Hi there, I am a 20 year old male from Sydney region. My girlfriend and
I have recently moved to my dads place to study the HSC and we are
struggling to cope with things going on in our lives and feel as if it
is affecting our studying. The relations...
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Hi there, I am a 20 year old male from Sydney region. My girlfriend and
I have recently moved to my dads place to study the HSC and we are
struggling to cope with things going on in our lives and feel as if it
is affecting our studying. The relationship between my mum and I isn't
very good. As she is from Indonesia she has a strong belief in Muslim
religion and she constantly tries to force it onto me and I choose not
to be religious. I have talked with her many times before and she never
seems to understand that since I was born in Australia that I don't have
to be Muslim. When I met my girlfriend last year (April), I felt the
best I had felt in ages as I had recently grieved for my past girlfriend
who passed away in the December (2011). We started dating in December
(2012), one year later and I loved it. My mum, didn't. It was because
she wasn't an Indonesian girl, she wasn't pretty or rich and because she
liked to have a drink every once in a while. Meanwhile, my mum is
drinking and smoking and other things and at the same time, telling me
and my girlfriend (we're both 20) what we can and can't do (including
drinking/smoking). She didn't want me to have a live-in girlfriend
before I was married, but that's religion for her, not me. So, at first,
I moved into her house and we went to TAFE together every day and we
were doing really well but she has issues with her mum and her sister
and they were always fighting and it started to hurt us both really bad.
My mum hated that I lived with her and used to call me and my dad and
abuse us because she claimed to be scared to sleep on her own. She's in
her 40s.. Later on she decided my girlfriend should stay at our place
once in a while, but she went to far by reading our private Facebook
messages to each other and other people. She did it constantly, invading
our privacy. My girlfriend stayed the first time and we fell asleep on
the floor in the living room after watching a movie. When we woke up,
mum was yelling at me because I had fallen asleep next to her. The
second time she stayed there, we did the same. Again, mum was angry and
said my girlfriend couldn't stay there anymore. Then we transferred down
to my dad's house in Wollongong region to be away from my mum as my
parents are separated. But unfortunately we had to travel home every
weekend because my mum decided to come down and be friendly with dad and
ordered my girlfriend not to be there and I refused to make her go home
alone. So my mum started to get even more angry and decided to have her
family visit from Indonesia and have them stay at my dads house instead
of her own. So my girlfriend couldn't be there for 3 weeks because it is
a sin for me to have a girlfriend? My mum then developed a habit of
going though my bedroom and moving/throwing out personal belongings and
my girlfriend now refuses to leave any of her stuff here and this is her
home too. So we carry all our bags/stuff every weekend to and from the
hosue because of mum. After that we started TAFE there and she still
kept coming on weekends which forces us to travel every weekend and it
is stressful with trackwork. Now she has started staying there on Sunday
nights too which means we have to travel all day Monday (still with
bags) to get home and we are missing imporant classes. Besides being
stressed from being behind in classes and having to attend tutorial
support and do extra homework.. we also have to do a massive clean up of
the house from top to bottom every friday and no one helps its mainly me
doing all the work and luckily my girlfriend helps here and there but
ITS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH for mum. She trashes my room with clean/dirty
clothes and leaves notes saying "IM NOT YOUR HOUSE KEEPER" everywhere..
I never asked her to be. I clean up everything in the house and I don't
understand how much cleaner it needs to be or how much cleaner she
thinks she is making it but it never looks any different when I get
back. It has been months since I last spoke to mum and now I just feel
her every movement is trying to break us up so she can have me back. And
she has a place to live (with her friends), a car to get around.. and
may I say my girlfriend spends her whole pay on her phone bill and
travelling to and from every weekend.. i am lucky to get $50 each
weekend and thats supposed to last me a week, but how? My dad is self
employed and doesn't support me very much, I mean, I had a job but I
couldn't hold it and study at the same time, it made my marks even
worse. I just want to focus, you know? I have goals too! ..anyway, she
has a house, a car and her whole paycheck goes home to indonesia. She
gets all the money she wants from dad and I get jackshit. How does that
help me? Especially when I am looking after two people. And I mean, why
is dad even helping her if they are separated. So my mum keeps telling
dad that she is going back to Indonesia for a holiday this month, and
never leaves. But apparently she is coming to live with dad for a while
first which means me and my girlfriend either have to stay at her place
and miss all of tafe or stay in a hotel somewhere near tafe which we
cant afford and I don't know how dad will if he is so broke from giving
mum money. All of this is just so stressful not to mention my girlfriend
is trying to grieve for her dad, we don't have friends of such that we
can rely on or support us or anything like that. And we don't go out,
like ever, or see any of our friends because we cant afford it let alone
afford to go to and from sydney every weekend and go to tafe every day
during the week. What do we do? our friends are really starting to treat
us like dirt because we dont have time or money for them anymore. It's
really bringing us down. That's about all I can think of at the moment
but since theres so much going on I don't actually remember if there's
anything else I need to say. As for my girlfriends mum/sister, basically
I think her sister gets most/all of the attention and everytime my
girlfriend tries to talk to her mum she gets shut down because her mum
is to busy with her sister who's 17 and should be able to look after
herself but she won't go out or stay home alone so my girlfriend never
gets time with her mum one on one. So I think she feels as though she
has no one to talk to about personal things. Like, I have my dad,
although he's never really good with advice.. LOL. But she feels like
she has no one at all. So.. yeah. Please help, we are so stressed and
before any of you ask, yes we are ready for a relationship and yes we
want to be together. It's the only thing that seems right here. I love
her, she loves me. End of story.
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