative thoughts and need help.

Your thoughts are certainly well deserving and do hope we can hear back from you.

Geoff.

[TheLastSlice_ofBread]

I finally told my immediate family that I was not just upset by his choice but felt guilt about it a few months ago.
It was met with varied responses.

im extremely lucky to have a supportive partner.
However I still find myself longing for a second chance to change things, although knowing it probably would not change anything.

My main focus now is to try to talk about it. To hope that perhaps a conversation may help support someone to get help and find something to love for.

im sorry bub

[TheLastSlice_ofBread]

Thank you for your response

It has taken me a long time to talk about my thoughts about bub but I’m beginning to say something.

my push to do this is comes from the need to talk about it to help prevent this from happening again. No matter how uncomfortable

we need to be able to tell people about feeling ill mentally just like we would if we rolled an ankle or got the flu. The only way to do that is to share

[quirkywords]

The lastslice of bread

Thanks for using verse to express your feelings. It is good to express and be honest.