Young people

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Eeep! When study is overwhelming! - Tips, ideas and coping strategies

replies: 51

Hi! Just thought I’d make a post with some tips for study. I know this is something we can all struggle with. These are all suggestions so feel free to take them or leave them! Hope they help! If you only remember one thing, let it be this: You are important. Your grades don’t define you. (support) Studying can feel isolating but know you’re not alone! Reach out – and find or make friends that can support you along the way. If you’re having trouble finding some friends, join some local communities or clubs! They have lots at Uni’s and even stuff like open days are great ways to meet new people and find out what’s happening. Study groups can also be a great way to meet people and stay motivated. Also remind yourself why you’re doing this; inspirational wallpapers or quotes can be super inspiring. Remember the saying about the oxygen mask? If you can’t take care of yourself first studying will be harder. You are important. You know the drill - water, food, exercise, sleep. Try to stay calm. Stuff that might be able to help include mindfulness, breathing exercises, colouring in, going for walks, journaling, listening to music… If you’re struggling – reach out. See a therapist. Talk to your student counsellor. If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it. Also lots of Universities and TAFE offer disability services – which includes conditions like Depression and Anxiety. (study) Find the right study space for you. Maybe that’s in your room, or a coffee shop, or the library. Some people find that noise helps; other people not so much. If you like particular kinds of noise, you can find ‘coffee shop’ noise or ‘rain sounds’ to help concentrate. Make a plan. It helps to do it often so it becomes a habit. Anytime you get a due date, write it down. Maybe you could use a diary, planner, bullet journal or an app. I find the 30/30 App helpful - study for a bit and then break for a bit. You can also get add-on’s for your computer to block sites like Facebook if you find them too distracting. Find out what study technique works for you. Do you like cue cards? Mind maps? Colour coding? Does highlighting stuff help you remember? Charts, maps, diagrams? Recorded lectures? Goals! These are so important – not just writing down deadlines but rewarding yourself for meeting them. Even making smaller goals like ‘read two pages from a textbook’ can help. Break it down into bite size pieces, and don’t forget to reward yourself after!

NEW TO THIS FORUM? Please read this first

replies: 0

The Young People space is a sub-forum within the wider Beyond Blue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide members aged 25 and under a space to discuss anxiety, depression and other related life issues. If you are aged over 25, please be mindful that this forum is a space for younger people to connect and provide peer support for each other. 2. Content from this sub-forum is displayed on both the beyondblue and youthbeyondblue websites. 3. Please bear in mind that some members find content relating to suicide and/or self-harm distressing or triggering. If you would like to post on these topics, please do so in our Suicidal Thoughts and Self Harm section. Please see also our guidelines for making posts on this topic. Posts made here in the Young People sub-forum containing content relating to suicide and/or self-harm will be moved. 4. These forums are moderated, so your posts may not appear straightaway. Information on how our system works can be found here. Being familiar with our community rules can help ensure that your posts appear online as quickly as possible. 5. This is a peer support community, and to get the best out of being here we recommend that you 'give support to receive support'. More on how that works here.

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I dont have anyone I trust to talk too

replies: 1

My biggest anxiety is that I feel worthless, I have so many friends but every single one of those friendships are hollow and I want someone that really makes an effort with me and that I feel I can open up too and that they actually would care enough to listen and love me. I don't have any family I am close too & I am also an only child, so I feel like I really have no one. I am in my young 20's and everyone is so busy in life, with boyfriends, jobs which I totally understand but time after time I feel like I am giving so much into a friendship and then nothing is returned. It has gotten to the point that now when I am in a social setting and can't cope, I break down alone and start punching myself because I feel like there is something wrong with me and I need to punish myself for not having those relationships with people it seems like everyone else has.

I am sick and tired.

replies: 1

Hi. Thank you to anyone who tries to answer my question. I will most probhably sound like a child, my problems arent even as serious. So my issues go waaay back into high school, but i would predominantly like to talk about whats happening now. I really hate myself. And i hate the fact that i hate myself. I am self aware. I know that its unhealthy to hate yourself and have no self esteem. Its probhably the reason why i am always alone and secluded - maybe people can see that i am not confident and am just trying to be fake. Most people say "love yourself". Books say "have a positive mindset and you'll always find something good". BUT THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE WHEN YOU HATE EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT YOURSELF!!!! I look disgusting. I am overweight. I am not the high acheiver i used to be. I dont feel intelligent anymore. I am weird. I am not that nerdy that i would sit all day studying but i aint the extreme party animal either. I am unconventional and that makes me stand out, but what does that do? Makes me isolated cause everyone thinks i am cringy or too rigid or too studious or too whatever- they ll find a hundred words. I thought my weirdness makes me unique. But ofcourse, i can see its the complete opposite, cause no one really takes me to be a long standing friend. I dont fit into any group. I was a confident, robust, fearless individual. Now, i sit quiet in lectures while others shout the answers and get ahead. Why? Where did my fierce self go? I dont know. My old friends, the ones i am no longer in touch with. They all post stuff and are enjoying their lives. They have found new people. Why do i feel like i am the only one having trouble making friends? I do go up and introduce myself, i do go up and make small talk. No use. I go to an amazing uni, and am trying things that i never did before. But i am afraid to post anything i want to. What makes me scared or concious? I DONT KNOW. Its annoying how i know that my low self esteem is holding me back on everything. I could be living a much more fulfilling life today. But i dont see how i am supposed to switch my thinking because i have nothing in me that i am proud of. I am looked deep down so hard, and everything that looks maybe nice feels insignificant because no one cares about those qualities. Ultimately, i just feel like a mess. I really dont know what to do with myself. I am sick and tired of crying and feeling lonely and disgusted at myself. Can someone maybe tell me what to do?

Relationships Causing Depression

replies: 3

Hi, I have a bit of a confusing situation, but first a little but of a back story. I have was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and severe Depression about 10 years ago. Every time I am in a relationship my depression has gotten worse to a point where it end because of it. My last relationship ended almost 3 years ago. After that ended, I went into study, got a great job, going into my dream career and my depression was literally gone. First time in years and all because I was single. A few weeks ago I met a new guy. Very happy and there is absolutely nothing wrong so far. No emotional manipulation. No abuse of any kind. Supportive and the communication is great (which is rare for me) But my depression has come back full blown despite being on the same dose of my anti depressant I had for the las 3ish years. I have no idea why this is happening to me and I am scared it's going to end this relationship too. Literally there is nothing wrong in the relationship at this stage besides maybe it's going too fast... Anyone have any advice?

Lost?

replies: 1

Hi, I'm 17, in year 12 and I'm feeling very lost. I feel like it's hard for me to be happy on a day-to-day basis. My parents got divorced when I was 5 and ever since last year I spent half the time with my mum and the other half of the week with my dad. My dad has remarried - my stepmother had two kids from a previous marriage - and now I have two half sisters as well. Now I spend the whole week at my mums and go to my dads Friday night and return to my mum's Saturday afternoons. In the past I have had issues with my stepmother, though currently we are on good terms. My 'real' mum and I, while I love her, we have our difficulties. She has been diagnosed with bipolar, anxiety and depression but has them under control. I feel she sometimes has unrealistic expectations and whilst she is able to talk about mental health, I feel when I talk to her she doesn't understand me. A lot of times I feel a disconnect and when we do communicate, our brains are just on two different paths. We argue often and overall at home I feel like I am a trapped bird. Then there's school. Whilst I have a relatively good situation at school, I feel I lack motivation and get annoyed by competitive peers. I know that school is an important thing for me. I want to do well and know it will benefit my future... though knowing this does not help me find a purpose. My friends aren't the type to hang out often and though we hang out morning tea and lunch, I feel somehow there is a disconnect (no this is not me being anti-social, though it may be a cause). I feel I overall lack purpose, not having a fantastic social life, 'normal' family or current hobbies. When I get depressive thoughts, a lot of the time, I can manage them effectively myself. However things are starting to crumble and my ability to block these out are becoming diminished. Honestly, it's a lot to do with purpose and not seeing any point in doing anything anymore. Re-reading this, all this information may seem irrelevant, however I feel somehow it relates to my current state of mind. Hope someone can relate

My boyfriend broke up with me because he stopped loving me last week. Is it depression or something else?

replies: 1

Hi, My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and we’re best friends for 2 years before that. We moved in together with some housemates 3 months ago and I have thought that we were the best we’ve ever been. I recently got diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue and have been working a lot of late nights only getting more exhausted. I recently asked him for the help and am worried that it has scared him off. The break up is confusing me completely. He has said that last week he just stopped loving me and never had. However, 3 weeks ago he was talking about buying a house together, kids, and how great we were together. I don’t understand how within 1 week he could just stop; he is adamant that he only stopped then. There has been no signs of our relationship struggling and even everyone living around us is completely shocked as it has come out of the blue. He has kicked me out of the house at the moment so I don’t have anywhere to live, making it hard to work and also detrimental to my chronic fatigue. He has really hurt me as I have lost everything (my home, work access, and my personal love). I do believe that he does still love me and is hiding something. He has also been going through a lot. His work schedule has been exhausting, along with his heavy uni load as well. He also is still getting over a major sports injury and cannot play football or basketball this year. I am worried that he is depressed and not wanting to admit it and instead pushing me away. I want to help because I love him more than anything and see him all the way in my future. But I also need to be conscious of my own health right now, and don’t want to be too pushy and cause a toxic relationship between us. Does anyone have any ideas or thoughts on this situation?

please help me Making a decision with relationship issue

replies: 4

Two years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend because I didn’t love him. He always said “I love you” but it wasn’t reciprocated. it hurt him. I didn’t want to lead him on. He initiated contact after. we remained friends. got together few months later. Reason: felt guilty. During friendship, he said, “I’m always here for you. I still love you deeply. I’m waiting for us to be together again”. It hit hard. maybe I hadn’t given myself enough time to fall in love with him, maybe I rushed break. 3 people have said during our ‘2nd relationship,’ that they think he and another girl were dating because they always jokingly flirt. I understand we broken up and he thought we would never get together but I was confused & hurt hearing that, as it goes against him saying, “I hope we can be together again”. You would not flirt with someone else if your heart was set with one girl. I confronted him. he said flirting was a joke. He didn’t feel anything for her, it meant nothing. I took it. It didn’t change how hurt I felt, but there wasn’t anything else for him to say. I know I overreacted because we weren’t together, he can do whatever, jokingly flirt or not. But my heart hurt. Why did ppl think they dating? There was nothing physical between them. i was confused about the idea of him saying he still loved me through the time of our friendship but on the side, jokingly flirting with another. I raise this issue, we argue. Its led us to where we are now.not together again. I don’t trust him. I tell him this, and this hurt him. he bursts into tears. More specifically, not trust him to do things behind my back. He might say he loves me, but could he still be jokingly flirting with someone else? Although we “friends”, he doesn’t act like it with me. He always comes for a close front on hug. He holds me for about a minute- too long for friends. he always gives me a kiss-cheek, forehead or lips. And after fights, we have make-up sex, or just sex once a week . It’s bad. I have been told, “you two haven’t set the boundaries”. I still feel very hurt he flirted with a girl two years ago, despite, I know, being broken up at the time. mainly because he said he loved me deeply through out it all. And also very hurt because three people have thought they were dating. Coming to now, I’m just confused about this. I don’t want to lose him because he’s always been there for me . Should I cut ties because I can’t trust him or continue this ‘friendship’ with him, although having fights.

I did a science test today, just now realised I forgot to title my graph, and as a result I want to cry and hide away in a hole

replies: 4

I put a title in all of my study notes, reminded myself multiple times to title my graph. I just now realised, multiple hours later, that I did, in-fact, NOT title my graph. I feel so stupid. I actually feel like the dumbest person on earth. How could I forget to title a graph? A title is worth 1-2 marks on the test, which is out of 30. I am certain that if I titled my graph I would get 30/30, but no, I had to go and be an idiot and forget. I am so upset with myself. I don't know what to do.

ADVICE | How to talk to someone who suffers anxiety?

replies: 3

Hi There, My girlfriend and I have been together for a few months now and she suffers from anxiety. When we started dating I knew she had anxiety, she was upfront with what she had been through and what caused it and I've grown up with siblings and a parent who all suffered from one form of mental illness or another - so I never hesitated to think this was something I couldn't handle. When something happens that we disagree with, I know myself and I know I need to take a few minutes by myself to process both sides of whatever we've just disagreed on. However, with her, I find that I no longer have that luxury as she'll instantly start to panic and her anxiety manifests into uncontrollable shakes, so I find myself putting my feelings about the situation to the side to comfort her and make sure she's ok and breathing properly - so I don't get an opportunity to process my feelings or even feel what I want to feel. Recently, I had to have a conversation with her about the amount she messages throughout the day when I'm at work and I asked if we could please reduce (not stop all together) the amount we text during the day - I framed it in a way, that I need to concentrate at work, I can't be seen on my phone as much as I have been since we started dating and I feel that we're in a really great place as a couple that we don't need to give each other hourly updates of our day, these types of conversations can wait until we see other in person. She argued that I was pushing her away and trying to put distance between us and it became this massive argument which that night, once again, resulted in a panic attack and uncontrollable shaking and two days of doubting that I wanted to still be together. I'm now in a position where I don't feel we have created a safe space between each other to talk about difficult things without fear from myself that it's going to result in an attack. The alternative, which is keeping things to myself, isn't healthy and I'll eventually just bottle everything up and I have a lot of feelings I need to talk to her about, but I don't feel I can without causing another attack. I'm after some advice on HOW TO HAVE A SAFE CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE WHO SUFFERS ANXIETY? Cheers,

How do I tell my parents I think I'm depressed?

replies: 8

For the past 2 months I've had a strong feeling I'm depressed. I've tried bringing it up to my parents but I don't know how to do it. I feel as though they might shrug it off and forget about it or either overreact. I was thinking about going straigh... View more

How to find friends

replies: 17

I've noticed a growing trend on this forum with new members having difficulty finding friends. Let's look at the history of how people found friends in the past, then we will look at today. In the 1800's before cars, telephone and planes there were trains but by and large travelling wasn't done in great distances. People relied only on the immediate town/s for friends and partners. This limited peoples ability to find friends or members of the opposite sex in large numbers, which meant people often married the best available which likely wasn't so compatible in the long run. It didn't matter though as marriage was forever...like it or not. How times have changed but up until the 1980's the most common way to meet was at dancing. That most common way to meet a future partner was really popular from ballroom to disco. Then dancing became old fashioned...the best way to meet up with someone vanished. Suddenly we relied on computer dating. In fact imo it is far more efficient than dancing. you can place your profile online, search for similar profiles and sometimes it works- like my daughter and her husband did and what a match it turned out to be. So I'd recommend that method, what about plain friendships? Friendships need key ingredients. The glue that binds the friendship is the common factor like a hobby, vintage cars, model airplanes, sewing groups, voluntary work and so on. In fact my ex BIL had no friends and so he took my advice and he joined StJohns first aid organization. For years he has walked the footy grounds among crowds to render first aid, most of his friends are his colleagues now. No different than joining the armed forces (but they have a contract) where you will make friends in fact, some of my friends were in the RAAF like me some 45 years ago. Not everyone wants to join the ADF even though there are many reasons why I'd recommend it like good pay, adventure, cheap meals and mates. But in general you need that "glue" to meet others or you are guessing on the compatibility. Do some deep thinking about this "glue". Seek out your interests and pursue that field to meet others. Don't expect to fit in immediately, take your time to suss out the people, to trust some but beware the unsavory and take your time entering into committee membership. Many of us that do have mental illness issues cannot cope with the squabbling and criticism. Good luck TonyWK

Eeep! When study is overwhelming! - Tips, ideas and coping strategies replies: 51

NEW TO THIS FORUM? Please read this first replies: 0

I dont have anyone I trust to talk too replies: 1

I am sick and tired. replies: 1

Relationships Causing Depression replies: 3

Lost? replies: 1

My boyfriend broke up with me because he stopped loving me last week. Is it depression or something else? replies: 1

please help me Making a decision with relationship issue replies: 4

I did a science test today, just now realised I forgot to title my graph, and as a result I want to cry and hide away in a hole replies: 4

ADVICE | How to talk to someone who suffers anxiety? replies: 3

How do I tell my parents I think I'm depressed? replies: 8

How to find friends replies: 17