My boyfriend broke up with me because he stopped loving me last week. Is it depression or something else?

[Emma-C]

Hi,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and we’re best friends for 2 years before that. We moved in together with some housemates 3 months ago and I have thought that we were the best we’ve ever been.

I recently got diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue and have been working a lot of late nights only getting more exhausted. I recently asked him for the help and am worried that it has scared him off.

The break up is confusing me completely. He has said that last week he just stopped loving me and never had. However, 3 weeks ago he was talking about buying a house together, kids, and how great we were together. I don’t understand how within 1 week he could just stop; he is adamant that he only stopped then.

There has been no signs of our relationship struggling and even everyone living around us is completely shocked as it has come out of the blue. He has kicked me out of the house at the moment so I don’t have anywhere to live, making it hard to work and also detrimental to my chronic fatigue. He has really hurt me as I have lost everything (my home, work access, and my personal love).

I do believe that he does still love me and is hiding something. He has also been going through a lot. His work schedule has been exhausting, along with his heavy uni load as well. He also is still getting over a major sports injury and cannot play football or basketball this year. I am worried that he is depressed and not wanting to admit it and instead pushing me away.

I want to help because I love him more than anything and see him all the way in my future. But I also need to be conscious of my own health right now, and don’t want to be too pushy and cause a toxic relationship between us.

Does anyone have any ideas or thoughts on this situation?

[White_Rose]

Dear Emmacott

Welcome to the forum. This is a good place to chat about your difficulties.

Your BF change of heart does seem a little sudden especially as you can find no cause, or your friends either. I don't understand how he can kick you out of the house. You moved in with several other people and presumably paid your share of the rent etc. He cannot tell you to go. Where are you living now? Are you safe? Your illness will not improve if you are subject to these setbacks. Perhaps you should go back and say the home is for all of you and he does not have the right to make you leave. Perhaps he should go.

When people have lots of problems it is easy to ignore the needs of other people but his reaction is far over the top. Playing sport may be the love of his life but it's not your fault he has been injured. It's a good point that he may not want to admit his depression but again taking it out on you is not acceptable.

You are right to be concerned about your own health. Chronic Fatigue is horrible and often takes a long while to go away. In the meantime you need to eat well, have a secure home, and be able to go to work if your doctor says it's OK.

I think you are worrying too much about him and ignoring your situation. There is a time to help but not at your own expense. He sounds quite preoccupied with himself as though no one else matters. No doubt he thinks if you believe he no longer loves you will just go away. That may be so but not in your current situation. He is putting you at risk of exacerbating your illness and being at risk with nowhere to live.

Talk to the other people you live with and tell them you need to return. What the BF does is up to him. I shudder to think how this would be if you had started to buy a home together and maybe thisd will change your feelings towards him.

Please let us know how you are going.

Mary