Depression

Feeling lost, hopeless and not sure how to change

replies: 1

I'm 34m, I live alone and haven't really got any friends to speak of. I've never been 'popular' but I did have friends growing up and never really had any issues talking to anyone and making new friends. Unfortunately even back then, my lovelife was ... View more

I'm 34m, I live alone and haven't really got any friends to speak of. I've never been 'popular' but I did have friends growing up and never really had any issues talking to anyone and making new friends. Unfortunately even back then, my lovelife was non-existent. I've never been in a relationship, had anyone show any interest and several times in my youth that I did try to ask someone out, I wasn't just rejected but I laughed at and/publicly humiliated. Eventually, that lead me to re-evaluate a lot of things in my life and cut-off ties with my previous friends (a number of long stories but basically I realised I was just being used and laughed at, they were directly responsible for the humiliation mentioned above for example, I'd just grown to accept it because I wanted friends). Since then though, I've found it increasingly difficult to even start conversations with people. I don't feel anxiety about it as such, it's just like I don't even know what to do or say anymore, my mind goes completely blank after "Hi, how are you?" It's made me feel more and more lonely over the years and really hit hard just recently; I went to a social event that I'd been looking forward to and ended up spending the entire night basically walking backwards and forwards through the room and occasionally getting another drink as I struggled (and failed) to even find an opening to talk to anyone. Similarly I just started a new course, almost no one knows each other and I thought it would be a good opportunity, after several days though, friend groups are forming together and I'm once again on my own already.. I don't blame anyone else and know it's something I need to do but at this point, I don't even know what to do. I admittedly pulled myself out of an unhealthy situation due to my hopes of a more personal, romantic connection and instead I've just ended up further away than I was before - while the constant rejections used to hurt, now I don't even know how to get as far as asking. I've tried dating apps on-and-off over the years too but, I'm not exactly a model and haven't had any luck. I'm sorry if this all ends up a bit long and messy, and I know that many might think romantic relationships and/or friendships aren't that important, but after feeling like there's an an emptiness inside for so long, one that seems to disappear in the brief moments of friendly conversation with people, those things are all I can really think about.

Like a bomb

replies: 2

Hi I’ve had depression for many yrs and find that certain areas will trigger it . Which why I’ve moved a number of times but since this rental crisis. I had a server breakdown and hit my head on a wall which I had no control over and couldn’t stop . ... View more

Hi I’ve had depression for many yrs and find that certain areas will trigger it . Which why I’ve moved a number of times but since this rental crisis. I had a server breakdown and hit my head on a wall which I had no control over and couldn’t stop . Between being overwhelmed and worried about being homeless to my young child refusing to go to school due to ongoing bullying she had . To then moving in with my son and his fiancé . Since then we have dealt with a lot that’s triggered my depression and my anxiety to extreme due to emotional abuse /mental . No matter what I do it’s not enough it seems or good enough. We need our own place but I cannot get help as I have no car and isolated . My son fiance has been rude towards us and for two days pulling my grandson away from me mostly . She did it tonight again when my son got home from work and he said nothing . I don’t have anyone to vent all and get support from and I’m so angry at the same time . Not just about how I’m or we are treated but due to my youngest diagnosis and lack of support for her and she had health issues. I cannot fix one thing or fill my cup up . My son puts pressure on me despite conversation and explaining how things are etc . We need help

I’m not okay

replies: 3

I’m not okay, I don’t know what to do, I feel like everyone hates me and I don’t know how to tell my parents, I’m only young so I don’t know why I feel this way and I’m an overthinker with vulnerable parents because my mother has asthma and smokes so... View more

I’m not okay, I don’t know what to do, I feel like everyone hates me and I don’t know how to tell my parents, I’m only young so I don’t know why I feel this way and I’m an overthinker with vulnerable parents because my mother has asthma and smokes so it’s hard and my father has diabetes and eye problems, I’m scared and don’t know how to handle this. I also get bullied for autism.

Work colleague argument

replies: 3

I have had an argument with a colleague. I am female, they are male. I work in a school environment. They turned on me after I called out to them to close a door and not to let students inside at lunchtime (as per procedures) . They raised their voic... View more

I have had an argument with a colleague. I am female, they are male. I work in a school environment. They turned on me after I called out to them to close a door and not to let students inside at lunchtime (as per procedures) . They raised their voice and said they don't like the way I talk to them, are sick of getting emails from me (I think I have sent two). I felt it was really nasty and unprofessional; also it felt one-sided (I don't recall saying much).They are a teacher, I am not. At the end of the tirade they said they were taking this to the Principal. Other colleagues heard the argument and have been supportive. I am not ok, won't be going to work tomorrow and not sure I want to go back.Would love some positive comments, I am feeling at an all time low.

Nothing is interesting

replies: 3

For the past 4 years I have been in bed doing nothing and staring at the wall. I am not even interested in going on my phone or watching tv. Everything in life is boring. I am completely uninterested in everything in life. I only get out of bed if i ... View more

For the past 4 years I have been in bed doing nothing and staring at the wall. I am not even interested in going on my phone or watching tv. Everything in life is boring. I am completely uninterested in everything in life. I only get out of bed if i have to go somewhere such as work or an appointment. Then I go straight back to staring at the ceiling for the rest of the night. I am becoming suicidal. I used to take an antidepressant but it made it even worse so I stopped. Now I also have apathy since starting and stopping the antidepressant that has not gone away. Every time I go to do something I don't get anything out of what I am doing. No response in my brain. What is the point in doing it then? All I feel is bored no matter what I do.

Depression & mental health

replies: 6

Hi everyoneSo from years on I've been experiencing depression and anxiety it's been going for a long time had treatments done but still wasn't enough I'm still struggling everyday in life and I feel lost alone coming past on here seeing post of other... View more

Hi everyoneSo from years on I've been experiencing depression and anxiety it's been going for a long time had treatments done but still wasn't enough I'm still struggling everyday in life and I feel lost alone coming past on here seeing post of other people and there experiences in there life's I just wanted to share mine I've gotta get new strategies in place and just really help my mental health to be better again and I know we can do all that too.

Feeling buried

replies: 1

Sorry if this is a long post, but I feel like expressing this will at least do me some good mentally.(Put it out in the universe and all that) Since I was a teenager, I have felt like I struggle with my mental health. I lost half of my immediate fami... View more

Sorry if this is a long post, but I feel like expressing this will at least do me some good mentally.(Put it out in the universe and all that) Since I was a teenager, I have felt like I struggle with my mental health. I lost half of my immediate family members before my first birthday and puberty hit me hard hormonally, to the point that my mother had considered having me tested for Bipolar Disorder. As a teenager, I was not kind to myself mentally or physically but I got through it and grew. Upon pregnancy, my anxiety grew worse and did not ease very much after.I have always been prone to being irritable, over reacting, shutting myself off and putting myself last.Now as an adult in my 30's, I have a family of my own but each day is feeling like more of a struggle. I have family history of depression, so I am aware that genetically this is a possibility for me as well. At present, I feel like my brain is always going and I struggle to switch off unless I am distracted by something engaging like games. When I do switch off outside of this, I sometimes feel like the world is too much. (For example, If i have a slow day at work.)My life consists of full time work, a mortgage, family and the struggles of other close family members. I have had my anxiety grow and the feeling of hopelessness expand since my teens though. I know that I should be seeking the mental health sessions that we are lucky enough to have access to through medicare, but my worry is that it will cost money that i do not have or that i will be required to take time off work to attend, which i cannot do. My brain reminds me that I have felt this way for 2 decades (With therapy as a teen experienced) and that therapy is not really seeming like a realistic resolution long term. I know my life is not bad or harder than others and that more than likely, I have some chemical imbalance in my brain. Mentally, i feel like i handle things just fine but then body betrays that with things such as my eye twitching or feeling anxious at random or the desire to just cry and I feel like I'm 10 steps back. I personally feel that therapy long term may not resolve this. It was reinforced more so as I was prescribed an old antidepressant for my jaw clenching (New mouth guard had made it worse) and while it was only for 2 weeks, my brain felt lifted. I know I need to seek help and that most will agree that a long term solution is not medication. I worry that I will try to get help and just be told to come see them every fortnight indefinitely, to which all I can repeat is I had a random anxiety or depressive moment and that everything is fine but I don't feel it. I think in my mind, I just want a mental break from my brain and to just feel free and at peace for a bit. Thank you for letting me express myself on here.

Trouble sleeping

replies: 12

Hello everyone, It's nearly 3am as I'm posting this. I'm finding it hard to go back to sleep as I was woken up. In general I find it hard to sleep these days at night. I can sometimes nap during the day to catch up but yeh issues at night. The usual ... View more

Hello everyone, It's nearly 3am as I'm posting this. I'm finding it hard to go back to sleep as I was woken up. In general I find it hard to sleep these days at night. I can sometimes nap during the day to catch up but yeh issues at night. The usual too much on my mind, sometime I'm aware I'm thinking and sometimes I'm not. I just want all my problems to disappear or for myself to disappear. I know it's impossible. I've tried calming/relaxation exercises and staying away from 'screen' before heading off but nothing seems to work. Anyone got any ideas? I'm just tired of being tired and everything else I guess. Thanks,SleepyRain

Coping with Depression

replies: 1

Hi there, I'm a 23 year old with chronic ADHD, anxiety and depression. I am currently experiencing the worst burn out of my life after months unpacking trauma in therapy. Turns out they weren't joking when they said trauma work gets worse before it g... View more

Hi there, I'm a 23 year old with chronic ADHD, anxiety and depression. I am currently experiencing the worst burn out of my life after months unpacking trauma in therapy. Turns out they weren't joking when they said trauma work gets worse before it gets better. I'm trying to hold on hope, and when I do manage to get a few hours of sleep and leave my room (I WFH) I can believe that things will be better on the other side. The issue is that I am in my final semester of uni with one month to go, and that month feels impossible. I have no motivation left, I can't concentrate and I just have nothing left in the tank. My doctor thinks I need anti-depressants but because of the side-effects I shouldn't start them until after exams, so I'm on my own there. I also don't have any support system where I am. I took longer to graduate than all my friends and they've all left now. My doctor asked me yesterday about a suicide plan and if there was anyone I could trust to go to and I had to answer that there wasn't. I have a few friends but they're all overseas and I've withdrawn from them almost entirely because I feel like a burden on them, so I hide how I'm feeling and end up feeling misunderstood. I also don't have anything to look forward to after graduation. I've been so depleted that i can't make any decisions about my future and part of me isn't fully convinced I'll make it there anyway. Basically I'm really struggling, and all I can do in this next month is just cope, survive and scrape through. If anyone is going through something similar, or has any tips on how to do that, how to pull through when you have nothing left to give, I would love to hear.

Self-sabotage

replies: 1

Lately i've been having some pretty bad episodes. im sleeping later, not eating well. rewatching a childhood tv for the 1000th time. Ditching my hobbies because im tired and dont see any usefulness in doing it anymore. There's no sugarcoating that ri... View more

Lately i've been having some pretty bad episodes. im sleeping later, not eating well. rewatching a childhood tv for the 1000th time. Ditching my hobbies because im tired and dont see any usefulness in doing it anymore. There's no sugarcoating that right now, i am a loser, a bum whatever you want to call it. I'm so low, alone, tired of taking chances, because i end up miserable all over again. My depression is definitely a big factor in how badly im doing. But i've also been enabling it to, I've mad poor choice after poor choice. I also continuously lower my own expectations with my university work, because im mentally exhausted, when suddenly just scraping by is my new goal. I have an opportunity to go overseas for something amazing and yet im still sabotaging myself. So badly to the point, i think in my head that just killing myself is not only a good option but an ideal one , or weaponizing my depression and taking pity on myself will earn me a jail out of free card, because its easy.

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