Hi Sujema, its disappointing to hear that you feel that alcohol use is your best option. I think you feel so too or you would not be writing this post. It is clear that you don’t want to go back to being alcohol dependant and I think you are very brave for admitting that to yourself and being clear headed enough to see the paths you are taking and maybe help yourself BEFORE you really fall into another heap.
The problem with using alcohol as a crutch is that it numbs things temporarily, but it causes its own set of issues in the long run - with physical and mental health, and often with social functioning . So you end up with not only mental health problems , but a whole lot of secondary issues too.
Thus , I urge you to turn away from the arms of the “ quick fix” , feel good option and try to find a way to manage your PTSD and depression without alcohol. So maybe look at the following options, even if you have tried them in the past , sometimes they can work on the second try!
1. Continue to see your psychologist and work with them to get a clear plan of strategies for “ raw “ feelings and diversion tactics.
2. Maybe try different options for PTSD .. even EMDR?!
3. Ask to see a psychiatrist to discuss medications - Sift through what you have had - what worked / what didn’t and why and what may still be an option for you.
4. Support groups - for both your alcohol use (? AA) and your Depression/ PTSD ( Try http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/public/gettinghelp/blackdogsupportgroups.cfm )
5. Keep up with a regular exercise / healthy eating and sleep programme - research shows it does help.
6. Do a Mindfulness programme - either via Apps like Smiling Mind or Headspace or face to face
Finally , be kind to yourself . Addiction is a long a difficult road and often has many twists and turns. Be brave and keep trying to out wit it ! You are not alone as so many have been down that road. Get some support and understanding to help you.
