Grief and loss

My ex-boyfriend has committed suicide

replies: 3

Three weeks ago my ex-boyfriend called me and asked to meet up. I was nice and polite to him in the call and said I couldn’t meet him anymore. After the conversation, he sent some weird messages like its too late, take care of my mother and some laug... View more

Three weeks ago my ex-boyfriend called me and asked to meet up. I was nice and polite to him in the call and said I couldn’t meet him anymore. After the conversation, he sent some weird messages like its too late, take care of my mother and some laughing emojis saying you will understand. I really didn’t worry about those messages at that time since he always used t0 say stuff like that. Then i went to work and called him during my break time but not answered. After two days his aunt called me and said that he has taken his own life. I am so shocked and sad and dealing with soo much emotions. I am finding the peace through prayer and taking to others. However, throughout the relationship he was very unhealthy to me and that was the reason for me to break up with him. But up until now I didn’t know that he has lied to me soo much and has had previous marriages that he didn’t tell me about. He got kids from those marriages as well. I feel so betrayed and shocked and i feel sick from top to bottom. Not only marriages he lied to a lot about himself and everything. He lied to me about his age and and i told me only after 6 months after starting the relationship. He was very much unheathy to me. i am sad for him and his family. But the family doesn’t contact me or tell me anything about him. Please can anyone tell me what is going on? I have also stated counselling.

Lost love

replies: 2

So last Friday I went to the funeral of my ex partner. He was only 58 and died from a seizure and a brain aneurysm because he couldn't stop drinking. We were together for about 6 months, friends for a number of years before that, and broke up more th... View more

So last Friday I went to the funeral of my ex partner. He was only 58 and died from a seizure and a brain aneurysm because he couldn't stop drinking. We were together for about 6 months, friends for a number of years before that, and broke up more than 7 years ago. I have had and am still with another partner since then.But today, I think that the grief really hit me. I felt all angry and sad and just wanted to hide away and play all the soppy love songs and have a good cry, only I couldn't do that because I work in retail and had to paste on a smile and pretend like everything is okay. Some days working in customer service is so hard.I don't want to talk to my current partner about it because I don't want to hurt him by letting him know that I am thinking about my ex. Don't get me wrong, my current partner is a truly wonderful man and very good to me ..... but I am still feeling the grief for my ex. I think about him and his cool Harley Davidson and his sexy gravelly voice when he sang to me (he was lead vocal in a band), his cool vibe ... and it's weird because I always thought he was 'too cool' for me because he had all this amazing energy about him .... but maybe he too thought I was not right for him because I had gotten sober and had/have been sober for so long and he wasn't? I think that's why he broke it off. He was the one who ended our relationship, not me.Losing people to the demon drink is nothing new. Almost every person I ever drank with died when they were quite young; many of my friends, back when I was still drinking, didn't even make it to 40. But this guy was going to meetings while he and I were together, we MET in the rooms of recovery ..... and he was lying about being sober. And now .... this is the result. People still die from this disease of alcoholism .....Anyway, I don't know. I'm just sad. I just needed to get it out, I suppose. Grief is so hard.

I don't understand this greif

replies: 3

I got a call a few days ago notifying me that my ex husband had died. Not from family but from the child support agency. No one has tried to contact our children either. Not sure what happened or exactly when, as the agency can't give out that inform... View more

I got a call a few days ago notifying me that my ex husband had died. Not from family but from the child support agency. No one has tried to contact our children either. Not sure what happened or exactly when, as the agency can't give out that information. I'm not understanding my reaction for a man who walked out 23 years ago,never took responsibility and became totally estranged from his kids. My son noticed his dad had looked him up about 8 weeks ago. Maybe he had regrets. I'm feeling lost , not sure why my emotions are even there. There have been a lot of losses in the last few years maybe it's all built up. Everyone is saying I'm crazy for being so upset UT it's how l feel

Everything feels different now

replies: 2

Last year we got the terrible news that our mum didn’t have long to live , so I quit my job and left my home to come back to be with her in this time . We lost her early this year and I’m struggling … I dont at all regret the decision I made to move ... View more

Last year we got the terrible news that our mum didn’t have long to live , so I quit my job and left my home to come back to be with her in this time . We lost her early this year and I’m struggling … I dont at all regret the decision I made to move home to be close to my family over this time . But it’s been tough. I don’t love my job and I’m struggling financially with my mortgage back home and paying rent here , while also just worrying about my dad and him being alone. I spend all my time with him . And I’m just struggling to know where I fit back in . I have been gone for so long my friends all have lives of their own . How do u pick urself up and move on with so much change.

Surrender pet aftermath

replies: 10

Hi everyone. I'm really struggling a month after surrendering my pet. Today I found out he's with a foster carer and up for adoption. My heart is literally broken once again. Has anyone else had to make the heartbreaking decision to surrender your pe... View more

Hi everyone. I'm really struggling a month after surrendering my pet. Today I found out he's with a foster carer and up for adoption. My heart is literally broken once again. Has anyone else had to make the heartbreaking decision to surrender your pet/best friend and are you struggling with the news that your pet is being cared for by someone else and will get a new mum soon. I just so badly miss being his mum beyond words. I miss it every single day... I should be the one caring for him. And I'm not... it's unfair..

panic connected to grief

replies: 2

i had a mini panic attack in my guitar class today. i suddenly couldnt read the music and i couldnt get back on track and just completely closed down. i have no idea why it happened. there was no trigger. it felt bad. i felt stupid or like maybe i ha... View more

i had a mini panic attack in my guitar class today. i suddenly couldnt read the music and i couldnt get back on track and just completely closed down. i have no idea why it happened. there was no trigger. it felt bad. i felt stupid or like maybe i have dementia or something. afterwards i have just been thinking about how i miss my mum who died in october last year. i feel like i am never going to get over the pain of her dying. my dad died too in the same year and the years running up to when they died were so hard. it feels like i died with them in a way and i will never get strong again and i cant even read music or play the guitar which is one of the things i cling onto and did while they were dying. it feels like these things are connected. can panic arise from grief? it's been seven months since my mum died and i feel worse than ever.

My 20yo cat just died and I feel lost

replies: 6

My girl got me through so much, she would warn me when I would be about to have a seizure (epilepsy) and would never leave my side. I slept with her, ate beside her, sat with her all day, I spoke to her and held her, she was my rescue and I was hers.... View more

My girl got me through so much, she would warn me when I would be about to have a seizure (epilepsy) and would never leave my side. I slept with her, ate beside her, sat with her all day, I spoke to her and held her, she was my rescue and I was hers. I have grieved before but I have never lost a part of me that I have had for 20 years (longer than I haven't had her). I don't know how to live without her. Life is just feeling impossible. For a number of reasons. My mum is going through chemo, I found out she needs a single mastectomy and I'll need a double mastectomy in my 30s. I've lost one ovary already and just found out I'm probably losing my other one. Everything is falling apart. I don't know what to do. I'm really only still here for my wonderful partner. I'd be lost without him but don't want to become a burden. He is already my carer as I have heart failure. I don't know how to get through this. I don't know how to keep going. I'm really just getting by hour by hour. I am very open with him about my mental state and know the importance of voicing even the hardest ideations. But I'm feeling like things are just too much. I feel so utterly broken and so completely defeated. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to keep going.

Lost my childhood dog

replies: 2

Three days ago my dog, that my family has has since I was 6, had a stroke with absolutely no warning. The next day we had to euthanize him. We'd had him for over 10 year. 5 months ago we lost his brother, due to cancer. We had a week with him to say ... View more

Three days ago my dog, that my family has has since I was 6, had a stroke with absolutely no warning. The next day we had to euthanize him. We'd had him for over 10 year. 5 months ago we lost his brother, due to cancer. We had a week with him to say goodbye and process what was about to happen, but with Baxter, it just happened, and we couldn't let him suffer. It was a bit easier when his brother passed, because we had him to cuddle and distract ourselves with. We don't have that this time. I've been staying up until as late at 8am, because I can't deal with the silence in my brain that happens when I try to sleep. So I wait until I'm exhausted and fall asleep instantly. Everywhere I look, I'm reminded of his absence. His beds, his water bowl, his fur covering everything. This is the worst pain I've ever felt and I don't know if I can keep dealing with this.

Losing husband

replies: 1

Last year in February I started chatting to a guy through tinder. He was going through cancer treatment so we held off on meeting but come June, we finally met. He was done with his treatment and in the clear. Little did we know 2 months later we fou... View more

Last year in February I started chatting to a guy through tinder. He was going through cancer treatment so we held off on meeting but come June, we finally met. He was done with his treatment and in the clear. Little did we know 2 months later we found out the cancer had returned and it was aggressive. Long story short, lots of hospitals trips/scans/appointments and treatment. September before he went in for surgery, he proposed just 3 months after we got together. It was the easiest yes. We planned for a March 2024 wedding but with some more bad news we brought it forward and got married in October. At the start of January 2024 he ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks and then came home, we thought he was on the mend but little did we know when I had to call and ambulance and they took him away on the Monday that he wouldn’t be coming home and passing away not even a week later. We only got to spend 7 months together in total, in that short amount of time I got to become a wife, now I’m a widow at 27 years old. I’m so lost without him, before I met him I was still living at home with my parents but when we found out his cancer was back I moved in to his house with him. Now I’m in his house all alone. It’s coming up 5 months since he has been gone and I’m so lonely and missing that emotional connection. I worry I won’t ever be able to find something like what me and him had ever again. It was special. Majority of my “family” have not been as supportive as I thought they would be. I’ve had to cut some of them off social media. I feel like im the insane one and I’m the one being ridiculous but at the same time it’s so unfair they haven’t just been here for me and I can’t cope with the no support at the moment. I’m angry, sad, frustrated, everything but happy.

Unwanted abortion.

replies: 1

I fell pregnant November last year. I knew I wanted it. The father (my long term casual partner) absolutely did not and was very persistent on termination. We went back and forth for so long. I agreed to look into it. I’ll be honest I was 22, he’s mo... View more

I fell pregnant November last year. I knew I wanted it. The father (my long term casual partner) absolutely did not and was very persistent on termination. We went back and forth for so long. I agreed to look into it. I’ll be honest I was 22, he’s more than double that, we aren’t serious, I have a lot going on and our relationship has a lot of complications. It was never the way I wanted to become a mother. Time went on and I became a mess. I was so sick all the time, I was so emotional, I was sad and angry. I had never been more conflicted. I would find myself agreeing with him and then screaming at him for even suggesting it. I looked into it, I didn’t want it. I was so sure but every-time he spoke to me about it I would find myself giving in and agreeing in the moment. I felt guilty that he didn’t want it, that I was forcing him, that I was bringing a baby into the world who’s dad already stated he wouldn’t be there. All of the appointments were being messed around and dragged out. A simple prescription became a procedure that I made clear from the start I would never do. Yet one day I was crying in the car after another appointment and he was on the phone digging in and we booked the abortion appointment. Like it was nothing. I didn’t stop crying. I went and I cried, I nodded and I signed the papers, I paid the money, I cried harder. A nurse asked me if I was sure but I can’t remember if I answered her. All I remember next was waking up on the table screaming at them where my baby was and please tell me it’s okay. The only reply was that the procedure went well and that was the end of me. I have never felt so disgusting, so horrified by myself, so guilty and worthless of living. I feel like every moment since then I have been grieving a loss that I have no right to grieve yet it consumes me. I can’t forgive myself. I’m finding it so hard to continue. I keep punishing myself but it’s not going to change anything. i made the biggest mistake of my life and it was the biggest loss. I am pro choice. I would never shame another woman for having the procedure themselves.

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Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

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