Lots of 'low-level' frustrations in my life are contributing to feelings
of disgust, disappointment and sadness. I'll try to list briefly. And
whilst these issues in isolation are managable to overcome, I feel that
everywhere i turn i'n faced with th...
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Lots of 'low-level' frustrations in my life are contributing to feelings
of disgust, disappointment and sadness. I'll try to list briefly. And
whilst these issues in isolation are managable to overcome, I feel that
everywhere i turn i'n faced with them, which has me feeling overwhelmed
& hopeless. I had my first child 15mths ago. I've wanted another baby
for almost a year. Hubby is beginning to agree that it's time for
another baby, but doesn't seem enthusiastic about it, making me feel
like i've beat him down. All my friends are trying too, so i feel
pressure to compete (i have no idea why!) and also happy/sad feelings
for my family & friends who have recently announced their pregnancies (4
close people around me). I wish it was us, yet I also have the feeling
of cold feet & fear as we are finally getting more sleep (still
deprived, but better) and I don't know what to do with my body. I used
to be a gym junkie (which kept the blues at bay), but I feel frustrated
that I can't find motivation to go to the gym. My husband has been
amazing & taken i er cooking, but makes unhealthy food, despite my
constant comments & requests (selfish, right?!), but I hate cooking, so
i have to eat it. I have tried to eat healthy but my husband doesn't,
and i just don't have the strength or willpower to continue, which makes
me feel weak. I hate myself because I eat junk; I eat junk because I
hate myself. I've expressed this to hubby (in tears) several times &
asked for help. He says yes, then in the next breathe suggests KFC for
dinner the next night! I miss feeling fit & strong & happier. Lastly,
work. I returned in July & hate my job. I constantly feel like I'm
drowning, yet instead of working harder to get on top of it, I distract
myself with internet & drinking coffees because I feel so overwhelmed.
I've asked for help but been told to work it out. I need this job for
financial reasons & to get maternity leave again. I find myself
struggling to keep my frustrations & feelings of shitfulness to myself.
Hubby has noticed & gets angry back, despite me telling him all of the
above. He basically warned me not to get fired then retreats every night
to his man cave shed & i waste every night staring at the tv or phone by
myself feeling trapped & frustrated. I don't know how to solve these
problems. Logically it's 'grow the hell up & deal with your shit. Stop
slacking, get some willpower' But I don't know how to go from here to
there (the way i used to be).