Im a 25yo Youth Worker, which is ironic as Im struggling with being an
adult. I hate having to work. I dont hate my job, I just hate having to
have a job at all. I end up crumbling when Ive been working consistently
and my depression kicks in and I s...
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Im a 25yo Youth Worker, which is ironic as Im struggling with being an
adult. I hate having to work. I dont hate my job, I just hate having to
have a job at all. I end up crumbling when Ive been working consistently
and my depression kicks in and I stay in bed for a week or two to
"recover". Then I go back to earning my money until I crumble again.
This is a monthly cycle on average. I didnt go to high school and I
rarely went to primary school, so its not programmed into me to "have
to" do things I don't want to do and I havent been able to reprogram
that part of myself, only do my best despite it (which is all we can
do.) I love being a "housewife" but it's not realistic in this modern
economy and doesnt align with my dreams and aspirations (which revolve
around travelling, art and investing so I have income without working)
but those dreams and aspirations barely push me through, they're more
like a thing that I remind myself I will never have if I don't do what I
have to do. Perhaps a threat rather than a motivator. Before I got into
work and study and more work, I was a carer for my mother so even then I
was able to do what I wanted most of the time and be at home in my own
world, without financial pressure. I still went through depression
through all these other points in my life but I also had the luxury of
staying in bed and not having to worry about ruining my life or money. I
feel like deep down Im the same person who is at their best filling
their day with whatever they please in solitude, even with the mental
health issues, however now I have very real pressures of life and I have
to masquerade around as a functioning adult. My partner and I both make
OK money but the sad reality in this day and age, is that even with two
"good" wages we're still only living within our means, meaning that I
hardly see the reward from forcing myself to go to work because we are
still not in a position to travel or invest, or even buy myself new
clothes. Whilst I'm grateful that the rent is paid and we eat well, the
fact that those other things are still so far out of reach is
demotivating when I've already got the blues. Then there's the guilt for
wanting more when there's others who wish they had what I do. I just
wish I could go to work like a normal person without this inner turmoil.
Even when I try to push through, eventually my anxiety pops out to take
over and I will have a panic attack before a shift so draining that I
end up needing a week off anyway.
How do I talk to my doctor?
