ex best friend and first relationship experience

[inmydreams17]

Hi all, I am grieving with a lost of a good friend and a partner. We had been good friends for two years (platonic on my end for most parts) then things happened and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Though that relationship only lasted for less than two months. I broke it off as I felt used and I was. It was extremely hard as it was over the phone, “he could not make the time to meet me”. I was weak and contacted him back just two weeks after that initial breakup. It was December last year and I only went completely no contact in late March. I had never cried so much in my life during that period. It was emotionally, mentally and physically draining for months on end. I only had only truly saw the true scope of what he did to me and his intentions after working on myself the past few months. However I have my days where I miss him. I wish him well but I will not forgive what he did to me. I had went on dating app to help distract me. My last date - I hooked up with them. That was when I realised this was not healthy for me. As I know for myself that I get attached to easily to an idea of someone. I deleted my dating app account after that because I want to do better for myself. 
Last night I had drove away and cried because to this day I still wonder what did I do wrong? Was I not enough. How could someone who I held dearly close to my heart be gone from my life just like that? I can’t fathom the idea of people just coming and going. It hurts me. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Yes, breakups are hard. I've had 3 long term (over 7 years each) and it never got any easier. I nearly gave up on dating and 12 years ago found my soul mate.

I actually think the dating online was the way to go and you need to develop a rejection strategy in the early days. Go on the dates, ask lots of questions, go home, think, take your time then reject/date again. 

So I believe you are/were on the right path but it is the process that you need to hone. Online dating reduces the chance of a unacceptable date, you already know their interests, family situation and so on, it is far better than meeting someone through clubs etc where its a longer process.

Keep telling yourself you are worthy of love and a good loving partner. 

TonyWK

[inmydreams17]

Thank you for your words TonyWK. I will continue to tell myself that I am worthy of love. 

I had a rather difficult weekend for some reason that is why I reached out to this platform/service. 

As for dating apps. I honestly don’t know what I want. Nowadays so many (through first hand experience) want just “see where it goes” which I understand. However I know myself I can’t do that right now in my life, uncertainty scares me. I feel like it is the attachment style in me. However it is valid if I follow my gut instincts correct?